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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25165906">After Hours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanteculLuiA/pseuds/CanteculLuiA'>CanteculLuiA</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkward Sexual Situations, Banter, Boss/Employee Relationship, Car Sex, Cheating, Class Differences, Daydreaming, Demisexuality, Disability, Drama &amp; Romance, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Issues, First Love, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Food Porn, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Loss of Virginity, Marriage of Convenience, Office, Online Dating, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phone Sex, Physical Disability, Pregnancy Scares, Romance, Rough Sex, Sexting, Shameless Smut, Spying, Sugar Daddy, Surrogacy, True Love, Updated weekly, Vampire Bites, Vampire Sex, Voyeurism, fake identity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:22:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>161,392</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25165906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanteculLuiA/pseuds/CanteculLuiA</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperate for health insurance, Rey takes on a fake identity to become Ben Solo's secretary, after his former employee quit her job unexpectedly. After hours, Rey changes wigs and goes back to her other job as a part-time sugar baby and eventual con-artist, but little does she know that her own boss has his own secrets and their nighttime activities would soon get intertwined.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren &amp; Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey &amp; Ben Solo, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>368</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reylo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. After Hours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As I can see so far, you’re quite gifted, Miss Tico. But there is something I can’t really seem to grasp. Why would someone with your training and degrees want to work as a secretary? Shouldn’t you, an engineer, be more fitted in another field of work or at least department?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey tilted her head and pursed her lips. For a moment she even thought she saw her future boss flinch at her gesture. Maybe it wasn’t the most professional gesture to make in front of your future employer after all. Therefore, she straightened her back and cleared her throat, trying her best to impress him or at least convince him that she knew what she was doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m more comfortable working here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An engineer is better paid,” the man chuckled. “And I think it would be quite an honour to have such a young woman interested in worki-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t mind, Mr Solo,” she said nervously after she finally stopped chewing on the inside of her cheek. “I know my qualifications perfectly well. </span>
  <em>
    <span>However</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I want to work as a secretary for now. It is exactly my youth what makes me feel less… let’s say safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man put down her resume and her heart skipped a beat. He had huge hands, but very beautiful and gentle somehow. Instead of fearing them, she was drawn to them as if compelled by some unseen force to reach and feel his skin and even that writer’s callus on his middle finger. Thinning her lips in a firm line, she gulped knowing that it wasn’t normal to feel that urge to touch him. It wasn’t professional or healthy. And he didn’t seem very keen to be touched either, anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can assure, Miss Tico,” he said on a serious tone as if he was scolding her. “My employees are very responsible and respectful. The Human Resources department treats even the slightest incident very carefully. In fact, I would rather say that you’re less safe as my secretary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he making fun of her or was that a moment of sincerity? Rey parted her lips and swallowed a whimper as Mr Solo smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tend to be quite demanding,” he continued with a smile so strange that Rey couldn’t relax just yet. She couldn’t believe that he was that self-confident or foolish to give away his rather inappropriate behaviour right from their first meeting. Perhaps the Human Resources department was so efficient because the rest of the employees were completely inoffensive whereas their boss was rather a… Man with pretty eyes and full lips. Or perhaps he was testing her to check if she was the kind of girl to fall for her boss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you say? Do you think you can handle my schedule and survive me, Miss Tico?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Rey’s time to smirk confidently as he stood up and offered her his hand for a firm shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I do,” she said imitating his gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then consider yourself hired, umm…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige,” she said in a rather unusually high pitched tone. After all, she had to remind herself that she was a fraud and that she had to keep her mask from falling and ruining everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok then, Paige,” he nodded still holding her hand in his as he pressed a button on his intercom. “Mrs Phasma will come to show you around. Thank you for coming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> for having me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked once more at his lips and barely kept herself from licking hers. His hands were cold, but his touch was so warm and making her entire body feel… was it ‘satisfied’ the word? Because she somehow felt the same pleasure she felt each time she had a nice meal or some chocolate and raspberry mousse for dessert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let her go and her hand hesitated in the air for a moment as if tempting it to take it again. He gulped and instinctively lifted his hand to his mouth, almost biting his own finger. That was going be a very interesting partnership.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are going to be given a uniform - nothing special, just a black dress. We highly advise you to always wear stockings and something comfortable such as Oxford shoes or flats.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at the tall woman and her perfect grey suit. She could understand why she preferred wearing Oxford’s but usually, bosses, especially those mentioning that they’re quite demanding, had a thing for secretaries in high heels.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The dress has a turtleneck and long sleeves and it covers your knees,” she continued. “Of course, if you prefer skirts or pants, you can always file a request form and get either and a blazer, though the white shirts are usually the employee’s responsibility as people tend to have different tastes regarding fabric and texture. In case you need other modifications done to your uniform, I am afraid you must ask for permission but only if they are radical such as turning the turtleneck into a V-shape neckline. If it’s just about the pants being one centimetre shorter, then there’s no problem. Any other questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing so far,” she mumbled as they entered the lounge area.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you can come, technically, whenever you need. However, in order to avoid this place being overcrowded, we usually advise employees not to be here during lunchtime or to avoid it when there are more than ten people, although ten is already a big enough number. The vending machine needs you to scan your name tag so that we can avoid… let’s call it ‘greed’. And here,” she said as some glass doors opened on their own, “is the canteen. If you ever can’t take your lunch break, please call and you’ll be brought a salad or sandwich. Same thing if you have to work over hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey took her eyes away from the delicious pastries and fresh salads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Mr Solo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo has his meals delivered into his office. He doesn’t eat with the other employees. Apart from scheduling his meetings, making calls, writing emails, making copies and greeting guests, there won’t be much to do for you. Mr Solo prefers taking care of his files on his own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey narrowed her eyes and pinched the sensitive skin of her wrist. So he was indeed implying something else than work-related stuff when he claimed to be demanding. Too bad for him. She was no fool, nor was she going to ever let herself caught in the spiderweb of some guy with too much money on his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Licking her lips to cover her mischievous smirk, Rey followed Phasma on another corridor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here are the only places where you might have to come in case he sends you to get anything as we usually prefer to transfer things strictly online. Here is the archive and here is th-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, Mrs Phasma, but what happened to the previous secretary? So far, the job doesn’t seem too stressful and there are a lot of benefits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tall woman chuckled as she took her downstairs to the HR department.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo is rather demanding and when he works on a big project, he tends to forget that normal people do sleep at night and that paid hours don’t make up for the lost sleep or other personal matters. His former secretary had underestimated this job and her responsibilities, so she quit. If you want to stay here past your first months of probation, I suggest getting ready for anything that might come. Now let’s take a look at your documents and contract.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So how was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was fine. I am going to sign the papers tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grunting, Rey took off her uncomfortable heels and fancy coat and threw herself on the old sofa. The noise made by the rusty springs reminded her that it was a mistake to overestimate the quality of any piece of furniture in their small flat. In fact, everything was a piece of trash, not furniture, but given their finances and overall situation, it was heaven. Their small yellow sofa was actually decent with the magnolia-patterned green cover hiding all the tears and the worn-down fabric. Even the table was between the fridge and the sofa, making available only two seats out of the initial six. Not that it mattered anyway, as they only had one chair, which only she could use, considering that Rose was constantly in her wheelchair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to get lint on the suit,” scolded her Rose, making her get up to pull down her stockings and skirt. “Don’t forget about the wig. Unless Paige gets a sudden haircut, you better take care of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey smiled and approached Rose, kissing her on the cheek and hugging her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea how much I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost as much as I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the death of the actual Paige Tico, Rey had slowly taken her place as Rose’s sister and even in what concerned her actual identity. It was wrong and terribly illegal, but given that Paige’s diplomas were lying in a box and that they needed money, it would have been a waste not to use them. At least she was not pretending to be an actual engineer and get herself and everyone else in trouble. Besides, working as a secretary was a great coverup and it provided her with the health insurance that could help Rose. The money was good too, as they could keep it for emergency or save it up for something important, while their actual finances could be spent on more and better food and perhaps invest it to make even more money out of their ‘business’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at this guy,” smirked Rose tapping the screen of her old laptop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear if you are sending me on a date with another disgusting old guy-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No date with this one. He’s the shy type, so he only wants to chat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey turned up her nose, feeling little to no interest or excitement regarding that conversation. She took off her wig and started unbraiding her hair. The shoulder length was perfect when it came to using wigs and still having enough hair to be herself. Once unbraided, she brushed it, then she took off her shirt and pantyhose and put on a simple pink cotton dress. The interview itself hadn’t been that stressful, but the entire act of pretending to be someone else had drained her. And it was only the beginning! Of course, she saw the hypocrisy or at least the irony, as she was dressing up and pretending to be someone else almost daily, but her little business was rather private and did not involve any big corporation. She had a bad feeling about the whole Paige impersonation, but she had to do it, at least for a while. Making Rose get better was the only thing encouraging her to carry on that idiotic plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… what’s new?” she asked taking the bread out of the reusable bag hanging by the handle of one of the few drawers that still had a handle. It was a bit hard and mouldy, but cutting off the mould and putting the slice in the toaster was going to make it seem as if fresh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So this guy told me his entire life in one message. He’s three times divorced, twice widowed and right now dating an old school flame.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the poor flame is now just a burn hole in an old letter?” snorted Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re so poetic!” giggle Rose continuing to type. “She’s his age, so she’s been through the same or at least similar stuff, which made them bond, but also made him feel unspecial and dull. He pretty much wants someone to listen to him and pity him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes and took her bread out of the toaster, then went to the fridge and took out some margarine and a jar of honey. They were out of eggs, milk, any meat, fruit and vegetables. Furrowing, Rey looked at the old clock and chewed on her lip. The closest supermarket was open until late so she could go grab some groceries. Well… she could if she had any money. Her taxi trip to the company, the counterfeit ID and birth certificate, the new clothes, although bought on sale, the rent and Rose’s medicine on that month had emptied their piggy bank. They could barely afford another loaf of bread and while she could find a way to smuggle food from her new job, the electricity bill, as well as others, were already in their mailbox and couldn’t ignore it until her first salary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Rose,” she said on a fake nonchalant tone, “is the guy a charity case, because I think we’re the one in ne-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He made a deposit of two hundred so far,” chuckled Rose, calming her down. “So he’s a keeper for now, but we need more to make up for our expenses and make sure that we cover next month’s. These other seven guys I’ve been chatting with are rather aggressive and a waste of time, but I’m trying to convince them to change their mind and get them to agree to a long-distance relationship or at least only a date or more. However, so far, they’ve been insisting only on meetings at obscure hotels.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chewing on her food to make the taste last longer, despite her urge to devour it, Rey pulled their only chair and dragged it next to Rose. They had to sit close to the entrance door as it was easier for them to get some of their neighbour’s wi-fi. After batting her eyelashes and lying to him that they were on the waiting list of their internet provider to get a technician to fix their cables, the boy gave them his password. And ever since, they’d managed to carry on with their little business of making men give them money in exchange for attention or a date or, if the girls were lucky and sly enough, nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, look!” pointed Rose at the red bubble at the top of the screen. “This one is new. He sent me a message yesterday and I didn’t pay much attention. He didn’t seem to be more than a guy trying and failing to flirt with a random girl online. But we’ve chatted some more this morning and he is quite cool. Let me show you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: hey</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: hey</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: how are you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hungry,” lamented Rey, making Rose laugh, although their stomachs were desperate for some food. “I’m serious! Tell him this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: trying on some cute pantyhose and my new red dress</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: mmm :) adorable</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: do you have any plans?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: it would be such a waste to not wear that new dress of yours</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“And here we go,” giggled Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: actually…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: i’m quite hungry</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: that’s too bad</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: i guess you should also have a nice meal</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: i’ve heard moonlight bites has some delicious prawns</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: and you could also wear your new dress</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: would you like to join me?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bingo!” clapped Rose, although Rey was far from excited. “Now let’s see how much we can get from him or if we can get anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: that’s so far away :(</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: i can come pick you up or send you a taxi</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: or perhaps you prefer something closer to your place?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her head, already disappointed and got up to wash her hands. She didn’t even have a red dress in the first place and the guy was obviously looking for a date and perhaps something else for after dinner. He was looking for someone desperate or lonely enough to be fine with just one meal and shag and that didn’t pay her bills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, come!”</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: midnight bite sounds amazing and i would love to go there</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: but i spent all my cash on this red dress </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” rolled Rey her eyes. “He already suggested paying for the taxi or coming to pick yo-</span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: how much was the dress?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“One thousand,” joked Rey, but then her eyes grew wider when she saw Rose type it.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: 1000</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: wow you must have a nice taste in clothes</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: i just want to look my best </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: all the time</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: do you have new shoes too?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” snorted Rey, but Rose carried on with her typing.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: high heel sandals</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: silver</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: how much were those?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: 500</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you didn’t feel any remorse when we did this to the other dozens of guys, so chill! We need to show him that we’re not cheap and that we want more than a meal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>kylo_ren: see you at 7:30 tops</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey narrowed her eyes, then she shook her head again, ready to tell Rose that her exaggerations had led to nowhere. And they still had no red dress and let alone silver shoes. However, just as she was parting her lips, the notification that they had received an email popped in the lower corner of the screen. Rose clicked on it and let out a loud gasp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dear rubi,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>User kylo_ren has deposited 2000 credits in your account.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Please follow the instructions to have the credits converted and sent into your personal bank account. Don’t forget that any transaction requires a fee of 10% of the entire sum.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The suggary.sw team</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No way,” whispered Rey. “Two thousand credits… one thousand and eight hundred after the taxes, which converted makes a little bit over what we’ve supposedly spent on the dress and shoes. He gave us even money for the taxi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Told you that he’s worth it!” giggled Rose. “And you can go to Mrs Kanata next door and get your red dress and about the shoes… we can come up with an excuse. You have a pair of black velvet ones.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Rey was not yet convinced. In fact, she grabbed the laptop, ran to the sofa and, despite her friend’s protests, she began typing.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: are you sure?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: i wasn’t expecting you to be so generous</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I swear I’ll kick your butt even from this wheelchair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not giving him back all that money.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>kylo_ren: you’ll get 2000 more if you hurry up</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey lifted her gaze and smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rosie, we’ll have our rent covered for a looong time. I’m going on a date with Kylo Ren.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I See Red</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maz Kanata was once everything a woman could have ever been if she had no interest in becoming a wife and mother. Depending on the decade or her mood when telling the story, she had been a factory worker, mechanic, war pilot, secretary, spy and, her favourite, actress and singer. Not that the hard work had never been entertaining, but being an actress and singer paid better, had better clothes and included many gifts and stories to tell. Or at least nicer stories than the ones about executed people and bombed villages. She had no interest in reviving the war days and remembering the hunger and poverty endured by anyone whose breadwinners were already dead or about to die for peace. But her acting days… Oh! How she missed the glamour and the boyfriends! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try these, dearie,” she pointed at the strawberry horns lying next to a full ashtray while smoking another cigarette. “I have the recipe from Norma Crawford.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aham,” nodded Rey with a fake smile before snorting. “Sorry. Who’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maz picked a horn and took a bite, ignoring the few crumbles falling on her orange chiffon dress. She then lifted her turban off her forehead, revealing for a split second her bald head. Wearing wigs was not always comfortable and turbans were so much cheaper and practical. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Norma Crawford was already in her eighties when I met her sixty years ago. She’d performed on the stage for kings and queens. That woman was a chameleon but I’m not sure how much was talent and how much was her mental health. Poor thing buried seven famous husbands and perhaps even more commoners. She was once meant to marry a duke, but when the civil war kicked in, he ran away while the rest of the royal family was butchered. He eventually returned and became king. Of course, back then, being a king in love with an actress was not big deal, but marriage was out of the question and he needed the support of a foreign nation, so he married some princess he was related to. Poor Norma said that by marrying her, he would have assured the love of his people by showing that he is not some God-sent ruler, but a mere man who had the proper education and training to lead them. But then again, some mistakes from her youth had left Norma unable to bear any children and she was older than him, so he saw her only as his favourite mistress. She once produced a nice play mocking him and their relationship and she got even the money to film a movie with top actors, but his children took care to forbid the movie from being played in cinemas. The anger and the lost money ruined her reputation and health and she eventually lived her last years in an apartment smaller than this one. People don’t even remember her as an actress anymore… or at all. But her play was rewritten by a foreign writer and her husband produced a successful soap opera. The contemporary remake will be released this summer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked slightly exhausted by all the information, then finally picked a horn. It was tasty and it had something that made her feel as if an unseen presence was hugging her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you like them, you should take some to your friend. Poor thing. How did you say it happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey told her that story the first time they met and each time after that, but the woman kept forgetting it. Sometimes she wished she could forget it as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a car accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at the horn again and put it back on the table, on the champagne coloured napkin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing this for her,” she mumbled, ignoring that she could be heard. “All I’m doing is for her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyway</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I was wondering if you have any red dresses in your wardrobe. I don’t remember seeing any and red must have looked so great on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman smiled and clapped her hands, making her many bracelets and bangles make a sound that would replace her excited squeal. She got up quickly and ran to her old wardrobe, revealing a mass of fabrics, patterns, sequins and beads. However, Rey’s eyes were rather focused on a dark green dress, ignoring the four red ones already gently laid on the sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wore the sleeveless mermaid one to a gala when I had my summer romance with the prime minister's son. The tulle one was something my favourite director allowed me to take. He said that it was made just for me and that it would have been such a waste to let it get eaten by the moths, because no one else, my dear, could have worn it. The lace one shoulder sleeved trumpet is another custom made beauty. It’s not really mine as my dear Sacha Porter lent it to me and then… well… car accidents were en vogue back then. Oh, and this one… ruby-red velvet. A vintage piece from the 1930s. Also custom made by the seamstress who owned the boutique. She saw the same dress in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Vogue </span>
  </em>
  <span>in 1931 and couldn’t afford it, obviously, so she made one herself. She wore it when she met the love of her life. Of course, they couldn’t get married back then, but they were happy even as secret lovers and not so secret business partners. It’s a lucky dress, my dear… maybe you should have it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” she raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t it be bad luck for you to give it away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she shrugged. “It would be bad luck to leave it in my wardrobe. Besides, velvet isn’t really my cup of tea anymore and maybe I should give away all the velvet pieces I own. They’re giving me such a bad </span>
  <em>
    <span>mojo </span>
  </em>
  <span>or </span>
  <em>
    <span>vibe </span>
  </em>
  <span>as you, young people, say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey smirked. That was easy and she didn’t have to distract the old lady to steal the dress and end up with some bad luck curse on her already messed up life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Mrs Kanata. You’re quite a fairy godmother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At seven o’clock, Rey sniffed her wrist as the taxi driver started the car. She smiled - osmanthus flower, jasmine, sandalwood and some vanilla. When she just a girl, one of her older cousins used to wear one perfume for a whole year, opening a bottle of something completely new each January 1st. Out of her many perfumes, that one was the one she liked the most and longed after her entire life. But it had always been too expensive to ever get it as a gift or afford it herself. All until she… well… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Roxanne </span>
  </em>
  <span>went on a date with a certain Mr Grabeel. She usually didn’t ask for anything for herself and just resumed to the credits Rose carefully transferred from account to account and bank to bank so that no one could trace their location or find out their true identities. But Mr Grabeel, a depressed man in his 60s, asked her about her favourite perfume and she briefly mentioned it without expecting him to bring her the largest bottle on the market. She could have sold it and use the money for food or something more useful, but she only found herself staring at the bottle and sniffing the cap the entire night until Rose told her that smelling nice and rich would benefit them even more. She was most likely right, but she was also sure that Rose felt sorry for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lunar Lights, miss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she uttered playing with her… with Paige Tico’s gold watch. “That’s a taverna in the park. Moonlight Bites is a fancy restaurant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah. I know it. Makes sense now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snorted. The red dress was perfect and it made her look and feel important and attractive. Her outfits were usually meant to appeal her dates or clients or sugar whatever were they supposed to be. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>dress? It was as if she could almost feel that magic or good luck Mrs Kanata told her about. Was she also going to meet the love of her life who would also help her figure out her life?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here, miss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>7:32? Not bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took her phone out of her bag and transferred the money into the driver’s account. Once his phone announced him that the transaction was successful, Rey thanked him, then carefully got out of the car, trying her best not to damage the dress. She closed the car door and straightened her back. The restaurant was the fanciest she had ever been invited to, though the name was rather cheesy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;going in&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The reply from Rose came almost immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;keep your recording app on just in case&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;love u! u r the best&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes with a faint smile on her face and carefully touched her wig as a beautiful tall girl checked her out from head to toe before smiling cordially. She probably guessed what she was doing there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good evening,” said the other woman. “Do you have a table reservation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, I think someone called Kylo Ren is waiting for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me check. Umm… There’s no Kylo Ren.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pursed her lips. He gave her money in advance. Why would he waste all that money and not turn up? Not that she minded, though she really wanted what was left of her fee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, wait! It’s on the special mentions list. Yes, Mr Kylo Ren is waiting for you. Table 10, which is right in the middle, under the chandelier. Would you like me to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I’m good,” she waved her hand nonchalantly, knowing exactly that it would annoy the woman. Her overall looks were on point, but her behaviour was sure revealing and she was not in the mood to fake anything for anyone else who wasn’t the one paying her to be charming and entertaining. And speaking of the one paying, she could now see the table. He was leaning his head on his hand and absently reading the menu. He seemed massive and his hair was very pretty, something men would have described as luscious locks when referring to women. Maybe that dress was indeed lucky and her client was going to be charming and not- </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey gasped and quickly grabbed the fabric of her dress, lifting it above her ankles, so that she wouldn’t tear it and to make her escape more efficient. The hostess was busy welcoming two couples, so she didn’t even notice her leave the restaurant. She ran to the closest taxi, almost throwing herself on the hood and got inside, pretty much ordering the driver to take her home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” she heard Rose’s voice once she answered the phone. “Did he not show up or is he a nightmare?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ro, go online and tell him that I sprained my ankle and had to rush to the hospital. Use your talent to seem like you’re really sorry and then we’ll see how we’ll get out of this trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, what’s wrong? Did you ditch him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She inhaled deeply, then exhaled loudly, making the driver look at her through the rear mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… he’s my new boss, Ro. It was Ben </span>
  <em>
    <span>freaking </span>
  </em>
  <span>Solo. Kylo Ren and Ben Solo is the same person.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Everybody Loves an Outlaw - I See Red (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQkVewzBdp8)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Paris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>“So how was your date?”</p><p>Ben clenched his fists and jaw, then threw his blazer with an annoyed sigh. Armitage Hux was in his office, with his feet resting on the small coffee table by the sofa and with his laptop on his knees. He would have fired him on the spot had his gaze not been a rather innocent one, completely unaware of what happened.</p><p>“Please remind me to never listen to you and your stupid ideas.”</p><p>“Why so?”</p><p>Ben threw himself in his desk chair and imitated his old colleague’s posture, putting his feet on his desk. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he remembered the humiliating hour he spent waiting for that Rubi girl. He eventually ordered something for himself and was inspired enough to ask the hostess about his blind date. The young woman told him that someone in a red dress did come and ask about him, but she couldn’t recall seeing her leave. So the girl ditched him. She took his money and left. What he couldn’t understand was why had she even bothered coming there. Maybe she ditched him only because she didn’t like the way he looked.</p><p>“She sprained her ankle.”</p><p>“What?” asked Ben, touching his oddly shaped nose.</p><p>“Your date. She wrote to me at 7:46. Apparently, she stepped on her dress, her heel broke and she sprained her ankle and grazed her knees. She apologized and asked if you two could meet another time.”</p><p>“Write whatever you want,” he rolled his eyes. “But remind her that you spent a large sum of my money and unless you want me to get them back from your own salary, you better fix this. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t care that much, but I hate being left to starve.”</p><p>“Didn’t you say you ate after all?”</p><p>Ben put his feet down and turned on his laptop. </p><p>“I had some shrimp verde with tagliatelle, some wine and I would have enjoyed some dessert too, had my date <em> not </em>stood me up.”</p><p>“Do you want me to call some of your old flings or find someone new until Rubi’s getting better?”</p><p>Ben massaged his wrist, noticing his grip being weaker than the usual firm one.</p><p>“No, I-Actually, get me someone. Anyone. I need my dessert.”</p><p>He got up swiftly and went to the door, peeking outside. His new secretary was at the desk, reading some papers and judging by the many drawings, they were instructions. She was quite funny and cute making all those faces at each paragraph. She was obviously no secretary, but she would do.</p><p>“Hello, Miss Tico,” he said after a couple of minutes of not being noticed. The young woman didn’t react, so he came closer and tapped his fingers on the desk. “Paige.”</p><p>“Yes, me,” she jumped startled. “Can I help you?”</p><p>“Please call Magnolia’s and order a bouquet of white tulips, then reserve a table for two at La Parisienne for tonight at 7:30 and a bedroom also just for tonight. The numbers and email addresses are in that thick black notebook in the first drawer. When you’re done, please come into my office and rearrange the files in my cabinet. I’ll leave you the instructions on my desk. Make sure you’re done before I come back from my meeting.”</p><p>“Don’t you want me to come with you, Sir?”</p><p>“No need yet,” he smiled and noticed her gold watch. Quite an accessory for a secretary so young. “How old are you, Miss Tico?”</p><p>Rey pursed her lips and quickly made some mental subtractions. </p><p>“Thirty-two?”</p><p>She was only one year younger than him? The bangs and straight haircut and the earthy tones of her make-up were barely making her look older than a teenager. Probably in more comfortable and less serious clothing, she still looked like a petite college girl. </p><p>“Nice,” he managed to say once he awakened from daydreaming about his secretary. “Well… I’ll be in my office.”</p><p>And so like that, he closed the door behind him, without any trace of that confident smug man in him. Rey blinked confused at the entire interaction, then snorted. Of course he used a dating app to get someone to have dinner with him. Poor guy was shy and awkward after all and probably didn’t chat much with other people outside his workplace. Or maybe he was so used to women being at his feet that now that he was stood up by some random online sugar baby, who also happened to take his money, he was suddenly reconsidering his attitude towards women. Just as she had reconsidered her life choices and job the entire night. She wanted to quit the job and never see him again, especially knowing that they would never reschedule that date and that she couldn’t give him back his money. But she couldn’t give up on her insurance just right before her first day. Rose needed her treatment. And it’s not as if he had seen her and recognized her. Even the hostess, who analysed her from head to toe, couldn’t probably describe her accurately given her change of wigs and make-up.</p><p>“Magnolia’s. What can I help you with?”</p><p>“Hello, I’m calling on behalf of Mr Benjamin Solo. He would like to order a bouquet of white tulips.”</p><p>“The usual bouquet of nineteen or the standard medium bouquet of nine?”</p><p>“Umm… one moment, please.” She left her desk, went to the door separating him from the rest of the world and knocked once before entering. “Excuse me, Mr Solo. Nine or nineteen?”</p><p>“Nine. And tell them to use the baby blue ribbon.”</p><p>“Isn’t white too bridal?” asked the other man sitting in the office.</p><p>“I see it as neutral. Thank you, Miss Tico.”</p><p>Rey understood the message and excused herself, closing the door and returning to her desk. Part of her wanted to sabotage that bouquet, but she couldn’t appear as an incompetent on her first day and neither did she want to anger her boss. Only he knew for whom were those flowers.</p><p>“The medium one and he asked for it to be tied with a baby blue ribbon.”</p><p>“Does he want it delivered or will he pick it up?”</p><p>Mental note: always ask your boss all the details.</p><p>“One moment,” she sighed and retraced her previous steps. “Excuse me again, Mr Solo. Delivery or pick up?”</p><p>“I’ll pick it up.”</p><p>“Anything else I should know in case they’ll ask?”</p><p>The man rolled his eyes as his partner chuckled, then put down his pen.</p><p>“No card, no baby’s breath, no chocolate candy box, no perfume, no nothing. Just the white tulips with the baby blue ribbon and I’ll pick them up. Thank you, Miss Tico.”</p><p>“Jackass,” she muttered under her breath as she returned to her desk. “He’ll pick it up and-”</p><p>“Cash or credit card?”</p><p>“I-”</p><p>“We also need to know if he wants to be billed on his name or the company’s.”</p><p>Rey squeezed the pen in her fist and pressed it on the surface of the desk until the tip broke.</p><p>“What does he usually prefer when he buys from you?”</p><p>“Credit card and no bill-”</p><p>“Then you’ve got your answer.”</p><p>“-but he sometimes has special requirements.”</p><p>“The usual and no special requirements,” she sighed already done with that conversation, then hung up, before the employee from Magnolia’s would ask her anything else. Why was it even necessary to pre-order such a dull bouquet that could be made in less than five minutes anyway?</p><p>“Miss Tico, I’m going to the meeting,” he appeared suddenly with the other man right behind him. “I left you a note on my desk with all the details as you obviously need as many details as possible. When I come back, you can go on your lunch break.”</p><p>“Yes, Sir!”</p><p>“See you later.”</p><p>She watched him leave, staring at his imposing tall figure and at his rather peculiar ginger partner. She hadn’t had the chance to properly meet him, but she wasn’t really there to make friends. Though, knowing the other employees was going to be helpful. She couldn’t barge in and ask him thousands of questions for however long was she going to work there.</p><p>Picking her notebook, she entered her boss’ office and looked around for a moment. Next to his impressive bookcase, there was a large cabinet. She grabbed the keys, which looked more like those handles used for wax seal stamps, and the sheet of paper with the notes then sat down on the floor and proceeded to unlock the drawers. Unlike the real Paige Tico, she had no idea what those files were about and, frankly, she didn’t care.</p><p>Luckily, the chore ended up not being that difficult after all. The only reason why it took her so long to do it was that she found it relaxing and at some point she even laid on the floor and started looking at the files as if they were the pages of a magazine. But she was running out of time, so she was ready to put all the folders back, in the order requested by her boss. That weird demanding… <em> weird </em>guy with his sexy voice and long legs and… a misplaced folder?</p><p>She kneeled in front of the cabinet, noticing a thin folder sticking out from under the bottom drawer. She carefully pulled it out and hesitated. She wouldn’t have opened it, but the gorgeous calligraphy spelling ‘Kylo Ren’ just made her do it. She opened it, finding some flyers, old newspaper clips, handwritten notes and a table. She didn’t have the time and patience to read anything on those papers, but her attention was sure drawn to the table because of one oddly specific detail.</p><p>Alexandrina K. - 29 - editor - O+ - La Parisienne - white tulips - baby blue</p><p>What were the odds to be asked to order a bouquet just as some Alexandrina liked and with her favourite colour included as a token? And why was her blood type included? Why would he care about the blood type of the women he hooked up with?</p><p>Making an uncomfortable grimace, she further skimmed through the list.</p><p>Jessica P. - 26 - student/waitress - B+ - Kings Inn - daisies - yellow</p><p>Alina S. - 28 - veterinary - AB+ - Kings Inn - orange lilies - green</p><p>Taylor W. - 28 - lounge singer - O+ - La Parisienne - pink peonies - pink</p><p>Clarissa ? - ?? - online hookup - ?? - The Bay Club - allergic - red</p><p>Marina L. - 25 - hostess - AB+ - Moonlight Bites - pink tulips - magenta</p><p>There were dozens of name and according to the notes written in pencil, they were actual dates, some with whom went out more than twice and some whom he saw online once. Some names were crossed and she was afraid to even consider the many possible reasons why they were crossed. However, she wasn’t afraid to look for the last name added on the list.</p><p>Rubi ? - 21 - online hookup - ?? - Moonlight Bites - ??? - ???</p><p>“What a slut!” she blurted and put the list back, then shove the folder back under the drawer. Ditching him was the best idea she ever had. There were plenty of reasons why men like him were single and dating countless women and a horrible personality and behaviour were the main ones.</p><p>“Stupid rich boys,” she mumbled getting up. She put the sheet of paper and the keys back on his desk, then left, returning to hers. So Mr Solo was going to meet with that Alexandrina at La Parisienne and gift her a flower bouquet. He would have brought one for her too, except she was more focused on the financial aspect rather than the flowers. In fact, she never got flowers from any of her clients. She needn’t see them wither and remind her and Rose how easy it was for beautiful things to die.</p><p>She tapped her fingers on the desk, feeling like a nervous cat. Was he paying them too? He was quite handsome in his peculiar way, but a handsome and probably rich guy could have gone on a date with any successful woman without lists and lame flirting on trashy websites. The guy was sure a freak and at the first red flag, she was going to flee that company.</p><p>“Shit,” she mumbled slapping her forehead almost making her wig fall off.</p><p><em> La Parisienne </em>! She was supposed to make a reservation.</p><p>“Shit, shit, shit…” She quickly searched for the number and rang. According to the internet, the restaurant was probably not crowded during weekdays, but she couldn’t risk having her boss miss his stupid date… although he deserved it.</p><p>“La Parisienne. Je suis Gaspard. Ho-”</p><p>“Hi, I’m calling on behalf of Mr Benjamin Solo. He would like to book a table for two at 7:30 tonight and also a room for tonight.”</p><p>“So the usual?”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, the usual.”</p><p>“Tres bien. One table for two at 7:30 and the deluxe bedroom.”</p><p>“Great!” she exhaled relieved.</p><p>“I do need the passcode, Miss.”</p><p>“Passcode?” she furrowed. “Umm… doesn’t the company’s name appear on your screen thing?”</p><p>The man on the phone chuckled.</p><p>“Miss, I can’t just reserve anything on Mr Solo’s name just because you call from his company. You could be any employee.”</p><p>“I’m his secretary.”</p><p>“You should know his passcode then.”</p><p>She clenched her fist and exhaled loudly. More proof that her boss was shady. She could just simply tell her boss that she couldn’t book him his stupid table and room and ask him for the pass-whatever later.</p><p>“Kylo Ren,” she said without thinking.</p><p>The man murmured something and she heard a blip sound.</p><p>“That would do too. Reservation confirmed. A bientot.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“How was it?”</p><p>Rey took off her shoes and wig and threw herself on the old sofa, but not before giving Rose a bag of snacks and some sandwiches from the vending machine. She was too anxious to eat with the other employees and too shy to ask to be brought something from the cafeteria. She did sneak out of her office for five minutes to go to the vending machine and the biscuits and pretzels had been more than enough to last her the entire day. After all, she wasn’t really able to eat much with those nerves and nausea she felt.</p><p>“The guy is a slut.”</p><p>“Who?” laughed Rose, minding her laptop.</p><p>“My boss. He has a huge list with all the women he goes out with. I was there too. Well… <em> Rubi </em>.”</p><p>“Maybe we should keep one too.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes and got up, starting to undress. </p><p>“Any date tonight? We really need to get some groceries and I could use some time being myself.”</p><p>“There’s this guy. He’s been insisting for a while and he’s getting annoying. Maybe we can get enough money from him if we accept his invitation out of the blue. But he is a weirdo, so if you don’t feel comfortable-”</p><p>“Nah, I’m good. At least we’ll get rid of him faster and I’ll get a full day off on Saturday. Who is he?”</p><p>She approached Rose and squatted next to her as her friend logged in one of their online profiles. She clicked on the inbox and scrolled until she reached one user from whom they already had thirty-two unread messages. Most of them were passive-aggressive or ranging from whiny love letters to threats and insults.</p><p>
  <strong>kiara21: hey, serj</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>man_with_a_plan: nice to finally hear from you my dear kiara</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>man_with_a_plan: whatcha doin?</strong>
</p><p>“He’s so pathetic,” whimpered Rey and continued watching Rose’s had as she typed.</p><p>
  <strong>kiara21: just came back from yoga and pilates and i could grab a bite </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>kiara21: would you like to join me?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>man_with_a_plan: im working rn but i can leave if u want me to</strong>
</p><p>Rey pursed her lips and smirked. She was as crazy as Rose and her insane plans.</p><p>“Tell him to meet me at La Parisienne at 7:30.”</p><p>“That’s oddly specific. Where’s that?”</p><p>“I have no idea. I heard someone mention it and it’s pretty fancy.”</p><p>
  <strong>kiara21: la parisienne 7:30</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>man_with_a_plan: see you there</strong>
</p><p>The notification popped up in the corner of the screen and Rose quickly clicked on it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Dear kiara21,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>User man_with_a_plan has deposited 500 credits in your account.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Please follow the instructions to have the credits converted and sent into your personal bank account. Don’t forget that any transaction requires a fee of 17% of the entire sum.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The datenight.sw team</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The two women high fived, then Rey ran into the bathroom for a quick shower. She had no idea why she was so keen on going to that place. Was she curious to see how was Ben Solo with women? Because she sure had forgotten that at some point she had to reschedule their date. She had also forgotten to ask that guy his preferences regarding colours and style, but perhaps it was better to dress the way she wanted and make him give up on her.</p><p>When the pipes started making strange noises, suggesting the possibility of one of those old pipes breaking, she got out and carefully tapped her skin with one of their few abrasive towels. From her first salary, she couldn’t wait to buy some nice towels. She had seen some on sale at the supermarket, but each time she had to buy other things or some coupon lady snatched all of them before even getting the opportunity to touch them.</p><p>“I think I’ll ask our neighbour to go grocery shopping together,” she said checking her braided hair. “She was so sweet to give me that dress and the horns.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess. I must say that sometimes I feel so bad when we borrow things from her without asking. I mean, I know we return them in perfect shape, but I could swear that she knows what we’re doing.”</p><p>“You know,” laughed Rey. “If she weren’t so weird, her gesture would have seemed like a hint. Like she was trying to tell me ‘stop stealing from me and just ask’. You know? Maybe next time I’ll actually ask. Now let’s see… the auburn wig with bangs and the black velvet dress?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Else - Paris (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_zk8f6aBQk)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Late Night Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>La Parisienne was as fancy as Moonlight Bites, according to Rey, but the belle epoque style was rather overwhelming and it lacked the intimacy of the other restaurant, especially considering the close seats. As expected, there weren’t many people during weekdays, but there were plenty and it had been a smart move from her date to reserve a table. And it had been pure luck to end up sitting back to back with her boss. </p><p><em> He smells so nice </em>, she noticed, blushing.</p><p>“Nice to meet you again, Miss Karakostas,” she heard him say.</p><p>“Just because we haven’t seen each other in… How long? Two years?”</p><p>“Three.”</p><p>“Just because we haven’t seen each other in three years, it doesn’t mean that you have to call me by my surname. Though, I may allow you as a parting gift before I get married.”</p><p>“Congratulations! Who’s the lucky guy?”</p><p>“Giorgos Diamandis, the former football player. He now runs a football club for children.”</p><p>Rey bit her lip to keep herself from smirking. He didn’t even ask for all those details! The lady was trying so hard to impress her boss and to show him how well she was doing without him. Of course, she was glad for her as the guy was a player, but she didn’t seem that bright either.</p><p>“And you? Still single?”</p><p>“Still solo,” he chuckled. “It’s almost impossible for me to have even a short term relationship, let alone a long term one or get married. I’m…” he hesitated. “I’m only interesting for the first three dates, so women tend to get exhausted in my presence and leave without looking back.”</p><p>“So this is indeed our last official date. We should celebrate properly.”</p><p>“I booked our usual room.”</p><p>“Great! But I’m telling you something, Ben Solo. If I won’t end up exhausted after this third date, then I might reconsider changing my marital status.”</p><p>She was not sure if she was about to throw up or burst into laughter right there. Maybe for someone who hadn’t heard enough bullcrap from men trying to seduce her, those words would have seemed worthy of a cheesy romance novel. However, she was already immune to any words meant to make her beg a man for affection.</p><p>“Have you decided, Kiara?”</p><p>Oh, her date! He was there too.</p><p>“Yeah, I’d like creamy dijon chicken.”</p><p>“Me too! Great minds think alike.”</p><p><em> No, they don’t </em>, she sighed. </p><p>“And to drink? I was thinking about a Chardonnay.”</p><p>“I’d rather not drink alcohol,” mumbled Rey. “I’m going to work in the morning.”</p><p>“Since when are you working? You never told me.”</p><p>Rey lifted her gaze from the menu and looked at the man’s red face. He wasn’t angry yet, but he was sure in a dangerous state of mind and that only after an innocent comment.</p><p>“I’m working <em> out </em>,” she giggled, playing her role. “Keeping this body so hot is a full-time job. Also, you drove here and I guess you’re going to drive back home.”</p><p>“You’re right,” he nodded more relaxed. “You’re so smart and gentle, Kiara. You’d make a great wife. I could protect you from the evils of this world.”</p><p>Something was telling her that he was one of those evils of their world. She only nodded and looked back at the menu. </p><p><em> Mmm! Mango eclairs! </em>she smiled.</p><p>“Mr Serj,” she added on an innocent tone, “would it be such a disaster for me to get a job?”</p><p>“What would be the point? You need to <em> be </em>taken care of, not take care of anyone. Or at least financially.”</p><p>It didn’t really sound that bad. Jumping from job to job and date with a weirdo to another bigger weirdo was exhausting. She couldn’t blame it on Rose’s condition as she would have worked a miserable job with many unpaid hours anyway. At least with her, she couldn’t ever say that her life was boring. And just sitting at home, doing nothing but tend a disgusting man was not in her plans for the future, even if it guaranteed having food and comfort for the rest of her life. Maybe she was harsh and judgemental, but even for someone in her condition, she still had a choice. And her choice was to take and not give them anything.</p><p>“Do I look like a doll?” she asked later after the waiter brought their meals and left their table to attend her boss and his date. </p><p>“You do, my dear,” the man smiled creepily. “For our next date, I have some ideas and you better wear those clothes I’m going to send you. Also, I need to know your address. I need to know where I can find you. It’s only normal for our relationship to progress. At this stage, we no longer need to complicate our lives with-”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Was she hearing giggles?</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I said no,” she snapped, already exhausted by his needs. “I charged you a fee for tonight’s date. That’s all.”</p><p>The man lifted his chin with arrogance and Rey noticed his lip twitch. It reminded her of her father before one of his outbursts… and in five years, she had never once thought of him and that was a huge red flag. </p><p>“With me, it’s all or nothing. Now you’re in this relationship and there’s no way out. So eat, my dear.”</p><p>“No!” she furrowed. “We have an agreement. If you want us to be in an <em> actual </em> relationship, because this is <em> not </em>a relationship, then sorry not sorry. I’m not interested.”</p><p>This time she was sure he heard him snort. Was her boss listening to her conversation? What if he managed to recognize her voice and she was going to get fired and maybe even arrested for forging documents and impersonating a dead woman?</p><p>“My dear, you’re hungry and tired.”</p><p>“Yes, I am, but I’m also-”</p><p>She jumped startled at the sound of a fork falling on the ground. She bent to pick it, her hand touching it at the same time Ben Solo did. Their hands touching felt like a feather fan brushing against the skin and sending waves of energy in her entire body.</p><p>“If you feel unsafe or you think you’re in danger, drop your knife and I’ll announce the security,” he whispered and took his fork before straightening his back and addressing his date. “Would you like some dessert, Alexandrina?”</p><p>Rey gently brushed her fingers on her knife, then quickly grabbed it and the fork and started eating like a savage, finishing her meal in less than three minutes, right in front of her appalled date.</p><p>“Now I’m no longer hungry, Mr Serj. I’m just tired. Tired of people like you.”</p><p>“What are you saying?</p><p>“I don’t ever want to hear from you again. You’ve nagged me for so long to go out with you only to act as if I’m already your property and-”</p><p>“Listen, girl!” he silenced her. “I <em> paid </em>for this date and you’ll do and say what I want and stay as long as I want.”</p><p>“Yeah, you paid for a date, which has officially ended. If you want more, you have to pay more and wait for my consent, which I won’t give you, because I want to leave.”</p><p>“<em> Listen </em>,” he raised his voice and Rey quickly grabbed her fork and threw it on the ground. He looked at her confused as she remained silent and patient. Once her eyes began following something behind him, he turned to look at the two guards and a man who was probably Gaspard.</p><p>“Sir, I’m afraid I must ask you to leave,” spoke Gaspard.</p><p>“I’m eating.”</p><p>“We can pack your food for you to take it home.”</p><p>“I’m not paying this much money for you to kick me out! Do you even know who I am?”</p><p>Gaspard was not impressed and gestured one of the guards to approach the table. Rey’s date stood up aggressively and pushed the taller man, making Rey scream.</p><p>“Sir, someone already offered to pay your tab as long as you stop making a scene and leave politely. We will call the police if you-”</p><p>It all happened in a second. Serj grabbed the table cloth and threw everything on the floor, then, as one of the guards tried to keep him from throwing the table, Serj threw the first punch, followed by another and another until the guard fought back.</p><p>“Take her outside,” she heard Ben Solo’s voice just as a hand grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from the table. Alexandrina Karakostas, the woman whom she had mocked and disconsidered, was gently caressing her head and acting as a shield, in case Serj would come after her.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she mumbled. “Thank you for being so kind.”</p><p>“No worries. I’ve had my share of abusive dates.”</p><p>“The cops are on their way,” said Ben coming to check on her. “Are you ok, Miss?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she pulled her wig on her forehead and spoke on a soft tone, reminding herself to hide her accent, so he wouldn’t recognize her. “Thanks a lot.”</p><p>“No need to thank me. Do you want me to call you a taxi?”</p><p>“It’s ok. I’ll call one myself.”</p><p>“I can take you,” said Alexandrina, taking her keys out of her bag. </p><p>“Wait, are you leaving?” asked Ben, suddenly ignoring Rey. “What about-”</p><p>“The press is going to get here with the police and I’m sure people already filmed the whole scene. I don’t need any drama in my life right now. Thank you for tonight, Ben, but I must go. Maybe we’ll meet again at my wedding?”</p><p>Rey pretended to wipe the corner of her mouth to hide her smirk. He was getting dumped and for good. Oh, his face was priceless, though she was feeling rather guilty and actually quite bad, especially after he saved her from that weirdo.</p><p>“Sorry for ruining your date,” she said once they were left all alone. However, he took her by surprise when he just shrugged and sat down on the curb. </p><p>“It seems that I’m not going to get my dessert anytime soon,” he sighed.</p><p>She sat next to him, resting her head in the palm, making her face less visible. Luckily, it was also dark enough in front of the hotel.</p><p>“Those mango eclairs sounded nice.”</p><p>He chuckled and she looked at him.</p><p>“I was not thinking about that type of dessert, but I actually ordered mango eclairs. My date left me, so would you like to-”</p><p>“I can’t go back inside!” she jumped.</p><p>“-take hers. Wait, don’t you want to press charged?”</p><p>Rey pursed her lips and crossed her arms against her chest. She would have to reveal her identity and while being a fake sugar baby was not illegal, she wasn’t sure how the police could react. Maybe Serj would accidentally find out more about her and would find her later and harm her and Rose.</p><p>“No… I mean he was a douche and he probably needs therapy, but he didn’t really do anything to me. I’m not the one who should press charges.”</p><p>He wasn’t entirely convinced, but he didn’t insist on trying to make her do anything she didn’t want to. Instead, he got up and went inside without saying anything. Rey pouted and turned her back to the hotel. It had been a smart move to take her purse with her as she wasn’t forced to go back inside and see that man or anyone else. She quickly reserved her taxi and bit her thumb. Good thing Rose had a bad feeling from the beginning because the guy would report her for sure.</p><p>“Miss?”</p><p>A scream escaped her throat and she quickly covered her mouth. However, the rushed gesture caused her to drop her phone on the ground, allowing Ben Solo to pick it up. She snatched it before he got the chance to get a better look at it, then cleared her throat.</p><p>“Umm… here,” he said, handing her a marigold box. She took it and looked at it in confusion. “Mango eclairs,” he explained. “You seem to need them more than I do.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s so sweet of you,” she blushed.</p><p>“It’s nothing. I tend to go out with girls like you and I know that you don’t need such drama in your life.”</p><p><em> Girls like her? </em> she raised an eyebrow. Was he trying to become one of his clients?</p><p>“You should get going,” he added with his hands hidden in his pockets. “The police should be here in three minutes.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she nodded. “After tonight, I could use some sleep.”</p><p>“Just take care.”</p><p>“I should. Long day tomorrow.”</p><p>She closed her eyes and bit her lip. Why was she making small talk with him?</p><p>“Do you-” he blushed, “do you have many clients?”</p><p>She could have answered ‘yes’ just to see his reaction, but she found herself shaking her head and looking at her nude painted nails.</p><p>“I actually have a nine to five job. This is just to help me pay my bills.”</p><p>A notification soon followed by the taxi driver honking at her announced her that it was time she left. She uttered a goodbye, then left just as the police sirens were getting closer. When they arrived, she was still close enough to see them, but far away to no longer worry. After a tensed sigh, she looked at her phone. The screen was cracked, but still functional, so she quickly texted the news to Rose.</p><p>&lt;&lt;block serj and report him before he reports us&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;he’s a creep, ro&gt;&gt;</p><p>The answer followed in less than a minute.</p><p>&lt;&lt;done! i’ll wait for you to talk&gt;&gt;</p><p>She smiled relaxed, then looked at the marigold box, while her fingers seemed to tap on their own.</p><p>&lt;&lt;btw my boss is not that bad&gt;&gt;</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Mark Ronson - Late Night Feelings (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpNJTr7q1LM)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Nineteen eighty seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how was your date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If every morning was going to begin like that, perhaps it was better to take his things and work from home. As usual, Hux had his feet on his coffee table and was already working on his laptop, as if he had no other more important things to do than work and interfere in his personal life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexandrina is getting married,” he said, sitting down in his chair. “Also, there was an incident last evening and she pretty much ditched me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” snorted Hux. “Did her fiance caught you two together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but the girl sitting behind me was very close to having a meltdown and her date to beat her or kidnap her. I ordered him out and he started a fight and… well… police and press, Alexandrina left and I was deprived of my dessert again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could swear someone is sabotaging you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah,” he snorted. “This time it was my fault. Besides, I wasn’t… Nevermind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got up and approached his cabinet. His new secretary had been more than efficient and he was satisfied with her job, but he was also so very hungry. He was barely able to focus and stand up. It was for sure the last time he was going to be so reckless and wait until the last moment. Clenching his jaw, he pulled out the folder from under the bottom drawer and opened it, blindly pointing at the first name he found.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karina.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll email her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his folder back, realising once more how much he seemed like a prepubescent girl trying to hide her diary, then sneaked out to check on his secretary. Miss Tico was already working on the paperwork left from the previous day, proving once more that she deserved her job, despite not being an actual secretary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Tico,” he said, but got no answer back. Was that woman deaf or was she not used to her own name? “Paige?” He insisted and eventually grabbed a pink sticky note off her desk and a pen. He wrote something, then put it on her screen, startling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?” she finally said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“King’s Inn. Book me a table and a room for 7:30. Magnolia’s. Pink roses with green ribbon and a box of white chocolate candies. I’ll pick it up myself. For the restaurant, use the code ‘nineteen eighty seven’. That’s my passcode for all the restaurants in this city.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she nodded. “Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t eat lunch yesterday. Please order something if you don’t feel comfortable making friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pouted for a moment, then reminded herself that she was supposed to be around ten years older than her real self. So she straightened her back and tried her best to look like a professional.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about me, Sir. I had some snacks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Snacks are not food. If you don’t eat your lunch, we won’t give you money for food. Our policy is to provide healthy meals for our employees. If you have any special diets, you can file a form and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Sir. I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms against his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you upset, Paige?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little,” she admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need a break or someone to talk to? We have a therapist!” he added after she made a funny face to his question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she repeated. “Thank you for your kindness, Sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben narrowed his eyes again. There was a certain familiarity in the way she said ‘thank you’. It was as if they shared a secret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok then,” he nodded and returned to his office. “Did she reply?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“King’s Inn at 7:30. They never refuse you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until they get married or we reach our third date,” he chuckled as he sat down in his chair again. “Any news from Rubi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She sprained her ankle like two days ago,” shrugged Hux. “She should be back in a week or two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok. I’m running out of dates and I still haven’t had my dessert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should buy an actual dessert,” laughed Hux. “The supermarket I usually go to has an amazing dessert stall. Their coffee cupcakes and tiramisu pancakes are delicious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needn’t any pancakes or cupcakes. However, he could have tasted some eclairs, especially in the company of a pretty girl with auburn hair. He smiled at his own daydreaming moments and took the stash of folders left on his desk. That day was most likely going to be less stressful than the ones that would follow, so he could leave the office at the same time everyone else did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hux,” he said, turning on his lamp to get a better look at the sketches, “can you use your magic detective skills to find me one of those online sugar baby dates or whatever? I am looking for one specific girl. Her name should be Kiara and she has auburn hair and bangs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The advantage of shopping for a whole month was that Maz Kanata was too focused on her shopping list to jump from story to story like she usually did. With the money she got from Ben Solo and Serj, Rey was also confident and comfortable looking at all the products. Of course, there was no point in wasting money on things they would only miss when they could no longer afford them or simply wasting money in general. Rose’s health was their priority and they had already enjoyed a small treat from her boss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled remembering the sweet taste of the eclairs. With the money for one eclair, she could buy a few kilograms of vegetables and still have money for a whole chicken. With the money for two eclairs, she could get food for at least one whole week. So for now, she had to resume to the snacks from the vending machine. The coconut chocolate bars were quite tasty and enough to satisfy their cravings. After all, her body was her moneymaker and Rose wasn’t supposed to eat any junk food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, can you get me a bag of flour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at the many bags of flour and raised an eyebrow. Was it really necessary to have so many types of flour?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The yellow one, dear! That’s Graham flour. Get me a bag of five kilograms and then get me the pink one. One kilogram of cake flour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey struggled with the bags, but she eventually threw them in the shopping trolly and took a bag of the cheapest brand for herself. She didn’t have time to cook much, but just in case…  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sugar!” yelled Maz and the young woman quickly went to the yellow bag of five kilograms. “You learn fast,” laughed the older woman, then soon became serious after noticing Rey get a bag of the cheapest brand once more. “Those aren’t exactly good, my dear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t use much sugar or flour,” she shrugged. “Do you need butter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please. Four packs of the one with the golden package.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her old eyes followed the girl get the four packages and a tub of margarine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you usually eat, Rey? You and your adorable friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tucked her hair behind her ears and smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We take turns. Rose makes pho and xoi and I usually make stews or dishes that don’t require too many ingredients and steps. Don’t get me wrong. I can cook, but Rose’s treatment is quite expensive and with rent and everything else, we usually end up eating jam and butter on bread or sandwiches. We can’t complain much about the little we have.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you not paid enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at the bag of strawberries Maz was holding and went to grab a bag of yellow apples. Strawberries were not some fruit one could have lying in a basket for two weeks. She then took two quinces and two oranges. Grated apples with quince and some orange juice and a touch of cinnamon was a delicious dessert and snack. But part of her was still drooling over the sweet scent coming from the pastries and cakes from the cake stall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I usually make my own sweets,” mentioned Maz after she gave up on waiting for an answer, “but the girl there has the best trois chocolat cakes I have ever tasted,” said Maz pulling her to the stall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was probably right because they looked amazing. Perfect brownies, adorable lemon cheesecake bars, sweet banana puddings, delicious cinnamon and sugar doughnut muffins, fascinating apple cheesecake tacos and something called creamsicle cheesecake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want anything, my dear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>! she gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmno. Maybe I’ll make some crepes when I get home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well too bad. I want two brownies and two of those weird-looking muffins. Don’t you have those trois chocolat cakes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, sorry,” apologized the vendor. “Those and the eclairs sold first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey remarked how it was most likely a sign from the skies. No eclairs meant nothing to tempt her. But there were other things that could tempt her and one of them was right behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me pay for the lady.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s grew wider and her fingers clenched around her bag of fruit. Unlike her, Maz turned around with a large smile and opened her arms to greet the man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben Solo! You are as mighty as an oak! Come here, boy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned in for a warm hug and let her kiss him on both cheeks. Rey noticed his casual clothes and the muscles revealed by the white T-shirt. He was so handsome and she wanted to touch him so badly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile turned into a serious grimace for a moment, then he put on a cordial smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As you know her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In an attempt to escape the topic of his family, he finally looked at Rey, noticing that she was with Maz. He measured her from head to toe, giving no signs of recognizing her as either Paige or Kiara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, this is my neighbour. Rey, this is Ben, the son of an old friend and grandson of our first female mayor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she smiled, happy that her hands were occupied and couldn’t shake his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Miss Rey,” he smiled back, then his attention went back to Maz. Of course, he had no reason to look at her when not wearing a sexy short dress. Her loose grey T-shirt and sweatpants, as well as her messy bun, were not exactly material for his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how come you’re in a supermarket? Don’t you have a maid to do these things for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” he chuckled, slightly embarrassed. “I left work earlier than usual and I have a meeting later, so I decided to grab some sweets from here. My coworker recommended me this stall. And you? Getting groceries?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and Rey here was so sweet to offer to join me and help me. She shops all alone too, because her friend, miss Tico is-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, no!</span>
  </em>
  <span> panicked Rey and almost dropped her fruit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Tico?” he asked, narrowing his eyes, while Rey ran to the shopping trolly to avoid him and a heart attack. “What an unusual name. My new secretary is called like that too. Paige Tico.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no!” waved Maz her hand nonchalantly. “Rey’s flatmate is Rose Tico and she’s in a wheelchair, poor thing. She works from home. My dear, what exactly does your friend do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With small yet firm steps, Rey approached them again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… she gives online lessons to kids who need tutoring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a teacher?” he finally addressed her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She has a degree in engineering and because of her condition, she couldn’t find work, so she teaches Physics and Maths online.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great!” he smiled and Rey was taken aback by his genuine kindness. “Is she doing well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… sort of,” furrowed Rey. “There aren’t many parents who like the idea of online tutoring and we don’t have many resources to make her job more efficient. Besides, she is still in a lot of pain, so she often has to rest an entire day or I have to sedate her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he once again displayed the most genuine emotion. “If she-</span>
  <em>
    <span>when</span>
  </em>
  <span> she gets better, my company could always use a great engineer and we don’t discriminate. The health insurance is also pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” she murmured. “I’ll let her know. Mrs Kanata, do you have anything else you want to buy? I want to go get some towels. They’re on sale.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about me, my dear. I’ll see you at the cash register.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally a moment of peace and tranquillity. As big that city was, she somehow managed to meet that guy everywhere. It was as if fate was trying to push them to meet each time they were out and if fate was trying to do something worthy of a romantic comedy, that was not the case. She could get in huge troubles and drag Rose with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of Rose… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;blue or red towels?&gt;&gt; she texted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;purple&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;lilac or lavender?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt; both for diversity&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Giggling, she grabbed a lilac set of three and a lavender one, then put them in the trolly. She had fruit, vegetables, margarine, some eggs, three cartons of milk, some meat, two loaves of bread, two boxes of tea bags, a jar of honey, the towels, two pairs of pyjamas and some plain white T-shirts. According to the math she did in her head, she still had money left, so she went to get two more oranges, then went to get some canned tuna, fruit and mushrooms, tampons, toilet paper, soap and other cleaning products. When she threw in a bucket of yoghurt on sale and almost expired, she noticed her boss at the cash register with Maz next to him. She inhaled deeply and pushed the trolly, feeling her legs and feet heavier with each step. The cashier scanned the products and a clerk helped them put the products in bags, but she couldn’t yet figure out why was </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>still there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go,” she told her neighbour, whose large smile was only making her feel more anxious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben here offered to take us home and help us with the bags. Isn’t he lovely?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was indeed lovely, but also utterly annoying with his good-guy attitude. Why was he so nice and polite with them and with that alter ego of hers, yet had no problem in making lists of women he dated only three times tops and classifying them based on trivial and quite ridiculous preferences and… blood type. What sort of deviant person did that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please fasten your seatbelts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With her red face almost buried in the side window, Rey fastened her seatbelt and found herself for once grateful for her neighbour’s stories from the past. She was telling Ben a story about his grandmother and her impressive collection of dresses, as well as her role as a spy during the war, while Rey was only begging the skies to get home sooner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So when are you going to do something about your legacy?” asked Maz as they reached their floor. “We need some fresh blood on this planet. When are you going to give your poor parents the long-awaited grandchild?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I,” he blushed, “am not so sure about it. Women don’t really like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense! You are a gorgeous man!” she cupped his cheeks, then pointed with her chin at Rey as she was hesitating to open the door to her apartment. “Miss Rey here is single.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maz!” she jumped appalled, then blushed when Ben looked at her with those puppy eyes. She cleared her throat and explained. “I’m not Mr Ben’s type. We’re from different worlds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” he laughed, making her face turn even redder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To make things even worse, the old door opened and Rose appeared, struggling with her wheelchair. Of course, Ben Solo stood there as Maz opened her mouth to destroy Rey’s life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Ben! She’s the girl we told you about just minutes ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose looked at Ben rather confused, then, after she finally seemed to have guessed his identity, lifted her panicked gaze to stare at Rey in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, this is Ben,” she spoke on an annoyed tone. “His mother is an old friend of our neighbour’s and he offered to drive us home and help us with the bag.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” murmured Rose, ready to run away inside and drag her friend with her and never ever leave that apartment again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was telling Maz that I have a new secretary whose surname is Tico too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose remained silent, pondering her many lies. However, she was too smart to ignore that he was a clever man too and that he could look into their past and find out the truth. So the best option was to present half of the truth to make sure that they were covered in case of any research.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige,” she said and heard Rey gasp next to her. “She’s my older sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, what a small world. Does she live here too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she shrugged with fake disappointment. “She only drops by from time to time to help me with money, but she lives with her boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben opened his mouth to say something else, but Maz interrupted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’ve seen her! Such a pretty lady with her dark hair and fancy suit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed satisfied with all the explanations, so Rey took advantage of his moment of distraction and put the groceries in Rose’s lap before she pushed her inside. She was about to close the door when his large palm slammed against the fragile wood. Her heart skipped a beat, expecting him to break in and demand an explanation for all the lies and illegal activity. However, when their eyes met, Rey couldn’t read any bad intentions in his rather soft gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, Miss Rey,” he lifted a box with the logo of that dessert stall from the supermarket. “I bought you this to thank you for taking care of my dear old Maz.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have,” she shook her head. What if he was going to randomly knock on her door and propose to her to go on a date three times and provide him information about her blood type, job and favourite flowers?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then take it as a gift for my secretary’s brave sister,” he insisted, then spoke on a lower tone. “I noticed you can’t afford it. Think of your friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing that there was no point in rejecting his gift, she took the box, thanked him and disappeared behind the door, which she immediately locked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s shy,” mentioned Maz. “Now let’s go inside to put these away and let me serve you my delicious tea and strawberry horns.” Ben accept his old family friend’s invitation, but not before looking once more at the other apartment door. Was his hunger that terrible that he was suddenly mistaking voices? For a moment, Miss Rey’s voice sounded exactly like Kiara’s and then like Paige’s. Moreover, he could have sworn that the height, body type and nose was the same. Those were clear signs that he had to be at his date in one hour or at least find Kiara or else he was going to go berserk.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Crosses - Nineteen eighty seven (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFK1De3ZqzE)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. This Is It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am studying for a horrible exam, so please excuse the messy chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So how was your date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben laughed at Hux’s question, especially since he had refused to step foot in his office the entire day. It was already lunchtime, so he must have decided to drop by with a card in his sleeve in case he needed to find an excuse to leave and avoid Ben’s wrath. Luckily, he was in a good mood and Hux noticed it immediately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had my dessert,” showed Ben his most satisfied smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finally! You were starting to age up rapidly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha-ha!” he rolled his eyes and got up, approaching Hux. “Have you found Kiara?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did find a few, especially with auburn hair. I could show them to you, but you can’t always see their faces. There is always the possibility of going out with all of them and have a type for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He silently followed Hux outside and watched him go to the elevator. Once he left, Ben looked at his busy bee secretary. The lunch break had started seven minutes prior, according to his watch, but she was still typing and mumbling things at her screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Tico.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made a surprised face as it was the first time she responded so early.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you not going to take your lunch break?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… I think I’ll ask them to bring me something or I’ll go get some snacks later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben touched his front teeth, then slowly touched the sharp tips of his canines with the tip of the tongue. His recent bad mood had kept him from enjoying his dessert, although Karina was quite a sweet girl. At that rate, he might end up listening to Hux and go on a date with all the girls named Kiara he could find.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Tico, please order me a charcuterie and cheese board.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A what?” she narrowed her eyes. “Shar-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charcuterie. It’s meat. Just tell them to send me an appetizer board with what they have today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In almost fifteen minutes, Rey placed the board on her boss’ coffee table. There were fresh bread rolls, slices of chorizo, prosciutto, grilled halloumi cheese, cherry tomatoes, some chips and dips, strawberries, grapes and blueberries and even two doughnuts. And she wanted to taste all of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit,” she heard her boss and watched him take off his blazer and unbutton his sleeves. He sat down on the sofa, while she remained in front of him, still standing. “Paige, please sit down and eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-Umm… I don’t want to take advantage of you or make myself misunderstood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smirked, then turned serious. Such shyness in a woman in her early thirties must have gone through some terrible experiences with men.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, if you keep not taking your lunch break, we’ll get fined as a company and accused of mistreating our employees. I just want to make sure that we won’t get fined or sued.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her shoulders relaxed a little and she finally sat down on an ottoman. Knowing that she wouldn’t dare take the first bite, Ben took some chips and shoved them in his mouth, chewing like a savage, until his secretary finally took a slice of chorizo and a bread roll.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I met your sister,” he said and Rey choked on her bread. He quickly grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to her, then waited for her cough to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s with her?” she murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s as smart as you are, apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Smarter,” she smiled. “Much smarter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smiled too, then looked at the board at picked a cherry tomato.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t look alike.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except for our heights, people say we look like twins.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Asian</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>! For a moment she had forgotten that she wasn’t the </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>Paige Tico.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… complicated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cleared her throat and tried to get over his remark, but he wasn’t a quitter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I noticed your middle name, so are you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not all people look the same!” she snapped. “I’m here as your secretary, not to have my family tree or genetics analysed, so please, Sir… don’t make feel ashamed of how I look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once her outburst of assertiveness mixed with anxiety simmered down, she noticed the guilt on his face. He was ashamed of how he invaded her private life and made her feel upset. Maybe he was afraid of a lawsuit or maybe he was really not that bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you two living together?” he asked instead of apologizing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he testing her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I sometimes sleep there when Rey is away or when I simply want to be with her. But I visit almost daily.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you live together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was testing her!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a boyfriend,” she shrugged, then she bit the inside of her cheek and sighed. “And… well… you know how couples are. I want to be with my boyfriend and she wants to be with her girlfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! So Rey is her girlfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded as she took a bite of halloumi. It was so delicious!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” he insisted, “it’s quite funny because you look more like Rey than Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No need to panic! </span>
  </em>
  <span>she told herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s complicated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I looked up and your address from your ID is now a Lebanese restaurant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>! she closed her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been moving from place to place since Rose had her accident,” she admitted. “But she got with Rey and I’m with my boyfriend so… I don’t have my address updated because we sometimes live with his mom, sometimes in hotels or we rent a place… We’ll buy something eventually. But my priority is my sister and I invest everything I have in her treatments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a great sister, Paige.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She was the best.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t know if you read the papers properly - I hope you did - but you can include her in your health insurance and take her to the clinic affiliated to our company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but those first three months must pass until I get enough funds to include her, so everything is like before at the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So is at least your boyfriend working?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. He’s a… bouncer by night and gym trainer by day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” he laughed. “And what’s his name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kylo Ren,” she said nonchalantly only to regret it immediately. She would have slapped herself for that stupid slip, had her boss not choked on his food this time. She gave him her bottle of water and he took a few sips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was dead. She knew it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it wasn’t the first time either. His pass was the year he was born in, not his secret name for dating online sugar babies and call girls. The interrogation was all about him suspecting everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Solo, you won’t believe it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saved by Armitage Hux! Rey got up and thanked him for the meal, then ran outside and headed towards the toilet. Meanwhile, Hux looked confused at Ben, but only for a moment, as he had more important matters to attend. He sat next to Ben and pushed the board to make room for his laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out of all the girls named Kiara, only one didn’t answer to my message and blocked me directly. Anyway, it seemed a bit odd, so I made another account on each site, using another username and guess what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She didn’t block you this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… actually she wasn’t online anymore, </span>
  <em>
    <span>but </span>
  </em>
  <span>someone else was. Rubi answered and she was more than eager to go on a date with Anakin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben cringed at the poorly chosen pseudonym, then clenched his jaw and his fingers around his secretary’s water bottle. He couldn’t escape the feeling that there was something fishy going on. How did she know about ‘Kylo Ren’ unless… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hux, have you chatted with more girls using that Kylo Ren username?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, like maybe sixty. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he had a feeling that his sweet shy secretary was a call girl. But she had been with him the entire time, so she couldn’t have been Kiara or Rubi!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got up and headed toward the door, then opened it only to see the exterior without being seen. She was coming from the toilet and wiping her wet hands with a paper napkin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” murmured Hux. “Rubi is typing. Her ankle is twisted, but she says that you two could meet in two weeks or so. That would mean to pay her again and lose more money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Ben wasn’t paying attention. He was busy recalling how the order of the papers in his secret folder, as well as its position, had not been the same as usual. She had asked him only about the flowers and not the restaurant and hotel reservation. She had surely forgotten about it, then found the folder when tidying up his files and… He was such an idiot! His anxious yet selfless secretary wasn’t a call girl or sugar baby! She was simply aware of his secret… which was way worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care about them right now. I need you to do something else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose put down her beloved laptop and stretched her arms, then gently massaged her neck. Sitting in that wheelchair for hours was exhausting and she craved some fresh air and a walk in the park… or at least a stroll. The online lessons had been quite demanding and the kids not really interested in equations and vectors. She couldn’t judge them - she was tired of them as well. Her plan had never been to be a teacher and explain the same thing over and over again and worry about being paid or not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of payments… She accessed her online bank account and clicked on the ‘make a payment’ tab, quickly transferring 470 credits to their landlord for the monthly rent. That dump didn’t deserve 470 credits at all. Maybe just half after a decent renovation, but anything else was so expensive in that town. After Paige’s death, she had to spend all of their savings on the funeral and her surgeries. To make things worse, the bank took their house and she was left on the streets, despite her condition, which was only worsened by stress and grief. She would have probably ended her life, had it not been for her sweet Rey. Once, Rey used to be their tenant, although they always asked only for a small sum which was saved in a secret envelope under some dictionaries. Paige used to say that ignoring the existence of that envelope with cash was going to be like a blessing on rainy days. And it sure was, because Rey’s part-time jobs as a mechanic and waitress barely covered food and some utilities. For the first three months, that secret stash helped them with rent and some of her medicine… until the university decided that by no longer being able to work as a teaching assistant or attend courses as their top student, she no longer deserved her merit scholarship. And so she had to also drop out of college during her first year of her master’s program. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her gaze fell on the red dress Mrs Kanata had gifted Rey. She hated forcing her friend to go on those dates, but those dates kept them alive. To think that it all started with a game - some random guy sent her a text and she kept texting him, pretending to be whoever he thought she was, until he asked her where to make the deposit. She thought that he was joking and she gave him a new account she had opened minutes prior, just to see what he was trying to do. In case he was trying to steal from her, he was going in for a huge surprise. However, she ended up being the surprised one when she received 250 credit and the promise of 600 more if they finally met. Given her condition, she couldn’t have. But Rey? She was pretty, skinny, had a lovely accent and an adorable smile. Most important - she could walk and was not in some excruciating pain each time she flinched. Of course, they made a pact and that pact was quite serious - she would never ever sleep with any of those men or perform any activities of sexual nature. And it worked! The guy invited her to a tavern, she pretended to be someone called Calista Jinx, he talked all night long and they received 600 more credits. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was how their little illegal and maybe immoral business took off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took care of the online profiles and did all the flirting, while her awkward friend did the dating part. She would have preferred letting Rey mind her own life, especially after she had to quit her part-time jobs after enduring too much sexual harassment and injustice, but those who wanted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>chat were few; fewer than those who were fine with just a date, so, occasionally, Rey still had to put on a wig and a fancy dress - either a ‘loaned’ piece from Mrs Kanata, an old dress of Paige’s or some second-hand jewel - and go pretend to be one of Rose’s many characters. But they could not go on like this for forever. The men in that city were getting more aggressive and demanding and less generous, but also fewer in number. Of course, pretending to be her dead sister was also not a long term plan or a good idea at all, but they needed to remain incognito until that company would cover the expenses of her next surgery and the treatment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>close and yet so far from that achievement… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coming!” she yelled at the person who kept knocking insistently at her door. That bloody door was already fragile. She needn’t someone knock it down and force them to spend more of their savings of useless things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?” she asked. After all, she could reach the peephole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m looking for miss Rosa Tika?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try again,” she snorted, then opened the door just enough to see who it is. A tall man, rather skinny and with an odd hair colour. It wasn’t blonde or light brown, but some sort of orange.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you Harry Potter’s ginger friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” furrowed the man with an awkward smile. “Um… No? Sorry, I’m here on behalf of your sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My sister?” she raised an eyebrow, unsure whether he never got the memo or whether something happened to Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Paige Tico.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, so he can say her surname after all!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about her?” she snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I work for Skywalker Properties. I was actually sent by the vice-president, given that your sister is his secretary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” sighed Rose already bored. “And you are…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armitage Hux. I’m a lawyer,” he added proudly. “May I come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes, Rose opened the door and stepped aside to allow him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you plan on stealing from me, you’ll be disappointed,” she snorted seeing him look around all awkward and uncomfortable in that tiny and rather miserable apartment. “Please, sit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux found the sofa and carefully sat down, which was a great idea, given the strange noise made by the springs. He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and looked at the woman. She was visibly tired, perhaps even exhausted, but she had a brave look on her face and he wanted her to say something, because he couldn’t think properly; especially not when her fierce gaze acted like a collar and leash around his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Rose, by the way. Not Rosa. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rose </span>
  </em>
  <span>Bian Tico.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her recently washed hair had the volume of a full blooming rose and she was also wearing a chartreuse dress over a plain white T-shirt, while her legs were bare. She had only some white scars, but nothing else that would suggest the reason behind her disability.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like some tea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thank you,” he blinked to wake up from admiring her. “I don’t want to keep you from your activity. I was sent just to check up on you. As you might now, your sister has the possibility of including you as a beneficiary on her health insurance policy provided by our company. As her next of kin, you should be allowed to benefit from any essential treatment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does ‘essential’ mean here? I must say I don’t know much about this policy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Essential is, for instance, your condition. Your overall health depends on this insurance. Non-essential would be something like a nose job. ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, ok,” she nodded, then she cocked her head and smirked. “I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand why you’re here. Shouldn’t my sister be the one interviewed and eventually the one to provide the papers necessary to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo would like you to benefit from this opportunity as soon as possible. Employees usually have to work for at least three months before including their next of kin on this policy. He wants to make an exception for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” she asked and the man was taken aback by her distrust. “Don’t get me wrong, Mr Hugs-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hux.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever. I would love not to be in pain every second of my life and to have at least a chance at walking again, but wouldn’t it have been easier for your boss to simply donate some money and to treat me like a charity case instead of sending you and offering my sister special treatment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” he smiled and licked his lips, Rose’s eyes following each gesture. “The thing is that your sister, as a secretary, inevitably has access to private information. My boss is willing to make the very legal and reasonable endeavour to allow her to share her insurance with you as soon as possible… sooner than the other employees. This way, the company can motivate Paige not to share any confidential information.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she was disabled, but she was not stupid. There wasn’t anything official about that visit and the confidentiality clause was specified in the contract. This was something else. Something personal… something like that list. Something Rey did or said made them realise that she knows about her boss’ peculiar dates. And to go to those lengths to keep her mouth shut, it only meant that there was something fishy, if not dangerous, about that man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” she played dumb, “but I still don’t understand why you’re telling me this. It would have been enough to just tell my sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We think that you’re the best person to convince her to accept these terms and conditions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she shrugged. “But I have one question. Is my sister safe in your company? Because I won’t trade her safety for my well-being.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to worry about her. This offer came both out of Mr Solo’s kindness and because someone might try to take advantage of her youth and naivety and convince her to reveal the company’s secrets. Why lose a good job, insurance and risk an ugly lawsuit, all because of some indiscretion? So before anyone could offer your sister money in exchange for the company’s secrets, we’re offering something better. Protection. Protection for you and her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose stopped chewing on her bottom lip, especially because the man’s gaze was making her feel rather odd, and started massaging her hands. Now his gaze fell on her fingers and she was both curious and afraid to know what was going through his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she sighed. “I’ll make sure she will be discreet, but you shouldn’t worry about her. She’s a great woman and she might be small, but she can be fierce when it comes to protecting me. And the feeling is mutual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have any siblings, but I can imagine,” he smiled, then his face turned sad. “My mother lost the feeling in her legs soon after she gave birth to me. She later had a stroke that worsened her condition and she eventually died in her sleep when I was a toddler.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m-I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he blinked, feeling the tears in his eyes. “May I ask-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Car accident,” she answered already tired of the question. However, it was the first time she felt the urge to explain and give all the details. “I was at a party with Paige, our friend, my boyfriend from back then and his friend, who was a coworker of Paige’s from her old job. And I… there I found out that my boyfriend was madly in love with my friend. I was heartbroken, so I took his car keys and left the party in a hurry. He tried to stop me from doing anything stupid, so he chased after me in his friend’s car… but his attempts to make me slow down caused me to lose control and crash the car. I was thrown out of the car during the collision, which, ironically, allowed me to survive, because it eventually exploded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And her Paige was still there, wearing her seatbelt. She died a horrible death because of her stupid broken heart, when she wasn’t even supposed to be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse, Mr Hux, but I’m very tired and I should grab a bite before my next lesson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course. Thank you so much for having me and I’m sorry for coming here unannounced.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly didn’t mind chatting with someone new,” she chuckled. “Just make sure that my sister is fine. I would have died without her help and might still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s in good hands,” he said once he got up and headed towards the door. “Also, Miss Rose… I volunteer at a centre for disabled people of all kinds. There are also support groups and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, but I’d rather not think about accepting this situation as normality. I still have a chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Support groups </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>physical therapy programs,” he continued. “You’d still need physical therapy even after your, hopefully, successful surgery.” He opened his navy blue bomber jacket and pulled out a business card. “I see your sister daily, but just in case you want to discuss something… </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>with me, please give me a call or text me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it,” she smiled and watched him open the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Armitage?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d look better with a beard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The totally random remark made him blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: 6.AM - This Is It (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qp5aXP1Iww)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Love is A Bitch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am two days away from my nightmarish exam and before I'm going to have a mental breakdown or/and a major depressive episode, here is Rey getting into trouble.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pay to: Paige Yen Tico</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Sum: 870 credits</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a panicked look on her face, Rey looked at the cheque, her mind sending some signals she needed to take care of immediately. She was still unsure how Rose managed to forge all the papers to appear as if Paige wasn’t… well… dead, but she wasn’t sure the bank would be as blind and ignorant and wouldn’t notice any weird activity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Phasma,” she ran after the woman as she was handing envelopes to some of the other employees in the canteen. “Mrs Phasma, can I ask you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because I’m doing someone else’s job as a favour, it doesn’t mean that I’m not on my lunch break too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please?” she begged on a whiny voice, until the woman eventually turned to face her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have twenty seconds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a bank account.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, which is completely peculiar for someone your age.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The thing is,” she inhaled deeply, “I have a problem with my boyfriend and he keeps taking my money-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you should dump him just like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-so I was wondering if I can give you my sister’s bank account details and have my salary deposited there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Phasma made an exasperated grimace and turned her back, continuing to hand in the envelopes. If that was supposed to be a negative answer, Rey was not willing to give up on her plans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Mrs Phasma!” she ran after her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not in my power, Miss Tico. You have to file a request form and ask Mr Solo to sign it. Actually, you need two - one for him to anul your cheque and one to change your payment information.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why? Shouldn’t I just give you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Paige, but you’re giving us someone else’s bank account and that someone is not an employee here. You could sue us for misplacing your salary. And as the big boss, he is the one who signs the cheques and all the documents to authorize the payments so that I can eventually give the green light for the deposits and the cheques.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, I understand. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>it going to work? My sister needs that money and I just can’t lose it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really care, Miss Tico, but maybe you should do something about your life choices.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew it. Even though Phasma was referring to the supposed boyfriend issue, she knew after a quite demanding month that she couldn’t last like that. She, quite honestly, adored her job, but it was so difficult pretending to be two or more people almost every day. Until that first salary, she had to make sure that they were saving up enough money in case her boss would dig deeper. Fortunately, he had been too busy to pay attention to her or even go on his weird dates. Unfortunately, the dates had been already scheduled in advance and with an entire list of chores to do daily, she was just too tired to even estimate the moment she would no longer keep up with everything and eventually collapse. But it had been only one month and after the sudden visit of the company’s lawyer, she at least knew that she didn’t have to wait three months to access the health insurance. And yet they weren’t sure how much everything would cost at the end, so she just needed to balance everything for a little longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forgetting all about her lunch, she headed back to her desk and printed the standard request form, then sat at the desk and came up with some pompous words and phrasing that could impress her boss. However, the very pale Ben Solo and the dark circles under his eyes had no interest in her requests or patience for her files.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it urgent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somehow. I need to have my cheque annulled and get the permission to have my salary deposited in my sister’s bank account.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” he asked without even looking at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I can’t have this much money on my name or on me in general.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” he insisted. “Aren’t you old enough to manage your money or have your own bank account?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir,” she said with her face red from all the anxiety and growing anger, “you know about my sister. You know that everything I’m doing is for her. She needs the money more than I do and she can’t use it if… umm… if my boyfriend keeps taking it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He new lifted his gaze and noticing her equally tired eyes and red face, he leaned back, willing to give her all  of his time and attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He-he is not the man I once knew. He doesn’t respect the bond between me and my sister and he depends too much on his mom and her opinion and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get it, Miss Tico,” he nodded. “I’ll sign them. But meanwhile, I need you to go to the archives and get me some files.” He took a sticky note and wrote some numbers and letters and then some words Rey wasn’t really able to read. She didn’t know whether she truly needed glasses or if her body was shutting down on its own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some are very old, so be careful with them and try not to take them out of their pockets. Ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had enough energy only to nod and take the sticky note. Their fingers touched for a mere second, but the gentle touch felt like a small shot of adrenaline. Her steps became firmer and the way to the archives seemed shorter than before. A bit more relaxed, she used her name tag to access the archive room and entered in the dark room. The lights turned on on their own and she could hear the buzzing of a fan. She had no experience with how to access such files as in the past month she had strictly emailed to ask for various copies and information for her boss. But how hard could it be? The note from her boss had all the info she needed judging by the numbers written on the cabinets, she could…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bingo!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled proudly at her first find. She further looked in the drawer for the folder with the name written on the note and pulled it out. It was heavy and the many pockets were already old themselves. It took her great care and patience not to damage anything as she found the document she needed. She placed it carefully on one of the four desks by the wall, then put everything back and proceeded to look for the other ones. After she found the last one, she looked at the register and at the scanner. Apparently, she could just scan the code on each document to have the activity recorded in the database or write it down in case it couldn’t be scanned. Impressed by their security measures, but also amused at their obliviousness regarding her own true identity, she carefully grabbed the first pocket, ready to scan the serial number. But as the numbers were appearing on the screen, the buzzing stopped and with it, the lights turned off, leaving on only an emergency red light. The scanner and its screen were dead too and most likely the entire building. The emergency power system was probably going to get activated soon, because the door was still locked despite the blinking red light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, she tapped on the flashlight on her phone and looked around for a moment. Each desk had a chair, but after so many hours spent sitting down in her own chair, she just wanted to lie down. The hardwood floor seemed rather uncomfortable, but between the many cases and cabinets, there was a small round carpet. After pushing the equally small round table, which probably once used to host the register, she finally lied down for a short nap. And she was indeed about to close her eyes when she dropped her phone, again, and her eyes followed the ray of light. Maybe Mrs Kanata’s dress was truly lucky, because she immediately identified the ring binder hiding the documents of those who had once worked there. Driven by her insane curiosity, she got on her knees and pulled the even heavier binder. Fortunately, her phone was fine, so she used the flash to look at the documents. Unfortunately, every employee in that binder was from the cleaning department. But it didn’t mean that she had to give up! A better look at the handwritten departments written on the binders helped her find the right one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was like a famished animal, except she didn’t want food. She craved information.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each lawyer, architect and major employee had at some point a secretary, but her boss had only two - one who was rather old and had been working in the company until retirement and the other one, who had recently quit her job.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Voe Ritter, secretary, 32</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Her skin was dark and her hair had probably once been a platinum blonde, though it now looked white. She was so beautiful and based on her resume, also quite skilled with a degree in law and one in management. Of course, according to Phasma, Voe Ritter had to leave because she couldn’t cope with the schedule and demands and maybe someone like her deserved a better job than being a simple secretary, but something was still telling her to dig deeper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voe Ritter also had great references, volunteered during college and spoke three languages. Well, Rey spoke four almost fluently and enough words and phrases to converse with a native speaker in another three! Of course, unlike Miss Ritter, she had no diplomas or certificates to prove her knowledge. After all, she had learnt those languages from movies and conversing with clients from her old jobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pouting, she turned some more pages until she found her resignation, which was very cordial and didn’t state any particular reason other than her contract expiring and wanting to resign in advance to find another job. She could have believed the reasons stated there, but the transcript of a phone conversation was by her side, supporting her gut feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>V.R.: I love you, Ben. I love you so much that I could destroy you. Are you listening, my love? I can ruin your career and life and leave you on the streets. You’ll come to me and beg me on your knees to take care of you. You </b>
  <b>
    <em>need </em>
  </b>
  <b>me! You can’t live without me! I’m your air, your sun, yo-</b>
</p><p>
  <b>B.S.: Miss Ritter, please stop. I know you’re not well and I apologize for not respecting your working hours, but it can all be solved without these threats and inappropriate behaviour. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>V.R.: Why are you ignoring me? I know you love me too!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>B.S.: I’m just your boss, Miss Ritter. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>V.R.: Stop calling me like that! Call me love or sweetheart or anything else! Stop being so cold!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>B.S.: I am your </b>
  <b>
    <em>boss</em>
  </b>
  <b>, Miss! Not your lover, not your friend, not anything else. I’m sure what made you see our interactions as something else, but in what concerns me, I never meant for you to become infatuated with me. Look, we can discuss this with the people from the human resources department and ask the clinic we have a contract with to send a therapist or-”</b>
</p><p>
  <b>V.R.: I may be madly in love with you, but I am not crazy and you know it!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>B.S.: I don’t know anything.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey stopped reading as her vision gradually became more blurry. The rush of energy had simmered down long ago and now she was barely breathing and keeping her eyes open. Her phone also announced her that she was running out of battery and was soon going to forcibly close the flashlight before her phone would eventually turn off. With the last drops of energy, she took a photo of the first page of the very long transcript, then put the binder back before lying on the carpet and closing her eyes. As her body was getting heavier, her mind and spirit were fading away, somewhere far.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rey…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His voice was vibrating on her skin. He was so close that his breath felt like a feather leaving behind a trail of fire after each touch. Those huge hands were holding her waist, making her feel so tiny and easy to be devoured by him. And she didn’t mind. Moreover, she reached for him, her fingers seeking his skin. She wanted to touch him and feed on his warmth, to pull him closer and let him invade her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifted her in his strong arms and carried her, massaging her nape and thigh, while her head rested on his chest, hearing his heartbeat. She was sure that he was going to take lay her on his bed, on her stomach, as his lips were going to leave trails of kisses on her back. That dull black dress deserved to be torn and reveal her skin to allow their bodies to meet, touch and exchange energy and so much more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I,” she moaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige?” he heard him as the warmth was wearing off. “I think she’s waking up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was already awake and she was mortified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times to get accustomed to the light. Once her vision was clearer, she noticed Ben’s worried face and the sudden relief when their eyes met. He stopped biting his thumb and his shoulders relaxed as he approached the paramedic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found you in the archives room, barely breathing. You must have had a panic attack and fainted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I,” she licked her dry lips, “I was… the lights turned off and I went to lie down on the carpet and I don’t know what happened. I couldn’t stay awake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Tico shows signs of dehydration and exhaustion,” spoke the paramedic calmly. “She should remain like this for at least another hour until the intravenous infusion will give her the strength to walk on her own, but she’d be better in a hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” she protested vehemently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige, you can’t stay at work like this,” spoke Ben on a soft tone, reminding her of her stupid dream. “You can take some days off. Don’t worry about work and money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t like hospitals. I spent too much time in there with my sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben parted his lips in a silent exclamation and nodded in agreement, then spoke to the paramedic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t she just go home and rest instead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink a lot of water, eat broths and soups, watermelon and rest. Make sure to also take Magnesium and Calcium supplements.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” whispered Rey, then watched the paramedic and her boss leave the office. Ben returned later, holding a sheet of paper, and sat down on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to call your boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she sighed. “He has more important things to do than worry about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Ben’s frown made her understand that he didn’t share her imaginary boyfriend’s values. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just be on your own and take care of yourself without someone helping you. I…” he sighed, “I can take you home if he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>busy, bu-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to go home either,” she mumbled. “It’s not even my home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Ben blinked, she was able to see the sadness in his eyes. He was empathizing as if he had also gone through whatever she was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you find the files you were looking for?” she changed the subject.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he nodded. “They are on my desk and I’ll return them myself. No need to worry about them. Now tell me, Paige, do you want me to call your sister or her girlfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, her instinct was to raise an eyebrow and snort at the question about Rose’s girlfriend until she remembered her own lies and realized that she was the girlfriend. Well… the </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>her was, supposedly, Rose’s girlfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey isn’t in town and I don’t want to worry Rose. Her health is more important than mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say that,” he scolded her on a calm voice. “She needs you healthy and safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She parted her lips to agree with him, but her eyes filled up with tears and all that escaped her throat was a sob. Ben quickly took her hand and caressed it gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be fine,” he tried to calm her down. “You’ve overworked yourself. That’s all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-she needs me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, she does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t let anything happen to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing will happen to you. You’re a survivor, Paige.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing him talk to ‘Paige’ was only making her feel even more miserable and guilty for everything that had happened. However, his firm, yet gentle grip was doing something to her. Instinctively, despite the needle in her arm, she lifted her other hand and put it over his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt so good… She couldn’t explain why or how, but it felt exactly like when she ate the mango eclair or that other cake he got her. That man was intoxicating with his whole being. His rather peculiar looks didn’t change the fact that he was so imposing and attractive, his voice was like a sweet melody, his scent was pure fresh air and his touch was the affectionate caress she never got from her mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Solo, we need-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben cleared his throat and straightened his back as Hux entered his office. His black shirt was making his red hair stand out and especially now that he had also grown a beard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” he asked on accusing tone, his gaze seeming almost deadly. Rey noticed immediately the way he groped her boss’ shoulder, understanding that he was somehow blaming Ben. Of course, after that unsettling conversation between him and his former secretary, the lawyer of the company must have been the one to deal with all the legal stuff and was most likely not willing to go through the same rollercoaster again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got locked up during the blackout and probably had a panic attack,” interfered Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man looked at her boss, who nodded with his jaw clenched. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She should rest,” he added once Hux snatched the sheet of paper off of the coffee table. He read it, then look at Rey, whose once pale face was gradually looking healthier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” she whimpered getting up, “I think I’m going to stay with my sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he smiled. “But do you have where to sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow at the very random question, but Ben spoke before her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her girlfriend is away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Girlfriend?” furrowed Hux. “Isn’t that girl her flatmate or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two men looked at a blushing Rey as her mind was gathering all the lies she had told to help her create a new one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re a couple and they obviously share the flat,” she said analysing Hux’s face as it turned sad, then suddenly happy with the rest of her lie, “but I think they had a fight. And things with my boyfriend are not great, so I’ll go stay with her until Rey comes back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I think it’s too dangerous for Miss Tico to go to her sister’s place on her own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ve offered to take her myse-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take her! After all, you’re so busy and I already need to go to the courthouse for some papers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The courthouse was not even anywhere near her home. It was in the opposite direction, but after the discussion she had with Rose, she came to the conclusion that Armitage Hux was far more inoffensive than her boss. Maybe even also easier to manipulate, though she wasn’t at ease to do anything against anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remained quiet and patient throughout the entire hour and simply watched Ben and Armitage discuss things she didn’t even understand. They were so caught in their papers that they barely heard the knock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, Mr Solo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes! Please!” he got up and invited the paramedic back in his office. “How are the other employees?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a sprained ankle, some bruises from bumping into furniture and the overall panic attacks, but everyone is calm and fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” he exhaled relieved. And now that Rey managed to put the pieces together, he and Hux had been talking about possible lawsuits in case any employee or a large number of workers suffered any major accidents as their power generator was damaged and didn’t start at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now how is Miss Tico?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much better,” smiled Rey, but her smile soon vanished when she noticed her boss’ weird gaze. He kept looking at her, though not looking her in the eyes, and biting his bottom lip. Something was bothering him and it seemed that it had something to do with the needle in her arm. His eyes changed for a moment as the paramedic pulled out the needle, but once the woman put it away, he brushed his jaw, nervously, and turned his back on them to talk to Hux.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look great,” remarked the paramedic. “It usually takes some time for the fluids to take effect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, but I feel as if I drank two coffees.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should still go home and rest. You have time this weekend to charge your batteries. But if you want to avoid fainting in poorly vented rooms, maybe you should remember to drink more water and eat better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine then. If you feel dizzy or unwell in any way, call the emergency number, but you should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben quickly ran to her to help her stand up, once again his touch feeling so satisfying… like a full course meal after days of eating nothing. He wanted to let go of her hand, but she couldn’t just let him go, so he silently agreed to let her gold his hand until she successfully dragged her feet to the door, where Hux was waiting for her, excited like a puppy. The man was behaving so oddly that he even rushed to the elevator before she even reached the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take care, Paige,” spoke Ben slowly. She was centimetres away from his lips and now she could see how full and appealing they were. She also wanted to run her fingers through his hair and play with it, then lower her hands on his body and feel that wide chest and those delicious muscles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much,” she whispered and fought the urge to kiss him either on his cheek or, preferably, on the lips. Instead, she walked to the elevator, turning her head only once, right as he was closing the door with the paramedic remaining inside. And based on the looks they shared and that intimate smile, they were not going to discuss anything related to the employees’ health. They were going to do something that even the mere thought of it was already breaking her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and looked at Hux. The elevator had already reached the underground parking lot, so she followed him to a black SUV, similar to Ben’s. Gladly, unlike Ben, he wasn’t that talkative or at least not that curious about her. Throughout the entire ride, he only once asked her something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is your sister bi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she narrowed her eyes and took her eyes away from the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bisexual,” he explained. “She mentioned an ex-boyfriend and I never knew that her friend is actually her </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So is she like bi or was he only a mistake and she came out as a lesbian?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked bewildered. She was both shocked that Rose had shared that much information and also because he was so interested in her friend. Had Rose told her more about her conversation with Hux, she would have known what to answer and which lie to tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” she stuttered. “She’s… I think Rey has been her only girlfriend, so I guess she likes both. I didn’t really ask her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But is it serious?” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was getting a bit uneasy with that conversation and even a bit angry with his invasion of their private life… not that she was one to comment after reading her predecessor’s file. But she was so conflicted with the mere thought of having someone steal Rose away from her. She wanted her to be happy and find love again, but he was a lawyer and they were doing some shady stuff. Rose was also her only family in those moments and also the one who helped her survive after running away from her old home. Without Rose, she couldn’t fake anything to get dates and money from weird damaged men. Without Rose, she had no one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To me, it looks pretty serious. It all depends on what will happen when Rey comes back, but their relationship is pretty special.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded, silent, and didn’t dare ask anything until they reached her building. Rey knocked on the door and lifted her finger to her lips to alert Rose as soon as she opened the door. And it was a smart move as Rose lips remained parted and her eyes then noticed the man behind Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” she gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Miss Rose,” he smiled and for a moment forgot why he was there. “Your sister has been a bit unwell, so I offered to bring her here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose looked at Rey who confirmed with a miserable look on her face. A whimper escaped Rose and she moved aside to let them in. Rey immediately hid in their bedroom, closing the door without any explanation, leaving Rose to turn to Hux for answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo found her on the floor in the archives room. She had been unconscious and locked all alone in that room for almost an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” her voice cracked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dehydration and exhaustion, but she should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all my fault,” she whispered. “She has been working like crazy for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you can pay her back by taking care of her,” he kneeled in front of her, caressing her hands. But Rose pulled away and covered her face as she sobbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How? I’m freaking useless! I’m killing her just like I-I’m like a vampire feeding on people’s vitality!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux clenched his jaw and pursed his lips at her remark, then gathered the courage to put his hands on hers and gently remove them from her face, revealing her red cheeks and sad eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sad-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m angry!” she yelled. “I’m angry at my own incompetence and her stupid selflessness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, all she needs is some sleep, soup, tea and vitamins and she’ll be fine. We’re all working on a huge project and the worst is yet to come. Just make sure that she stays hydrated and gets enough rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Hugs, I can’t even go out to buy her the vitamins.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t correct her this time and only smirked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to go back to work, but tonight, I’ll go get her vitamins and bring them to you. Ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have any cash to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about the money. It can’t be that expensive. Besides, it’s Mr Solo’s fault for not checking up on his secretary. He’ll pay me back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His energy and good mood were contagious, so Rose eventually found herself smiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do any of these,” she shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. But maybe I also really want to know you safe and happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” she snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because otherwise, you couldn’t go out with me to grab a coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was it that hard for men to not something without expecting anything in return and trying to take advantage of women when they were most vulnerable? Also, why would someone even want to date her? Finn had tried to get in Rey’s pants behind her back when she was healthy and doing well financially. Now she was a wreck and poor, but it didn’t mean that she was an easy target.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t drink coffee,” she said immediately on a radical tone. However, she softened seeing his innocent gaze and the beard. She took advantage of his position and put her hands on his cheeks, feeling the interesting texture of his beard with the tip of her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I have recently developed a sweet tooth, especially for eclairs,” she murmured and, for a moment, was almost certain that he wanted to kiss her. She knew it because she surely wanted to, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll make sure to bring you something sweet tonight if you promise to go out on a date with me when your sister gets better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose was conflicted. Was she that experimented with seducing men online that now her charms were working even in real life? Also, was she that deprived of genuine affection and attention that she was so desperate to go on a date with that man or was her evil brain making her try her best to seduce him in order to keep Rey protected?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Two Feet - Love is A Bitch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DjE4gbIVZk)</p><p>For Voe Ritter, I used Voe from The Rise of Kylo Ren as inspiration (https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Voe)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. I Feel Like I’m Drowning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>V.R.: I miss you.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>B.S.: This is the seventh time you call me and the last time I am willing to listen to you. You’ve resigned, so there is nothing left for us to discuss. I am no longer your boss and-”</b>
</p><p>
  <b>V.R.: Exactly! Now there is no ethical code to keep us apart. We can be together and I can give you my everything, my whole body and my soul to make sure you’ll love me for forever.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>B.S.: Miss Ritter, you need to stop. I tried to be polite and a gentleman, but now there’s nothing keeping me from going to the police.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>V.R.: If you do anything against me, I’ll destroy you. I’ll crush you like the mosquito you are. I love you too much and have done too much for you to let you treat me like this.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>B.S.: You were an efficient secretary and you were repaid like any other outstanding employee. Anything else you think I owe you or you think you have against me is your imagination.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>V.R.: You’re a monster and a murderer. The things I know will ruin your life.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey put down her phone to take a break from reading and rubbed her eyes, yawning. Even after an entire weekend of resting and eating healthy food, she was still drained, her head was hurting like hell and she was jumping back and forth from wanting to hide under her blanket and sleep all day to going back ‘home’ and confront the root of her problem. But that was just the stress speaking. Being away from her working place and having no dates with weird guys didn’t mean that stress hadn’t been eating her alive. Voe Ritter was too smart and pretty to behave like that and Ben Solo’s dating history was only making him look guilty, but the woman’s behaviour was rather odd and contradicting, so she did sound like a scorned ex after all. Or maybe her boss was an expert at manipulating people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning, Ro,” she mumbled, dragging her feet to get some tea. Rose was working on her laptop, with a large bouquet of roses next to her. Actually, there were two - a smaller one in a velvet box and that huge colourful monstrosity. The first one was a gift for her, presumably, from the one and only Ben Solo, while the second one was for Rose from Hux.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smirked remembering how smitten the man turned out to be, then cleared her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has Voe answered?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t checked,” she sighed with her head in the clouds. “Let me see…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey took her chipped mug and a banana then kneeled next to Rose’s wheelchair. Her friend accessed one of their many fake social media accounts and typed Voe’s name. According to her updated page, Voe was now working abroad and spent most of her time travelling and partying with her friends. And her hair was an adorable shade of pastel pink as a reminder to anyone who knew her from her times as a secretary that her life had got better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose clicked on the envelope icon and soon several messages started popping in front of their eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: yes i know bs</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: why?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: did you make the same mistake i did or did he ask you to torture me?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: because i am a new woman now</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose licked her lips and started typing an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: i am your replacement</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed, not agreeing with her friend’s willingness to give away so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: i’ve noticed some weird stuff and i want to know if i am safe</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: how did you find out about me?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: i found your file in the archives</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ro!” protested Rey, but her friend ignored her.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: hmm</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: what do you want to know?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: told you</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: am i safe working for him?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: technically, yeah</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: but i can’t guarantee anything</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: i was safe and happy working there</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: but then… things happened</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: were you two in a secret relationship?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: we had a pact</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: like an unofficial agreement just between the two of us</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: now tell me… has he touched you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: touch as in harass me?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: not really harassment</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: he did something that made me act as if he were a drug</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: i was going crazy and he did something to me to act like that</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: he used me and then got rid of me</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: though i must say that it was a smart move</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: at least his cruelty and selfishness had a limit</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: did he hurt you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: mentally and emotionally yeah</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: physically… it’s complicated</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: i can’t say much </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: can you tell me anything about his dates?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: he has a list of women he only dates 3 times tops</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: never seen it but before me he used to go on a date with a different woman every week or so</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, I think we’re giving her too much information and she’s giving us nothing. What if she talks to Ben and tells him that we’ve been digging up his past?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But maybe she can still tell us something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was probably forced to sign some contract to stay out of jail for those threats. I was wrong about her. She surely just developed a sick crush on Ben and being around him and his stupid dates caused her a mental breakdown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You speak as if you know for sure,” Rose narrowed her eyes and Rey gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve noticed his behaviour, Ro. He’s an arrogant slut, but he’s quite worried about the safety of the people around him. I-Just ask Voe what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose wasn’t really satisfied with Rey’s decision, but her friend was the one working for that man, so she was entitled to do whatever she wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: so any suggestion for me?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>bee-anka: should i stay or should i go?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes at the reference and Rose mouthed a ‘shut up’.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: stay but run away at the first red flag</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: also don’t fall in love with him</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>en-voe-gue: he’s poison and he can’t love anyone</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? Told you that she’s bitter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since when do you take the guy’s side? You’ve seen how he tried to bribe you through me to keep your mouth shut about the list.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Defending her boss’ action and remembering Rose about her own flirting with Armitage Hux was going to make them fight over men and the last time a man got between them, Paige died and Rose almost died too. So she decided not to say anything. After all, it wasn’t as if Solo was completely innocent. There was a kernel of truth in Voe’s story and her own experience and conflicting feelings were the proof supporting her worst theories. He was nice in his own peculiar way, but also toxic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to get dressed to go to work,” she sighed. “See if she knows anything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose remained silent and closed the chat window, returning to her suggary.sw account where Rubi was back in business. Surprisingly, Kylo Ren had given up on trying to get back the money they owed him or get her to go on an actual date with him. On the other hand, Serj was blocked, but the possibility of him getting a new account made her deactivate that account for a while. So she was left to chat with boring sad people… and an adorable guy named Sheev. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sheev was in his thirties and for the past two weeks, he had been entertaining her with funny stories and small talk. He was more of her penpal rather than a source of income.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: morning</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>A thing she never did before - initiate a discussion without any hidden agenda.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: morning lovely</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: how are you today?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: woke up already tired </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: i need a vacation</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: i feel you! my usual cup of coffee is just water to my system now</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: don’t overwork yourself</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: i’m trying</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: anyway what are you doing today?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: working from home and thinking of you</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: i can’t help you with the first part but i have an idea about the second one</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose sighed and closed her eyes, knowing exactly what he was about to say. Maybe he had been rather distant in the past days, and that was usually a sign of a guy getting bored, but she didn’t want to go </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She didn’t want him to meet Rey and be seduced by her beauty or lose any interest in their chats.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: i want to meet you</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: so do i</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: moonlight bites? tonight?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to refuse him or at least postpone their first date until much later, but her mom had once taught her that the quicker and sooner you did something you did like, the easier it was to get over it. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: sure</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: awesome!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: i must say that i am a bit anxious tho</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: i’m not that ugly lol</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: didn’t meant that silly</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: just saying that i’ll miss our chats</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: maybe we can still chat?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>rubi: there is a certain excitement in having an online persona</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>She was so ridiculous practically begging him to continue being her friend!</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: maybe</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: i must go to work now but see you tonight</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>The notification popping in the corner of the screen was the other reminder that in their situation, there was no place for romance. All that online flirting was for paying bills. She would have time to go back to actual dates and romances after that long-awaited surgery. Or so she hoped so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After every five minutes of feeling good or at least decent, Rey had to go through a whole hour of feeling like drowning and her uniform was not helping at all. She pulled the collar of her dress and took a deep breath. Her uniform was not uncomfortable at all, but she was still unwell and everything felt at least two sizes smaller and made of the worst fabric. Even the elevator was making her feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic, so she almost threw herself out of it once it reached her floor. Luckily, at least her knees remained strong enough to keep her from falling because she wasn’t sure she would have been able to stand back up without anyone’s help. And by help she meant being dragged by her feet and thrown back in her bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you here to see Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey jumped startled and turned to look at the girl sitting in her seat, at </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>desk. She was pretty, with big eyes and a small mouth, just like one of the porcelain dolls her cousin collected. Her long hair had a couple of random thin braids she had probably braided out of boredom. Judging by her attitude and clothes - a rose pink beret and matching suede jacket, loose nude T-shirt, army green velvet leggings, rockstud heels and glittery lipgloss - she was not an employee. Also, no one called her boss ‘Ben’ unless that someone was Hux. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m his secretary,” she explained, mostly because she was expecting the other woman to introduce herself. However, the other woman just blew a bubble, making Rey flinch when it popped, and went inside Mr Solo’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your actual secretary is here. Can I go now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heard Ben utter something, then he showed up right in front of her. Their eyes met and she just stood there, frozen and too conflicted to either run or smile like an idiot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Paige,” he blinked surprised, “are you well enough to come back to work so soon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nothing, Sir,” she smiled flattered. “I have my vitamins and, from now on, I’m going to take short breaks to drink water and eat something healthy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was he like that? Why was he so cruel to make someone believe that he truly cared? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway… you’ll have someone to help you this week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious!” pouted the other woman, while Ben rolled his eyes and put his huge hands on her shoulders, forcing her to face his secretary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Paige, this is Miss Connix, my nightmare and the love of my life. I hope you two can take care of each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>of his life? Now that hurt and she didn’t want it to hurt. She didn’t want to feel anything at all!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the worst.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he gave her a playful push, then turned his back on her. “Please show Paige the files I gave you and pay attention to how she does her job and maybe learn something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jerk,” she snarled once he closed the door behind him, then finally looked at Rey and her rigid uniform. “He kind of exaggerated with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” asked Rey looking at her long sleeves. Maybe some small talk would make her less defensive around that woman. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His other secretary used to wear the shortest skirts and some see-through blouses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, have you met her?” asked Rey nonchalantly, as she went to her desk to sit down. Mr Solo’s girlfriend pulled the other chair and smirked. Did she have anything to do with Voe’s demise? Had she not seen those messages from her chat with Rose, she would have assumed that it has all been a set up to get the sexy secretary out of the company and away from her womanizer boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was delicious,” commented the woman with a strange look on her face. “I’m Kaydel, by the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at the young woman’s hand and long hot pink nails. Something was telling her to refuse her politely, but she couldn’t think of any excuse, so she found herself touching the soft skin of her new helper, regretting immediately. If touching her boss gave her the same sensation she had when eating something sweet, Miss Kaydel’s hand was like a floor covered in rose petals. Unfortunately, she stepped on the roses like the fool she was and ended up with thorns digging into the soles of her feet. And judging by the look on the young woman’s face, she wasn’t very comfortable either. Maybe she could sense that she was a fraud or maybe she knew that she was reserving tables and rooms for her boyfriend and his mistresses. Poor thing… to be cheated on like that. He had told that Alexandrina that he was single!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to leave, please do so,” tried Rey to change the subject and get over the awkwardness of their handshake. “Mr Solo is exaggerating with his care for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not the best thing to tell a cheater’s girlfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s how he is,” chuckled Kaydel with some sort of pride in her eyes. “He can be annoying, but I love him so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey swallowed the saliva in her mouth and pursed her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For how long have you know each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, since we were kids,” she giggled. “We’re like soulmates. Mom had always hoped that we would eventually grow up to marry each other and live one of those cheesy romances you see in soap operas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a little bit like in soap operas. Rey was like the nosy maid, while Kaydel was the fascinating girlfriend that would turn into a silly villainess because she had wasted her life loving a man who didn’t love her back. Well… according to his own words, she was indeed the love his life, but he kept cheating on her and that was unforgettable and impossible to understand. He needn’t toy with her feelings or anyone else’s as a matter of fact just because someone else was meant to be the heroine of that telenovela.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come Mr Solo hasn’t asked you to be his secretary before? I guess you’d be more reliable and trustworthy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like this place,” she tucked her hair behind her ears. “I have my own atelier and I’m usually busy with my art. He dragged me here just because I’ve been going through artist’s block for a couple of months.” She lifted her chin and looked at ‘Paige’ and her too-perfect black hair. “You know… you’re quite pretty. Maybe you should be my muse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blushed and lowered her gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. Anyway,” she shook her head, “what did I miss since last Friday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I took all those smelly folders back in the archives room, but overall, Ben did all the work on his own. He knows best what he needs and how to do this. However, he does need help with the invitations for this event. I’ve already designed the invitations, but I need help with them,” she said taking the stack of papers left on the desk. “So here are my notes on what to write, here are the people invited and their contact info, the sketch for the flier we need for the event and some notes on what to write on the RSVP card. As I said, I’ve already designed them. All I need is your help with the final touches. Most of them will be sent online, but some of the guests are rather old school and need an actual invitation. I’ll go print them later and get some envelopes too. Now can you look in the Downloads folder and check if my designs have finished downloading?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked, a bit lost. Maybe it had been a mistake to come back so soon, after all. Her neck was already stiff, her nose was a bit stuffy and hear ears were clogged and she had been back for not even half an hour. So apart from being dehydrated and exhausted, she was probably catching a cold too and her mind was too slow to help her play the secretary role as efficiently as before. But to her surprise, with Kaydel’s help, by lunchtime, the invitations, fliers and cards were finished and they looked great... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to join me for lunch?” asked Rey handing Kaydel the memory stick with the final product. Her question came out involuntary, more like a ‘thank you’ than an invitation to socialize. After all, she was probably going to go out with her boyfriend or do whatever he did with that paramedic last Friday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, but I have to refuse your invitation. I want to go print them and bring them back to make sure that we send both versions today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… then don’t you want me to join you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can handle this task,” laughed Kaydel at what she thought to be Rey’s desperation to get out of that building and go on a walk. “But look. Supposedly, except for lunchtime, we’re not allowed to leave this place unattended, but maybe we can ask Ben to let us leave this place and let me show you the place where the company holds most of its events. As his secretary, you should make sure that everything is going to go according to his plan. I mean… the manager knows how to deal with his demands, but Ben is a control freak and I know how to manipulate him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds… nice,” said Rey feeling sorry for Kaydel. So sorry that she could barely hide her discontent when her boss left his office for the first time in hours. At least she hoped that it was only discontent and not some trace of jealousy triggered by Kaydel kissing him on the cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re leaving to go eat some of that delicious griessnockerl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea what’s that, Sir, but I am indeed going to grab something to eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect,” he tilted his head with a kind look on his face. “Has my Kay behaved properly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sir,” she emphasized the word to remind him that she didn’t deserve being cheated on and that he was lucky to have someone like her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Ben,” Kaydel rolled her eyes, playfully. “Your new secretary and I might even become friends and plot against you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure of it,” he laughed. “In case you won’t find me when you come back, I’ll be in Hux’s office, Miss Tico.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, understanding that he was suggesting her to leave and allow him some time with the ‘love of his life’ before she left to have those invitations printed. However, Kaydel didn’t move or do anything to approach Ben for a hug or a kiss. Instead, furrowing, she looked at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, who’s Miss Tico?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is, silly,” explained Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman blinked nervously, then smiled, embarrassed. Rey noticed how she was probably jealous of any woman she didn’t know and aware of her boyfriend’s charms, but unaware of his after-hours meetings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, sorry. I didn’t catch her last name. How funny. I knew someone named Tico too, but she’s… umm… Vietnamese.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you’ve met her sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose Tico.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel’s eyes grew wider and Rey gulped before she opened her mouth to say those dreadful words:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, her name was also Paige.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey wanted to be swallowed by the ground and hibernate in its depths for the rest of her life. If she had managed to manipulate and fool Ben Solo, his girlfriend was not going to believe any of her lies. Rose would have told her about Kaydel, had she known her. But she didn’t, so the only Tico girl left was the real Paige. Of course, she expected Ben to react despite his obliviousness, and ask more questions just like he did when he met the real her at the supermarket. However, he didn’t seem to have paid much attention to his girlfriend’s words as he checked his pockets, then returned to his desk, giving her the awaited opportunity to leave. With small yet firm steps, Rey turned on her heels and headed to the canteen, guessing that Kaydel wouldn’t want to make a scene and stay with behind with Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, she was wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Kaydel grabbed her by the arm, forcing her to face her. “Who the hell are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped, then put on a serene face, feigning innocence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige Yen Tico.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another mistake: if Kaydel truly knew Paige, then she would know her middle name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please stop yelling at me,” tried Rey to push her hand off her. But her heart was beating fast and she was getting weaker. “There are countless people with the same name. As you said it yourself, you’re looking for someone with certain features and that’s obviously not me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel saw right through her lies and ignored her speech.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben already gave away that you have a sister called Rose, so don’t even try! What have you done to Paige? Does she know that you stole her identity?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t steal anything!” she lied with a nervous smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to call the police and let them-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Call whoever you want, Miss Kaydel. I am who I say I am. You can go check my file if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The grip was getting stronger and Rey’s knees weaker, reminding her who was the stronger of the two. Unfortunately for her, Kaydel also had one last card up her sleeve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She tutored me when I was in high school, so I know her like the back of my hand. Four years ago I came back after my trip abroad and she was gone, not answering her phone nor emails,” She was now holding her with both hands. “so don’t even try to convince me that you’re her. What ha-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s dead!” snapped Rey with tears in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that was how a heartbreak looked like. The woman’s angry face gradually turned into a tortured one and she let out a miserable whimper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her head and bit her bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She died in a car accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Liar!” she shook Rey’s body, only letting her go when a voice distracted her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay, why are you yelling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The presence of Ben Solo was the last straw. Being no longer held by Kaydel and feeling drained and panicking once she realized that she had exposed herself, her knees finally failed her. Her eyes closed right as she saw everything around her beginning to spin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell did you do to her?” rushed Ben to them as soon as he saw his secretary’s body hit the floor. He pushed Kaydel away and picked up Rey, taking her back in his office, while ignoring his girlfriend’s pleas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, wait! Listen to me!” she ran after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away, Kaydel! You’ve done enough!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve done </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>! She was already sick and she fainted. But listen to me. She’s not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben put Rey down on the sofa and turned to confront his lover.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaydel!” he said on a cold tone. “I want you to go print those damn invitations, then come back and finish Paige’s work. I swear, if you want any money from me for your little hobby and your lifestyle, you better start doing something to earn it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had Rey been conscious, she would have smiled relieved at Kaydel getting distracted even for one moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Need I remind you that, technically, I was supposed to have a job, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone </span>
  </em>
  <span>ruined the whole thing for me?” she crossed her arms. “Besides, you are in big trouble, because this girl is not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Go</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he snarled. “I love you, but please go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman stomped her foot, reminding Ben Solo of the huge age difference between them, but also annoying him with her outburst. She was much younger than him, but still an adult.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, but we need to talk when I come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We sure do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Left all alone with his pretty secretary, Ben kneeled by her side and checked her pulse, then her neck and wrists for something only he knew about. He sighed relieved when he found none of those signs he was so afraid of, but it wasn’t over yet. The next step was going to be difficult. He could just call an ambulance and convince Paige to take more days off or provide her with everything she would need to work from home and deal with the rest of her responsibilities on his own, just like before. Or he could save her the terrible experience of being ill, and her sister the worries, and just go through it. So he put his palm on her face, while with the other he took her hand in his. Using his thumb, he opened her mouth and leaned in, feeling nervous like a schoolgirl. It wasn’t the first time he was going to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but the experience never made it easier. Still anxious, he squeezed her hand, ready to press his lips against her, only to stop right before their lips touched, when he heard the door open behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is she?” whispered Armitage. “I heard the fight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both men remained silent until Hux decided to be the voice of reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t do it, Ben. You know what happened with Voe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Giving up was the best idea for the moment or at least as long as Hux was present. He couldn’t just stay there in his office for the rest of the day and leave Paige unconscious. Hux had to leave at some point, even just to call an ambulance or announce the security and then he could… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was awake and looking at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige,” he uttered and his thumb brushed against her lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t move, nor give the impression that she disliked being held like that. In fact, the glimmer in her hazel eyes was begging him to kiss her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she awake?” approached them Hux, though he knew a better term to describe his presence. “Paige, how are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tired,” she spoke with a hoarse voice. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Drained</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two men exchanged glances, then Ben finally let go of her and stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige,” he cleared his throat, “it’s quite obvious that you’re not fully recovered and, as your boss, I decided to ask you to take a medical leave of at least one week or ten working days. In the files you received with the copy of your contract, there’s also the information you need to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Sir. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smirked. He wanted to tell her that he was finding her sweet, but that was not exactly appropriate for a boss to tell his secretary. All he could do was give her his hand to help her get up. He already knew the drill - Hux was going to take her home and he was going to be left to worry about yet another secretary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I should go right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. It would be better for you and us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben looked at Hux, but this time he didn’t seem interested in taking her anywhere. Of course, he was no taxi driver, but he was his friend and confidant and knew how important it was to keep his secrets safe. Though, sometimes, one had to take matters into his own hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige, let me take you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she answered without hesitation, surprising everyone, including herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Communicating through exchanges of glances, Ben grabbed his keys and Hux got out of the office before him, while Rey took her own purse. She ignored the mess on her desk and headed towards the elevator, Ben joining her right when it reached their floor. None of them said anything, not even when they reached the parking lot, nor when he started the engine and left the lot for the crowded traffic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did she do anything to you?” he asked while waiting at the red light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she said after a break, not sure if it was a lie or the truth. “I think she mistook me for someone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shut up, Rey!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay is complicated and unpredictable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. I would have most likely fainted sooner or later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her playful tone was meant to fool him and distract him while she pulled out her phone to text Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;s.o.s someone knows&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;who?&gt;&gt; texted Rose back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey licked her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;solo’s official girlfriend&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;her name is kaydel and she knew our paige&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;paige tutored her and they remained friends&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As expected, Rose didn’t text back for a while. She was either in shock or looking through Paige’s emails or few belongings they still held in their small apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you now?” insisted Ben with the questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anxious to get better. Honestly, I think I also caught a cold and it was inevitable to finally go see a doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her screen lit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;fk she did know that kaydel&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;idk wtf was going on back then but now you need to get out asap&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at her boss, who was busy yielding to the other car in the roundabout, then texted her friend back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’ll be on paid sick leave for at least a week and we can think of a plan&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Plan? What plan? Once they dug deeper, they would find the death certificate, learn about the forged documents and know exactly where to go. Her fingerprints were all over the desk and in their small flat. Hux and Solo knew where to find her or the supposedly two people who knew Paige Tico and they would immediately figure out that Rey and the Paige they knew were the same. Indeed, being found out had been nothing but an unavoidable aspect of her string of lies, but she had hoped to at least stay there long enough for Rose to get that surgery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;ro, do something about all the money we have in our accounts and get me a guy with a lot of money for tonight&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped startled and looked at her boss. They were already in the parking lot and tears were already streaming down her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be scared, sweetheart,” he cupped her cheek. “You’ll be fine. You’re just a bit frailer than other people and you’ve been under a lot of stress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She usually hated being touched by men. She had never craved touching a man and was mortified of the mere idea of having a relationship and becoming intimate. The sole thought of making love was making her stomach sick and she never felt anything but a short term curiosity regarding how that part of life was supposed to be like. But now, she was desperate to touch that man and kiss him. Not anyone else - just him. And, as the smart girl she was, she was going to use that newfound interest in Ben Solo and use it to manipulate him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry,” she cried throwing her arms around him and hugging him. One hand was touching the back of his neck, feeling his soft skin and luscious hair, while the other was caressing his lower back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” he panicked, trying to pull away, but Rey hugged him tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She told me about how she was groomed to be your bride because you two are soulmates, then she mistook me for someone else and attacked me, so I had to lie to her to make her leave me alone, but it only made her more aggressive and I-and I was so scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her tears were genuine, unlike some of her words or at least the context and order, so she immediately made him soften. Kaydel made a huge mistake when she revealed that aspect of their personal life and even though she liked her and felt sorry for her, she was not going to risk her skin or Rose’s for no one. Rey even went further with the manipulation when her hand lowered and moved on his thigh, squeezing gently to seem like an innocent gesture. And it worked because Ben Solo hugged her back and his touch was charging her batteries. She was feeling better and more confident and somehow hungrier for his touch and presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know how to control Kaydel, so you just take care of yourself and make sure you come back to me healthy and strong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now she was feeling rather guilty for manipulating him, but she no longer knew where the manipulation ended and where her genuine attraction began. Therefore, when she carefully pulled away, she waited for the right moment when their faces were close enough and kissed him. She had no experience because she had always found kissing as something disgusting or at least pointless, but once her lips touched his, it was like unwrapping a new book and discovering a whole new story. She let him do everything, enjoying his passion and the taste of his mouth. He was not only teaching her the art of kissing, but also feeding her more and more energy with each small bite and caress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped only when her mind took her further and started showing her mental images of him undressing her and kissing her whole body before she did the same to him. But they were employer and employee, sitting in a car in front of a private hospital and, technically, they were still during working hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blushing, she looked at him and noticed that glimmer in his eyes that usually scared her or disgusted her in other men. She was sure now. In case he was going to fire her to avoid a scandal similar to Voe’s, he would let her leave with a large sum of money in her bank account. In case he wanted to keep her and turn her into one of his ladies on his secret list, she was going to play him like a fiddle until she would make her grand exit. However, regardless of her status in his company and of what Kaydel wanted to do, with his power and influence, Ben Solo was going to protect her against anyone. Maybe someone else was the official girlfriend and maybe others had failed before her, but she had seduced him.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Two Feet - I Feel Like I’m Drowning (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkVvG4QTO9M)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Woman</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you hate me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, the question sounded more like the whimper of a scolded puppy and Ben was sure not going to let himself manipulated his favourite nightmare. Instead, he checked his collar in the mirror and his freshly shaved face - it wasn’t in his plans to go for that lumberjack look like Hux - then carefully put on his bowtie, trying his best to ignore the French Bulldog plush slippers from under his desk. According to his wristwatch, he didn’t have time to waste, but Kaydel was more important than any meeting. With his eyes following the plush slippers, he went to his secret stash of sweets, took a meringue lollipop, then squatted by the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I look like a puppy whom you can bribe with a treat?” she humphed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I just want you to know that I don’t hate you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snatched the lollipop and took a bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For someone who doesn’t hate me, you’ve been avoiding me all day and refused to listen to me. Do you know how that made me feel? I’ve just found out that someone dear to me died and the entire time I just believed that she ghosted me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been busy, Kay,” he stroked her leg. “But I did manage to see the invitations and they were gorgeous. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I am going to repay you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care about your money, Ben,” she finally snuck out from under the desk, revealing her red eyes and wet cheeks. “I want you to listen to me and believe me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignoring the possibility of getting wrinkles or dust on his suit, Ben sat down on the floor and pulled her closer, caressing her wet hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you if you don’t tell me everything. You only yelled at me and told me that my secretary is not who she says she is. Truth is… I have no reason to doubt her, Kay. I’ve met her sister and so has Armitage. I had my doubts regarding her personal life, but she’s a good person. And unlike Voe, she’s… something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think with that thing in your pants,” she rolled her eyes and pulled away. “Can’t judge you, but this time I have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben snorted and rolled his eyes, but that hug and that kiss had left him completely smitten with Miss Paige. Her vulnerability made him weak and it was no longer about keeping his secretary close and silent about his secret. He just wanted her in all the ways he could want a woman. But given their relationship and his history with Voe Ritter, he couldn’t risk anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’ll make time to have one of our special nights together and I promise I won’t get close to Pa-Miss Tico. </span>
  <em>
    <span>However</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she’s quite efficient and I’m very pleased with her work, though her head is in the clouds all the time. So no need to worry, ok? Everything will be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Kaydel shook her head and started crying again, hugging her knees and burying her face between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t understand,” she sobbed. “She’s a liar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone is,” he sighed checking his watch again. “Look, sweetheart, I need to go now. Take your time and we’ll talk this in the morning, ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be busy in the morning just like you always are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then text me whatever you have to tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing Kaydel and her overall mental state, the text was less about him giving her a chance to confess. He was most likely not even going to read it. However, out of the many therapists they had gone to since childhood, only one had found a way to make Kaydel express herself in a way she could find the solution to her own problems. She stopped writing notes and letters only when she started painting as a coping mechanism for those times when she was overwhelmed by her own feelings. Fortunately, she had also managed to make a living out of it. But her artist’s block had kept her unproductive and stopped her from even doodling, so he had to resort to that old method. Leaving her to cry her heart out, Ben took a sheet of paper and started writing an apology letter. Unlike him, Kaydel was not a fan of those long angsty stories, but that was in their advantage. She was going to read his and then write him a short text message and have a revelation after just a couple of sentences. And Hux was just next door in case she needed anything. He would send him a voice message to ask him to keep an eye or ear on his beautiful nightmare. But now, especially after the urges, Miss Tico had awakened in him, his needs were more important.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey checked her lipstick in the pocket mirror, then applied another layer. After three mimosas, it was no surprise that her lipstick was almost entirely gone. Of course, she wouldn’t have drunk so much, had it not been for her nerves and her date being late… though that last part didn’t bother her that much. As usual, she didn’t really want to go on a date with anyone, but they needed the money, although she had decided not to tell Rose about her little indiscretion with Ben Solo. Poor thing was already nervous and jumping from transferring the little money they had to secret accounts to reading her sister’s old emails.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose refused to tell her much about what she found out and she didn’t insist. It was obvious that her friend was hurt to find out her sister had hidden things away from her that she was almost ashamed to share whatever else she discovered. It was probably difficult to have your idol crumble in front of you, though she wouldn’t know, because her family was trash. That was why part of her thought that Rose was exaggerating. With the things </span>
  <em>
    <span>they </span>
  </em>
  <span>were doing, Paige being a tutor to make some extra cash was nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another glass, Miss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she sighed. “Has Mr Sheev called to announce that he’ll be late or anything? I’ve been waiting for over an hour already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did,” said the waiter, putting the full glass on the table and taking the empty one. “He already ordered a seafood platter and his meal and asked us to inform you that you can order whatever you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How cute,” she grinned. “I’d like the garlic and cumin butter prawns with sesame honey quinoa and a carrot salad but with no avocado. I don’t like avocado.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How funny,” chuckled the waiter. “Mr Sheev ordered the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what they say,” she shrugged. “Great minds think alike. Has he also mentioned a bottle of rose wine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He asked for Falanghina, but I can recommend you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, it’s ok. I’ll trust him and his choice. I’ve already had enough mimosas already anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you also want to order dessert?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Raw mango and passion fruit cheesecake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man chuckled again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me guess,” she licked her lips, amused. “He ordered the same?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was beginning to wonder if that Sheev guy had promised the waiter a huge tip to lie for him and pull some soulmate idiocy to impress her. He probably didn’t even like garlic, hated honey, had never tasted passion fruit and loved avocado. He was probably not even going to notice Maz’s magical dress, though she was undecided yet whether the guy would be too shy to even look at her or imagine her naked the entire time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snorted at her own thoughts and choked on her mimosa. Too bad Rose was so upset that she couldn’t text her to ask her more about her date and create some funny scenarios.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry for being late. I had an emergency and there was an accident on the boulevard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How funny. All that alcohol in her bloodstream decided to play with her mind and replace her date’s voice with the one of her boss’. Maybe all she needed to be normal and slightly horny was to drink cocktails until she forgot about her stress, worries and overall trauma.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, nice to meet you, Rubi,” he said once he sat down, “even though it has been a month since we were last supposed to meet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes grew wider and she almost dropped the glass. It was him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your ankle?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t speak or move or do anything. After all the hard work of juggling between her Paige alter ego and the real her and the many disguises, there she was in the claws of the wolf. However, he hadn’t recognized her as the real her or as Kiara, so he couldn’t probably figure it out under that chestnut wig and heavy make-up. Right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine…” she whispered unsure which accent or voice to use.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her and blinked unimpressed as one waiter served them the seafood platter and another poured them wine.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s so damn hot,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she found herself swooning and blushing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Focus, Rey! Focus!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She parted her lips to say something… </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but she was still terrified of being discovered and Ben was in such a fussy mood that he was no longer looking at her, but eating some grilled calamari legs dipped in olive oil with basil. Maybe she could text Rose and ask her what to do, because the first thing she shouldn’t have done was to get drunk, which she obviously did. The second thing which she shouldn’t have done was to ignore the small details, because Ben’s gaze fell on her phone. He noticed the same gradient cyan to lilac case and the same cracks Kiara’s phone had after it fell. The same as his secretary’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cinderella’s slipper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a bitter look on his face, he lifted his gaze and stared at her, allowing his mind to finally put together all the puzzle pieces he had been collecting. Of course, the final piece had to be that text he got from Kaydel. Had it not been for the accident that made him wait in traffic, he wouldn’t have read it and he would have dismissed the coincidence as usual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Paige Tico used to be my tutor in high school and we remained friends. We almost took things further before you and I left on that trip. I know you may think that there can be many people with the same name, but trust me - your secretary is not who she says she is.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And under the text, he found a graduation photo. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>Paige Yen Tico. And under that, another one with her, the Rose he had met and Rose’s girlfriend or flatmate or whatever that shy girl was. And now that the shock was simmering down, his eyes could see behind the make-up, wig and contact lenses. Oh yes… he could see the freckles, pointy nose, the dimples, the hazel eyes, the lips he had kissed… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry,” he snorted. “I forgot to properly introduce myself. You may know me as Sheev or Kylo Ren, but I prefer Ben Solo. What about you? Shall I call you Rubi or Kiara?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what?” she pushed her hair behind her ear, accidentally crooking her wig.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben would have chuckled, had he not been so angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you usually go by Paige. But right now I’m not your boss and we’re not during working hours, so may I call you Rey? I mean… only if you’re even an actual Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Who</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you?” he threw the fork on the table and clenched his fist. “What sick games are you playing, little girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The anger and disgust on his face were nothing compared to the sadness in his eyes. Had it been another man, she would have laughed in his face or manipulated the situation to get away with her many lies. But she had had too much alcohol and she was too affected by his presence and emotions to carry on with anything. She put down her glass and licked her front teeth with an apathetic look on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she sighed. The usual exhaustion following many glasses of alcohol was kicking in and she had no strength to fight him. “If you really want to know, my real name is Maria Fernanda Reynolds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So now you’re Spanish?” he laughed snatching her glass by mistake and drinking everything in one sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she smirked. “My godmother named me after a character from a soap opera. It was about triplets and one of them used to impersonate the others. She was a woman of many faces.” She waited for Ben to make a mean remark, but he was probably too busy trying to break the glass in his hand. “But I only go by Rey. Ever since I ran away from home, I’m Rey Jakkson. Rey used to be my nickname and Jakkson is my godmother’s surname.” She pursed her lips and waited for the waiter serving the nearest table to leave before she continued. “Long story short, I met the Tico sisters when I went to legally change my name. They were trying to solve something regarding the piece of land their house was on and they offered to take me in as their tenant. Later, Paige died in a car crash and Rose was in a worse condition than you could ever imagine, so we were left penniless and homeless and realised that with her online lessons and my miserable part-time jobs, we wouldn’t survive. So we started doing this - flirting with guys and making them pay us in exchange for some attention, a giggle and a date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it wasn’t enough,” he concluded. “You had to con me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Life is expensive, Mr Solo. I owe so much to Rose that I couldn’t say no when she suggested using her sister’s diplomas and overall identity to get a good job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed his fork, remembering how he had protected her as Kiara and how fascinated with her he was. He adored Kiara’s feistiness, Rey’s shyness and Paige’s dedication. However, he hated all the lies and manipulation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why you wanted to be a secretary instead of anything else more suitable for your supposed degree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have only a high school diploma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so irresponsible,” he snapped, “and I’m an idiot and my entire company is full of idiots. I let a nobody get close to me and my confidential files.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed, influenced by the alcohol in her bloodstream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I did a pretty good job, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So good that I would normally believe that you were paid to infiltrate in my company rather than ever consider the sick friend story. But I’ve met Rose and Kaydel has shown me photos of her and Paige, so I’ll believe your version of the story, although you don’t deserve it. In fact, what were you even thinking? I would have found out anytime soon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she nodded. “I just needed to make sure that Rose was getting better and we had enough money for her treatment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took another bite and pointed with the fork at the food, inviting her to eat. After all, they were supposed to be on a dinner date. Though, she had presumed that Ben was going to call someone to escort her outside and leave him to dine all alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we have at least two hours to enjoy our date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blushed at the word ‘date’. It sounded so special coming from him, even in the given context. So he wasn’t going to ask her to leave or call the police for now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get me wrong,” he continued. “I’m a fast eater, but there are so many questions I want you to answer and I think after the things you’ve done, all the lies and even the money I spent on you, you owe me those answers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only fair,” she agreed and grabbed some calamari with her fingers, ignoring how uncivilized her gesture was for that restaurant. “What do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Firstly, let’s clear out some things. Your bouncer boyfriend? Is he outside waiting to bash my brains out with a baseball bat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m single. I invented him for you to leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So everything you told me while being Paige was untrue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He then rubbed his forehead and blinked, awaking from whatever he was daydreaming about. Rey just hoped that it wasn’t his hands around her neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you run away from home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that was a painful place and she had tried her best to forget the first nineteen years of her life. She didn’t want to remember the poverty and the hunger forced upon her by her family, nor the random unexpected slaps, the hair-pulling, the constant insults and emotional abuse. She didn’t want to remember the fear and pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was no reason for me to stay. They never loved me and I was done begging for scraps of affection and receive only pain. I did it to survive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her boss said nothing, as usual, but the way he lifted his jaw and lowered his gaze made her believe that despite the class differences between them, he was no stranger to toxic families and miserable upbringings. The silent empathy encouraged her to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I turned eighteen, I realised that I could use my newly acquired status to my advantage. Being kicked out of the house didn’t sound that bad anymore and I knew that I had a choice. I didn’t have to cry and beg anymore, because I was an adult anyway. So I took my time to get everything ready and when things only got worse after graduation, I just packed my few belongings and left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t your parents get worried?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she sighed. “Just angry. They told everyone that I left for college abroad. This way, they had the opportunity to play both of their cards - they bragged about the education they gave me and were praised for being such dedicated parents, then they became victims when their terrible daughter stopped calling.” She scratched her forehead, feeling the foundation like a concrete mask on her face. “I haven’t seen them in four years and, with my new identity, I know that they can never find me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In fact, she had only partially considered changing her name to hide from everyone. Indeed, she hated being recognized by everyone and preferred being nobody instead of those people’s daughter, but she also wanted to erase from her mind everything she associated with her name - the horrible nicknames, the sweet words immediately followed by slaps, the whispers behind her back, waking up with her mother yelling her name before a storm of punches at the first hour in the morning, the insults, the constant reminder that she was trash… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I ran away too,” he mentioned, suddenly feeling the need to explore that part of his life. “I was in a dark place and it was only getting darker. My mistake was taking Kaydel with me and dragging her in that mess when she was still so young. It made us realize that no one really cared about us. They didn’t care about me, their child and nephew, nor about the girl they chose to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you treating her like that?” she whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Treat her like what?” he raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. If she is the love of her life, why are you here with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… I didn’t know that you were Rubi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you-” she stopped right before insulting him. “Why do you date other women and sleep around when you have a girlfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a girlfriend?” he snorted, then he parted his lips in a silent exclamation. “Kaydel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben looked at her, dumbfounded, then ran his fingers through his hair, slightly distracting her and making her wish she had done it. She then jumped startled the moment he began laughing at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>excuse </span>
  </em>
  <span>me for having some morals, after all!” she pouted. “I may be a liar and whatever else, but at least I don’t have an official partner and go on dates with engaged women and tell them that I am single.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you talking about… Were you </span>
  <em>
    <span>spying </span>
  </em>
  <span>on me? On purpose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe…” she crossed her arms. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smirked and took another sip of wine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaydel is not my girlfriend. She’s my sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since when do parents hope their kids get married? Unless… are you from one of those weird families?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mother became her legal guardian when her parents died. She’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>technically </span>
  </em>
  <span>adopted and given our close relationship, people took things too far and presumed that we were going to pull a Catherine and Heathcliff romance. To their dismay, I guess you know how it worked out for them and Kaydel and I ended up seeing each other as the siblings we never had. So yeah… she’s the love of my life, but it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>type of love. We just have a lot in common and only I can understand her and vice versa. She’s a nightmare, but she’s my nightmare and I would do anything to protect her, even when she drags me in her messes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that was why he was so protective of her? He didn’t have a crush on her. He was just single and had a thing for vulnerable girls. He wanted to protect her like he protected his sister and how he wished he had been protected. And now he probably thought that she had only used him and tried to destroy the little he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you lie?” he lashed at her, changing the subject. “About feeling ill? Did you feign everything to make me believe you and not my sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” she defended herself. “I’m… You found me on the floor that time. I was still unwell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently not unwell enough to stay inside and take care of yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew that I couldn’t keep working for you. Even if you decided to keep me or fire me or report me and force me to run away, I still needed the money. I still </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She covered her mouth with her fist once the waiter came with the main course. They were luckily far enough from the other tables and he was a household client of that place, but she needn’t be careless and allow anyone to find out about their little mishaps.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said after the waiter left, “but wouldn’t sleeping with your online dates give you more money?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, but I never wanted to. I don’t feel anything when I look at men and the sole idea of them touching me disgusts me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s jaw dropped for a moment, then he chuckled slightly embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that story about Rey being Rose’s girlfriend…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no,” she smirked realising the implications of her statement. “I’m not into girls. In fact, I feel the same about them. I can’t really explain, but I just don’t like anyone or feel any sexual attraction.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason, she was not as confident about her preferences or lack of them as she used to be. At first, she thought it had to do with her confident not being Rose, but her boss. However, the memory of his hands holding her body tightly and his mouth kissing her as if she were the juicy fruit he found after a long journey in the desert… he was doing some strange things to her mind and body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you go out with women like me?” she asked wanting to remind him that he wasn’t a saint either. “Why do you need that list? You’re smart, rich, handsome-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good at what I do, wealthy enough to afford nice things and I look like a fucking Oriental Shorthair cat. However, I don’t use that list for the reasons you might think. I’m not some sadistic billionaire from erotic novels. I just have… </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I go out with women who are aware that I’m not in for any miserable relationship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Suggary?” she snorted. “Isn’t that a little bit low for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laugh if you want to, but I never once picked up girls online. Hux does all the flirting and sets up my dates. I just write them down to make sure that we can rely on each other yet not put any pressure or get too invested. Besides… I am a bit of a control freak and I don’t want to forget important details. You’d be surprised how much some women are willing to do after they see you with a bouquet of their favourite flowers and a box of their favourite perfume or sweets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason, Rey didn’t really believe him. She wasn’t doubting him, but there was more to that list and he was hiding it from her. After all, he owed her nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you going to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have two weeks of sick leave and, in order to avoid revealing the reasons why you can’t be my employee anymore, I won’t do or say anything. However, I expect you to do the right thing and resign. You can use your poor health as an excuse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, understanding his situation, yet she couldn't help her eyes filling up with tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he whimpered and ran his fingers through his hair once more. “I don’t want to do this. I wish I had never agreed to come tonight or asked Kaydel to replace you. I was so fine with you as my secretary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to beg him to take her back and pretend that nothing had changed, but there was something that wasn’t going to let him get over her lies and, surprisingly, it had nothing to do with laws or ethics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s happened between you and Voe Ritter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you find out about her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I read her file,” she admitted. “So?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s complicated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She became one of your dates,” she concluded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” he avoided her gaze and looked at his meal. It was getting cold. “It happened once by accident and she became obsessed with me, so it happened again and again until I was reminded why I go out my other dates only three times and with long breaks between our dates. She was also my secretary, which made things even more difficult and unbearable. And then my sister happened and after an incident between them, she went completely mad. Had it not been for Hux, I don’t know what would have happened. But I’ve heard she’s better now and at least I know I did the right thing sending her away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If anyone tries to date you more than three times, they’ll share the same fate as Voe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most likely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I in danger?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Given the stupid shit you get yourself into, that would be my lucky guess. But if your questions concern me, then no. Not now and, hopefully, never.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know what else to say or ask and neither did he. Once Ben picked his fork again and started eating, she followed his example. They were suddenly two strangers ignoring the awkwardness of their date and history and also the pain they were both feeling inside their chests. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to stay here tonight?” she asked blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Wanna join me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” she turned redder as he laughed at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get your point with how you feel about men touching you, but have you ever tried dating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pursed her lips, remembering the insults and physical punishments she had received for even talking to a boy, mentioning a wedding in the distant future or after being accused of flirting of random men.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sort of liked three boys - one in primary school, one in middle school and one in high school. The thing is that each time I woke up to realise that I never actually liked them. I felt nothing except for shame that I let myself become so obsessed with the idea of loving someone and having a relationship. I don’t even try anymore. I mean… I have other priorities right now and I have distanced myself from any social norms and expectations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben cocked his head and wiped a drop of wine off his lip with his thumb. Rey gulped remembering the kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you ki-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If your friend gets better and returns to her old career, what are you going to do? Now, you’re using her as an excuse to put your personal life on hold, but you can’t put Rose first for your entire life. She wouldn’t want it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Excuse me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she furrowed. Was he implying that he knew Rose better than she did?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know… I don’t want to feed myself hopes and end up starving both figuratively and literally. Maybe we’ll move somewhere nicer. Maybe Rose will get married and I’ll have to rely only on my income. Maybe I’ll go to college!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled kindly. Perhaps she wouldn’t have believed him, but despite all the lies and hurt, he wished her all the best.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you kiss me, Ben?” she asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> kissed me,” he reminded her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you kissed me back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair point,” he shrugged. “So what do you want me to tell you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have any paper on me to do this the old school way, so I’ll ask you like this. Pick up to three words to describe yourself or the way you felt this afternoon: confused, lonely, bored, desperate, empathetic, miserable, guilty, manipulative, sorry or horny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of the above,” he licked his front teeth. “I was hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never heard before of people </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissing </span>
  </em>
  <span>other people to satisfy their hunger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m special. Besides, I haven’t actually satisfied my hunger </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way he spoke was just like a cat purring and all she wanted was to touch him and feel his skin against hers and run her fingers through his hair. She wanted him to kiss her and make love to her right there on the table, in front of everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dessert?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She straightened her back, hoping she hadn’t been swooning over her boss too obviously. The waiter took their almost empty plates and replaced them with smaller ones. She looked at the raw mango and passion fruit cheesecake and caramel sauce and suddenly her mind drew the image of a shirtless Ben Solo pouring caramel on her skin and licking it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...and a citrus peach cooler for Miss Rubi,” she heard him tell waiter before his eyes were all on her. “Your face is red. Too much alcohol?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I usually don’t drink at all. It’s not safe. You’ve met Serj.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben nodded and she knew that he wanted to say something more, perhaps judge her or scold her for her choice in sugar daddies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she uttered licking the spoon and being completely oblivious to his burning gaze. “What exactly do you do with your dates? I mean… you paid </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of money to go out with Rubi, so like what were even your plans?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you want to know? Are you considering doing something for that money you were paid in advance?” Rey clenched her fist and the bitter grimace on her face were enough to tell him that she was not having it. “I usually have dinner and talk to them to get to know them or just to keep up with their recent activities. After dinner, depending on their preferences, we stay in my car for a while until I drive them home or go upstairs and… Well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you do,” she pouted as the waiter served them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m thirty-tree, love. I have needs and you should be happy that you don’t have them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not so sure about it anymore.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the way, how old are you? Because you’re obviously younger than you claimed to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m turning twenty-three… umm…  this month actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my stars,” he brushed the back of his palm against his forehead. “You’re so young.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But am I a darn good secretary?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was he laughing at her jokes? He should have been on his way back home to ask Hux to research the girl’s background and find her family and… force her back in that toxic environment he had desperately run away from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he squeezed his fingers one by one. It was odd calling her by her real name while she was dressed like that. “Truth be told, there shouldn’t be anything stopping me from demanding you to go upstairs with me and let me take what you owe me. But it’s not who I am. There is still so much I don’t know about you and regardless of how disappointed I am in you for lying to me, I appreciate you so much for how dedicated you are. I’ve met girls like you who had to do and endure so much more to pay for college, rent or their kids’ medicine. I could never judge you for what you do and I don’t wish to make your experience worse. You can keep all the money I’ve paid you so far and I’ll ask Hux to transfer whatever is left. This will be just between the two of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This sounds like a goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is, Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and, hesitating, she put her hand on his, enjoying the soft texture of his skin and his warmth. He turned his hand for their palms to touch and gently squeezed her fingers. If only everything could have been different for the both of them… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben had drunk too much to drive her home, but that was for the best. Being tipsy herself, who knew what she would have done or asked him to do. At least the journey back to her old apartment gave her the time she needed to assimilate what had happened. All that work and stress for nothing! Everything was lost and what was worst… she knew that she would miss him and the life in that company. Her mother was right. She was nothing but disposable trash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” she heard Rose’s voice from the bedroom. “How was it? You didn’t text me all night!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fi-fine!” she said as tears were streaming down her face. She was sitting on the cold old floor, leaning against the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I just ate a bit too much and drank something that gave a terrible headache. Go to bed. We’ll talk in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, just make sure to put Maz’s dress on a coat hanger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maz’s dress… That stupid supposedly lucky dress! It had only brought her misery! She could have been so happy in that company, having delicious lunches every day, snacks to bring home, a satisfying salary and a fantastic insurance for Rose, but she had to lose everything because of that dress!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Blessed are the fools… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew she still needed it, but she couldn’t help it. She started pulling the fabric, hearing the tears in it and the beads falling and rolling on the floor. Once in her underwear, she dragged herself to the old miserable sofa and pulled the magnolia-patterned green cover. Unsure whether Rose had already fallen asleep or was just quiet to allow her to unleash her sorrow, Rey began weeping. The part she was going to miss the most was surely her boss’ presence. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Emmit Fenn - Woman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEP2MQBQHvs)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Heartstrings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: rubi please…</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux hesitated before hitting the backspace button and erasing the message. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: rose</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: please talk to me</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since Solo’s date with the intriguing Rubi, he had been nothing but conflicted. As Kylo Ren, he had met a rather shallow Rubi, but as Sheev, he had the chance to chat with the real girl behind the pseudonym, the one who reminded him of Miss Rose. He felt guilty and a bit jealous when he had to put an end to their chatting for Solo’s sake. And the jerk, at first, had barely told him anything about the date. He mentioned something about only being decent, but had no interest in keeping Rubi on his list. His decisions should have made him happy and he was glad for a moment. But the following order to delete any accounts made on that website and to stop chatting with her and anyone else made him angry. He demanded Solo tell him the whole story and after reminding him that he was both his most trustworthy employee, the most efficient lawyer in his team and his only confidant, Solo broke down and told him about his pretty secretary and her little big lies. But what Solo was failing to understand was that they both were involved in that entanglement. Ben and his secretary were the ones who met face to face, but he was the one who had been flirting with sweet Rose through their many fake accounts. Of course, unlike his boss, who was played like a fiddle by Miss Rey Jakkson, he was not that affected. Neither he nor Rose had known about the identity of the one behind the computer and they had no contract tying them together. However, unlike his boss and his secretary, who didn’t really seem to like each other, he cared about Rose and she seemed… not to dislike him. Or at least before, because ever since that cursed date, she had stopped answering the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time, he used some papers as an excuse to visit her and ‘Paige’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second time, he had some flowers for her and ‘Paige’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The third time, after he found out the truth, he only stopped in front of the door, not being brave enough to knock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Heartbreak Breakfast Club!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel threw herself on the sofa, accidentally kicking Armitage’s laptop when she put her legs on his. Her brother scolded her with a deathly glare and put his cup of coffee back on the coffee table. The three of them were still in their pyjamas, Hux wearing plain black pyjamas and a quilted navy blue bathrobe with his monogram, Kaydel in her mint lace camisole and shorts and Ben in his plum cotton T-shirt and grey pants. They were indeed a Heartbreak Breakfast Club. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come you’re awake so early?” asked Hux after he put away his laptop and pulled the girl’s legs onto his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t sleep all night long,” she yawned. “I actually went to bed around maybe 3 am and kept falling asleep for a couple of minutes only to wake up with my heart beating like crazy. Perhaps I shouldn’t have drunk so many glasses of dalgona.” She yawned again, then pointed at her brother. “I finished those reports. I’m not sure if they’re what you wanted, but I looked at the ones made by your fake secretary, so they should be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing her mention Rey, Ben gave his sister another deathly gaze, then looked at an equally miserable Armitage, who was playing with the teaspoon in his cup of coffee. Kaydel had been insisting for the past two weeks to be taken to meet Rose Tico and they both had avoided at all costs that meeting from happening for no particular reason other than her instability and Miss Tico’s poor health. Gladly, her job had also been keeping her busy and away from any research or attempts to find Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you last night?” she asked, playing with her hair. “I mean… don’t get me wrong. You’re old enough to mind your own business, but it’s not fair for me to spend Friday night working, while you’re partying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t partying,” he furrowed. “I was… having dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it ok?” asked Hux nonchalantly, while still playing with his teaspoon and wondering if Rose finally answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” admitted Ben after a long break. “Honestly, it was a waste of time. She kept talking about something I didn’t understand and I wasn’t really in the mood to even try to understand. And everything else after dinner was dull. So yeah… waste of time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel giggled and whispered ‘karma’ before Hux pinched her calf and raised an eyebrow at Ben’s whining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your third date this week and seventh in the past two weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what,” said Kaydel, massaging the spot where Hux pinched her, “maybe you should come with me and give up on those stupid dates of yours. Find someone to give you what you need and then leave it all behind. No need to keep tabs on them or come up with scenarios to convince them to like you. Besides, what happens there, stays there, so no need to worry about weirdos.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I will,” he uttered, absent-minded. “I need a change of scenery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For that, I suggest a vacation before that old boat of yours is eaten away by rust.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk like that about my ship!” he scolded Hux.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bloody boat, Ben,” his sister rolled her eyes. “When dad named it the Millennium Falcon, it was probably because it was from the last millennium.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben got up swiftly and lifted his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Technically, it is, but I’m not having this conversation with you two! I’ll go do some shopping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have a maid, Ben!” she called after him as he went into his bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And she’s coming next week and we’re out of many things, you hungry bear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, but I won’t be here when you come back. Maybe I’ll see you later at the club?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” he said before slamming the door behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel sighed and got up, stretching her arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going for a walk and then to my atelier. Wanna join me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Hux shook his head, biting his thumb. “I have work to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, Armie?” she smiled mischievously. “Maybe you should adopt a pet… like a cat. I’ve heard pussies are a great company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at his laptop, Hux licked his lips and got up as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know it best,” he uttered nonchalantly as he headed toward the door. However, as soon as he opened the door, he closed it again and turned to face little Kay. “What do you know about Rose Tico?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>know about her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Ben’s bedroom door and listened closely to the shower running in his bathroom, then looked at Kaydel and shrugged with a capitulating look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go on that walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you outside after my brother leaves.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Being the only man and the tallest creature among a bunch of old ladies waiting in a queue, Ben could feel his ears and cheeks burning just as he felt everyone’s eyes on him. He scratched the back of his head and took a step forward. He could have taken some buns from the bread shelves instead of looking like a wolf with anxiety among old sheep. Besides, it had been his turn for over ten minutes, but he kept allowing old ladies with curly hair dyed in pastel tones, preferably pink, purple and blue, go first. But no more! Not this time!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” he stepped forward before any of those curious old ladies could. “I’d like-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped for a moment, then exhaled loudly and smiled dumbfounded. What were the odds? He couldn’t remember exactly how she looked like that day when he met her at the supermarket when shopping with Maz, but it had to be her. And she was working in the bakery department, away from any dangers or perverts!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman lifted her head and his smile turned into a disappointed frown. Similar features, but definitely not her. Perhaps just a potential date? The girl’s smile was surely suggestive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he flirted back. “I mistook you for someone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lover?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One that got away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman giggled and bit her bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I serve you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Four ciabattas, six burger buns and one Mediterranean olive bread loaf.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched her take the pliers and put the loaves and buns in separate paper bags. But as he continued following her every movement, he realised one dangerous thing. He was only growing more bored with her and the little interest he had was turning into complete indifference. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed him the bags and he thanked her before he returned to his trolley. On the back of the ticket with the barcode, the woman had written her phone number and name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Adalind Reynolds’</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Reynolds</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Like his secretary’s real name?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry!” he apologized to the other person in front of the dessert stall. The girl didn’t hear him nor had she noticed her trolley getting hit by his. She was too busy looking at the many colourful eclairs. And he couldn’t judge her. He would have devoured all those eclairs given the lack of high-quality desserts in his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you decided?” asked the same vendor from last time.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She was first</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he mouthed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I was just looking,” spoke the girl, embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes grew wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hunger was making him hear things again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned his head to look at the petite customer. Her fluffy shoulder-length hair was blocking her entire face, except for the tip of her adorable nose. He wanted to get closer, but it would have only been weird to get closer to gawk at a random stranger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So please order,” she said as she turned around with the sweetest smile on her freckled face. However, the smile vanished as soon as she recognized him, being replaced by an uncomfortable grimace. His face lightened up as she lowered her gaze and her fingers clenched around the strap of her messenger bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sir</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey… How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she wasn’t in the mood to talk to him, which was a reasonable decision after their miserable date. After all, they were supposed not to see each other until Monday, when she was supposed to resign and come pick up her belongings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your… umm… health?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much better,” she said, continuing to stare at his shoes. “Because of my dehydration, my kidneys had a small problem and because I’ve been on painkillers for that annoying headache, I hadn’t really realised that the back pains were from my kidneys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spoke so fast that by the time she ended her little story, Ben had barely understood a couple of words. Truth be told, he had been busy admiring her skirt and Chucks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Second-hand,” she chuckled, rubbing her sweaty palms on the skirt, “and the shoes are from an old collection, so they were like 70% off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adorable,” he smiled and she blushed. “You’re quite financially savvy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no choice,” she reminded him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” He scratched his chin, feeling his stubble growing, then he looked at the vendor, unsure if she was bored or amused by their awkwardness. “May I get six boxes of five eclairs each?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both Rey and the vendor gawked at him in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Su-sure! Just tell me which. They all have the same price.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” he nodded. “I want raspberry and white chocolate, pistachio and dark chocolate, cranberry and chocolate, cappuccino and caramel and… what else have you got?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blueberry and vanilla or lemon and meringue, but there are only three pieces left of that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then blueberry and vanilla,” he added before turning back to Rey. “Are you alone or with your bouncer boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was smart enough to know that it wouldn’t have been the greatest idea to roll her eyes at the man who knew everything about her and who had the power to send her to prison and separate her from her beloved Rose. However, she still did it, involuntary. As a response, Ben laughed and licked his front teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was supposed to come with Mrs Kanata, but she’s a bit unwell given her age, so she asked me to buy her some stuff. I’m just here for some hair conditioner.” She bit her lip and looked at her trolley. “I should go now,” she said and Ben could have sworn that he heard some regret in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” insisted Ben as he swiped his card. He thanked the vendor and put the boxes in his trolley before joining Rey. “Tell me about Maz.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was a bit feverish, which is odd because it’s only getting hotter outside and she usually takes care of herself better than anyone I’ve ever met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stopped for Ben to get some chorizo and prosciutto, then approached the dairy aisle for mozzarella, cream cheese and milk, while Rey kept wondering why she had no problem with waiting for him to finish his grocery shopping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have someone to do this for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sort of,” he chuckled nervously, already a bit exasperated by that question. “I must say that I prefer doing my own shopping. I usually don’t have time to do it, but even with long lists, only I know exactly what I need. The lady who cleans our place and sometimes cooks usually buys the cleaning products she needs or ingredients for certain dishes we can’t cook ourselves. And sometimes she runs errands for us… I know that she needs the money to help her grandchildren pay for college. Otherwise, I would make Kaydel do something for that allowance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tone made her smile coyly. There was a certain cosiness in them shopping together. That was why she hadn’t left yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I ask what you do with so much bread? If your maid cooks so rarely, then I guess you eat out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do, but we also like sandwiches and Hux usually eats with us, so until one of us gets in the mood to make something, we rely on sandwiches.” He then pointed at the buns. “My sister makes the best chicken burgers with honey mustard and coleslaw. She promised to make some tomorrow, so you want to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped before making more of a fool out of himself. In what alternate universe could he invite her for lunch at his place?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would love to,” she blurted all red. “I would, but you know I can’t. I appreciate the politeness, though. ” She waited for him to get some vegetables, then inhaled deeply before finally asking about her job. “So how are things at work?” Of course, it was out of the question to beg him to let her keep her job and keep her secret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re ok.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does your sister hate me for giving her my responsibilities? I mean… apart from hating me for not being Paige.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It has kept her occupied and she hasn’t had the time to think about it. Truth be told… we haven’t really had the chance to discuss it. She wants to talk to Rose, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey parted her lips to protest any intention of that girl getting close to her Rose, but she knew that it was not her decision. After all, maybe Kaydel knew things about Paige that could help Rose get over her sister’s death easier or at least make it less painful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell her to save me a burger or two and I’ll arrange that meeting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was his smile so cute? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good to me, but maybe we should let them meet for a while. I’m going to pay for these. Comin’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she nodded, feeling warm. It was such a relief to have him show no hatred or disgust. He was genuinely kind and sweet despite his ‘urges’ or ‘needs’ or whatever he called dating all those weird girls, including her alter egos. He even helped her put the groceries in the bags, despite having no reason to stay with her anymore. He stayed even after she paid for her hair conditioner and Maz’s groceries, despite Rey waiting for him to say goodbye and hand her the heavier bags. Instead, he joined her outside and only left her behind when he unlocked his car and opened the trunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo?” she said, confused after he put Maz’s groceries in the trunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come,” he called her. “Let me help you with those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey didn’t move at first, but she was slightly embarrassed to speak to him from such a distance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taking you home?” he raised an eyebrow, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to!” she protested. “You mustn’t, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to visit my mom’s old friend and you happen to live in the same building. Seriously, Rey, if I didn’t do anything to you that night, I’m obviously not going to harm you now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you’ve had time to think things straight and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” he handed her a box of eclairs before she could blurt out more idiocies while taking advantage of her confusion to snatch the bags out of her hands and put them carefully next to the others. He then took another box, opened it and started eating the blueberry and vanilla eclair. “Mmm! Delicious!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pursing her lips, she cautiously approached him and sat down next to him, in the trunk. The eclairs looked amazing and she didn’t know which one to choose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re all yours,” he spoke with his mouth full. “There’s another box for your friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she’d rather have me employed instead of bringing her sweets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben put down what was left of his eclair and sighed. He didn’t know what to say. Eventually, his shoulders relaxed when she picked the raspberry and white chocolate eclair and took a cautious bite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?” he asked as a muffled moan escaped her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better than sex!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She covered her mouth as soon as she realized what she said, but Ben only laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben</span>
  </em>
  <span>, have you… umm… been on dates these past weeks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he admitted while chewing. “This is why I’m saying that our treats are better than sex. Haven’t really had much fun lately or any at all.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why do you keep going out with them? I know about your needs, but if they’re not satisfying, then what’s the point?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good question,” he gazed at the lady leaving the supermarket with her toddler in her trolley. “I guess I just hope it will get better at some point. So far, it hasn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t believe that she was discussing her boss’ sex life with him, in a parking lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After our dinner, my health was my number one priority. Rose has been doing all the work and tonight I’m going on my first date in a long while. The guy is a foreigner and in town for business. After Monday… we’ll see. Maybe I’ll also find a job as a maid. Who knows? Perhaps you’re not the only generous employer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s gaze fell on the very phallic eclair and watched Rey putting it in her mouth, just as his mind was making him imagine his petite secretary in one of those ridiculous sexy French maid uniforms. She would be on her knees, scrubbing the floor in that short dress, revealing her underwear, while he would-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, freaking stars!” he exhaled and, guilt-ridden, shoved the rest of the eclair in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I realised that we didn’t wash our hands before eating,” he lied. “Now I hope we won’t catch anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow, amused, then reaching for the corner of his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have some vanilla on your face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you have some raspberry cream on yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he wanted to lick it. Little did he know, she wanted the same thing - for him to lick it off her face and for her to lick the vanilla off his face. And maybe to kiss him, but kissing him would have only made Ben want more and while his trunk was big enough, they were still in front of the supermarket and he was still so much more different than her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you’re ready, I have some wet wipes in the glove compartment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m done,” she said, getting up and putting her box next to his and the others. She followed him in the car and fastened her seatbelt as he started the engine to turn on the AC and the radio, hoping that some music would make her feel more comfortable. Luckily, the song playing was calming and the singer’s voice was soothing, making her feel as if she was floating on a cloud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used to listen to this song each Saturday on my way to the library. The bus was so empty and so were the streets in that old part of the city. Empty but not creepy. They were emanating some sort of romantic vibe. During autumn, the streets were full of huge piles of dried leaves and the trees were so beautiful. Then, during winter, everything was so white and clean and I used to love watching the crows jump around and play in the snow. Springtime was fun too, because the trees were getting greener and each street had a certain type of tree, so it looked and smelt different everywhere I went. Summers were a bit dull, but it was more animated and kids were running, riding their bikes, play-” She stopped and looked at Ben as he was wiping his fingers. Why would he care about her silly high school days? “Sorry,” she apologized. “I guess Mrs Kanata is contagious, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries. I know the whole album by heart,” he smiled. “It’s not my cup of tea, but my sister used to play it over and over again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe in another life, she and I would have been friends,” she joked, picking a wet wipe for her hands. “Ro and I have become so used to discussing mostly ways of making money that I miss just spending an evening together, watching movies and eating tuna and pickles sandwiches.” She sighed, though her sigh sounded more like a miserable whimper. “I know that others are living a worse life than mine, but I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>frustrated with what’s going on. I’ve… I’ve lost my childhood and teen years to misery and depression and now I’m just letting the years go by, because I’m too poor and tired to enjoy anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben wanted to tell her that he knew exactly how she felt. He had gone through the same apathy and misery and he was so envious of others who just got to live their dreams and their lives. He was so sick and tired of control and perfection. His life was nothing but a web of lies he had to put up to seem normal and to fit in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing his own anger and frustration, Ben put his finger under Rey’s chin and forced her to look him in the eye. Too bad he was so terrible at following his own plans because his burning gaze fell on her adorable mouth and the traces of raspberry cream left around her mouth. She didn’t push him when his lips met hers for the hungriest kiss. She only pulled him closer and even threw her arms around his neck. How was he even supposed to let her go or meet other women when she was sweeter than any of the eclairs in the world?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title (and song Rey was listening): Leighton Meester - Heartstrings (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4qG2k4R3cA)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. One Way...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for not updating the story last week and for the messy chapter.<br/>Someone is dealing with depression, unemployment, writer's block, extreme fatigue and a huge daily dose of meds.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you want to go home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The warm summer breeze was gently caressing her cheeks as she let the scent of linden trees take her back into the past when she was just a little girl playing in the living room under the sunlight. Unlike her, the older kids in the neighbourhood were playing outside and her grandmother was cooking stew and making doughnuts. Her toys were only some marbles, an old broken train, a plush duck with no eyes, her aunt’s old napkin collection, some coins and bottle caps, yet she was so happy back then, which she couldn’t say about her current situation. She had almost everything, yet she was not thriving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next to her, Armitage checked his watch, then took another sip of lemonade. He would have rather not remembered anything from his childhood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has my brother texted you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. Are you planning to keep us away from him for the rest of the day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel bit her thumb, chewing on her acrylic nail. Her olive silk tank top, black palazzo pants and nude rockstud flats were suitable enough for the club. She had no reason to go back home and risk meeting Ben and argue with him over… </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. In case they were going to meet each other at the club, at least they were both going to be too busy and distracted to engage in any argument.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, Kay?” asked Hux with genuine concern, although he was already bored and wanted to go back home. “You were in such a good mood this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I loved her,” she said looking at the boulevard and the archaeological site across the street. It was better to go straight to the subject. “Lei-</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mom</span>
  </em>
  <span> found her and the moment I saw her, I felt so different. She was fascinating and I was so scared. I was a kid back then… a very confused one and slightly ashamed of my feelings. I was so ashamed and </span>
  <em>
    <span>afraid </span>
  </em>
  <span>that I ended up… umm… let’s say I made too many mistakes in a very short amount of time and they all left me traumatized.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress brought them each a generous piece of apple strudel with a large scoop of bourbon vanilla ice cream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to make sure not to drink too much tonight. I promised Ben to make some burgers tomorrow. You’re invited, obviously.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m part of the family,” he chuckled, scratching his beard. “Speaking of families… What do you know about Paige’s sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel smirked. Of course, he found a way of asking about Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I turned eighteen, I finally confessed my feelings. Poor Paige had only dropped by to give me a small gift,” she said, touching the teardrop pendant she always wore. “After the party, she asked me out. We were not dating officially, but things were surely going to get better.” She stopped, finally realizing that her strudel and ice cream looked like stew and not the delicious type made by her grandmother, then she shook her head. “Sorry, you asked me about Rose. I’ve met a couple of times, but I doubt she remembers me. She was a mini-Paige. She was so desperate to be like her sister and it seemed weird at first, but I also wanted to be like Ben, so who was I to judge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about her boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really remember much. They met in college and she seemed in love. Apparently, she had her moments when she was done and felt as if he was too full of bullshit. He was more the type of guy for whom less ‘gifted’ girls would have fallen. I never understood why Paige didn’t convince her to dump him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unlike the inedible monstrosity on Kaydel’s plate, Hux’s strudel was now warm enough to be eaten without risking making a hole in his mouth. Hux took a bite and remembered the day he went to give sick fake-Paige a bouquet of flowers from Ben. While picking the bouquet, he eventually ordered one for Rose too and he sort of exaggerated with the size and number of flowers, but she loved it and that was all that mattered. And she also loved the tiramisu and cake pops. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember anything about a tenant?” he asked with his mouth full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Paige was letting an orphan or homeless girl crash with them. She was feeling bad about charging her any rent, so she was secretly saving up the money she got from her. I don’t know her name, though. It’s quite funny, isn’t it? I’ve barely noticed the passage of these years. Realising how much I’ve forgotten is like a blow to the head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux pursed his lips and looked at the archaeological site. He had overheard at the courthouse that the ancient chambers were soon going to open for visiting. Maybe Rose… Rose had other better things to do and take care of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m an idiot, right?” he chuckled, embarrassed, and Kaydel looked at him rather confused. “I must have spent too much time dealing with your brother’s stuff that now I am crushing on a random girl I’ve seen three times. Not to mention that she surely is much younger than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe ten years or so,” shrugged Kaydel. “What’s wrong with that? You’re both adults.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does she like you?” she chuckled, amused. Hux was like a shy teenager.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Anyway, so are you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should go for it.” She put down her spoon and looked at the disgusting mess on her plate. “You have no reason to hesitate. Just ask her. Even if she doesn’t like you like that, perhaps she still wants to hang out with you. I wasted so much time only because I was afraid, when in fact the only reason Paige wouldn’t have dated me was because I was a bit too young and she was my private tutor. At least consider what’s actually keeping you from asking her out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux was not convinced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make a list like my brother does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, he already had a mental list and the first reason why they couldn’t even see each other anymore was-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her best friend and that tenant she and Paige used to have is… well… the girl you met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meet many girls, Armie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fake Paige.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her smile vanished, turning into a mixture of confusion and anger. The girl who mistook her for Ben’s girlfriend and who caused that fall out between her and her brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did Paige really die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Car crash. Rose had no seatbelt on and was thrown out of the car, but Paige got stuck and died in the fire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was she…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t say those words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. She was most likely unconscious, but I don’t know for sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you find out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to know everything. I left her and she-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She had a boyfriend, Kay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she didn’t,” she slammed her fist against the table. “I would have known! She would have told me! She had no rea-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux quickly put his hand over her clenched fist, in a desperate attempt to comfort her and calm her down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you can’t really know. You and Ben left without saying a word. Maybe she was hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take me to Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage gulped, suddenly regretting trusting Kaydel with so much information. Ben was going to kill him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to hurt her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t disappoint me like my brother did. He called me a liar while a stranger impersonating a dead woman was working for him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a bad idea. That chat was going to give Ben a reason to send Kaydel away for the rest of her life and Rose a reason to hate him for the rest of his life. But it could also bring the two the comfort and closure they needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok. Just let me finish my strudel.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>sheev: rose</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>sheev: please talk to me </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose hesitated with her fingers tracing circles on the buttons of her old laptop. He knew. That jerk had obviously told him and that was why he had so desperately been trying to get in contact with her. But what did he want from her? He wanted her to deny everything? To pretend that she’s some pure angel just because she triggered some of his childhood memories and his soft side? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you want an eclair?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted nothing from that troublemaker nosy seducer!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thanks. The meds made me a bit sick to the stomach.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned off her laptop and put it on the small table where once stood her bouquet of flowers from Armitage, then approached Rey. Her dear friend was braiding her hair, getting ready for that night’s date, looking very calm, but also absent. She was obviously hiding something from her and she knew it the moment she told her about how she got those expensive sweets. Why would Ben Solo visit Mrs Kanata with three boxes of eclairs in the first place? In four years, he had never stepped foot in that building and now he was suddenly visiting old friends and being all generous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise me that you won’t see Benjamin Solo after your resignation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey smirked and picked one of her seven lipsticks, mistaking it for mascara, then quickly put it back, clearing her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t. Besides, he seemed done with dates set up by </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hux</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose refused to allow her to distract her from her point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he can ask you to date him three times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if he were to ask me and pay me loads of cash?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Rey. He’s dangerous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she sighed. “No need to worry. I won’t see him ever again.” She put down the mascara and turned to face her friend. “Which dress?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maz’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey glared at her friend in disbelief. That dress was cursed. Pure bad luck!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t I take the blue one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not suitable for the venue. Besides, you’ve spent so much time fixing it. It would be a pity to hide it in the wardrobe just because that old thread tore apart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sewed it just because she felt guilty about ruining someone else’s dress, not because she wanted to wear it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to end up naked, Ro!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t. Trust me. Trust Maz’s lucky dress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she capitulated. Her friend was in a bad mood and she didn’t want to argue with her and make her blood pressure go up or anything. “I’ll wear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up and carefully took off her bathrobe, then put on the cursed dress. It didn’t burn her skin or give her any clue that it was going to possess her body, but she was sure that the date would end up badly. Perhaps with an actual twisted ankle this time?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll text you,” she said, putting her auburn wig on and grabbing her old clutch and keys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to wait for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she smiled kindly as she opened the front door. “I have only one thing to ask. I know you hate Be-Mr Solo, but today’s my birthday. I’ve had no cake in years, so maybe consider the eclairs my birthday cake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Rey closed the door behind her, Rose felt like the biggest jerk on the planet or at least the second biggest after Ben Solo. In almost six years, she had never once found out Rey’s birthday. She had kept her birthday a secret while celebrating hers each year with pancakes or homemade pie and a small gift. And in those six years, she had never once considered getting her a T-shirt on sale or beaded bracelet or anything. Poor Rey probably considered enough all the cosmetics and accessories they had for her alter egos. But that year was going to be different! Rey deserved a decent gift and a surprise. Maybe she could stay awake and surprise her with banh chuoi nuong when she returned? But she didn’t have all the ingredients or any bananas in the house and her dessert could never top Solo’s treat… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you forgotten anything?” she shouted after she heard the knocking. But before she realised that Rey had her own key, it was too late. She had already unlocked the door and opened it to meet the very handsome Armitage Hux and a girl whose face was familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you here for Rey?” she asked, all scared and without saluting her uninvited guests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said with a dumbfounded smile on his face. “Sorry. Hello, Miss Tico. We apologize for coming here unannounced, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if you remember me,” interfered Kaydel. “I’m Kaydel Connix. Your sister used to be my tutor when I was in high school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah,” she nodded. “Saint Philomena’s School for Girls. I went there too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We also went to the same university for a short time, but I’m not here to discuss school. I’m here because I really need to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose narrowed her eyes, then snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If my sister had any of your belongings and you want them back, tell me and I’ll look for them,” she spoke in a sweet voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about that,” Kaydel touched her necklace. “She was… We were a couple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it was. She had read all the emails between Kaydel and Paige and the early ones were all about school. The tone eventually changed and the rest of the emails turned into a series of love letters. Reading them was like reading some epistolary romance. Of course she felt hurt when she had found out about Paige having a secret relationship with someone else, but the hurt soon turned into anger. It was ridiculous to blame her for Paige's death, but she couldn’t help feeling that resentment. Paige had spent months trying to contact Kaydel and she ended up in that relationship out of spite. Had she not dated that guy, she wouldn’t have been with her at the party and died in that car accident. Also, she told Solo the truth and was responsible for Rey being found out and for soon being unemployed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but I think you’re mistaken. My sister had only one official relationship before she died and she had been dating Poe Dameron for maybe three years before she died?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poe Dameron?” froze Kaydel, her face turning white like a sheet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he was a substitute teacher at our school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember him,” said the girl with her arms crossed against her chest and her nails digging deep in her flesh. She then looked at Armitage and licked her lips. “Thank, Armie. I’ll go now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay, wait,” he tried to grab her arm, but she moved to the left, avoiding his touch and accidentally bumping into a girl carrying a large box. “Sorry,” she apologized and closed her eyes when the sweet scent of coconut and papaya hit her, making her feel very hungry. Clenching her jaw, she turned to Rose and Armitage and smiled. “He likes you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All red, Hux watched the girl leave and only looked at Rose when she started giggling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry,” she shrugged. “The flowers gave it away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For everything. For bringing her here and for the flowers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After feeling so guilty about Rey’s birthday, she was not feeling guilty about mistreating that poor girl. In the end, she was the guilty one. She was the one who decided to drive away in Finn’s car and with Paige by her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… you’re Sheev,” she changed the subject.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Also sorry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who am I to blame you or expect any apology when I was doing the same?” She pushed her chair backwards, making room for him to come in. “Unless you want to go after her, I could really use a friend and someone to talk to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the huge list of things his sister liked and he didn’t, Ben was sure that the famous club was going to be the next addition. Maybe his dates were boring and repetitive, but that club’s terrace was so crowded and full of smokers or at least people smoking to seem cool that he was already miserable both emotionally and when it came to his odour. He was going to need a long bath and to wash his hair at least three times to get rid of the tobacco smell. Not to mention that the buffet wasn’t that interesting either. Absolutely nothing to eat… or at least too many salads and he wanted cake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that rate, there was no point in drinking anymore. The quicker the alcohol in his system was going to vanish, the quicker he could leave. He was already the only one sitting on his own in that entire lounge. Some women had tried flirting with him, but he had barely noticed them. His miserable gaze was probably too much for anyone to handle, although a couple of girls from the group sitting at two tables away from his were occasionally turning to look at him. Maybe they were trying to convince each other to approach his table or maybe they were making fun of his nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thanks,” he repeated, slightly irritated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you prefer another red beverage?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben narrowed his eyes and lifted his gaze, unimpressed with the waitress’ snarky remark. But as he was about to suggest her to bring him the check, the words formed a ball of yarn in his throat and the arrogant gaze turned into a rather startled one. He had never been afraid of her, nor of her threats, but seeing his secretary after so many months only brought back bad memories and the reminder that he wasn’t in control all the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Missed me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Voe,” he gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, sweetheart,” she smiled, sitting down next to him. She then ran her fingers through her pastel pink hair and sensually bit her bottom lip. “How come you’re alone? You… the master womanizer. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>heartbreaker</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben would have snorted, had he not been terribly uncomfortable, especially with her hand squeezing his thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re being pathetic, Miss Ritter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ouch,” she giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” he grabbed her wrist and pushed her away. “We have an agreement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe it or not, I’m not here for you,” she rested her head in her palm. “My team and I are working on a project and we were simply invited here by the owner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good for you. Then I shouldn’t so selfishly waste your time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voe smirked and brushed her fingers against his cheek, stopping to touch his nose with the tip of her finger and accidentally scratching him with her long nail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooops! I guess I’m the one making you bleed now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” he snarled, pulling away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have important information.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was contacted by someone from your company and asked about our little romance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He inhaled deeply, then exhaled. He wouldn’t call their fling a romance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Continue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her name is Bianca, but I guess she used a fake name. However, she mentioned that she is the one replacing me, so I guess she’s your current secretary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben bit the inside of his cheek before giving away his surprise. So Rey went that far! It wasn’t enough impersonating a dead woman. She had truly dug up his past, rummaged like a scavenger, then left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At first, I was worried. I didn’t want another girl to go through the same pain and humiliation-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re exaggerating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-but then I realised the difference between her and me. I wouldn’t have ever betrayed you. I couldn’t have!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben remained silent, although he had plenty of evidence of her threats and many attempts to expose him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So here I am, informing you about the traitor in your company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adorable,” he said, putting his empty glass on the table, “and I guess you’d expect me to repay you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My love, you’re weak, fussy like a baby and probably starving. You need me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re wasting your time. Besides, for the past two weeks, my sister has been my secretary, so you’re warning me about someone imaginary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time, she was the one surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My sister is mischievous. She most likely played a prank on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voe pursed her lips, more than upset about having been played like fiddle… again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still here for at least two weeks, so maybe we can get over the past and take advantage of this chance. It started like this last time too. You were all alone and I was there for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except I won’t make the same mistake again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you really so stupidly stubborn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m my parents’ son.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voe crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what are you going to do? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Starve</span>
  </em>
  <span> just because you hate me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If necessary…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want someone else.” She concluded, then smiled satisfied at his surprised face. “You do. You’re in love, aren’t you? Does she know who you really are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All I want is for you to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I will, but you need to keep in mind that once I leave this table and go back to mine, you’ll still be all alone, miserable and starving for someone like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben turned to look at the waitress. She would have been a much better choice and a less problematic one for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Won’t your friends be worried about you missing for half an hour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s make it an hour and I’ll come up with a nice story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about two?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One hour and then we’ll meet at your place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a resigned smirk, he turned again, this time to have his cheque brought to him. Perhaps, in those few minutes, it was going to take the waitress to bring the cheque, he would change his mind and avoid making another mistake so soon after… well… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  There were still plenty of other women in that lounge and one of them had been following his every movement for quite a few minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, Kiara?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked slowly with her fingers already bending the fork. She would have never noticed Ben, had it not been for the tall slender figure with pink hair. Her mind had most likely raised a flag once it identified someone with similar features to Voe Ritter’s, forcing her to turn her head and ignore her date. After all, the guy had been doing nothing but talk about his job the entire evening and she was not Rose. She couldn’t just focus on something she had no interest in. So her eyes followed the tall woman as she approached the man sitting on a sofa. At first, she couldn’t see any of his features, except for that gorgeous dark hair, so she just focused on her, purring like a cat, seducing him and being two pairs of pants and underwear away from sleeping with him right there in front of everyone. The funny part? She had a feeling that she would have been the only person bothered as no one else would have noticed or at least minded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then it happened. Right before she was about to continue pretending that she was paying attention to her date, the mysterious man turned his head, nonchalantly. Those full lips and perfectly imperfect profile could only belong to Ben Solo.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Darn</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that dress was really cursed!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiara?” her date repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a bit unwell,” she said, lowering her gaze and letting go of the bent fork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you wish to go to the restroom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to go home</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she bit her lip and looked once more at her boss and the woman sitting next to him. It was her. It was the one and only Voe Ritter. The very educated, tall, beautiful, charming, smart and submissive Voe Ritter. So she ended up giving up her new life to return by his side as his secretary and probably mistress. Either things were going to get more serious this time or he was that manipulative with women that no one stood a chance against his… sexual energy or whatever was that he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Kiara,” the man cleared his throat and she finally looked at him. “I know the terms of our rendez-vous, but I have a proposal for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An indecent one?” she snorted, unable to control herself after the many cocktails she had drunk in order to make that date more tolerable or at least less excruciatingly boring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can call it like that,” smirked the man as he pulled an envelope out of the inner pocket of his blue suit jacket. “The money I paid was for the date and I suppose you have to pay a fee to receive the sum in your bank account, so I decided to skip that part and pay you in cash. No taxes, no fees, no nothing. Just cash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bills inside the envelope were shiny and they seemed pearly purple. She had only seen that type of money once in her life, when she was searching online for some information regarding the history of their currency, for the Economics class in high school. With only one bill she could buy two weeks worth of groceries… and he had at least forty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I wanted to transfer this money to you, that website calculated the sum as 6000 credits. With the 10% fee, you’d lose what you get on two dates if you’re lucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your point?” she snapped, clenching her fist and biting the inside of her cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t, but given the peculiar smirk on his face and his attempt to caress her hand, before she pulled it away, she could guess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t sleep with my dates,” she reminded him in a radical and cold tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another reason why I’ve decided to do this in person,” he lifted his freshly shaved chin in an arrogant gesture. “It’s quite a fair deal. You get your money and I get myself a whole night with my pretty Kiara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her stomach was already protesting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t you rather get yourself someone with more experience?” she asked, taking a last sip of what was now melted ice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Women with more experience, as you call them, don’t charge this much, unless they’re truly spectacular, body and technique.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was getting sicker to the stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“However, it’s quite difficult to reach one of them in this city and not have your face all over the internet the next day. I’m not a football player, nor am I a drug lord or pimp, but I’m still a businessman and I care about my privacy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey fought the urge to run her fingers through her wig. She didn’t care about him or what he was or needed. She cared about Rose and their situation once she would have to resign. That money could cover the tests and more than half of what they need for a first intervention to make her pain less excruciating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a virgin,” she found herself saying. “So I appreciate your offer, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“8000 credits,” he laughed. “No need to lie to me, but if I’m willing to give you 2000 more credits, then you’ll have to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot?” she raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The whole package.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man’s cackle would have embarrassed Rey, had she not been already numb from the alcohol and the venom of that snake called Ben Solo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine!” he raised his hands. “As you wish. 12,000 credits if you’re truly a virgin. If you’re not, then we’re back to 6000.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could buy a car with that money,” she sighed, still not accepting his offer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My latest acquisition cost me 87,200 credits. You’re pretty, but not worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shrugged. She didn’t care enough to feel insulted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What would make you give me 18,000 credits?” she smirked, grabbing his glass of champagne. “I’m sort of a businesswoman myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man nodded with a proud look on his face. For someone trying to buy her, he was quite impressed with her and even admired her wit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know…” she continued. “There are girls on suggary.sw who ask for more than 100,000. One girl auctioned her first time for one million.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what’s stopping you from auctioning it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She usually wasn’t tipsy enough to actually auction her first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” he exhaled loudly. “14,000. Full package and only if you’re telling the truth. The rest… we’ll negotiate after tonight. Maybe you could take it as an advance or pre-paid subscription.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry?” she furrowed, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You become my full-time mistress. You’ll get an allowance and you’ll let me do whatever I want to that little body of yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey gulped, feeling nauseous and slightly dizzy. Then she remembered all the papers, results and numbers estimated for Rose’s big surgery. It wouldn’t be about easing her pain anymore. It would make her walk again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need a total of maybe 27,000 credits. 14,000 after tonight and the rest in-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fourteen months. I won’t be around that much and I think 1000 per month is more than enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I make 1000 just by going to dinner with three or four old sad widowers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just an estimation. In case you deserve more, you’ll get more. And you’d have to quit this side job. Once unpacked, I wouldn’t like ants or other greedy hands to eat what’s mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he referring to her body as a pack of biscuits? So she was not going to be an actual mistress, not even an employee, but an object in which he was willing to invest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she said without any excitement. “Deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man reached for her hand, but with the last drop of decency left in her body, she refused and got up on her own. Her boss and his secretary were no longer where she last saw them, meaning that they were already in one of those rooms where most guests went to after a couple of drinks. If he was able to have meaningless sex with all sorts of women he knew only some superficial details about, then she was going to be able to get rid of that burden for a good cause. After all, she didn’t really care about that aspect of her life and she was tipsy enough to get over it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, Kiara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was walking out of inertia, helped by the man, whose large palm was on her waist, like a claw. He was like a vulture squeezing a mouse!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you laughing?” she heard him say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question made her laugh again and she covered her mouth with her free hand. Her hand relaxed only when the laughter turned into a whimper. The cursed dress made it so that Ben Solo and his favourite mistress were coming right from the direction they were heading towards. Their eyes met and for a while, he didn’t seem to recognize her, but once he furrowed and his lips parted in a silent exclamation, she knew that he had once more seen through her disguise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand fell right as he was passing by her, his shoulder brushing against hers and her bracelet getting caught in the fabric of his shirt, pulling both their arms and forcing them to turn to look back. Her bracelet remained stuck in his shirt and she watched him leave just as her date was pushing her inside a bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quite big and the bed was impressive, but she couldn’t yet understand what those colourful things were for. Perhaps because she couldn’t distinguish their shapes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those are for later,” spoke the man as he untied his tie and proceeded to unbutton his black shirt. “You can leave that on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What? Oh, the cursed dress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Rey wouldn’t have even dared to move, let alone undress. She could barely stand and she didn’t want to sit down just yet. That still sane and conscious particle of her mind was forcing her to look for something she desperately needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky we’ll find out in a minute if you’re telling the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, the light!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ran to the light and let herself fall to the ground, in a poor attempt of hugging the toilet. The man was probably calling her by her fake name, but she was too busy throwing up Ben’s eclairs and the pasta she had just eaten. The sweat on her nape was cold and she could no longer feel the heavy curls of her wig on her shoulders. To be frank, she could no longer feel anything. It was dark and quiet.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Until The Ribbon Breaks - One Way Or Another (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGuJQD-UNGo)</p><p>The second half will hopefully be posted soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. ...or Another</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The second part of the previous chapter. It's a bit longer to make up for the delay.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Fern!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seventeen-year-old Rey turned the page of the book she was reading and had secretly bought from some money she had saved up for months. The sleeves of her white shirt were crumpled from squeezing them in her sweaty fists. She was already unwell. The last thing she needed was another reason to feel miserable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fern, we need to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey continued ignoring her and grabbed her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>stardust: sorry, dad took my phone</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>stardust: how was the party? did you make a move on m?</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fern!” insisted her classmate. What did she even want from her after treating her like trash for the past month?</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>agnieszka: yeah but tbh i don’t think i like him after all </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want?” she asked, putting the phone between the pages of her book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Fern, promise me you won’t get mad at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was her usual line before telling her a huge lie or before bragging about something Rey did not care about. Solitude and desperation did make her befriend the most toxic people. In fact, it was not even about befriending, because there was no friendship between them. That girl was taking too much pleasure in making her feel bad, reason why she didn’t wait for Rey’s answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Marcel asked me to tell you that he and Rebecca are dating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she was expecting Rey to be upset or heartbroken, she was in for a huge surprise. The girl shook her head and snapped her fingers at Rey’s lack of reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you in shock or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” shrugged Rey nonchalantly. “I just don’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come?” she snorted. “You’ve been like literally obsessed with him since September. I saw you go upstairs with him and Alecs said that you two were… well… doing stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed and straightened her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does Alecsandra have to do with this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s Nana’s best friend and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that gives her a reason to spread rumours about me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As furious as she was, Rey was not completely innocent or honest about what happened just days prior to her return to school. Nana had invited her to her birthday party only out of pity and because she once stole her role in the school play, while Rey accepted her invitation solely because Marcel was going to be there. Of course, he got drunk in the first ten minutes and started flirting with all the girls and kissing some other guys’ girlfriends. It took a couple of hours to get him all alone with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You look so cute.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s heart skipped a beat and she smiled, flustered. She had tried to get his attention for months and now he was so close that she could feel his breath on her skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You think so?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she asked, unsure what else to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re the cutest,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he smirked and kissed her shoulder, brushing his lips against her tan skin.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “And I like your name. It's so… melodic.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Maria?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fernanda. May I call you Fern or Nanda?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since someone in middle school came up with the Fat-nanda nickname, she preferred being called only Maria, the only exception being her part-time friend, part-time enemy, who called her Fern. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Su-sure! Whatever you want. My godmother nicknamed me Rey. Only she calls me like that, so you can call me too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nah,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he made a weird grimace. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Rey is what I’d call one of my friends. Nanda is cuter.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he going to refer to her solely as ‘cute’? It was rather disappointing. She liked being called pretty or cute as she rarely received any compliments from anyone, but ‘cute’ was what she would normally call a puppy or a kitten or an ugly dress bought by her friend. She was perhaps greedy, but she wanted more. She expected more from the boy she had a crush on. After all, he was her first crush in years!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nanda…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his hands on her waist and squeezed, making her feel uncomfortable. That dress was perhaps too short, too tight and too revealing. One of his hands was now resting on her thigh, while the other was making its way down to her hip. In her dreams, his touches were gentle and made her feel things, but now she felt nothing except a growing mixture of disgust and nausea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re drunk,” she tried to push him off. His disgusting wet kisses were now leaving a trace on her collarbone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little. Do you mind it, Nan-na?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please let go of me,” she said as calmly as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We shouldn’t be doing this in her bedroom, but she deserves it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey had so many questions, but her priority was getting him off of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nana, Nana, Nana…” he repeated the other girl’s name as his lips were approaching her breasts. Since she had lost weight, they were too small for her to wear a bra and any other type of underwear was not going to look good under that dress, so she was only getting more uncomfortable. To make things worse, he got up suddenly and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her up. She let out a high pitched whimper, but he ignored her and pushed her inside the closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you love me, Nana?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was delirious, speaking to the ghost of a girl who was partying downstairs while groping someone else’s body. After he called her name one more time, Rey clenched her fists and punched his chest without much success. Perhaps it was a better idea to pretend to be the real Nana to convince him to let her go, but as his hands snuck up under her dress, she put her hands on his face and squeezed him as her stomach was getting ready to cleanse itself. When she started vomiting, she didn’t notice him already falling on the ground, unconscious. Once done, she ran away and hid in the backyard for the rest of the night, until her toxic friend returned from her own makeup session and gave her back her jacket with her money, phone and keys inside the pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So even after rejecting him, throwing up on him and leaving him drunk and unconscious in a closet, that guy still had the audacity to believe that she would ever address him a word, let alone swoon over him!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, love,” she told her friend with a sympathetic smile. “I’m not into him, after all. But you know who is? Your boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s ok.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing left in her stomach, but she kept coughing, her body rejecting the bitter taste in her throat and mouth and desperately wanting to eliminate anything left in her body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try to drink some water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She refused the glass and blindly fought the man, kicking him with her weak arms and numb legs. However, his grasp was firm enough to keep her from hurting him or herself, even though it was also gentle. He was trying to soothe her and he would have succeeded, but once she felt the cold sheet and the fabric of his pants on her naked skin, she only panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I’m trying to help you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rey?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her eyes slowly, preparing herself for a sudden headache caused by the blinding lights. Luckily, the lamp on the nightstand had a warm dim light and her eyes took no time in getting used to it and the very surprising surroundings. She was in no odd room in a strange club. She was in a rather masculine bedroom with dark grey walls, many shelves full of books and a wall covered in framed sketches. The bed was facing three large windows and on her left, glass see-through doors were separating a walk-in closet from the rest of the room, while on her right, the door was wide open. She could run.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you better now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt chills down her spine, but not the type that would normally make her aware of her own fear. It was something new. It was more like a tickle and it made her want to be touched by those hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where am I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my guest,” he said, massaging her wrist. His old nanny used to do that to him when he was unwell. “The guy you were with ran to get help or just ran away as I was coming to get you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-and I found you passed out in the bathroom. Sorry, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She finally turned to face Ben Solo. He was barefoot and his shirt was unbuttoned halfway down, revealing his pale chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why am I here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were drugged, Rey. It was not a high dosage, just enough to keep you unconscious for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Drugged? </span>
  </em>
  <span>What was he talking about?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The alcohol must have made you sick to the stomach and you threw up and scared the guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, wait!” she stopped him, then took a deep breath. “I mixed drinks and I was… in a bad mood,” there was no need to tell him about recognizing Voe, “and I got drunk. He couldn’t have drugged me, because I never left the glass out of my sight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except for that time she took a sip from </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>glass. Why would have he roofied his own drink? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Unless </span>
  </em>
  <span>he had expected her to take his glass… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my,” she ran her fingers through her messy hair, then rubbed her cheeks. Who knew what he would have done to her other than give her no money. The reason why those bills were so shiny was probably because they were fake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why am I naked, though?” she whined, noticing her unbraided hair. “And where is my wig?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had puke on your dress and your wig probably remained in the room at the club. If it makes you feel any better, my sister has gone through worse nights, so I have experience with taking care of drunk girls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If that was supposed to make her feel any better or at least less embarrassed, then he was a huge fool. Well… at least she still had her panties on, although the fabric wasn’t of much help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling too exhausted to even blush, she wrapped the sheet around her body and cleared her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She bit her lip, then asked. “What time is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Half-past ten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she snorted. “It’s still my birthday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben tilted his head with a warm smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww… and you wanted to spend it being raped?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tone of his voice and his question were in such an antithesis that her mind didn’t even process the question until a bit later. She gazed at him, noticing the bitter look on his face, despite the smile. Part of her was angry at him for daring to lecture her, but another part wanted to kiss him until he would stop being an angry puppy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me that you don’t sleep with your dates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t,” she sighed, “but he made me an offer and we negotiated for a sum. I don’t care about romance at this stage in my life and being a virgin is a burden for my job. Once initiated, I could do… more and get paid more. It doesn’t matter that I don’t like or feel anything, because it’s just for money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was she even talking about? Was she trying to defend her choice or just discredit herself?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, tonight was supposed to be my first time and with the money after tonight and after… a couple of more meetings, I was supposed to help Rose and pay for her surgery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waited for him to add something, but he took his time. After all, he didn’t want to say something inappropriate, although he bit his tongue a couple of times in order not to call her an idiot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know your friend, but I doubt she wants you to do this,” he finally spoke to her. “Excuse me, but I can’t see how it’s your problem whether she gets to walk again or not. Ok, she helped you when you were homeless, but it’s one thing to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my fault, Ben.” She pulled her feet underneath her, ignoring the sheet falling off her chest. Ben reached for the soft fabric and covered her breasts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey put her hand over his, holding it at her chest, wondering if he was able to feel her heartbeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t much to tell. Her boyfriend became infatuated with me. He was nice to me so I saw him as a friend, but he was so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>irritating. I couldn’t get rid of him and the whole situation made me feel guilty. He was trying to be nice, but I was also sure that it was wrong and harming Rose. And it did harm her. She saw him trying to kiss me and persuade me to agree to go out with him and, minutes later, she was lying unconscious and Paige was dead. So you see? I can’t just abandon her.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben nodded with a serious look on his face. He was finally able to understand her motives, even though they were slightly less noble as it was not about selflessness but guilt. However, he was still not able to understand her as a person. She was a reckless fool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you come to get me?” she asked in a lower voice, almost shy. “You were with someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I was with Voe Ritter, whom you’ve contacted and who either gave up on all the progress she’s made since she left this country or wanted to catch me red-handed. She didn’t take no for an answer.” He stopped for a moment to laugh. “My plan was to just leave her in a room, waiting for me, which I did, but instead of going home, I had to pick you up first, so here we are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow, slightly confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still haven’t answered </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben got up and turned to face his windows and the dark sky. There were no stars visible, nor the moon, so Rey guessed that it was overcast for the first time in months. The confirmation came once he opened one of the windows and the cold breeze gave her goosebumps. It also smelled like rain and it was surely already raining somewhere else in that city.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After the kiss we shared today, I felt something…” he added once she got up and approached him. “It wasn’t jealousy, but still some sort of insane self-righteous possessiveness. Maybe it was guilt? I don’t know, but I was leaving Voe anyway and going back home, so when I saw that guy running with only his pants on, I had a feeling that he was your date. The door was open and I saw it as a divine sign as my mother would say because otherwise, I wouldn’t have known your whereabouts. You must have had a lucky charm that saved you before I came.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maz’s dress</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she smiled, then furrowed once she remembered their kiss from that morning and what happened afterwards. He apologized, then reminded her that she was going to resign and that they would most likely never see each other again. He was the one who kissed her without asking for permission and, in the end, it was still he the one bringing up demands and boundaries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Insane self-righteous possessiveness sounds like jealousy to me, but who am I to talk,” she spoke bitterly, with her arms crossed under her breasts. “So what’s the deal with Voe? I must say that I contacted her only because I thought you were some psycho who likes hurting women… or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or something,” he chuckled. “I’ve told you before. I have some rules I follow with the women I go out with and she wanted more from me, while I wanted nothing. I never wanted to go out with her in the first place, but we… It happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she tilted her head this time. “You’re lying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smirked and inhaled the scent of her mango and papaya body lotion. It was going to remain impregnated in his sheets and he didn’t want that. No. He wanted the actual Rey in his bed. He wanted to smell that scent of her actual body. He wanted to taste every centimetre of her skin and suck her-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway,” he shook his head, flustered. “I’d rather not leave my place tonight, so when you want to go home, let me know and I’ll call you a taxi and give you some clothes from my sister’s wardrobe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he kicking her out already? Then what was the point of bringing her there in the first place? He could have taken her home from the start, even if it meant worrying Rose for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Use my shower and I’ll bring you something comfortable to wear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could have said no and left sooner, but after a disappointing night, she deserved that shower, especially because she sure had no hot water running at that late hour. Besides, all alone, she could allow her feelings to emerge from the locked box meant to be her heart. She needed to let out the fear, disgust, disappointment, anger, frustration, lust… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lust</span>
  </em>
  <span>? No! There was no lust! Just mere curiosity and desperation to get rid of that part of her. And the shower was surely going to help her get rid of any confusing feelings… or not. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben Solo’s scent</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she remarked after opening the shower gel bottle. Was he even aware of how much damage was he causing her? Was it revenge for lying to him and almost getting him in huge troubles? No wonder Voe was obsessed with him! He was such a player and manipulator!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she snarled, getting out of the bathroom, wearing his bathrobe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here are your clo- Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she exhaled loudly. “I don’t know how I feel, but I’m not ok.” She let herself fall on the floor, grazing her knees on the abrasive agave rug. “I’m a mess. I have to count every single penny to make sure that I won’t wake up with a corpse in my house, which isn’t even my house, but a too damn expensive mouldy hovel. My only friend is probably growing to hate me and we’re drifting apart and I can’t blame her for being done with me. I hate my family and they hate me… I can’t even keep a decent job because I have no degree in anything and I can’t afford college because I have no job… and I’m naked in my future ex-boss’ house because I got roofied and he had to save me. So am I ok? Do I have any reasons to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heard Ben’s footsteps as he approached her. He sat down in front of her and cupped her wet face. Her red eyes and puffy face gave away that among all those water drops dripping from her hair, some were tears of anger and frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is my taxi here?” she avoided his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t called it yet. However, I have ordered some food. I guess you're hungry and could do some disgusting fast food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey didn’t share his good mood, but she still found herself smiling as he ran his fingers through her damp hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d murder for some fries and a cheeseburger, but as much as I love food, I don’t want to go back to being Fat-nanda.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not good at puns, so I’ll just say that you deserve your fries and cheeseburger after the day you had. Besides, it’s still your birthday. Do you really want to go back home feeling miserable on your own birthday and worrying your friend? Take your time to heal a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey wiped the tears and water off her face with the back of her hand and sniffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so nice to me? As pathetic I am, you still owe me nothing after lying to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey flinched and pulled her knees to her chest, not noticing Ben’s eyes growing wider at the sight of the tiny red lines on her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ouch,” she murmured. “Your rug is gorgeous, but not very comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he tried to smile, “it isn’t really meant for kneeling on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah,” she snorted. “I know you prefer hotels.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Ben did not react to her joke. Instead, he leaned in and licked the blood off her knees, putting his huge palms on her thighs and pulling her closer. Rey gasped, surprised, and grabbed him by his gorgeous dark locks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she whispered, overwhelmed by the odd feeling growing inside her. She was appalled, perhaps even disgusted, but not in the same way she usually was when it came to other men. Moreover, the more he insisted, the more she wanted that tongue to lick and explore more parts of her body. But to her disappointment, he pulled away with a guilty look on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Saliva has healing properties,” he smirked and she could swear that he was blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t that debunked as being the complete opposite?” she furrowed with burning cheeks, but as soon as she noticed the grazes gone, her mouth remained open in a silent exclamation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit of an unorthodox method. Maybe that’s why I dropped out of med school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanted to be a doctor?” she raised an eyebrow in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben got up and offered his hand to help Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I truly wanted it or just felt as if it was the right career for someone like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… at least you had a choice and more options.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“College is not that great as they make it seem in movies, but it is an interesting transition. What did you want to study?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that was an interesting question. It had the same impact as ‘what do you want to be when you grow up’ had when she was asked by adults, or ‘where do you see yourself in ten years’ had at each job interview. For each question, she had no idea what to answer. No future plans or plans at all. She had always wanted to go to college but never considered what exactly to study. Maybe she just liked the mere idea of going to college and experience being a careless student, though, according to Ben, those experiences were only illusions sold by movies, so at least she dodged a bullet and saved herself from another disappointment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you go answer the door?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at him, confused, then jumped startled when the knocking became louder. She looked at Ben for more indications regarding what to do - they had no post-it notes there - but her boss was too busy with his phone. After six hours he finally got some news from his sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’m fine&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben clenched his jaw and wrote back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Then answer the damn phone!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’m at the atelier working on something&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;don’t ruin my mood&gt;&gt; </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For someone who was not Leia Organa-Solo’s biological daughter, Kaydel sure had inherited too much from their mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s the delivery boy, the money is in the key bowl,” he told Rey once he heard her unlock the door. However, the voice talking to Rey was not the voice of his usual delivery boy, but a rather familiar one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Storming out of his bedroom, he found Rey, in only his very large bathrobe, facing Voe Ritter. The latter sensed his presence, lifting her cold gaze to meet his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guessed I would find you here. Really nice of you to leave me like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben said nothing for the moment, but once Voe glared at Rey, he stepped forward and gently pushed Rey, hiding her behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s late, Miss Ritter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of your business. Please go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does she know what you are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was his punishment for- No! His bad choices led him to rescue Rey from that weirdo. He had to stand up to that woman and owe his mistakes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make me drag you to the airport or have the police escort you. Go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m his girlfriend,” spoke Rey, making her way from under his arm. “You must be Voe. Nice to meet you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voe stared at the girl’s hand, silently refusing to shake it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she curled her lip in disgust. “Do you even know what he is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” lied Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do?” snorted the other woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I lie?” Good question. “After all, I’m just like him. You could say that we’re soulmates. We were born to be together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voe looked at each one of them until her shoulders relaxed and she lowered her gaze. Without saying anything, she handed Ben the blazer he had worn that evening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next time you run away from an ex, be sure that you’ve taken all of your belongings with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said with a genuine sad look on his face, although he was about to lie to her. “Fernanda and I were going through some difficult moments, but even so, I couldn’t do it. The past is in the past and it’s better for us not to see each other ever again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” she shrugged, defeated. “I can appreciate your change of heart. Most guys feel bad about cheating only after it happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she had expected a reaction from Rey, she was once more surprised by her serenity as she put her arms around Ben’s waist and cuddled at his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway… Goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben didn’t wait until Voe reached the elevator to close the door and lock it up. He then threw his blazer on the sofa and looked at Rey, whose mischievous smile was contagious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now we’re even,” she giggled. “But don’t ever call me Fernanda again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lying gives me anxiety.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pouted at his jab at her many lies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I should have called you Bianca to make her forget about my secretary stalking her on social media.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was not stalking her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm, yeah.” Someone knocked again and Ben threatened Rey with his finger before opening the door. Luckily, this time it truly was the delivery boy. As he took the bags, Rey sat down on one of the bar stools with her legs crossed, while her stomach was already showing its loud interest in whatever was in those bags. She clapped excitedly once Ben put the bags on the island, but waited patiently for him to unpack the goodies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One halloumi burger for me,” said Ben, “one mushroom swiss burger for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey lifted her burger to smell it, then put it down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have any chicken burgers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fried chicken with coleslaw,” he pushed the box to her. “It’s most likely not as good as the one my sister makes, but I thought you’d like one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” she smiled flattered. “Don’t you eat meat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, but I’m rather fussy. Sometimes the simple smell makes me throw up. For instance, I never eat bacon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate bacon too!” laughed Rey. “My grandparents grew up during those harsh post-war times and they rarely had any meat to eat, so they are obsessed with eating pork, but I’ve always hated it. Rose knows not to cook anything with pork unless it’s a dish she likes and I don’t want her to ruin it for my sake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I guess it was a good idea not ordering any pulled pork.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it has enough spices and sauces to take away that pork taste, then I’m fine. For example, I do like chorizo.” She stopped, realizing that she was once again talking too much, then she cleared her throat. “Anyway… are you going to eat only one burger?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Biting his bottom lip to hide that mysterious smirk, Ben pulled out a box of French fries, one of fried calamari rings and one of crispy cheese jalapeno bites and two cups of garlic sauce.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve already had a tiny snack,” he chuckled, opening the jalapeno bites box. He then bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if his nosy little secretary was going to ask anything else, but, luckily, she was too busy glaring at his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better share those with me, Mr Solo. Crispy cheese jalapeno bites are my favourite thing ever… after spicy sweet chilli sauce.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my!” he gasped with a dramatic look on his face. “Then I guess you and I do think alike.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out two more cups of spicy-sweet chilli sauce.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you!” she squealed, but soon licked her lips, nervously, realising the meaning of her words. “What I mea-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No sweat,” he spoke in a relaxed tone. He intended to remind her that they were less than 48 hours away from her resignation and from never seeing each other ever again, but something was stopping him from hurting her again like he had that morning. “It’s your birthday,” he smiled. “You can say whatever you want and be as joyful as you deserve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But do I even deserve it?</span>
  </em>
  <span> she asked herself before taking the first bite and shoving a handful of fries with garlic sauce in her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better than sex, right?” joked Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After what happened today, definitely,” she spoke with her mouth full. “May I get a glass of water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben got up and grabbed a bottle of sparkling water and a mint lemonade for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking…” he began but immediately forgot his words once their fingers touched. “So… maybe I can put a word for you and give you some names and phone numbers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys to date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” he said in a radical tone, immediately clearing his throat and brushing off his outburst. “People who might need a young employee like you. I guess the salary and benefits won’t be like the ones you have now, but it’s something and it’s… you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” she feigned excitement, feeling guilty for being so ungrateful. “Thank you, Mr Solo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because I mentioned something work-related, it doesn’t mean that you have to call me mister. I’m Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Ben who kissed her, undressed her, literally licked her wounds, pretended to be her boyfriend and offered to celebrate her birthday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of names,” she closed one eye, making a funny face. “What does the ‘A’ stand for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s my middle name. Anakin after my grandpa. The company used to be his.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s an odd name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you met my sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey snorted, choking on water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her name was Katherine Adele, nicknamed Kay. When my mom took her in, she couldn’t say her full name, so she used to pronounce it like Kay-del. She changed it legally when she turned eighteen because it’s unique and worthy of an artist like her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So both your sister and your secretary have changed their birth names.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay takes pride in her surname, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sort of do, too,” she sighed. “After all, I am still Rey, just not Reynolds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put down the wrapping paper and took another sip of water. She was not yet full, but after throwing up earlier that evening, she would have rather not pushed her stomach’s limits. “I’ve never celebrated my birthday like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why so?” spoke Ben while shoving another jalapeno bite in his mouth. He was eating with such an appetite, that Rey ended up reaching for one bite even after promising herself not to touch anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… tomorrow is my uncle’s and my older cousin’s birthday, so like… they’re wealthy and no one ever cared about my birthday. They usually made me sit next to my cousin and have everyone sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to both of us, while she kept throwing tantrums that it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>birthday, not mine. And the gifts I usually got were basic stuff such as socks or pyjamas or stuff my other older cousins were no longer using. Only once I received a small Winnie the Pooh because my cousin got a giant one and they gave the smaller one for free.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your family sucks,” laughed Ben. “And I thought mine was bad. I asked my mom why the hell did she want to adopt a child when she was not capable of taking care of her own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ouch!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why Kay and I are so close. I mean… my parents aren’t bad people-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-but I was never a priority. They loved me and still do, but while mine did throw me birthday parties, they never attended them and I had no friends, so my birthday parties were just a couple of entertainers and poor little Ben waiting for mom and dad. Before Kay joined our family, I had to feign some deadly illness to get everyone together and that was my only decent birthday. And the year before, I ran away from home on my birthday and my dad and uncles brought me presents and cake after I was found, but I was grounded so I ate nothing and was not allowed to open any present until after my mom decided.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her head, thwarted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t get it. Why are parents like this? I mean… why do they never learn or change?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s human nature, I guess,” he shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I’m going to have a child, I’ll try my best to communicate and change my ways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey gave him a deadly glare and Ben shrugged with an innocent look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? You’ll see that your ideal child won’t be what you’ll give birth to and you’ll try to change it after that ideal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I won’t! I’ll be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>cool </span>
  </em>
  <span>mom and one that loves her child, not like mine. And I’ll never beat my child or make her feel hungry or cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both remained silent and Ben took her hand in his, massaging her palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I was in high school,” she let out a miserable sigh, “I was so desperate to have someone love me that I developed an obsession for this guy. He was trash, but we were the smartest kids in our school according to some intelligence test, so I saw him as the suitable candidate who would rescue me from my toxic family and give me the baby who would love me forever. Alas,” she gesticulated dramatically, “I realised that we were not meant to be and that I couldn’t love or be intimate with any man. So I guess that after Rose gets better, I get a decent job and a better place to live, I should start looking for clinics which perform artificial inseminations for poor single women in their 40s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re being dramatic,” he rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but face it. It’s easier for you, men,” she pursed her lips and tapped her fingers on the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not. You get to have a baby with whoever you want… mostly, but I need a surrogate or someone who agrees to give birth to my child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then… How about a pact? If in maximum ten years we are still single - well… you, because I surely will be single - and still childless, we should have a baby together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s jaw dropped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” she continued, excited. “Think about it! I’ll be a great mom and you won’t have to worry about your child being unloved or ignored. We won’t be a traditional family, but  we’d still have a family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben was beginning to consider that perhaps the alcohol in Rey’s system was still there even after so many hours and after throwing up all over that bathroom at the club. However, although she was surely considering artificial insemination, his mind could not stop imagining her in his bedroom, on her knees, with him thrusting deep inside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he crossed his legs, “I’m flattered, but I’d rather not curse any child with my genes. I’ll leave all my assets to charity or Kay and the company to a trustworthy apprentice, but no child deserves the burden of the Skywalker genes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Why was she so disappointed? Other than his cursed genes, he wasn’t exactly handsome, so maybe she liked the idea of having a child that would inherit the Skywalker money and everything else?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want dessert?” He got up without waiting for her answer and went to the cupboard. “I haven’t touched the eclairs since this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey followed his every move, wondering what exactly he needed from the cupboard. It was ridiculous to go from eating eclairs with unwashed hands in the trunk of the car in the parking lot of a supermarket to eating eclairs with cutlery and on porcelain plates. But at least she had a view to enjoy. She had never understood why it was so fascinating for men to stare at women’s butts and it was a rather disgusting hobby, but it was time for a change of heart because she wanted to touch that butt and sink her teeth in the white flesh of his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here!” he turned to her with two eclairs on a plate, each one carrying a number shaped candle. “These are from last year when I turned thirty-two, but in the absence of an actual cake- What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey lifted her head, revealing her teary eyes and parted her lips, unable to speak, so Ben spoke for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday, Miss Rey Jakkson! Now make a wish!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wish? But everything was perfect. What else could she wish for? After all he gave her, she was sure that she was going to find a job and the only thing left was for Rose to get better. However, that selfish part of her didn’t want to wish for Rose to have her surgery and walk again; probably perhaps it wasn’t a matter of wishing but of money and medicine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No! She wanted something only the stars and all the saints and gods in the world could give her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! You’ll get wax on the eclairs and your birthday will soon come to an end.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She inhaled deeply and blew out the candles, receiving a round of applause from Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Choose an eclair. You’re the birthday girl, it’s your choice,” he said once he returned to his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about half and half? I’m already in your house, eating your food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, but you cut them. Imagine you’re cutting a cake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey watched him get a knife and felt getting emotional again. He was too sweet and she didn’t deserve it. He had actually managed to distract her the entire night, making her forget about getting drugged and about her overall trainwreck of a life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Than- Ouch!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of grabbing the handle, her fingers wrapped around the sharp blade, cutting each one of them. It was going to take a while for them to heal and, firstly, she needed bandaids and fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you trust me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a certain glimmer in his eyes. He looked… different.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kneeled in front of her, took her wounded hand, then pressed his lips against her skin, gently sucking and licking the blood. He opened his eyes to check on Rey and felt a rush of adrenaline filling up his body. His little secretary was all flustered with her cheeks red and her lips parted, yet she was not taking her eyes away from him. After one last lick, he got up and pulled her in his arms. His mouth sealed over hers, while her hands pushed into his hair, cupping his scalp and pulling him closer. Kissing him was so different from kissing any other man. With each lick and nibble, she wanted more, she wanted him pressed against her body and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your phone is ringing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let it ring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled, but as the phone kept ringing, so was she waking up from the beautiful dream and returning to reality. Her wish became true minutes after blowing out the candles, but it was time for her to finish that chapter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s an emergency.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pressed his forehead against hers and their noses touched briefly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go,” she insisted and he finally went to answer the phone as she snuck back into the bedroom. It was late and her birthday was pretty much over, so it was perhaps time to go to bed… in her apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Rey took off the bathrobe and started dressing up. Kaydel’s jeans still had their price tag on and they were inexplicably almost the price of her monthly rent, but she was trying to ignore that tiny aspect and remind herself that now that life was giving her a new chance. And although that new chance was coming from Ben Solo, it could not include him. She was not willing to be one of his flings, especially given her past with men and their own history, And she also didn’t want him to become one of her obsessions and eventually grow to hate him, no matter how different he was. He even liked thick books, which Marcel would have never! But then again, Marcel was a silly seventeen-year-old brat and Ben Solo a </span>
  <em>
    <span>man</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Seeds of Glass</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she almost screamed at him when she came into the room. “Are you into vampire literature?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben looked surprised at her, then laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… it’s actually Kaydel’s. It was delivered today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that she was looking better at the cover, it wasn’t the novel she had in her old bedroom. Hers had the hand of the protagonist putting a ring shaped like a crown of thorns on his lover’s finger, while this one had the hand of a girl lying in a field of poppies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Volume six!?” she exclaimed. “I’ve only read the first one! Do you think your sister would mind lending me the other volumes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if she minded, Ben would have given her those volumes anyway. However, there was a tiny problem they kept forgetting about - they were no longer going to see each other ever again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first one was so heartbreaking. Vallen, the protagonist, was an outcast adopted by this rich family because he was a very talented musician. However, he falls for their niece, Agnes, and hopes that by becoming famous, he can become worthy of her, but by the time he becomes wealthy enough, she’s already engaged to his best friend, who is a royal… and her cousin. I can’t remember exactly what happens but he is hit by a carriage when trying to save a man and is presumed dead, but wakes up as a vampire. He had been lured into a death trap on purpose by a bored vampire, who wanted a companion for the rest of eternity or something like that, but Vallen goes to Agnes and she gets startled by his vampirism and she dies. I think the book ends with him waiting for her to wake up as a vampire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was talking too much </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A little embarrassed, she closed her eyes and opened her mouth to apologize.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wanted an heir,” he spoke before her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Casimir, the one who turned Vallen, wanted an heir. And Vallen wasn’t killed by the carriage. He was stabbed after humiliating Milan, his best friend. They were supposed to duel after Milan bragged about sleeping with Agnes before the wedding, and they did duel, but Vallen won after shooting Milan in the hand and leaving him without a couple of fingers. Oh, and Agnes’ name is actually Agnieszka and she didn’t just die. It was left a mystery whether Vallen killed her to make her like him or whether she had a heart attack out of fright. The truth is that she killed herself and Vallen refused to accept the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you did read it!” she said with a satisfied smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well… my mom wrote it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More surprises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” he added, showing his phone. “My sister has an emergency and I’m going to pick her up before she has a meltdown or does something crazy. I can take you home if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at the bed, then at her swollen feet. Somehow, she knew that he wanted her to stay, so she decided for both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did it work?” she asked later, as they were waiting at the red light. It was past midnight, yet the city was terribly crowded. After all, it was the weekend and some knew how to enjoy their lives and spend their free time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he asked, paying attention to the car in the rearview mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did Agnie-Agnes wake up as a vampire? Please tell me! I love spoilers!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No as in you’re not telling me or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, as in Agnieszka is dead and gone. Her body transforms but there’s no one inside. Vallen later finds a woman whose fate reminds him of his own and while she’s in a coma, he transfers her soul in Agnieszka’s body.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed and waited for her mind to assimilate the information.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it is a love story!” she protested, all appalled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s lack of empathy was annoying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the point of having a love story if one of them doesn’t reciprocate that love or if one of them dies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The love aspect ends up being between Vallen and Misha, the one living inside Agnieszka’s body but,” he pointed at the volume Rey was holding, “only later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It takes them until the sixth volume?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, the seventh is the final one and it will be published next year. So far, Misha has been resenting Vallen for changing her life and she ran away with the man she loved in her previous life, finding out that Milan had indeed lied about his premarital affair with Agnieszka and giving Vallen a meltdown. Then Misha falls for one of Casimir’s living descendants until he is killed and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hear anymore,” said Rey, covering her ears. “So everything was pointless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” he chuckled. “It only took those two a long-</span>
  <em>
    <span>er</span>
  </em>
  <span> time to realise that there are different types of love. It takes them many pages and chapters, but they needed to grow up to get ready for that mature true love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to read them anymore,”  she pouted, looking at the paper bag at her feet. It had her shoes, the other books borrowed from Ben and her burger. “Why do all vampire love stories end so miserably?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s lips thinned in a firm line and he almost missed her street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because there’s nothing pure about eternity, nor anything romantic about death.” He then looked at her as he stopped the care in front of her building. “Think about your own feelings and everything you told me while we were eating. You had a thing for that boy in high school and saw yourself getting your happily ever after, yet it was not meant to be. There was no tragedy breaking you up. It was you, the mature you, realising that it was just a silly crush. I bet you knew nothing about him and, obviously, he knew nothing about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First love is always romanticised over the top because it is the only one you get to remember in a nostalgic way. Your first time? You’ll care about it as long as you cling to the one with whom it happened, but you’ll forget about it as you get to explore your body and you discover your needs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so cold and cruel, yet I can’t argue with you. I like the way you think,” she licked her lips and lifted the bag in her lap. “I’ll give them a try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So what now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” said Ben after too many moments of silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t seem upset at all, but neither did she appear happy about their evening coming to an end. Ben would have described her as… tranquil and even serene. She was also very calm after everything that had happened to her and he only hoped she stayed that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For everything,” he confessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were so many questions Rey wanted to ask him, but it was late and she was too tired to have that conversation. Therefore, she opened the door and stepped outside of his car, turning to only give him the warmest smile. All the frustration and sadness in her heart remained stuck, unable to make its way to the surface, allowing her to glow with content.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For everything. See you on Monday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben watched her leave, his smile gradually turning into a furious grimace. After she finally got inside the building, she opened the glove compartment and pulled out a thick envelope from under a notebook and a pack of wet wipes. He opened it and looked at the many purple bills. They were all new, yet to him, they were already tainted. It was only fair to give that money back to the one whom he considered the rightful owner, yet he was going to wait a little more. He had plans for his little lying secretary.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Personal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s nails dug deep into his back. There was no point in forcing her heavy eyes open, not when his tongue was stroking her so deliciously. His arms were wrapped around thighs, squeezing them gently each time she tried to escape him. Shame had no place in what they were doing, especially considering how they'd already figured out a rhythm and he was eating her just like she liked it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo!” she screamed as he licked and sucked, making her yearn for more. It was only going to get better and better and she couldn’t wait to finally be his. Excited, her back bowed off the bed and she grabbed his hand to place it on her swollen breast, encouraging him to squeeze it and pinch it. Perhaps he would want to taste it and take little bites. But just as the tension was building up and she was getting used to the idea of soon feeling his length against her, Ben lifted his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, baby?” whimpered Rey rather disappointed, running her finger through his hair. He slid his finger in just a little and kissed the inside of her thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to eat you,” he licked his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re already doing this,” laughed Rey, trying not to show how much she was willing to beg him. However, her smile soon turned into a frightened frown once Ben smirked and revealed his fangs. Before she had the chance to react, he had already dug his fangs deep in her femoral artery.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>St Andrew Hospital. Next stop: King Charles Street.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey flinched and got up, storming out of the bus. She had fallen asleep while reading and now she had to walk back a couple of streets to get to Skywalker Properties. A taxi driver would have woken her up and saved her from walking in those high temperatures. Apparently, rain in the city was just like her sexual awakening - an illusion never meant to happen. Well… unless she was on the bus, sleeping and fantasising about her soon ex-boss sleeping with her only for the dream to turn into a nightmare. It could have been worse, but what the hell was that dream in the first place?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if it hadn’t been difficult adjusting to whatever happened between them. She ended up spending the entire night staring at the ceiling, while Rose slept like a baby. Eventually, she left the bedroom and slept on their horrible sofa after she got tired of waiting for the rain. The following morning, she woke up numb and even more confused. She didn’t even find the courage to tell Rose about what had happened with her date and ask her to report him or at least block him. She only mentioned losing her wig to some stupid kids pulling off her wig instead of stealing her bag, which helped her convince Rose to give up on Kiara for a while and focus on Rubi or any other alter sugar baby ego. Luckily, Rose was in a good mood too and she even ignored her beloved laptop the entire Sunday or at least until it came to the romantic comedies marathon. They tried reading together, but Rose wasn’t a fan of vampire literature or romance in general, so they eventually cooked some soup and chicken rice and even baked a cherry pie. She didn’t remember buying cherries, though, or any of the other ingredients. Even frozen cherries were almost as expensive as a monthly phone subscription, let alone fresh ones. Also, she somehow managed to buy her a gift. A moon-shaped stone pendant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey stopped in the middle of the street. Her eyes were getting watery and all because her Rose somehow managed to get her a gift. She surely must have ordered the pendant and the groceries to have them delivered and it sure must have cost her a lot. Only she knew how she had to work overtime for that surprise!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Miss Tico! Nice to see you back to work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Theodore,” she smiled at the old doorman. “Nice to see you again,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the last time, but she was in a good mood, so she did not let sadness get to her. Instead, she went to the front desk and was about to greet her coworker when the familiar sound of Mrs Phasma’s Oxfords drew her attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige, please come with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without asking any questions, Rey followed her to the elevator. However, Phasma didn’t address any word until they reached Ben’s floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was told about your health problems. You are a very competent employee and this company will surely miss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that was an interesting way of saying goodbye, but it still made her feel appreciated, especially considering that she had been an employee for only six weeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will miss working here too,” she confessed, getting out of the elevator. “Shouldn’t I go to the human resources department for my resignation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First, you need some papers to be signed by Mr Solo. My coworkers from the HR department have already sent them, so you only need to pick them up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, ok,” she nodded, then watched Phasma open the door for her as if trying to make sure that she will go meet Ben Solo before leaving the company for the last time. And she was right to do so. Now that she was so close to seeing him again, she was finally getting cold feet and becoming more anxious. However, to her surprise, she remained calm once she saw him at his desk. Phasma closed the door behind her and Ben lifted his head, while Hux stood up, inviting her to take his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Mr Solo,” she greeted him rather coldly, though not intentionally. “Mr Hux.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Re-</span>
  <em>
    <span>Paige</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Please, sit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey sat down and looked at her boss for the last time before he was going to go back to being just a random person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought my uniform, nametag and everything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben said nothing. He just closed his eyes in a silent agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Tico,” Hux cleared his throat. “The papers you have in front of you are your resignation and some clauses you need to sign as you haven’t finished your three-month-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Mr Hux. I’ll sign anything. I trust you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, it had nothing to do with trust but with her sudden desire to leave that place and go somewhere to scream. Everything was so surreal and, instead of showing the minimum remorse, Ben Solo was simply staring at the painting behind her, as if ignoring her presence or at least giving her the cold shoulder, which made no sense. Just the day before yesterday he was kissing her and ignoring his phone, desperate to pleasure her… in various ways.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fine!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly signed all the papers, then noticed that her cheque was already attached to her own copies of all those legal papers. Oddly, it was not the 320 credits sum what was bothering her, but the fact that everything was already ready for her departure. She didn’t know much about big companies or places that make sure to follow every law and right as it should, but she did know that such paperwork was supposed to take time. There was something wrong about the whole settlement and she was growing to believe that Ben Solo was indeed desperate to get rid of her. Maybe, given her latest dream, he was indeed toxic for women and it had been a good idea not to sleep with him on her birthday. Who knew how much he would have damaged her mental health?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Done,” she sighed. “Anything else or am I free to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was refusing to pretend to be the nice and polite Paige Tico anymore. She even decided on keeping that wig on just because she still risked a lawsuit and prison.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As far it concerns Skywalker Properties, you’re no longer an employee here,” answered Hux, while Solo was still silent and absentminded. “I’ll take these and I’ll leave you to discuss with Mr Solo… Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed and lowered her gaze so that Hux wouldn’t see how deadly it was, then waited for him to leave her all alone with that adorable jerk. Damn, why was his hair so beautiful and shiny and why did she want to touch it so badly?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I promised you,” he finally spoke to her, “I tried my best to find you some decent potential workplaces. I received a word back from only one person so far and I think it’s the chance you’ve been waiting for. If you ask me, you should accept it, but it’s your choice, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked, then pursed her lips at the sight of the card he was holding. She then snatched it, not holding back from showing her anger at his behaviour and at her naivety and weakness. If that job was really going to be worth it and not some other place where the boss or coworkers took advantage of her and stole her money, she would thank him politely. If not, she had nothing to lose, so she could afford to call him a jerk to his face before leaving the building.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Job: personal assistant</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Salary: 820 credits/month</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Schedule: 8 hours/day, 5 days/week</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Benefits: 21 paid vacation days per year, flexible schedule</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Employer: Benjamin A. Solo</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow and, with her mouth opened in a state of shock, she barely found the right words to address him. She had expected offers such as being a maid, cleaning lady, even a nanny or a waitress again, but a personal assistant?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My secretary has just resigned and my sister is not in the right state of mind to be of any help, so-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you want </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be a personal assistant?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, obviously.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your sister’s personal assistant? Like a nanny for someone older than me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he snorted. “No. Mine! But not like a nanny. I want you as my secretary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey narrowed her eyes, even more confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>to replace </span>
  <em>
    <span>myself</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Indeed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” she raised her voice and finally looked at him. “Sorry, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t understand. You were so desperate to get rid of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” smiled Ben. “I was desperate to get rid of an employee who has been officially dead for years. But the person under that wig? She is very competent and I don’t want to lose her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lose me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she licked her lips, then suddenly shook her head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, Rey! Focus!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get the paperwork and everything, but why your </span>
  <em>
    <span>personal </span>
  </em>
  <span>assistant instead of secretary?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hux and I have already decided to tell everyone that you’re Paige’s relative to explain the resemblance, however, this company is quite demanding and it wouldn’t be ethical for me to choose you out of the many other better-prepared candidates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey crossed her arms and lifted her chin. There were no other candidates and after the kisses they shared, she was pretty sure that he didn’t care much about ethics, to begin with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The job implies mostly the same responsibilities as being my secretary. The schedule is more flexible because you’d be my employee, not this company’s, reason why the salary is not as big. Also, I can’t offer you the same private health insurance - you’d have to pay for it on your own - or a uniform and meal tickets. You can use your old desk or, since once again you’re not working for the company, you can work in my office. Also, to explain the flexibility of this new schedule… It’s not really a workday of eight hours. I might need you for more hours or less or not at all and you’ll have to run errands when I need you to. Also, if you happen to need more days off, you can tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wondered if she had enough time to text Rose to ask her what to do but, just like it happened with the birthday wish, something inside her was telling her that it was her choice only and it concerned no one but her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The salary is good and I understand that there is a huge difference between being hired by a company and being hired by a mere person. I might consider that private health insurance for a while if it helps Rose in any way. So… I guess nothing is keeping me from refusing your job offer. However, I still feel like there are some conditions I should know about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben squeezed the pencil between his fingers until it broke. He eventually put down the two parts and cleared his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be better for us to keep our relationship strictly at a professional level for the both of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey bit her tongue to avoid snorting. Apart from her most recent dream and that one time she kissed him to manipulate him, she really didn’t need to be told to stay away from her boss because it was wrong. If anyone needed to be reminded of work ethics, that was Ben Solo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In my case,” he continued, “I don’t want to risk another Voe situation. I know you now, but I also knew Voe and she wasn’t like that before things escalated. And I don’t want you to believe that I hire you to take advantage of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand. Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also about your part-time job…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t ask you to quit it, but I would like to ask you to be very careful when it comes to your safety and identity. I’m obviously not going to be there unless by accident and I don’t want to wake up with my personal assistant dead or missing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that was unexpectedly reasonable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, then,” she capitulated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His excitement surprised her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… When can I start?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Send me copies of your papers and I’ll get your contract ready. I wanted to bring it today, but after a Kaydency…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah. How was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of crying and yelling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey opened her mouth to make a joke about Ben being a dad to a teenager, but she realized that it was rather inappropriate considering the recently established conditions and the relationship between his sister and the real Paige. Being dumped without knowing and then having the love of your life die and find out only after many years is not something easy to assimilate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Be-Mr Solo. I imagine it must be hard for her to accept the situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… something and I don’t know how to deal with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew that she might regret it, but she still put her hand over his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to talk to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben raised an eyebrow, amused, but didn’t let her let go of his hand, although Rey quickly defended herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As your personal assistant, it is part of my attributions. Also, after last Saturday, I can face her without fainting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate your offer, but she’s with mom. She needs a mom right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course she did. Rey knew what it felt like even though, unlike Kaydel’s, her mother was alive but as absent. However, that didn’t stop her from trying to find another maternal figure in her aunts, grandmas, godmother and neighbours. But they were not her mother and never intended to take that woman’s place so, eventually, they all ended up abandoning her and disappointing her. To think of… the only person who had never given up on her was Rose and now, someone else was not willing to give up on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped and looked him the eye before changing her idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of your mom, does she have something against true love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” he furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Limerence</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” slammed her fists against his desk, startling him. “Neve suddenly loves Evan? She’s been madly in love with Kalen her entire life and she suddenly falls for the guy who pretty much hates her just because he is angsty and… I don’t know… supposed to be the bad guy with a heart of gold? Kalen is her soulmate!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I say?” Indeed, he had no idea what to say. “Some girls like bad boys or, in this case, troubled jerks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But as much as I dislike Evan,” continued Rey, “he has so much more chemistry with Yana, who is human, and even Mara, despite being his twin brother’s former girlfriend. But Neve? He tried to kill her and not in a sexy way!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much have you read?” coughed Ben, trying not to laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first three novels. Maybe I’m biased, because I’ve read the first two in middle school and found the third one among the ones you gave me, but it’s… </span>
  <em>
    <span>ridiculous</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are…” he coughed again, “maybe two more novels and a spin-off series. I don’t remember for sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no…” she clenched her jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So if you want to spoil-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He checked his watch and scratched his ear. There were so many things he had to do and with his personal assistant not being hired yet, he was on his own. So, he suggestively looked at the pile of folders and documents on his desk, then laid back in his chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. Neve suddenly loves Evan</span>
  <em>
    <span>der</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it ruins her relationship with Kalen. Now that she is a vampire, she remembers her past and is conflicted about her role in the vampire hierarchy, especially after Kalen disappears.” He pursed his lips, trying to remember the rest of the story. “Oh! At some point, everyone hates Kalen for some reason and Neve joins Evander and tries to kill Kalen until she realizes that he was the good guy the whole time, so she wipes Evander’s memory to send him away, but it’s too late, because Kalen is already dead. Neve inherits the crown and gives birth to his child, but as time passes, everyone around her grows old and dies, so, in order not to be all alone, she takes Evander back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to hear about the spin-off with the revived Kalen trying to piece together his past while being babysat by his own vampire daughter and her half-sister who is gradually falling for him after-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are the books that bad or it’s just you trying to make it seem so!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m no storyteller,” he chuckled. “But maybe you can join me for lunch and discuss all those books.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lunch? Lunch as in eating in his office or as finally being seen together with him, in public?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Today?” she blushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm afraid I have to skip it today, so maybe tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” she accepted immediately. “But if you don’t mind… What do you want me to do today? And do you need anything else for the contract apart from my papers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have clothes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His question made her blush again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mostly what you already know. I don’t own many.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then get yourself something and I’ll give you the money. Take it as picking your own uniform.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any suggestion?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben remembered his little fantasy with the maid outfit and licked  his front teeth</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't tell you what to wear, but if you really want a suggestion… pick something classy yet comfortable. No sweat pants, but also not short skirts and heels, unless you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I can wear high heels and short skirts if I want to, but not sweat pants.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just kidding. What budget do I have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just try not to spend your salary before actually getting paid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. See you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rushed out of the office before Ben had the chance to give her back the now very clean red dress. Maybe he couldn’t understand it but for someone like her, that chance was a huge step and the first open door in years spent bumping into locked doors over and over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she laughed after accidentally stepping on someone’s foot as she ran on the streets with a huge smile on her face. She couldn’t wait to go to the mall and get some clothes. Of course, it was unlike her to spend too much money, so she already had in mind a couple of stores with reasonable prices and which allowed for the garments to be returned, just in case Solo made fun of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait… </span>
  </em>
  <span>she stopped in the middle of the street, just as she was about to join the other people waiting for the bus. What if Solo was indeed playing with her and getting revenge for the lies? If he made Voe go from a smart confident woman to a desperate puppy, then perhaps he could feign all that kindness just to give her a fatal blow. Even cats played with their prey and he sure liked entertaining himself with random women.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey grabbed her moon-shaped pendant and closed her eyes, praying to whoever was willing to listen to her and give her a sign.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there something in my hair?” she heard a woman speak next to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I felt something fall on- Again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s raining.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Raining?</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought Rey, opening her eyes and letting go of the pendant. It had been rather overcast ever since she’d left the house, but clouds were always playing tricks and the weather forecast had announced sunny days for the rest of the month. Besides, it hadn’t rained in months, so what were the odds-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s raining!” remarked someone else as the raindrops turned into a shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The people around her were either cheering or panicking but, unlike them, she didn’t care about the rain watering the lawns and cleaning the dusty streets, nor did she care about her hair getting wet and shoes getting muddy. Enjoying the raindrops running down her face, she thanked the skies for the good omen. Her godmother had taught her that rain on a wedding day meant prosperity for the newlyweds. Although her godmother was no longer by her side, she knew that it was going to mean the same for her.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: PLAZA - Personal (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUshgvt7I8U)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Lovesick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>According to her horoscope and the overwhelming excitement she felt, the first workday for Rey Jakkson was going to be amazing… or at least decent enough to give her hope that it was eventually only going to get even better. After all, for the first time in her life </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey Jakkson</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not Paige Tico, Maria Fernanda Reynolds, Rubi, Kiara or any other of her masks, was given a chance to be herself. She was even dressed up for the occasion! It wasn’t much and she was not fond of shirts, but her plain white T-shirt, grey cotton blazer and black palazzo pants were the best she was able to pull in such short notice. She did consider wearing high heels just to make an impression on her first day, but she eventually chose a pair of cheap pointed toe flats.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Calm down! </span>
  </em>
  <span>she scolded herself. It was so ridiculous that she was so anxious and excited about her job. After all, it was the same job as before with just a couple of minor changes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do I look?” she asked, putting on some more gloss, before another twirl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Rose was not really sharing her excitement. Her dear friend was Ben Solo’s biggest fan and she would have preferred keeping Rey as far away from him as possible. Alas, Rey was glad and quite proud of her job offer, so Rose was pretty much thankful to him for making her friend glow like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you taking a taxi or the bus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A taxi, but I’ll probably come back by bus. Mr Solo has only texted me to tell me that he has received my papers and that he’ll meet me at 9 o’clock in his office. I don’t know how to react around everyone else. I pretty much have to pretend that I don’t know anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll do wonderfully,” smiled Rose politely. “You have experience with playing a role. Just focus solely on your tasks and wait until they get used to you or tell them that you are a control freak and you had Paige give you every single detail.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That actually sounds like a good idea,” she clapped all excited, then grabbed her purse and ran to the door. “I’ll text you to tell you how things are going. Ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose only nodded and waited for her friend to leave, then looked around, reminding herself of her prison cell before she returned to her old trustworthy laptop to read her emails. All of her students were now probably on a plane to the beach, ready to enjoy their summer vacation, so she had a lot of free time on her hands. She was also in no mood to flirt with any strangers and arrange dates for Rey, who had already begged her to give up on them for a while, and there was enough food for the following days while that dump was quite clean despite its general state. So what else could she do on a Tuesday? The old Rose would have gone out for a walk in the park, but the new Rose was just a princess locked in the tower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Good morning, Miss Rose!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked in shock at the text message. She had expected the notification to be some newsletter or offer from the supermarket, even a late bill, but Armitage Hux? They shared a nice evening on Saturday, but she hadn’t expected him to text her. After all, they had talked only about Rey and their little lie, about her relationship with the real Paige and a little about his work and volunteering. If he wanted to chat some more about something else, he was going to end up disappointed, because she was out of any topics of discussion. Spending so much time inside had only made her more boring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;morning, mr hux&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;on your way to work?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why the hell was she asking him anything? The point was to get him to leave her alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’m actually taking this day off. My boss thinks that I’m working from home.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Also: shush! Don’t tell anyone!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman chuckled and found herself texting him back once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;promise but i might ask you for something in return&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Such as?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;idk anything?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Hmm… and here I was thinking that you’re the one owing me something.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, yeah! She had asked that total stranger to provide her the things she needed for Rey’s surprise, including the birthday gift. Armitage Hux, a freaking lawyer, played the errands boy for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;then i guess i have to give something in return&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Exactly!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;So how about a date?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;an online one?&gt;&gt; she snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Not if you answer the door.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door? It couldn’t… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to explore the city?” he asked her as soon as she opened the front door. Her jaw dropped for a moment, then she bit her tongue before accepting his invitation, knowing that her big mouth would have refused such an opportunity to go out. After all, she did have plenty of free time, but something else was still keeping her from going with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t really get out of the house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is your flatmate keeping you hostage? Because I can bring you back before her shift ends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that, Armitage, and you know it,” her voice gradually turned into a whisper as she lowered her gaze to draw his attention to her wheelchair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told you that I volunteer at a centre for disabled people of all kinds. If you think that a couple of floors can stop me, you’re mistaken.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Miss Ti-Rey. Sorry. The power of habit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey stopped rubbing her eyes and looked at her boss. Was he taller or was it his freshly shaven face making him look different than usual? Maybe it was the dark grey suit and dark circles under his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Sir?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Do you need anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, yes. Have you finished-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly stood up and handed him the two thick folders she had been working on the whole morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have and I have also updated the spreadsheets with the people confirming their presence at the event and their preferences. Anything else you want me to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile weakened her knees. He seemed so proud of her and, in her entire life, people had never been proud of her. No matter how much she had tried to win prizes and be the top of her class, everyone kept making her feel less than a slug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Join me for lunch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, was it lunchtime already?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But first, please order some pasta, unless you’d prefer sharing some erasers and pencils instead of actual food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sun-dried tomatoes, chicken and mushroom pasta?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know me so well,” he chuckled, heading back to his office. “And choose something for yourself, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought my meals aren’t included in this new contract.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t give you meal tickets, but I can invite you to eat with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he suggesting that they were going to eat together for however long was he going to keep her as his personal assistant? No more random dates? No more lists of random women and their preferences?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It doesn’t concern you, Rey!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Without wasting any more time, Rey called to order the food but waited for it to be delivered before she eventually joined Ben. It was not that she didn’t want to be in his presence. After all, he had called her a couple of times to give her various tasks and she spent enough time in his office to discuss some of those tasks. But it was different to be next to him and do nothing related to work while still keeping it all professional. That fantasy and her overall jealousy were so unlike her. She had no idea what was going on with mind and body, but one thing she was sure of. She wasn’t going to risk her job for anything in this world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t seen Mr Hux today,” she added as she sat down and picked her fork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He has some things to take care of at the courthouse or something like that, so he’s working from home. If there’s anything you need to communicate to him, send him an email.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine.” She took her own plate of pasta and hesitated then, after a long break, she finally spoke to him again. “Thank you. Thank you </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much for this chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to thank me,” he shrugged. “Just do your job like before, except for… you know… snooping around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she lowered her gaze. “So… can you tell me more about the books? Why does your mom write all of these tragic love stories and why are they always about vampires?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he took his time to analyse her questions, “my mom grew up surrounded by politicians and she hated that type of life, especially when she realized how fast time passed and how much she missed out as a mother and wife. So, after her mandate as a senator ended, she decided to retire earlier from politics and leave it all behind. But she was used to doing a lot and I was almost an adult and Kay was used to me as her parental figure more than to my mom or dad, so she realised that she really had to find some hobbies to help her make herself feel useful. One of those hobbies ended up being writing. She has a unique style as you must have noticed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” spoke Rey with her mouth full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what exactly could someone with her background write about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey wiped drops of sauce from around her mouth, trying to find an answer to his question. Truth be told, Leia Organa was the last person one could imagine writing romance novels, let alone vampire romances. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Detective stories?” she asked slightly embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much. Actually, she has published a couple of mystery novels - </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Aimee Barnard-Cross Mysteries</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I know that story! I mean, I’ve watched the TV series. I cried so much when Hope Greer found the truth about her parents and got her vengeance on Judith for blaming her mother for her father’s murder.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but while the series was being produced, she realised that she was getting bored with the characters. And then it hit her - vampires. Vampire novels were really popular back then and my mom had a huge stack of diaries left behind by my grandmother and by her adoptive parents. So she picked the steamiest romances and changed a couple of details, then included the vampiric element.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey coughed, choking on some basil, then took a sip of iced tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, so everything is almost real?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben nodded with a mysterious smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way!” her eyes grew wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Seeds of glass</span>
  </em>
  <span>? The real Vallen was in a coma and the man whom he saved took him under his wing because Agnieszka’s family wasn’t going to prioritise his future over their nephew’s, especially after the duel. The real Agnieszka was pregnant with her fiance’s child and when she saw Vallen - sorry, I don’t know their real names - she mistook him for a ghost. She was not in the best state of mind and her heart was weak, so no one really knew how she truly died. Some said that Vallen pushed her off the balcony, while he claimed that she fell on her own but, again, no one knows if it was an accident, if she killed herself or if she had a heart attack and lost her balance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the other Agnes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Misha? Apparently, she looked a lot like Agnieszka but had other priorities and plans for her life. She married him on his deathbed. So, if you think that my mom is the one hating romance and happy endings, it’s not her. It’s life, the one hating such things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pouted and put down her plate. Unlike Ben, her appetite was bigger and she had already finished her lunch and was ready to listen to some more stories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Limerence</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guy goes to war and his pregnant girlfriend marries someone else while he’s believed to be dead. He returns many years later and everyone is dead, except for his daughter and her half-sister, who becomes slightly obsessed with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, how great for women,” she rolled her eyes. “Always marry the second choice out of necessity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re romanticizing first loves too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t!” she snorted. “I romanticize true love! You see… in one episode of </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Aimee Barnard-Cross Mysteries</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I was disappointed when Aimee decided to stay with her baby’s father instead of her true love, especially after admiring her for getting over her first boyfriend so unapologetically quick. All of her relationships came to an end when the equality between the two of them became unbalanced… and then she suddenly decided to stay with that boring trash, just because of their child.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But how do you even know when it’s true love? </span>
  <em>
    <span>What even</span>
  </em>
  <span> is true love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey closed her mouth and her gaze rested on her boss’ full lips. His questions were referring strictly to fictional stories, but she couldn’t help wondering - what did she truly know about true love or love in general?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever fallen in love, Mr Solo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s first reaction was to tell her to mind her own business and to remember her place. But he had a soft spot for her, so instead of scolding her, he only sighed at the sight of the shorter strands of hair touching her chin, wishing it was his own finger touching it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No…” he admitted. “I don’t really believe in love. I find it poetic and meaningful in literature and art in general, but I don’t believe in the existence of a special feeling. It’s just attachment and codependency and, eventually, lust.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were your parents not in love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clenched his jaw and squeezed the napkin in his fist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think they ever were. It was nothing but lust.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about your sister and Paige?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Attachment and-” he stopped before revealing too much. “Attachment, lust, loneliness, codependency… The same old story. She’s suffering just as I would suffer if I were to lose something that is part of my routine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey tilted her head and giggled, making him blush, flustered. The sound of her laughter was making his hunger grow bigger and it was not about pasta. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you mean that not even your parents love you? Or your sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again, my sweet Rey, attachment and, in my parents’ case, instinct.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was the heartless one, the one who couldn’t love, the one whose parents had never loved her, but she couldn’t find the heart to tell him that he was exaggerating and being quite a drama queen. Maybe his childhood and overall experience were enough to sustain his disdain. Once again, she had to remind herself that it wasn’t really her business to judge his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know what’s with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you could use some dessert,” she tried to lighten up the mood, finally succeeding, because Ben looked at her with an amused look on his face. The girl was right, even though she had no idea what was his favourite dessert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to order you anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>hungry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe a chicken wrap or some crepes or a muffin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How much it would cost him to throw her on his desk, pull down those too damn large pants and have some dessert right from her-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thank you,” he said, putting down his plate. “I want you to do something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tension was contagious, so Rey straightened her back and gulped, guessing what he was about to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to make a reservation for two. I’ll give you the details in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew the procedure and she also knew that she had to be mature and accept the nature of their relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Considering that I’m now your personal assistant, I suggest you give me your whole list or let me have a copy so that I can take care of everything for you. You know I’m good at organizing your files.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At organizing files and at pretending that everything was fine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This was wonderful!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Other than feeling satisfied with certain monetary successes and the most recent girl night with Rey, Rose couldn’t even remember the last time she felt so happy. Armitage took her for a stroll in the old city, where they stopped at a restaurant for some Greek food after he got tired of pushing her chair up the slopey streets. They ate some moussaka while on the stage, in front of the history museum, groups of children were taking turns reciting poems, singing or showing their other talents in front of their parents, teachers and classmates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s funny,” she said, smiling. “They make me feel nostalgic, yet I don’t even remember doing any of these. My parents had photos of Paige and me on the stage, but I have no idea what exactly we were doing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage thanked the waitress for bringing them some portokalopita, then looked at Rose, who was glowing. She had been indeed a flower deprived of sun and fresh air for too long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was always the one presenting and introducing the acts. I don’t know if I had no talent or if I was so boring as a child that they had no other role for me. Or maybe they knew that I had no one to watch me perform.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I ask what happened to your father?” she spoke, still looking at a group of children performing on the stage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s alive, but we’re not close. He sent me to boarding school after my mom died and paid for my education until I started earning scholarships. I eventually saved the money he was sending me to buy the apartment I live in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any siblings?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe? I don’t even know.” He paused for a moment to drink some water, then licked his lips with his eyes still focused on Rose’s adorable puffy cheeks and her long eyelashes touching them each time she smiled and closed her eyes. “Don’t you want portokalopita? It’s really delicious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thanks,” she finally turned to look at him. “I do, but I ate that moussaka like a famished wolf and now my belly needs some rest. I haven’t realised how much I missed going out just to have lunch somewhere else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel you. During weekdays, I’m usually at work and, on weekends, I’m too tired to move. Gladly, I have Ben and Kaydel and we spend time together like a family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose still didn’t like that man and his sister, but she said nothing out of respect for Armitage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you comfortable?” he asked after he noticed her not move or say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… yeah…” She grabbed a fork and took a bite. “I was just thinking about where we should go after we finish eating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The park is close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, how I miss going for a walk in the park! I used to love picking up chestnuts. I once made my mom carry a huge shopping bag full of chestnuts all the way back home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you even do with them?” he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, to be honest. They were not the edible type and my dad was not home, so I think we used them as decorations in the garden.” She sighed and Hux gave her his glass of water as hers was already empty. “I never knew how much I actually had back then. We were not even middle class, but we had our tiny family and our house with a garden. Now I have nothing except my brain and Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux bit the inside of his cheek and fought the urge to touch her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to your parents?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” she shrugged, then touched her bottom lip with her finger, making Armitage follow the gentle brushes. “To be honest, I don’t actually remember. I just </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>that they died and Paige worked and used her scholarship to raise me. Of course, I earned my own money winning different contests until I reached the legal age to have access to the funds left by my parents on my name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a fighter,” he spoke with admiration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m no winner… not anymore”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, Hux did reach for her hand and squeezed it gently. He had wanted to tell her she had him and his heart, which she had won at first sight but he didn’t want to scare her or rush anything. Maybe age was affecting men just as it was affecting women and it was not fair to pressure the much younger Rose just because he was lonely and single.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to go get an ice-cream?” he changed the subject and Rose nodded with a mischievous smile. She was reading him like an open book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Armitage paid the bill, they left the restaurant and followed the ancient road, right behind a group of tourists, until they reached the town hall and the park surrounding it just as the sky was getting darker. Armitage was already panting and out of breath when they found the ice-cream vendor by the old carousel. With the machine still being repaired and painted, there were few people gathered around to buy ice-cream from that stall, despite the unique flavours. The peach sorbet even reminded Rose of Rey and, for a moment, she felt bad for having fun and flirting with Armitage, while her poor friend was working and having to deal with that womanizer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want coconut too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she shook her head. “Chocolate chip pistachio.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage handed her the ice cream cone and, after paying the vendor, pushed her chair to a remote bench under a linden tree. He was about to sit down too when something passed by him and jumped into Rose’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hi!” spoke the young woman in a soft tone as she scratched the ginger cat behind the ear. “Who are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A stray,” remarked Hux, slightly jealous that another ginger was getting Rose’s attention. The cat meowed at him, then continued purring with each pat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s so lovely. Wouldn’t you like to adopt her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” he snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. You said it yourself that you’re so lonely all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m at work all the time and she obviously likes you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cats aren’t like dogs. They are more independent and, gladly, don’t really need long walks around the block. However, she would need to be seen by a vet and I can’t do this for her. I don’t have the means to take care of a cat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey could take her to the vet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m talking about money, Armitage,” she rolled her eyes. “Money and even time. Rey is already busy with her own life and job. She doesn’t need another mouth to feed and take to the doctor. You, however, seem to like poor unfortunate souls.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a cat person, Rose,” he continued eating his ice-cream. He could get used to a pet, but he abhorred the idea of getting attached and having that pet run away or die out of the blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, she’s blind,” noticed Rose, then looked at him suggestively, knowing that someone like him would not refuse a creature in need.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” he capitulated. “But if I’m going to be the father, you can at least be the godmother. Just don’t name her something like Tinkerbell or Graziela.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about Millicent?” she laughed, while he froze as memories emerged from the deepest corners of his mind. Millicent was once his mother’s old cat, who died a couple of weeks before his mother did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why this name?” he asked all serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the grandma from </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Aimee Barnard-Cross Mysteries</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She was blind and she used to be ginger, We can call her Millie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t say no to that happy face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adorable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to hold her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you should hold her. It’s starting to rain and we should go back to the car if you want me to take you back home until Rey comes back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no reason for Rose to hide anything from Rey, yet something was pressuring her or just encouraging her to enjoy her own privacy. Besides, given her own disapproval of Rey’s friendship with that Solo guy, she didn’t want to cause any drama between her friend and her or remind her of how lonely she truly was all day long in that empty dump and make her feel guilty. That was why despite the persistent shower, she did not ask Armitage to stop and hide somewhere until the rain stopped. Her hair was all wet, her clothes felt like another layer of skin and poor Millie was constantly trying to escape and hide. By the time they finally reached the car, they were soaking wet and Hux had to turn on the heating to warm themselves up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, to think of, I could use a pet,” she giggled, still trembling after he put her back in her chair. There wasn’t much time left until Rey’s arrival, yet she didn’t want Armitage to leave. She wanted him just to go back and get Millie from the car and stay there with her the entire night, watching </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Aimee Barnard-Cross Mysteries</span>
  </em>
  <span> and cuddling in that miserable old sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could come visit me… </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it too much effort to keep carrying me down the stairs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if you stay for more than just a couple of hours. You and Millie could use some time together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she was reading too much into his words, but was he suggesting moving in with him? Because that was outrageous! They were still strangers and… well… He was kneeling in front of her, with his hair wet and his eyes glowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armie,” she moaned his name as she took advantage of his position. She grabbed his face and pulled him closer, locking lips with him. It had been years since she had last kissed a man, yet Armitage kissing her back made her regain all the confidence she had once lost. His beard was both scratching her and tickling her, but she was mostly preoccupied with tasting the coconut flavour off his lips and tongue. And she wanted so much more! She wanted to throw him on the old sofa and make love to him, but as she attempted to move, a sharp pain cut off her breath and she pulled away. Hux didn’t notice the pained look on her face or at least he must have mistaken it for something else, because he just got up and covered his mouth with his fingers, all flustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose nodded, unable to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She said nothing and just watched him close the door for her as she counted to twenty before she locked that old door and went to change her clothes. It was still early, so there was not going to be any hot water at the hour, but at least she could hide under her blanket for the rest of the day. By the time she heard Rey walk into the room, her hair was already dry and she was half-asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok, Ro?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, just a bit tired. How was it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was definitely anything but fine. Rose peaked at her friend from under the blanket and watched her brush her hair and get ready to shower. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Rey,” she stopped her from leaving. “Don’t you ever get bored with this life we’ve been living for the past four years?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No day is the same, so I can’t ever get bored. But I’m afraid one day I’ll be done with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How funny. Unlike her, Rey was still able to carry on, because the more she was thinking about her life and their situation, the more she realised how done she already was with everything.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: BANKS - Lovesick (https://youtu.be/2ThZeAyH_x8)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Pain & Pleasure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was soon going to be five weeks since her self-exile and the more days passed, the more Kaydel realised that there was not going to ever get better. The first week was a timeless mess of waking up only when the sun went down, then going out to watch the clouds in the night sky and count the stars whenever she could see some. Sometimes it rained and she had to be dragged inside and forced by her mother’s cries to eat something before she would dry like a raisin. Each time, she only laughed, wondering if she was ever going to write a novel about a vampire princess falling for a human whose life was so fragile that it ended long before she got to see her one last time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beethoven isn’t really one of your favourites.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ignored her brother, focusing on her fingers making music until he sat by her side and joined her to her discontent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Had you arrived earlier,” she added in a cold tone, “you could have played with me at my </span>
  <em>
    <span>invitation </span>
  </em>
  <span>and you wouldn’t have bothered me like you’re doing now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lacrimosa </span>
  </em>
  <span>is not the same with only one instrument.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m saving myself for that Adagio in G Minor for your funeral.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel stopped playing the piano and glared at Ben, whose serene face couldn’t hide the worry in his eyes. He was not judging her, but pitying her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don't go full Carl Orff at my funeral, I’m dragging you to hell with me but not before haunting you for the rest of your horny life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite her joke, Ben was not impressed with the brave face she was putting on. He watched her leave and approach her chevalet, dragging her feet and long sweatpants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shower,” she said, devouring a croissant, “and I even take long baths now, that I no longer feel the need to go underwater and drown myself. My hair is a bit messy but it is brushed and so are my teeth. My clothes are clean too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I’m not talking about that. You’re… </span>
  <em>
    <span>pale</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And so are you!” she snapped with her mouth full. “Let me be! At least I’m grieving! What’s your excuse? Have all the pretty little pastry chefs denied you their desserts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben lowered his gaze and looked at his shaky hands. It was taking him too much energy already to just drive to work and back. And all because his body and mind were working against his soul, both obsessing over the same thing and not allowing him to live like the others of his kind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” Kaydel insisted but ended up rolling her eyes after he continued to look at her like an empty shell. “Come see my latest masterpiece.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she was referring to one of her paintings like that, then that was a good sign. At least her self-esteem was showing signs of returning to its normal self. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful,” he smiled at the tones of grey shaping the face of whom he guessed it was the one and only real Paige Tico. And despite its style resembling an inkblot from a Rorschach test, her eyes still seemed haunting. It was similar to a shadow left behind by a ghost ready to roam around the house and feed on the sorrow of those living there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw it as a homage to fading memories. This is how we end up remembering those whom we’ve lost or haven’t seen in a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should experiment with this concept and I can get someone to exhibit your work. The grandniece of an old friend of mom’s is a curat-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, don’t pressure me,” she turned her back on him to return to the piano. “Mom is coming back in less than fifteen minutes. Do you want to join us for breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His lips thinned in a firm line as he checked the old clock, confirming his sister’s words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go back to work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, then.” Kaydel smiled, satisfied that her brother’s love for her wasn’t that big to convince him to spend time with the family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One more thing,” he stopped on his way out. “Please come to the event. I’ve worked so much on this project and you helped me too, so I’d want you to be there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her fingers froze above the piano keys. There was no point in asking if his little obsession was going to be there. After all, the traitor had hired her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noticing her mood worsening, Ben left the house, trying his best to ignore the memories of his lonely childhood. The old topiaries and statues were now replaced by a maze of trellises covered in flowers in bloom. Yet, looking back at that white mansion, whatever warmth he felt in the front yard, it was not enough to make that house seem less empty and cold. How funny that he was looking forward to that party when his entire life the parties had only made him feel even more alone. He was alone at work, too… or at least he used to be. Now, even when Hux was missing or was busy doing his own chores and overall job, he had that someone whom he wanted by his side all the time. That very someone who was walking under her purple umbrella with the yellow logo belonging to some vitamin c supplements brand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey!” he called her name after he pulled down the window. “Rey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl jumped startled and looked at him, terrified, until she recognized him and her shoulders relaxed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come!” he invited her, unlocking the doors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but the bus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s pouring and it’s going to be full of people. Are you really willing to be late for work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His question came as a jab at her recent coldness and obsession with avoiding him, which made him regret asking her to keep it professional. Of course, he wouldn’t have wanted her to turn into another Voe Ritter, but he absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>her refusal to discuss anything not related to work. She had even returned Kaydel’s copies of their mom’s books without mentioning anything except for her gratitude for lending her the whole collection. He had wanted her to be fierce and fight for the true love of those silly fictional characters. Instead, she had only resumed each volume and series as ‘nice’ or ‘interesting’. It was as if she was turning back into the fake Paige Tico, although even that mask of hers had more of a personality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she finally said, holding her purple umbrella and getting inside the car. She was wearing dark grey jeans, flats and a white T-shirt under her usual blazer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You usually arrive at work much earlier. Is there something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally! She was finally making small talk!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I went to visit my sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, how is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s making some tiny progress. It isn’t much but she’s painting again, without setting the canvas on fire after finishing and playing the piano. It was a relief to hear her play music instead of listening to </span>
  <em>
    <span>My Immortal</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the millionth time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like </span>
  <em>
    <span>My Immortal</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” whispered Rey, looking at her recently painted nude nails. She lifted her head only when she heard him laugh and, after the initial shock, she chuckled, too. “I must say that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Crawling </span>
  </em>
  <span>was my anthem, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t take you for the angry type. Given your age and your personality, I might have suggested some emo ballads.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I was the walking impersonation of anger,” she snorted. “I was so frustrated about everything… poverty, hunger, bullying, my parents treating me like trash… Actually, I think I mistook the song for another. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Numb </span>
  </em>
  <span>was my anthem and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Crawling </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the song I related to during my crazy moments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crazy moments?” he lifted an eyebrow in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just some silly meltdowns I’ve learnt to control over time. My mind was turning blurry and it felt as if my mind and my body were different entities and I was stuck somewhere in between, unable to control either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How odd,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ben furrowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It usually happened when I was feeling emotionally drain-RED LIGHT!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The last thing Rey remembered was the sound made by the wheels when Ben braked and stopped the car right in the middle of the crossroad, soon followed by the sound of the car crashing into theirs. She held her eyes shut the entire time while her trembling hands covered her ears and continued keeping them like that until they took her to the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss?” she pulled the sleeve of one of the nurses in the emergency room. The woman didn’t even turn to look at her but she was sure she heard her. “Miss, for how long do I have to stay here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until the results are out. Please don’t move. I know you’re not comfortable but-Please stay where you are and don’t disturb other patients!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed, quite sure that it was impossible for her to move in the first place, then felt his presence and his delicious fingers touching hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo, please go back to your bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse’s voice was somehow softer and less annoyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve already signed the papers to be released. I’m just checking on her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s very considerate of yo-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just five minutes. For old times’ sake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes at her old high school buddy, she pulled the curtain around the bed, leaving the two of them to enjoy some privacy. However, the bluish shade of the curtains was making Rey feel trapped between walls and reminded her of her childhood claustrophobia and the roots of that fear. Being locked in the broom closet in order to have her panic attacks ‘cured’ had never been more damaging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry. I don’t know where my mind was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was now holding her hand tightly, his warmth almost feeding her energy or the lifeforce she was missing following the accident. And it was no surprise, after all, that he barely had any scratches and a bruise from the airbag because he was not the one whose side was dragged all over the road. She was the one who hit her head and whose arm was grazed and who had stitches after the glass had pierced her face. Her neck and knees were also hurting and that uncomfortable bed was making things only worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It could have been worse,” she mumbled. “Though my beautiful blazer is gone and I don’t know where my shoes are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smiled but the guilt was still very obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she tried to look positive, “can you come closer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not letting go of her hand, Ben leaned in and felt a shudder when she put her bandaged hand on his nape to pull him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can that magic tongue of yours do something about my head wound? Everyone has forgotten about it and left me with only a patch,” she whispered in his ear. Ben’s eyes grew bigger then he smirked. For whoever was going to accidentally stumble upon them, it was going to look like a kiss on the forehead. Only they would know about him removing her provisory bandage and slowly licking the cut on her forehead. With each touch of his tongue, Rey’s mind was only experiencing again that daydream, imagining him between her legs, warming her up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben…” she moaned quietly and squeezed his nape, feeling her fingers slightly numb. She wasn’t sure whether it had to do with the bandages but it was a different type of numbness and, for a moment, she thought he felt it too because he turned his head and it seemed as if he wanted to kiss her palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has anyone found out about the accident?” she asked him once he got up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably the press and I called Hux to ask him to go to the police for me but if you’re referring to Rose, no. I must say that I haven’t even thought about calling her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want her to know just yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t tell her,” he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not worried about you. I’m talking about Mr Hux.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben was completely lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He-Don’t tell me you don’t know,” she snorted, though it hurt like hell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Know what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s been visiting Rose. She has kept it a secret but the living room was drenched in his perfume, there are things in the house Rose wouldn’t have been able to get and I found his tie pin under the sofa. I thought you sent him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did send him once but that was after you found the list-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey Jakkson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse pulled the curtain, exposing them like two silly teenagers hiding in a treehouse, and a doctor approached them. The man had initially correctly assumed that the one with the more bruises was Rey but something forced him to take a second look at both of them. That couldn’t have been Rey Jakkson because he knew the young woman as… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey froze hearing her old name, hoping that the nurse’s name was Maria or that he was addressing anyone else but her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria Reynolds? Mrs Victoria’s granddaughter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m your grandmother’s next-door neighbour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re confusing her for someone else,” interfered Ben. “She is Rey Jakkson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprised by his gesture, Rey remained silent and waited for the slightly embarrassed doctor to clear his throat and read her the results.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me. So… There are many bone fractures in your body but they are old ones. There are no new ones, which is great. In fact, the only worrying aspects are the low levels of iron and calcium.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m already taking supplements and trying to eat healthy foods.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, then. I’m going to prescribe you some pain killers but you must write down each time you take a pill. If the pain doesn’t go away or if you’re starting to feel nausea and dizziness in the next 72 hours, you have to come back for another check-up. And I would recommend you to rest for a couple of days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all?” she asked in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. You’re free to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she was exaggerating given her own emotional involvement in Rose’s accident but the whole thing seemed so superficial. She had almost died and was not allowed to move barely a couple of moments ago and now she was just fine and free to go. And the doctor still had the audacity to remind her of her traumas when he saw her with a black eye and a bloody lip and heard her call for help countless times? So it wasn’t really a matter of minding one’s business - it was cruel ignorance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ouch,” she flinched when the nurse removed the needle. She then helped her get up to remove the cervical collar and, now that she was no longer lying down, she wasn’t that uncomfortable anymore, although her knees were still hurting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s an Uber waiting for us,” said Ben, giving her a pair of slippers. “Do you want me to take you home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet. I’d rather go to work and do something… be productive and forget about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, then I’ll text Hux to meet us at work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t you go to the police?” she asked, following him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not hurrying to pay a fine and have my driver’s license suspended for three months,” he sighed. “I do have between forty-eight hours and two weeks to declare why I didn’t stop at the red light.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the other driver? How is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In more trouble, apparently. He had alcohol in his system and he had also ignored the red light.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was referring to his health,” Rey rolled her eyes as she got inside the Uber. “Is he fine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some broken ribs and a concussion. We’re all survivors, Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unlike some other people… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I ask,” he cleared his throat once the driver left the hospital behind them. “What’s with the bone fractures? Were you fragile as a child or did you fall a lot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey would have laughed at his question had she had any fun memories. Instead, she could almost feel the hand grabbing her arm and pulling her closer for another slap.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t you dare! You’re only making things worse for you!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I didn’t do anything!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> a maybe eight-year-old or younger Rey cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t talk back to me, you useless cow!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> her mother screamed at her before another slap followed. It was that day she broke her arm. That woman had told everyone that the clumsy stupid Maria Fernanda fell off her bike again and they all believed her, although everyone knew that the poor clumsy Maria Fernanda had no bike and had never ridden one. In fact, she could now remember that after the incident, someone had gifted her a new bike, which was immediately sold to pay for her mother’s outfit for the New Year’s Eve party. Party during which Maria Fernanda had been locked in the broom closet, crying and panicking at the sound of the fireworks and crackers which sounded to her like gunshots from those action movies her father used to watch all night long, keeping her awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s hand was on hers, trying to pull it away from her arm. The scratches left on her arm by her own nails were already stinging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want me to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She licked her lips and nodded. However, by that time, she already knew how curious Mr Solo was, so, with her gaze lowered on his thighs, she resumed her past in one simple sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a rough childhood. Anyway… do you know where my purse is?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hux has it.” He was still stuck on her mysterious backstory and didn’t know how to avoid any invasive questions. Sometimes, he was truly his father’s son and had the delicacy of a bulldozer. “I think you should change your T-shirt. There’s blood on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, darn it,” she mumbled. “I guess I need a personal assistant to go to the supermarket to get me a cheap one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smirked, only then realising that even in his very expensive shirt there were tiny tears from the shattered glass, as well as some bloodstains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always have a spare. Accidents do happen, though it is usually about spilling coffee or getting tomatoes on my clothes. And… actually, there’s still that bag with Kaydel’s clothes I’ve lent you…  unless you want to put on your red charmed dress.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she laughed. “I’ve completely forgotten about that dress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it mean that you haven’t needed it lately?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey bit her bottom lip, noticing his eyes following each gesture she made.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that one. You’ve kept me too busy to go out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The innocent look on his face was not going to impress her or fool her - not when his eyes showed his true mischievous self.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway,” she coughed. “How about your after-hours schedule? Have I been doing a good job at planning and tracking your… meetings?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve done a wonderful job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conflict in her was tearing her apart. Her ego as a secretary or personal assistant was satisfied by his remark, while her ego as a woman was hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“However,” he eventually added after a long sigh, “I think I’ve changed my tastes in terms of… dessert. I haven’t felt comfortable in the past month. Each meeting made me want to run away as soon as my… </span>
  <em>
    <span>partner </span>
  </em>
  <span>joined me for dessert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The euphemisms were a little bit difficult to follow but Rey was a smart girl, despite her family’s claims. It was pretty clear that her womanizer boss ended up getting betrayed by his own lust and greed. He was no longer finding pleasure in any of his dates and it was, somehow, satisfying. She was glad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your head?” he changed the subject. “And arm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Decent. I’ll see tomorrow if I’m still completely functional.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can take days off if you want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again? I don’t want to make a hobby out of this. I really like my job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Because I’m getting used to you and your help and the event is only a few days away… Hux has been busy, apparently, dating your friend…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was such a child, yet she was fascinated with him, which was perhaps not that surprising, considering that her mind was maybe a little foggy and she couldn’t feel her body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was in that IV bag?” she asked, surprisingly relaxed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mostly Sodium Chloride.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why do I feel so butterfly-ish?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butterfly-ish?” he laughed with his fingers massaging hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel surrounded and carried by blue butterflies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean you feel as if you’re floating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except for the ridiculous description, he felt the same. He had refused any treatment from the very beginning, so he could only assume that those were only the psychological aftermaths of the car crash but the funny part was that it was not the first time he was like that. And while he could associate the feeling with the exact things that made him float, he couldn’t comprehend why would Rey feel like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, have you ever-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to leave you here or somewhere else?” the driver interrupted him. He had completely forgotten about him. The poor man probably thought they were crazy or high as a kite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here is fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waited for the driver to park the car, then he got out before Rey in order to offer her his hand and help her get out in a scene which, in Rey’s mind, resembled the bonding moments from romance novels. They were even going to share an umbrella till they reached the entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Umbrella?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was so worried,” spoke Hux, holding his own umbrella. Ben then took the other one and guided Rey inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The rain slowed us down. Thank you for everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re both fine,” he said, although he had already noticed Hux looking at Rey’s bandaged arm and slippers. “Anything you want to tell me? I want to go get changed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing new. Just make time to go give your statement and pay the fine. I’ll see for your car. It’s pretty damaged but nothing that can’t be repaired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll email the insurance company soon. Anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The press tried to get some info and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>they have nothing else to write about,” he rolled his eyes. “Armitage, please make sure with Phasma that everything is perfect before the event. That’s my priority right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can count on me. And Rey,” he added once they stepped out of the elevator, “your belongings are on your desk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey thanked him before he went to the right, then looked at Ben, who was already unlocking his office, slightly confused by his behaviour. She waited for him to go inside, wondering if he was like that because he wanted to keep up appearances or because of the crash, then went to her own desk to check her phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Twenty-seven missed calls from Rose and countless text messages. It was unlike her to call her so many times unless something bad happened and her first assumption was that something bad had happened to her friend. It was only after she scrolled through the messages that she stopped holding her breath and exhaled loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i saw the news online please call me&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;rey!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i know you were involved in that accident!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;don’t hide it from me!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;just freaking call me!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;please call me when you get your phone back&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That last text was quite a giveaway. She surely must have called Hux to ask for information and, despite her wish of never wanting Rose to know about the crash or at least keep it a secret until she would have seen her safe and sound, she was glad that he told her first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir,” she called Ben, entering his office with her eyes still glued to her phone. The landline kept calling and he was surely pretending it was not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” she answered as the caller refused to give up. “Mr Solo’s office. This is Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is my son there?” asked the upset caller.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Son</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Was that… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo is not here at the moment but he should be back soon,” she barely hid her excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tell him that we need to discuss this weekend’s… event.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, are you attending the launch party too? I haven’t seen your name on the list.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other woman hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… yes… Yes. This is why I called.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He probably thought that you’ll come with Kaydel and that an invitation is too formal for his own mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… probably,” mumbled Leia again, making Rey feel a bit awkward. The young woman squeezed the cord between her fingers, then quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I get your email address to send you the invitation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s leia.organa.solo@skywalkerprop.com.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Done. I’ll send you the email in a couple of minutes. Do you want me to put you on hold until Mr Solo comes back or just tell him to call you back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After another pause, Leia snorted, slightly annoyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt he is in the mood to call me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Poor thing…</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought Rey. Hux must have told her about the crash and she used the event as an excuse to get in touch with her estranged son. The least Rey could have done was tell her the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He has only a couple of small cuts on his face but he is fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What on Earth are you talking about, girl?” she asked, cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The car accident from this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another pause. Maybe she was like her grandma Elena and had trouble focusing and remembering things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah. Anyway… don’t worry. Just send me the invitation and I’ll call my son later when he’ll be in a better mood. Just please don’t tell him about my call.  He’ll get all… </span>
  <em>
    <span>grumpy</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have my word.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then goodbye, Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remembered her name!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Mrs Organa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only did she speak to her favourite author but Leia Organa remembered her name! It was only a three-letter long name but she still remembered it!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there something good to eat today or were you hit by the realization that we’re alive and well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey stopped twirling and her large smile vanished as soon as she noticed his unbuttoned clean shirt. She had completely forgotten about the small closet. Probably because the sliding door was the same colour and texture as the wooden panels covering the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mushroom and spinach lasagna and yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keeping his mother’s secret, her gaze lowered on his abdomen. What was that word Rose used for describing that actor she liked so much? Oh, yeah! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shredded</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Ben Solo was as shredded as a sex icon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who called?” he asked, continuing to button his other sleeve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone wanted a last-minute addition,” she lied. “The lady wants to bring her partner to the launch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As if we hadn’t given them almost a month to decide such things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it a problem if I accepted?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t worry. I’m used to people suddenly bringing their toddlers or someone they want to impress on my expense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did she feel the urge to smile at his sassy remarks? And not in an amused way but in a smitten way. Was it because his messy hair and stubble were making him look so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>delicious</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaydel’s clothes are in the closet if you want to get changed and, if you don’t mind, please take care of those things I’ve discussed with Hux in the elevator. You can take my tablet and make yourself comfortable on the sofa. Feel free to ask me anything you don’t know or have doubts about. Also, if you want to leave earlier or start feeling unwell, don’t hesitate to tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her attention had been dedicated entirely to his big hands and those long and thick fingers, her mind creating all sorts of scenarios around the idea of being touched by him. Oh, his hands on her body, squeezing her in his arms and inviting her to touch his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Sir!” she nodded all flustered. “I’m your personal assistant. I know what to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she knew what to do even later that evening. The building was pretty much empty and even Hux had left sometime after lunch. She would have also left, had it not been for her boss insisting to share an Uber and take her home to make sure that she got there safely. However, the rain had not only slowed down the traffic but completely blocked it, leaving them completely stuck in his office. But, at least, they were not bored. Rey was sitting on the floor with her head lying on the sofa and arms crossed, listening to the song coming through the speakers. The lights off and only the occasional bolts of lightning were making Ben’s face more visible, but that was fine. She didn’t want to see him. Not when she knew that his shirt was once again unbuttoned after his shaky hands made him spill his cup of decaf coffee on the beautiful sky blue shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a mozzarella stick I hear you eating?” she giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s actually a chocolate truffle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She suddenly got up and almost jumped at his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you get that from and why are you not sharing it with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since when do bosses share their truffles with their employees?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since my shift ended over an hour ago. We’re in the after-hours and you’re obliged to share.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” he laughed. “Says who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your inner morality.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben choked on the truffle as he laughed at Rey who, in return, snatched the remaining sweets. Ben immediately tried to get them back, catching her from behind in a poor attempt to get some of the truffles back. But, between all the giggles and fighting, Rey ended up eating some and squeezing the others until they turned into a disgusting molten mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? This is what you get for not sharing with your starving secretary!” laughed Rey, smudging the chocolate all over his face, then ran out of the office to go to the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remind me not to ever underestimate your cruelty and hunger!” she heard him shout from the men’s bathroom. The water was running, so she didn’t say anything as he wouldn’t have heard her anyway and just let her smile turn into a pained grimace. She quickly washed her hands with the lavender-scented foam, then proceeded to rip the bandage off her arm. The fighting, although innocent and playful, had made some of the fresh scabs open and she was bleeding again. Although it was unlike her to behave so snobbishly, she cursed that hospital for poor people. She would have been treated much better at that private clinic and she wouldn’t have had to hear Ben flirt with that nurse or have that doctor remind her of her past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?” she heard Ben call her. The truth was that she was not ok. She had washed off her wounded arm and had so sadistically peeled off the protective crust until her limb was nothing but a bloody mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” Ben panicked at the sight of blood. He had been waiting for her in the corridor, with his front locks wet and dripping water, and had expected her to come out with a mischievous smile, ready to ask him to get her some snacks from the employee’s lounge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come!” he rushed back to his office. “I have an emergency kit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He turned on the lamp on his desk but was immediately stopped by Rey’s hand pulling him by his pinky finger. He turned to look at her and watched her sit down back on the floor and invite him next to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heal me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slightly afraid that she was going to start asking questions, Ben kneeled in front of her and pressed his lips on her skin. As his tongue licked the blood, making her whimper in pain at the first sting of saliva, Rey eventually found herself moaning after each tickling sensation of her skin healing. She didn’t even notice when his body overpowered hers and made it surrender under his weight but she surely welcomed his lips on hers. He tasted like chocolate, coconut and blood and she could have devoured his mouth. Moreover, she would have so willingly let him devour her entirely. Too bad the Uber driver had to call to announce that he finally turned up…</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Black Atlass - Pain &amp; Pleasure (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP9PuakXF04)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Run Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>
      
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t cry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have been quite selective but I wanted to ask for your opinion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>DON’T. CRY.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok with this one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose’s voice was finally making its way through the void in Rey’s mind. She had been staring at the clock for only a couple of moments, not listening to her friend at all and waiting for time to pass. And the time had indeed passed because when she sat on the sofa earlier, it was only seven o’clock and now it was half-past nine and no signs from her boss. Was he also only now experiencing the emotional aftermaths of the accident? Because her head was exploding and she sure was jumpier than back when her mom used to ground her every weekend for the tiniest reasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was getting so sick of that name already. Maybe it was time to reinvent herself. After a long break during which she would only hide under the most comfortable blanket in the world and get up to explore her long-forgotten hobbies and to read. Perhaps she could find online those old comic books she used to adore when she was in second grade? The ones her parents threw away while she was at school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I’ve been through what you’re going right now. Last night you were fine… </span>
  <em>
    <span>decent </span>
  </em>
  <span>but I know that it doesn’t hit you right away. It takes its time and, usually, a good night’s sleep. Trauma waits for you to get comfortable to truly kick in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey checked her work phone but there were still no calls or texts from her boss. What if something happened to that stubborn idiot all because he refused to be checked up?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This shock is only the beginning. You will notice that you’re going to grow afraid of the slightest loud sound, speed and the cars passing by the one you’re in. You’ll be afraid even of crossing the street in a group or get on the bus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Good morning, Sir! Do you want me to prepare anything for today?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you can ask your boss to allow you to work from home? He has already given you that work phone and I can lend you my laptop. I know this dump doesn’t have too much to offer but it is enough for a couple of days away from the office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’ll email you some tasks. I won’t be at the office today.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Everything fine?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Almost perfect. You?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’m fine.&gt;&gt; She took her time to reply. Her memory was rather fuzzy, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;You can work from home if you want to.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except that wasn’t really her home anymore and she didn’t want to be there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must go,” Rey announced Rose as she got up. Rose opened her mouth, but Rey didn’t allow her o protest or advise her to reconsider going out so soon after the accident. She just put on her old sneakers and Rose’s red hoodie and refused to address any words to her friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…” whispered Rose, heartbroken. The time had come, after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;how are you?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She deleted the text to write something else but she was out of ideas. Her hands were shaking and her mind seemed to have been frozen, while her spirit was far away from her body. She was not going to faint - her mind was too chaotic and active to shut down but she recognized the signs of a panic attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t forget the big box!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was she now hearing voices as well? That was new.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I treasure my dresses more than my life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Kanata!” she called, reaching the door. She opened it with difficulty as the bloody thing decided to get stuck right at that moment, then looked at a younger and taller woman who was definitely not Mrs Kanata. The other woman was obviously startled by the noise coming out of her throat and she looked at her with parted lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose?” cried Maz, carrying a box. “Rose, my child, are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The elderly woman kneeled in front of her, ignoring the dirt and dried mud on the hallway floor. She then cupped her face and forced her to look at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at me and follow my instructions. Watch me breathe, ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose attempted to take regular breaths of air but the more oxygen she inhaled, the more anxious she was getting. And now her face was burning from those chaotic tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t cry, my beautiful girl. You’re going to be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose managed to nod, showing her that she was at least still able to listen, although the tears were keeping her from seeing anymore and the hyperventilation from speaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweetheart,” Maz said to the young woman accompanying her, “help me get her inside my place and take her on the balcony as I make some tea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, auntie. Don’t worry, Rose. You’ll be safe with us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey stopped from walking only when she realised that her feet were hurting, that she was thirsty and that she had no idea where she was. After she had so blindly left the house, she walked until she left behind that miserable neighbour stuck in the 70s, then got on the first bus stopped before her and got off after she became nauseous. Then she walked, crossing the park while strangers were walking their dogs and yelling at them for jumping in puddles. At some point, she noticed a blue slide, which reminded her of the ones she was so afraid to go on when she was a little girl afraid of heights. Those memories were from the three month-period when her aunt took her with her, while her parents kept fighting. Besides, her dad was never home and her mother starved her, so regardless of their relationship, she was safer with her aunt. And she </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved </span>
  </em>
  <span>living with her aunt and would have stayed there her entire life but the woman was home only after six o’clock, which meant that she had to listen to the deathly silence all day long or risk another beating from her cousin. In fact, Maria Grazia stopped bullying and torturing her only when Rey snapped and instead of pushing her to go higher, she pushed her off the swing and Maria Grazia ended up with some sharp pebbles and shards of glass in her palms and knees. Of course, her revenge only caused her mother to call her an abomination and cursed child again and to lock her in the closet. However,  ever since, Maria Grazia either ignored her, pretending that she wasn’t there, or treated her like a stranger. That event had taught her that one must take justice in their own hands. And she would do it again… one day. And until that day came, she wanted to punch, break and even bite and dig her nails deep in someone’s flesh. She wanted to make people suffer, to make them pay.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kill them all… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Biting her lip, she began walking again, trying not to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are trash, girl! Stinky filthy trash!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Daddy, ple-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hit her.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You need to be reminded who you are and what’s your place.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You crazy bitch!” yelled a driver at her for punching the hood of his car after almost hitting her. She was the one who crossed the street without checking left and right but she had no time or patience to deal with anyone. She had a purpose. Something was calling her and the buzzing in her head was growing louder with each step. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why don’t you listen? Why don’t you ever listen?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey? Is it-are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The buzzing suddenly stopped and her eyes widened. What was </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>doing there?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked and looked around, then at her feet. That floor was not the one she used to play on with her dolls. In fact, that floor was probably more expensive than her family’s whole apartment. She didn’t return home. She had somehow reached Mr Solo’s place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was worried,” she lied, though it was not entirely a lie. She had been worried, but not that much to visit him. In fact, she had no idea how she got there as she had never gone there by herself to notice the street and the overall route. But Ben’s kind gaze was melting her heart and she couldn’t find the courage to admit that she got there by accident.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So was I,” he admitted, making way for her to get inside. “How’s your head?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not great,” she hesitated, then walked in before he got any ideas, “but not that bad to go back to the hospital. Anyway, I was wondering if I can have a third option. May I work here with you? Of course, unless you’re already busy. I can go home but I must say that I don’t have internet or a computer and while I’m getting used to using my new phone, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Rey,” he snorted at her chaotic speech. “You’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>un</span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that was a first in her life… Well… maybe a second considering Paige and Rose’s kindness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can use my old tablet and keep it. It’s quite big and it has an attached keyboard. Only if I rememb- Sit down and make yourself comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hiding her excitement, Rey listened like the good girl she had always tried to be and sat down with her legs crossed, waiting impatiently for something to happen. Ben went inside his bedroom and from where she sat, Rey was able to watch him kneel in front of the bookcase and pull a drawer. For a while, her eyes looked at his hands, but her gaze slowly moved to the shape of his back and eventually, to his butt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are those your pyjamas?” she asked once he came back and handed her the tablet and the charger. Ben blinked slightly embarrassed by his outfit then looked at his bedroom door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I’ll go get changed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need!” she grabbed him by the wrist, pressing the soft spot hiding his veins. He parted his lips and Rey quickly let go of him. “I was just wondering,” she cleared her throat, “what happens when you have an unexpected video call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fancy shirt upstairs and pyjama pants downstairs,” he smirked, massaging his wrists. “At least I’m not like the deputy mayor who had a shirt and tie on but was in his underwear and dropped his phone right in the middle of a live interview.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… at least he had something on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her giggle was once more music to his ears and only now he was realising how much her presence was soothing his inner turmoil. Instead of making it worse as he had feared, especially after the accident and their little moment in his office, she was like a pill of the strongest type of painkiller. Apparently, other than his little… problem he had recently taken care of in the shower, he had no reason to skip work or to stay away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is your arm?” he changed the subject, speaking slowly. But instead of blushing or mentioning anything from that evening, Rey tilted her head. She somehow could have sworn that her arm was once bandaged but not was not able to explain how it had suddenly healed. There was a hole in her memory and the only things she remembered were the moment they fought over the truffles, the way back home and discussion with Rose. She also remembered some parts from her naughty dream and how her mind turned that fight in a make-out session on the floor of his office. But her kinky dreams did not concern her boss, not even when he was in his pyjamas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?” she shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt at all so I guess it isn’t broken or anything. There is something bothering me and my shoulder is a bit stiff but I have many old fractures and my mattress has probably rocks inside it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite her playful tone, Ben only nodded with a lost look on his face, still feeling awkward about standing in front of his employee like that. Oddly, he had felt no awkwardness when he undressed her that time or when he showed up almost shirtless and certainly not when he almost made love to her on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, but I really must change, unless you want to join me for an all-day long pyjama party.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good to me. Too bad I don’t have any pyjamas with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben waited for her to quickly retract and say that it was a joke, but she seemed very serious about it. And if anyone was able to recognize the signs of someone trying to find a safe place after running away, that was Ben ‘Disappointment’ Solo himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure my sister has at least five pairs of pyjamas with the price tag on and probably many more without the price tag but never worn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey turned red immediately, finally acknowledging her ridiculous behaviour.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stop making that stupid face when people give you their old shit. You’re just a miserable stray dog they throw their leftovers to.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t like to borrow from Kaydel again. I feel like she wouldn’t be happy if she knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-that’s true but she wouldn’t notice anyway, so no one has to tell her.” He crossed his arms and pointed at the other door with his chin. “Go. Take it as a protest against consumerism. Steal from the rich.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes at his ridiculous remark, knowing exactly that he was oblivious to the fact that he pretty much called her poor to her face, then got up and went to the door. She didn’t care that much about changing her clothes. She was mostly driven by the same curiosity she felt as a child when she used to visit her wealthier cousins. The bedrooms of the rich were like personalized candy boxes. Her cousin had Venezia had two shelves full of little boxes hiding her many accessories and pieces of expensive jewellery. A drawer in her chest of drawers hid her collection of twenty pairs of jeans. Some of them ended up in her wardrobe, but they were already worn out - not to mention the length and size never being a match. But she already knew that Kaydel and her wore the same size and now she couldn’t wait to open it to see what was inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After hesitating for too long, Ben came and opened the door for her, while her heart skipped a beat. The scent inside the room was a mixture of Nivea face cream and papaya but the air was almost unbreathable. And it seemed that Ben had noticed it too as he went to the window, pulled the cyan velvet curtains and opened one window, lighting up the whole place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow…” she murmured at the sight of the many sketches and unfinished watercolour paintings covering the walls. The shelves were also covered in books, stacks of papers and fabric, jars full of paint, seashells, marbles, brushes and even candy. And those fairy lights hanging from the ceiling… It felt like home! It reminded her of her old bedroom, except this one had the personality hers had always lacked. She had tried putting some posters once but she came back from school to find them all shredded on the floor and with a broom left next to them. After she attempted glueing the poster back together failed, she did use the broom. At least her mother had the decency of saving her a trip downstairs to the broom closet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should check the dresses and get something for this weekend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow and looked at him, all confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The event,” he explained and bit his tongue before making any unpleasant remarks about her second job. “You deserve a new dress considering how much you’ve helped me but I have a feeling th-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine with just borrowing it,” she confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great then,” he shoved his hands inside the pockets of his turquoise pyjama pants. “I was about to order some food before you arrived. Care to join me for breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! I mean,” she blushed, “sure. I’d love to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any chia pudding or those jars with oatmeal stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine with whatever you want to order.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite her smile and cheerful tone, she wanted him to leave her already and let her enjoy all those things she was never allowed to have. Once he finally left, she undressed her jeans and T-shirt and put on the first peach silk camisole pyjama set she found, admiring the lace trim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What did Ben tell her that fatidic yet ironically blessed night? That Kaydel was adopted? Now that was a lucky girl. She had hoped her entire life that her fate would end up like one of the protagonists in her godmother’s favourite telenovelas. Unfortunately, it took her almost twenty years to realise that not only she was not the protagonist of any cheesy Cinderella-like story, she was just a mere background character. But Kaydel? She hit the jackpot by joining that family! Having a politician-writer as a mother, a race driver-film star as a father and that oak tree as a brother was everything she would have asked for had she had the chance to choose her own family… or the chance to be chosen because her family sure made it quite clear that she was unwanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, this one!” she blushed at the silk cherry red slip dress. It was like touching the wings of a butterfly if that butterfly was sexy lingerie specially bought for a date night. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to wear that in front of so many strangers and her boss with whom she had her share of smooched… However, she would have worn it during a late meeting at his place.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it, Rey!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she cupped her red cheeks then put back the cherry red slip dress before her face turned the same colour as the dress and picked another one. It had no price tag on but, judging by the way it was packed, it was surely new. A blueberry blue Regency-style dress, obviously custom made. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She designed that one after watching </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pride and Prejudice</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” spoke Ben, entering the room again. “She kept complaining about not having an Elizabeth Bennett dress that she ended up making one for herself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t remember seeing Elizabeth wear this colour in any movie I’ve watched.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was the zombie one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” she laughed. She now remembered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blueberry blue. Did it even match her skin tone?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You look disgusting, Maria. You either look like a tomato or like fucking wall. That’s why no one will ever notice you. Because you’re nothing. You just exist like a wall and are as useless as a rotting tomato.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love this one,” she ignored her mother’s voice from her head. “But shouldn’t Kaydel give me permission to steal her clothes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She bought them with my money and the expiration date for her taste in fashion is usually somewhere around maximum two years. It’s been almost four years, so don’t worry. You can take it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged the dress and looked at him, fighting the impulse to touch those unbrushed rebellious locks. His hair was growing so fast and the more it grew, the more it made him look like a price.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she uttered, overwhelmed by her confusing emotions. “I promise to bring it back in the best possible condition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She won’t even notice,” he reminded her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she repeated and Ben finally lifted his gaze from his phone and winked at her with the most mischievous smile. However, despite blushing again, she noticed a certain coldness coming from him. His wink was no more than a gesture an actor would make at a screaming and crying fan. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m a charity case</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she reminded herself. Her parents were always right. She was now just the puppy who was given the leftovers Kaydel no longer needed and Ben no longer wanted in his house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you order?” she asked, already running to the sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… omelette with cheese and baby spinach, smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwiches and a large bowl of tomato, cucumber and radish salad. Is it ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had a jar of jam and some soup in her fridge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After he put down his phone, Ben looked at his suddenly grumpy secretary. Well… she was not exactly grumpy but despite her overall attitude, he sensed a change in her mood. Too bad he was only able to concentrate on her legs and the shape of her butt in those pink pyjamas. After all, his instinct was to check if his dream had been accurate. Different clothes made her body look different too and that night he had undressed her, he had only the lamp on his nightstand turned on. He did it out of respect for her as a woman and as an employee of his comp-</span>
  <em>
    <span>his uncle’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>company. So now that she was only his private assistant, what was so different that his mind had to make him dream about her straddling him and calling his name between soft moans?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were staring at each other, both visibly tensed and flustered. She wanted to close her eyes and let herself fall on her back, letting him catch her and carry her in his massive arms, to his bedroom. She wanted him to possess her and use her, to make her scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone is ringing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben blinked, confused, then jumped when the doorbell rang again. He went to open the door, while Rey sat down and waited for him to get the food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m starving,” he confessed, glad that Rey had no idea that his hunger took various forms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, me too…” she nodded and took the box with the omelette shaped and cut like roulade slices. She didn’t wait for Ben to give her a fork, starting to eat with her hands. If she was in a pair of borrowed pyjamas in her boss’ house, then he could handle her improper manners. The funny part was that she found herself raising an eyebrow at Ben Solo mimicking her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you excited about the event?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he shrugged. “It’s a huge project and I’ve been waiting for such an opportunity for years now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Such a huge project that she still had no idea what it was about. Was he building a hotel or a new neighbourhood or what could have been so special about that mysterious project?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must say that I don’t really get your job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t either. It was just the backup plan in case I didn’t get into med school and ended up using this plan after I dropped out of med school. When I was little, it sounded fascinating, but it really isn’t. Just papers, maths, lines, calculus and the constant worry that I’m going to build a building that will collapse or not make any profit. I can’t believe I managed to get those contracts and save the company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” asked Rey while chewing on some tomato.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The financial crisis. I couldn’t build or sell anything because people had no money and having no contracts meant that I couldn’t pay my employees. Well… everything belongs to my uncle and I’m just a replacement while he’s meditating with some monks in a cave in the mountains and trying to levitate rocks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t judge him,” smirked Rey. “I would leave too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same. I’ve kept running away all my life and I reached a point in which I am too afraid to run anymore but I can’t grow roots either. I’m… I’m just </span>
  <em>
    <span>stuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>and lost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he showing his vulnerable side to her or was she hallucinating or at least dreaming again just like she had dreamt of him kissing her on the floor of his office?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you asked me about my old fracture… The truth is that I grew up in an abusive family,” she confessed as well, surprised by the feeling inside her chest. It was as if a balloon had popped after being inflated for too long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have figured it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I barely told anyone anything my entire life because when you grow up in such a family, you never truly acknowledge the abuse and how wrong everything is. You just feel guilty all time, taking the blame for being abused and for making the other mistreat you. I was useless in that family and unwanted, so I often believed that I deserved it… all of it. They reproached me for making them do all those things to me. It was my behaviour that made them punish me because, otherwise, they had no idea how to deal with such a monstrous child. And I kept blaming myself. I was greedy when I grabbed the biggest slice of pie so I deserved getting stabbed with a fork. I was ungrateful when I told my mother that she had already read that story before so I deserved getting slapped over the face with the book. I was loud and overreacting when I started panicking because my mom had abandoned me in the town square, so I deserved having my hair pulled. Each time I saw myself as the catalyst when I was only the scapegoat. And that was because they constantly told me that I deserved it and that I was a burden. No one wanted me so it was either that or nothing at all. Gradually, I just started wishing I were dead. I was no longer able to deal with both the bullying at school and the one at home, so that was when my dark episodes started. I developed small addictions such as hurting myself to make the other pain go away and eating disorders.” She looked at the food and smirked. “When I snapped and called them out for starving me, they told me that it was for my own good. Eating the bare minimum had kept me skinny. Besides, I was supposed to feel thankful for those scraps of food I was receiving because other kids don’t have anything to eat and they could have left me to starve for good. And everyone else was taking their side, praising my parents for all the sacrifices. So I was all on my own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re no longer alone,” he reminded her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben clenched his jaw and put down his sandwich before sighing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Growing in a toxic environment, I have been told that I am strong and that I need to stay that way to keep taking everything. I had to put on a mask and never show how much everything was affecting me. It was then when I realised that everyone who was harming me, was doing it on purpose. It had nothing to do with education, with making me strong or with controlling my emotions. They all know when you’re in pain and it makes them happy testing your limits. When I fought back, I was punished and so were you. Abusive people hate it when the victims strike back and just because we share DNA, it doesn’t mean that we owe them anything. We never deserved the jibes, the jokes, the manipulation, the slaps, the beatings, the neglect… </span>
  <em>
    <span>They </span>
  </em>
  <span>chose to be parents or at least to allow society to dictate them some bullshit about the traditional family and norms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Rey was no longer that sure about Kaydel’s lucky lottery ticket. She gulped and opened her mouth to tell him about his mother calling and about her sending Leia an invitation to the event, but her boss spoke before her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you see? When it comes to people like us, we’re never really alone. We’re all together in this unofficial group of people sharing the same trauma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that’s the good part. It made us-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. There is no good part. It didn’t make us any stronger, nor better people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to say that,” she sighed. “I meant that everything led to this. To where we are right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still holding on, Rey,” he shook his head. “Learn to let go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m the one who needs letting go?” she snorted. “Why are you still depending on your family? Why are you still here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents were not the ones who harmed me. They were stupid and negligent and part of that category I told you about, but they were not who harmed me </span>
  <em>
    <span>physically</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The people they hired to take care of me did. If anything, my parents disappointed me with their cowardice and unwillingness to face their mistakes. Their actions and those whispers behind my back pushed me away. They claimed to be afraid of me and so I became afraid for my little sister. I stayed for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Afraid of you?” she raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s say that during my own years away with my sister, I have learnt to control my worst part, which I have inherited and was never my own doing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pursed her lips. He didn’t really seem like the violent type. Even when he was angry, he was rather the type of man who preferred letting himself get consumed by his feelings and suffer in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you tell Rose about the accident?” he asked after some time, worried about her overthinking and overanalysing his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose? Oh, that was a long story!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pressed her lips, remembering her friend’s disfigured face after hours of crying and panicking over her wellbeing. She had intended to text her back but, after Mrs Organa called, she completely forgot about her friend, just as she did her best to forget everything about the accident. It was a shock to find her biting her nails at that late hour and she barely reacted when Rose hugged her tightly, squeezing her like a pillow and begging her to forgive her. Not to quit her job but to forgive her for accepting her sacrifice and putting her in so much danger for her sake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now that she was thinking, the only thing Rey had told her was that it was all fine. She refused to mention anything about the accident and resumed the whole thing by patting her head and telling her that she was fine and that everything was fine between them. She then went to shower with the coldest water which felt like tiny daggers puncturing her skin while Rose remained in the living room, waiting for her to come to talk. She had no idea for how long she must have waited because Rey completely ignored her existence and went to bed without saying a word to let her know that she was not ready for a talk. And in the morning… She remembered nothing. She saw her lips move but her mind didn’t process any words. Rose did seem fine earlier that morning, or at least less anxious and guilty, but she didn’t even pay the slightest attention to her dearest and, frankly, only friend. Poor Rose… What was going through her mind and what could have been in her heart?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maz Kanata’s apartment was just how she had imagined it but also completely different. It had the eclectic opulence Rey had told her about but it was also surprisingly empty. Big boxes were lying on the floor, some empty, some already full of colourful fabrics and sparkling dresses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” spoke the tall girl who had helped earlier. She was now carrying a tray with some pastries and a cup of tea. “The whole place is a mess and we’re still trying to get organized.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. I don’t need much,” she said, looking at a pastry filled with apricot jam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you now?” asked the young woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m fine. I don’t know what you did to me, but I’m so much better now. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to thank me,” she smiled. “Those are just breathing exercises I used to do when I was a yoga instructor. I now use them with the elders at the centre when they have panic attacks. You’re not old, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” chuckled Rose. “I just… my friend had a car accident yesterday and she’s been acting weird. When you found me, she had just left the house without saying a word and I was and still am scared. I’m worried that she might not come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right to worry but maybe she just needs space and time to think things straight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rosie, my dear,” spoke Maz in a dramatic voice. “I almost died. How are you, my petal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ok now,” she smiled. “She helped me a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maz sat down on the sofa and hugged the young woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jannah is my own little paradise girl. She’s my great-grandniece after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janina Hannah Aderyn-Calrissian,” she shook Rose’s hand. “You can call me Jannah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Rose, the neighbour, but you already know this. However, I never knew you have relatives, Mrs Kanata.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, but Jannah used to live with me. She left for a while to pursue some of her crazy dreams, but she came back right on time to help me pack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it wasn’t her imagination. Those boxes were there for something bigger, not just spring or, to be more specific, midsummer cleaning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you renovating the place or…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no. I discussed this with the son of an old dear friend and with Jannah and I have decided to join other people of my age. I’m still healthy and my joints are just like they were fifty years ago, but I’d rather not be alone anymore. I have waited for Jannah to come back and reclaim her old bedroom but things have changed and I’m going to live in the asylum she works in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a centre for the elderly, Maz.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the same for me. All I want is to have someone to talk to and no longer worry about stairs and plumbing. They have promised me to let me cook every now and then and to give me enough space for my dresses and wigs. But don’t worry, Rose. I have saved some you and your friend would love to wear. Accessories included.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose smiled, politely, yet she had a bitter taste in her mouth. So everyone was leaving. Maz was moving into a retirement home, the kid they were stealing internet from was leaving for an internship abroad and even Rey was showing signs of wanting to leave and enjoy her life if she hadn’t truly left already. And what about her? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Can I call you?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Coughing, she looked at her phone lying in her lap and, with a cold gaze, decided to ignore Armitage’s text. It was better to end things like that and have him forget about her just like everyone did. The chest pain and coughing were getting more alarming and, considering how she had refused to take her medicine for the past weeks, it was not going to take long until she would no longer be a bother to strangers and reunite with her family.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: MØ - Run Away (https://youtu.be/c-w6ggTfvcU)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Use Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>One month, two deaths, thirty 12 hour-shifts, seven meltdowns and eight unslept nights later... here it is.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the list of things Maria Fernanda Reynolds, now Rey Jakkson, would have never expected to do in her life, cooking with her boss was not even on the list as it had never crossed her mind. But after hours of sending emails, debating certain choices and making lists and phone calls for her boss, her stomach started gurgling. The doughnuts her boss had ordered were a nice snack, and the cherry tomatoes, olives and leftover pita in his fridge had satisfied their hunger for a while, especially given that they ended up skipping lunch after an unexpected phone call, but the sun was setting, and their job was almost done for the day. They deserved a nice dinner together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The chicken is starting to look good,” said Ben with a satisfied smile on his face as he got up right on time to catch Rey shoving another cherry tomato in her mouth. “If you keep eating my tomatoes before I get to cook them, I swear I’ll go out to buy a sack of avocados and force-feed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey licked her lips and smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you give me your last doughnut.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben put his hands on the counter and leaned in like a tiger ready to devour his prey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only after you finish cutting those carrots and peppers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re already in the pot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Narrowing his eyes at her overconfident smile, Ben lifted the lid and checked the pot. Indeed, the vegetables were already there with the couscous. He grabbed the wooden spoon and stirred the ingredients, then looked again at his pretty secretary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you eat the last doughnut, we won’t have any dessert for after dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have nuts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” he blushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have nuts,” she pointed at the cupboard behind him. “I also saw you have a jar of honey and some flour so we can make some very low budget crepes with honey and ground nuts filling. Trust me - I’m an expert at low budget dishes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With his ears still burning, Ben nodded and turned to pick the bag of nuts, then threw it on the counter and continued watching Rey as she carefully cut the walnuts and pistachio into tiny pieces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you told anyone from your family about the accident?” she asked and he jumped, suddenly awakening from a daydream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmno? No. I, honestly, haven’t even thought about it. My sister texted me about something she left in her bedroom and that was all,” he shrugged before deciding to change the subject. “Remind me to go grocery shopping this weekend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This weekend is the launch party.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s one evening. Maybe I can go on Sunday afternoon in case I don’t wake up early in the morning. Sundays are usually the best days to buy groceries. I mean… they are the worst days when it comes to supplying the supermarkets with actual food but they are so empty and quiet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I usually don’t have the time or money to cherry-pick my shopping schedule but Sundays are great if you want to buy things on discount and in silence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben bit his lip, then stirred the couscous one more before moving the pot on the chopping board and replacing it with a pan. He then made space for Rey, but she only looked at him with an amused look on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still need flour, eggs and the rest of the ingredients.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah,” he chuckled. “I don’t know where my head is at.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Actually, he knew but it was better not to start that conversation and suck it up a little more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway…” he continued after giving her the ingredients. “Are you still struggling financially right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… for the past weeks, Rose has been ordering her medicine online because she found a cheaper pharmacy and there are still some kids she tutors for upcoming exams but not as many as during the school year. There are also our… umm… clients. Some of them pay us… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rose </span>
  </em>
  <span>a fee for just chatting with them and listening to their problems. Some ask for photos but we send them some edited photos from old magazines, and they don’t even notice.” She paused and looked at the eggs. “Don’t get me wrong. We have saved plenty of money but the uncertainty of each tomorrow is not helping us at all. We can have enough money saved to buy a TV such as yours and then Rose suddenly has to go through some check-ups and get new medicine or the pipes flood the basement of our building or the owner tells that someone else is interested and that we must pay more or in advance and so… goodbye, money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And is this how your life is going to be until you’ll die of exhaustion?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We still hope,” she shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know… some clinics accept payment in instalments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. My cousin gave birth like that because she wanted her own fancy chamber with silk and lace ornaments and balloons and a stroller made of roses and… foie gras with gold flakes. But one can get such a contract only under certain conditions. We must provide documents that we have at least one-quarter of the sum and that the next of kin has been working for at least one year and has a permanent contract. As you know, I haven’t and I’m not even a next of kin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could get married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that easy,” she laughed. “Maybe in one year?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up and approached the stove with the bowl in her arms. She put it next to the stove, then kneeled to check on the chicken. It was then when Ben realised how large the top was for someone of Rey’s figure because he got to see more of her. Her breasts were small yet delicious. Sucking on them would have been like eating the flesh of a juicy lychee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think the chicken will be ready before I finish making crepes, which is still good because I’m starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he gulped. “Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With his eyes glued to her body, Ben clenched his fist and bit it before he would wrap his hands around her, kiss her neck and pull down those adorable pyjama shorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little bit anxious,” he murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About my crepes?” she laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About the event. This is only the beginning. We have our faithful investors but without the promise of having buyers, we can’t really start building.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey said nothing and just unsuccessfully flipped the crepe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben</span>
  </em>
  <span>, what do you think I’d be good at?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her questions had most likely nothing to do with what he was imagining. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean… everyone is good at something. You were about to be a doctor, yet you’re still good at… umm… building stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Building stuff,” he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your sister is an amazing artist. Rose is good at her maths and physics stuff. Mr Hux is a lawyer. What about me? I’m the worst sugar baby on the planet and being your personal assistant isn’t really-You know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satisfying? A long term job? Something she wanted?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t you excel at anything as a child or at least didn’t you have any hobbies?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I liked making up stories and sewing. Though, the stories were a coping mechanism and sewing was the only way to not end up naked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you can start your own channel on social media and perform your short stories while wearing costumes made by your own hands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or you could wait and explore. Kay affords to live her dream because she keeps shopping with my credit card and Rose followed the path suggested by her skills. But I changed my plans when I was much older than you are now. Just have patience.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Patience… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Flipping another crepe, Rey realised that her entire life she had done nothing but wait. Wait for something better to come, wait for her parents to love her or to least show her some mercy. And so she waited year after year… just like she waited for the minutes and hours to pass before being set free from the closet or just how she waited on the bench or in the middle of the street for her mom to come back for her. Just how she waited for her grandma to wake up and take care of her like always. But her grandma never woke up, her parents never grew to love her and…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Rey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was he talking about?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m crying</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she finally noticed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She attempted to wipe her tears but as she rubbed her eye, her mind unlocked an old memory from one of those hidden chests inside her head. and in the chest, she saw an empty room with some mould in the corners and some stains on the ceiling. The white paint of the door was beige, almost yellow, and the floor was cold and reeking of bleach. The only living creature left was a spider with long thin legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Am I going to be all alone from now on?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, the spider answered nothing but the voice inside her head did. It whispered and whispered again, the unclear noise forcing her to kneel down on the floor until it suddenly stopped. Static noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If I go to sleep now and never wake up, no one will ever find me or look for me. So I better sleep.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garlic scent and soft fingers pressing on her nape and massaging her temple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?” he asked softly once he felt her relax in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, do carry on!” she moaned, making Ben once again more self-conscious about what was going on with his body. Only one move and her top would have been off, revealing every inch of her body he so wanted to kiss and bite. “The crepe is going to turn into coal,” he reminded Rey, though when she checked the crepe, it was barely done on one side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m tired,” she murmured. “I tend to tear up when I’m tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go rest after dinner. I can get you an Uber, since I can no longer drive for a while, or you could…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay here?” The way her eyes widened, scared him off a misinterpretation of his invitation more than an actual refusal. “On the sofa,” he explained, “or in my sister’s bedroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh… </span>
  </em>
  <span>she exhaled, disappointed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… thank you. Now can you check on the chicken?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you making an old man get down on his knees?" he exhaled as she took a step to the left to make space for him. Once at her feet, he focused on their dinner rather than giving in to his urge to run his hands up and down her leg and dig his teeth deep into the flesh of her inner thigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll put the food on the plates and you can finish making the crepes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A flustered Rey nodded silently. When he had got up, his hair had brushed against her skin, giving her the most delicious goosebumps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I haven’t had in a long time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben sure knew what </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>hadn’t had in a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ice cream but the creamy type from a vending machine or homemade. When I was in high school, I used to walk long distances from the bus stop to the library and, on my way back, there was this adorable ice cream shop and I had a different flavour each time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, remind me to add ice cream on the shopping list.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you trying to bribe me with ice cream?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bribe you for what?” he furrowed, not getting the joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” she shook her head, focusing on her crepes. Two, maybe three more and she was finally done. “I just thought that you’re more into pastries. I know how serious you are about your desserts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh… yeah. I like sweets in general. But with Kay away, my stash has emptied in a longer amount of time and I ended up forgetting about buying sweets. The disadvantage of living in such a fancy neighbourhood is that there are almost no corner shops and when I moved out of my parents’ house, the first thing I wanted to do is live somewhere where I could just go out in my pyjamas, at three in the morning and get some ice cream. And here I am, having to wait for the weekend to get a couple of hours in which my personal life is finally the main priority.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know it’s technically my job to do the shopping for you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And let you steal this chance from me? The chance to go out and do normal stuff? Especially now that I’m going to spend the whole summer without a driver’s license?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too bad I can’t also be your driver.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a license.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All you need are two weeks to learn the theoretical part and thirty hours of practice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, what I need is free time and money and I have neither.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I’m your boss and I’m asking you to do this as a requirement for your position as my employee. I’ll give you the time you need and cover the expenses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Biting her lip, Rey considered all the aspects of his proposal. She got his point and knew that he was right but she didn’t like the idea of being in the front seat and driving him and his lovers all over the city or driving so soon after the accident. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Must I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll never make you do something you don’t want to. Just think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But why mu-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because I say so!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Ben,” she said, exhausted by her own mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The more she was saying his name, the warmer her body was getting. Being with him or at least in his presence felt as if she suddenly was enclosed in her own protective bubble, protected from the rest of the world. That man was either walking, talking morphine or some sort of supernatural entity because that tiny voice inside her head was screaming at the top of its lungs to keep her consciousness and reason awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voe Ritter had once referred to him as poison, a heartless man, unable to love. If she was starting to understand why he was poisonous, she feared that she was going to end up addicted to him and unable to run away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yours…” she murmured after a while, imagining his hands around her waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needed to learn to keep her mouth shut around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your food is fantastic,” she coughed, getting up to wash her plate. Too bad she didn’t even remember when she had devoured everything or how it actually tasted like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he said, getting up, then followed her to the sink and stopped her before turning the water on. “I have a dishwasher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a plate,” she rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re my guest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m your employee, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, come on. Chopping vegetables and making dessert was enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what?” she lifted her chin with pride. “Now I’m going to wash yours as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not my ma-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words froze in his throat as he sniffed the sweet scent of her blood. He glanced at the pierced flesh and the shard she was holding. She was either doing it on purpose or the universe was against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry!” she panicked, almost hearing her mother’s voice and feeling her slap. “I-I just-I wasn’t paying attention and I-I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a plate,” he furrowed, carefully picking the other pieces and throwing them in the trash can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, it’s a stupid plate,” he sighed exasperatedly then gulped at the sight of her wet eyes. “Umm… How’s your finger?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing. Just a graze. I’ve been through worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stop whining or it will be worse!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She licked her lips then put her finger in her mouth, gently caressing the pierced flesh with her tongue. If only that cut would disappear with just a-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ben,” she uttered after pulling out and looking at the still bleeding wound, “if I were to… like… lick your wounds, would it heal as quickly as it happens when you- What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her boss’ red ears were poking through his dark locks and he was biting his bottom lip in a poor attempt at keeping a straight look on his face. It was impossible… She was most certainly doing it on purpose! What was wrong with her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s hope we won’t be forced by any circumstances to find this out.” Not that he wouldn’t have loved tasting her again. “Now, if you don’t mind, I feel like taking a shower. I have some food on my T-shirt and all this cooking has made me sweaty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was his house and she was only a guest, so she just nodded and watched him leave, before returning to the dishes. She washed the plate, cutlery, tray and pot, listening to the water running in his shower. She kept trying to focus on anything but the voices making their way back to invade her mind once more. It all began with one voice growing louder only to be covered by another and another until the constant whispers ended up being nothing more than a painful rendition of various arguments and buried memories. There were so many that she began doubting them. She didn’t recognize all the people or events. There was no familiarity in those memories as if they were someone else’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Benjamin Anakin Solo! You’ve scared me to death, silly boy! Don’t you ever run away like that again! Your mother is worried sick!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben?</span>
  </em>
  <span> she dropped the paper towel. She was seeing that memory through her boss’ eyes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she called him, running into his bedroom. He was not there, but the bathroom door was ajar and the water was no longer running. She didn’t have the patience to wait for him to come out, so she assumed that he was already dressed up. She couldn’t have imagined he was still showering, so Rey squeezed the handle and gulped at the sight of her boss’ massive naked body. Had his back turned to her, but she was still able to see the movement of his hand. His muffled groans were also quite revealing. Deprived of his favourite dessert, Ben Solo had to make his own… pudding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blushing, Rey tried to pull herself from the spectacle but, now that her mind was tranquil and void of any intruders from her past or anyone else’, it was free to come up with the delicious image of her boss’ thumbs hooked in the band of her pyjama pants, pulling them down and tossing them before parting her legs. She would go through days of reliving the painful memories of her old life only to touch him and have him touch her back. Even more, she could imagine him turning around and inviting her to slide her tongue up his shaft, sucking him and taking him deep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…” he murmured with one final stroke before groaning loudly and releasing himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman exhaled loudly, immediately covering her mouth. Had he heard her and was mocking her? But he made no gesture that would suggest him acknowledging her presence, so he was indeed dreaming of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip, wondering if she was disgusted with what she had witnessed and the idea of being seen as a sexual object, even when she was not at one of those boring dates, or if she was afraid of accepting her own lust and desire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe Voe Ritter had been right the whole time. Her boss was poison. The sweetest kind but, nevertheless, still poison. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck…” he mumbled again and moved to the right, allowing Rey to see that he was not yet satisfied. She could be a good girl and take off her clothes and join him for a quick fuck. Just to see how it feels like and if it’s worth all the drama. She could let him use her each night and forget about it by sunrise, then mind their professional relationship until it was time to go back to their wicked after-hours activities. Except that was not what she wanted. Now that she was allowed to work a decent job and have a decent salary, her dreams didn’t seem that impossible anymore. All she needed was a studio apartment with enough room for shelves to fill up with books, a bed, a small kitchen with off-white cabinets and a teal teapot and a fridge covered in magnets. She would also get a cat to cuddle with at the end of the day and watch together cheesy romantic movies. She couldn’t achieve her goals by tainting her relationship with Mr Solo and risking being tossed after a breakdown similar to Voe’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was no space for any man in her life and none was worth any sacrifice or compromise so, with her chin up, Rey snuck out and went to turn off the lights in the living room and kitchen, leaving on only the one from the hood and turning on the TV. She didn’t want to appear as ungrateful and rude, so perhaps Ben would believe that she had waited for him to spend the rest of the evening together but ended up too tired to continue watching TV with him and went to bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” she heard his voice much later when she was already close to falling asleep in Kaydel’s bed. She also heard his footsteps approaching the bedroom door before departing and opening the front door. Who was visiting him at such a late hour?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey got up, getting dizzy for a slip second, then stood up, ready to run and hide. The voice coming from behind the door was a woman’s and she furrowed at the idea that her boss had the audacity to call one of his lovers to help him get rid of his little problem when she was still under his roof. She couldn’t even bear the thought of getting out of the bedroom only to find him with another woman in his bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s late,” he spoke in a cold voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t stay long. I just came to get some things for your sister, so don’t worry. I won’t bother  you with my presence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like tha-Wait!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened and the lights turned on for Leia Organa to find her daughter’s bedroom just as she left it. The books were piled up by the bed, the jars of acrylic paint were all over the place, and the peachy scent of her candles had long impregnated in the wallpaper, carpet and curtains. However, it was so tidy that it seemed more like a chamber in a museum rather. Untidiness always gave her beloved Kay’s bedroom a certain liveliness that was now lacking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now where is that dress?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right behind her, Ben bit his finger and looked around, searching for his adorable secretary. Had she run back home or had he imagined the whole day?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t find it,” sighed Leia, pulling the clothes hangers just as Rey covered her mouth with both palms and made herself even smaller. But unlike his mother, Ben had noticed the girl hiding behind the clothes rack and ran to Leia with his mouth wide open and a terrified look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t she here?” he tried to distract her. “She knows better what she wants to take from here or I could have sent her her entire closet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She wanted to come,” Leia sighed, heading towards the chest of drawers, “but I told her to let me get her things. After all, I didn’t want her to find out that her brother almost died like her girlfriend did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben looked at the clothes Rey was hiding behind then back at his mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t act upset when I’m the one who should be angry. In fact, I am both </span>
  <em>
    <span>furious </span>
  </em>
  <span>and disappointed.” She turned to face him, making him jump just as he was trying to hide Rey behind the many dresses Kaydel had barely worn. “You’re a grown man, Benjamin, yet you still act like a child! You no longer run away from home and throw tantrums, now you just exclude me from finding out that my son almost died in a car accident and from the launch of his first big project, while he’s representing </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>share of that damn company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what…” he stuttered in shock and embarrassment. He had always been told that he was an employee, not just a representative.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I can’t believe you decided to organise the event right on the day of your grandparents’ commemoration. You know how important it is to me and for those who survived the earthquake to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t do it on purpose! It was rushed and that was the perfect date to announce everything and have the time to get enough investors to finish the project by the end of the year. You know I respect their memory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then come home when I’m also there, not only when I’m away, and let’s be the family they would have wanted us to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben refused to say anything. He didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>what to say. Except for that time he was away, he had always been present at the commemoration. It usually began with a solemn service at the church before all the guests joined the charity tea party. When she was younger, Leia used to organise an entire ball in the honour of her two mothers but as she grew older, she grew to resent the debauchery of night parties… and the fireworks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t find that damned dress. She’ll have to wear this one. It’s blue too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you leaving?” blurted Ben, surprised, once his mother passed by him and reached the front door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unlike you, I do keep my word, Ben. I’ve told you I’m here only for the dress.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia closed the door behind her and Rey approached Ben with a coy little smile on her face. She expected him to laugh or sigh in relief but, to her surprise, he was not ‘Ben’ at the moment. He was ‘Mr Solo’ and the way he brushed his palm on his jaw, pressing his thumb on a small cut on his chin, was a gesture filled with anger, though nothing could compare to his eyes, which seemed darker than ever, making him seem a whole different person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you fucking tell my mother about my project and the accident?” he hissed and Rey gulped, hesitating. “Did you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Miss Jakkson</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” he snarled. “Why!? Did I fucking ask you to invite her or to tell anyone about the accident? I had Hux use all his fucking knowledge to keep the press from publishing anything. Not even the company’s PR manager knows about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey had been biting her lip nervously and digging her nails in the sweaty flesh of her palms, too ashamed to look him in the eye… too engulfed by the trauma resurfaced by the voices in her head. They have now muted again, but the damage was done. The only thing the silence in her head helped her achieve was to gather all her strength to stand up for herself. She was an adult now and she deserved respect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t yell at me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sir</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she fought back, calmly. “You are my boss and you are entitled to be upset but don’t disrespect me like this. I’m not a child to be scolded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yet you went to tell on me just like one!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a mother who gives a damn about you!” she snapped. “What is so wrong about having the support of your family, especially when you’re still relying on it? I would apologize for my indiscretion but, after listening to your mother, I see you as nothing but an ungrateful brat! Your mommy gave you your job after dropping out of college and you didn’t even start as an intern. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nooo</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you had to get the second-highest position and you think you can affirm yourself after years of being a leech only if you exclude your family so that everyone else can forget about the truth.” She paused for a moment to inhale some air, before continuing her rant. “A-and I’ve tried </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard to empathize with you because we all have different experiences but why do men always have to excuse their shitty behaviour just because mommy wasn’t that present in your childhood? At least she tried, while mine made sure to push me closer to suicide in every moment she was present. The baby’s mom was not home for his birthday, so the poor thing now has to fuck every woman he sees and also treat her like disposable trash because he is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>emotionally unavailable!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, Rey stopped talking for good. Panting, she felt the back of her head all sweaty, with sweat drops making their way down her nape and spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well…</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought, licking her lips. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I guess this was the last straw.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fired, aren’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oddly, she was rather proud of herself for not covering her mouth and apologizing and crying. Of course, she was not proud of her lack of manners and diplomacy or her overall recklessness but she was once again so sick and tired of her life that she did not even care whether she needed the money or not. At that moment, her misanthropy was stronger than any sense of responsibility or empathy. It only reminded her how lonely she truly was and how superficial the relationships in her life had always been. People liked her meek and obedient, the good girl who would never refuse anything despite her disdain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surprisingly, no,” answered Ben after a while. He was also proud of seeing her like a tiny beast and his body was feeling warm again, forcing him to squeeze his forearms in order to keep his hunger in place. But, at the same time, he couldn’t help not feeling disappointed and betrayed. Indeed, she couldn’t have known about his plans and reasons why he had excluded his mother from his project, but the sole fact that she was so disgusted by him was making him regret opening up to her. He had been a fool to let her get so close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I resign?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He parted his lips in surprise, then shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d have to ask you to wait until the end of the month or else I have all the legal means to either sue you or not pay you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both knew he wouldn’t have ever done that. Not to her at least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go now,” she licked her lips again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can still stay. It’s quite late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then,” he sighed, “don’t forget your dress and please take your tablet. I’m going to work from home these days and I need yo-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thanks,” she shrugged. “I don’t want that dress anymore and I can handle myself with what I already have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to say so many things but he only closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else you want me to do, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sir</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, he wanted her to do quite a long list of things and one of those things included her, on her knees and the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll email you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then good night, Sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Miss Jakkson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was looking to his left as she was leaving, not wanting to watch her go, right when his gaze fell on her adorable crepes. They hadn’t had the time to eat their dessert. It seemed that there was never going to be time for dessert. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was probably already moments away from leaving the building, so he stormed to the countertop and shoved one crepe in his mouth, chewing loudly, then grabbed his phone and quickly texted Hux. Seconds after pressing the ‘send’ button, he heard the jingle specific to Armitage’s phone but was in no mood to go greet him or invite him over for some small talk, let alone work talk. That whole day had been something out of his mother’s silly books and he was not sure whether he was indeed experiencing the aftermaths of the accident or if Rey’s presence in those shorts had been like-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shorts? </span>
  </em>
  <span>he stopped chewing and went into his sister’s bedroom, finding Rey’s clothes lying on an ottoman seat. She had left his apartment wearing nothing but pyjamas. She also had no shoes on and her phone was on the nightstand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Rey had already noticed but she was too proud to go back, knowing exactly that he would have laughed at her silliness and his laughter would have made her warm-up and accept his invitation again. She just wanted to go home yet, as the elevator was reaching her floor, she was only realizing that the small flat she shared with Rose no longer felt like home. It did a couple of times, but this time she was sure. There was a huge difference between being homeless as in not having a place to sleep and as in not feeling at home anymore… and she chose to be both instead of just one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted her head and saw a tired and apathetic Hux getting out of the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you wearing Kaydel’s pyjamas and why are you barefoot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pointed at her boss’ apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was supposed to stay over tonight and help him with some stuff but we had a fight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aham,” he smirked at her indirect confirmation that the woman he saw moments ago was indeed Mrs Organa. “So are you going home like this?” he asked, pulling out his key.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” she cleared her throat, “I’m a bit… </span>
  <em>
    <span>homeless </span>
  </em>
  <span>tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that blooming romance or at least friendship going between him and Rose, Rey wasn’t sure about her own intentions. Was she trying to pimp out her friend like she usually did with her? Get Hux to go to Rose and manipulate him into booking her a room at a hotel? But she had no idea that Armitage had been trying to reach Rose the whole day, only to get a text from her in which she asked him to stop insisting. He had considered the possibility of Rey being home after the accident and Rose ignoring his calls only because she was so keen on keeping their little Rendez-Vous a secret from her. However, it was obvious that little Miss Jakkson had been with Ben the whole day and, judging by her words, it all made sense - Rey not being able to go home for the night, Rose’s refusal to let him in to talk to her, the pair of boots left in front of her door… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Do you want to-Umm… I can sleep on the sofa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face lightened up despite the feeling of guilt inside her chest. Her mother’s voice was trying to make its way out of the hidden chest and remind her how pathetic she was for begging a stranger for a place to sleep for the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he apologized, checking his phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Get me some dessert ASAP&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifted his gaze to look at Rey, noticing how young she was and also how lucky to not be involved with their boss like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There was something about her that made her different from the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? What do you say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked at Hux’s mature hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a cat,” he sang as if he was trying to convince a child and as much as she hated being treated and mistreated like a child, at least he was showing signs of truly not being interested in her as a woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love cats,” she smiled and followed him to his apartment door. She looked once more at the elevator then at Ben’s door before she went inside as soon as Hux turned on the lights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make yourself comfortable,” the man added as his phone rang. “Yes? Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Hux,” she approached him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Armitage Hux speaking. Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armie,” she insisted, using the nickname she had once heard Rose mention during one of her slips of the tongue. “Do you mind me using your shower? I’ve been in the kitchen and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure. The bathroom is there and if you need to change into something else, I can- They hung up,” he furrowed. “How rude to call someone and then hung up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey cleared her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I’ve heard that some people tend to call and remain silent in order to do some hacking and steal your data and other stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And other stuff,” he snorted, then picked up what seemed like a blind ball of orange fur. “Hi, Mills. How’s my beautiful girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scratched the cat behind her ear, making her purr and remind his guest about the sensation she felt when Ben skin brushed against hers. Watching Hux be so gentle with his pet, Rey realized one more thing apart from how deceitful first impressions were - she would have loved to fall for such a man. He wasn’t her type but then again, no one was. And whatever the nature of his relationship with her friend, she didn’t want to interfere again, especially when she wasn’t that interested in men. Oh well… at least not in those online weirdos or the nice, gentle, </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hux. No. Her deranged mind had to be interested in that… that… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hux?” he heard her boss’ voice. “Have you seen Rey? She forgot something… umm… her phone and she just left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux looked at Rey, whose shoulders were visibly tensed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he spoke firmly. “She must have taken the stairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben didn’t say anything else but they both heard his footsteps and door opening and closing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s worried…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, please go. We’ll talk later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t tell you how but he knows you’re here. Just go, take my bed for tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: PVRIS - Use Me (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t_nKIrLLSw)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Pacify Her</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title: Melanie Martinez - Pacify Her (https://youtu.be/9u14-QBPzSE)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Maria, wake up. We have to leave.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Granny is not breathing. We have to go or else they’ll separate us.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m staying. Go away.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, Maria. You have to wake up!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened one eye while rubbing the other and yawned. The voice calling her name was most certainly not the same one from her dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” chuckled Armitage, opening the curtains to reveal the light blue sky and the pigeon knocking at the window, “I thought you have already got up. Are you ok? You seemed agitated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep talking,” she spoke in a hoarse voice. “What time is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost a quarter past ten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my…” she mumbled. “I’m-I was tired and I forgot about everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben has also just woken up so don’t worry. Oh, and I’ve also brought your clothes back from his apartment. They’re on the sofa if you want to get changed but you could grab a bite before. There are some soft pretzels and pastries in the kitchen and I’m going to make some tea too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have bothered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Technically, I didn’t,” he laughed. “I had to go to the courthouse and then I bought Millie some food and the bakery was next door.” He paused and looked at Rey who had slept on a smaller portion of his bed than his cat usually did. “I… usually don’t have guests. Was the bed uncomfortable?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm? Oh, no! I slept like a baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babies wake up a lot and cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey scratched her forehead and giggled, getting out of the bed and following Hux to the paper bags full of delicious pastries. She waited for her host to invite her to sit down, then she picked a chocolate puff pastry twist and a ham and cheese one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want iced tea or hot tea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iced is fine,” she answered, absent. Her mind was busy analysing the posters lying on the table. “Is this about Ben’s… umm… Mr Solo’s project?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the current one,” said Hux, pushing the tall glass of ginger peach green tea. “Those are some old papers I have to either stack in a ring binder and forget about them or throw them away and pray to never be asked about them.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The studios were not that bad looking. And they were new so the chances of meeting cockroaches and mice were not as common as it happened with their apartment. And some of them were designed in such a manner that it allowed the bed to be separated by a wall without actually having another bedroom. It was small enough to not feel like an abandoned house and big enough to not make her feel claustrophobic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much!?” she gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re a bit cheaper now,” laughed Hux.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d have to sell both my kidneys to afford half of this price!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It depends. In some countries, you could afford it for only one kidney and end up with money for furniture too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. Well… perhaps she could afford the studio if she paid in instalments for the next thirty years and use her salary only for herself instead of-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it, Rey!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she scolded herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come you and Mr Solo live next door?” she changed the subject, putting down the poster and shoving some puff pastry in her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The employees of the firm benefit from a 10% discount. You’d say that it isn’t much but it’s quite a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Rey’s eyes glimmered, full of home, but then she reminded herself that she was no longer an employee of that company but Ben’s personal assistant. She had no benefits to enjoy other than see her boss naked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben made this thing where we offer discounts to the employees of various companies. This way we can make sure that the flats or houses don’t get sold over and over again and lose value. And the people living there know each other and they form close relationships and act like a small community. The buildings are also usually close to work and have certain special features such as a cafe, a restaurant or a kids club for those who can no longer afford nannies after buying the house. The one you looked at is close to the business centre but it still requires a twenty minute-drive because it’s between the lake and the seaside.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you trying to tell me that there are cheaper versions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” he sat down across the table. “They still require certain financial compromises but they are affordable for someone with your income.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You make it sound as if I’m rich.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… it’s still a small place for two people, and Rose will get to work again when school starts, so you could share the expenses like before. And it’s even a bit bigger than your current two-bedroom flat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she didn’t want to live with Rose anymore or feel trapped in a cage anymore. She wanted to decorate her own space with off-white country romantic furniture and get the cutest artisanal blankets. She wanted to work at the dining table while watching romantic comedies and cook only for herself, on rainy weekends, then cuddle with a fluffy cat and listen to it snore while she would read her beloved yet ridiculous romance novels. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts and have no one but that cat depend on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’d rather live alone,” she admitted, then quickly retracted. “After all, Rose might want to start a new life and family and that’s not really in my plans. I need to be independent and grow to love myself without needing to cling onto anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound like Ben,” snorted Hux. “When I asked him why isn’t he getting himself a huge villa with a pool and a backyard for his dream dogs, he told me a similar story. He was right, after all. Kaydel rarely sleeps at home and he isn’t interested in a relationship, so what he has is enough.” He got up and went to the sink to wash his glass. “Maybe you could ask him to rent you Kay’s bedroom for a decent sum.” His suggestion had been genuinely innocent but the red alarm in his head reminded him of Ben’s reasons behind his seclusion. “Anyway… did you mention Rose starting a family?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shrugged with her mouth full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is all alone and not my type of alone. I do have a family who hates me and from whom I’m hiding. However, she’s all alone. Her parents and sister are dead and she has no other living relatives. Of course she wants a family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has she told you this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I know that she was very keen on suggesting her ex-boyfriend propose to her. She had once mentioned names for her future kids. Once she’ll get to walk again, she’ll want all of these again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see…” Hux pursed his lips. He stood there, considering Rey’s words - perhaps suggestion? - until he blinked to see Rey all dressed up in her clothes and with Kaydel’s pyjamas on her shoulder. She seemed to be waiting for something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you brought my phone?” she asked him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! I… I think I forgot. It’s probably still in Ben’s-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does he know I’m here?” she asked, reminding him of his words from the previous night. He shouldn’t have said that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean… he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>but he must have guessed. I usually go to open the door and chat. He probably assumed that I was hiding you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why hide me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s quite caring. He would have insisted on dragging you back to his place and you didn’t seem like you wanted to see him. Also, he had plans for the night, so it was better for you not to assist anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey dug her nails in her palms and clenched her jaw before putting on a fake smile and overall amused face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me you saw something you shouldn’t have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t have the opportunity. I went inside, got your clothes from Kay’s bedroom and left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded, pursing her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… do you have a spare key?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Do you want me to go get your phone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” Rey stopped him, “I have some more things to get. Mr Solo asked me to borrow one of his old tablets and get a dress from Kaydel’s closet for the event. Also, I need to make a list of things he needs to buy. Would you mind unlocking the door for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I guess? He’s probably asleep anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t been like this since… Actually, you’ve never been like this. I’m impressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman lifted her chin to invite him to kiss her but Ben, panting, rejected her invitation. Instead, he grabbed her by the arm and threw her on her stomach before putting his strong hands on her hips. With a strong thrust, he pushed himself back into her body. The woman’s whimpers and moans, which he usually found annoying, were now like the music notes made by the flute of a snake charmer. The rather brutal thrusts only fed her more pleasure and him more hallucinations. He looked down to her and watched her turn to look at him over her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…” he moaned at the sight of her adorable freckles and leaned in to lick the blood drop off her back, feeling the wounds heal under his tongue. The woman laughed then buried her face in his pillow. The sole thought of her scent remaining on his bedsheets was making him harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Straightening his back for another thrust, Ben’s eyes slid towards the bedroom door, which was now wide open, then widened at the sight of his pretty little secretary. He parted his lips to whisper her name again right as his dessert shook in his arms and moaned loudly as she reached the climax. Her moans were now once more bothersome and Rey shared his thoughts as she covered her mouth in disgust and ran away. Well… perhaps the noises made by his dessert were the least of her concerns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shushed the woman and listened carefully to the front door getting slammed. He then stumbled out of the bed and ran to the door, ignoring his own nakedness. He then opened the door and looked for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my-Sir!” she covered her face while waiting for the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she was real, not a product of his imagination poisoned by desire and hunger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm…” he hid his lower body. “Rey, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for sneaking like that,” she apologized in a cold voice. “I just wanted all of my things back. I also took the dress and the tablet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” he nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also, I’m sorry about last night, Sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All is forgiven and forgotten. Rey, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye, Sir,” she said before disappearing in the elevator. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was that girl the one you had the accident with? She didn’t seem to have a scratch on her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed his eyes shut and closed the door before returning by his dessert’s side. She didn’t seem to mind her own nakedness either as she laid with her legs wide open, lighting a cigarette with the flame of his peach-scented candle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y ya te la cogiste?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He never chatted with his dates after having dinner, sex and dessert but he usually went on a date with them and never brought them home. With Silvia… well… after Hux made it clear that his silence and refusal to come to open the door had to do with his vanishing little Rey, he had to call Silvia back and repay her for her help. She had insisted in being interested in bedding him rather than receiving money for shushing her whole TV channel from broadcasting anything about the accident but each time they were on the phone, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>was around him too. And while Rey was the one setting up his dates, there was still some sort of guilt holding him back… but hunger was stronger than guilt and her words had hurt him so that he-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. She’s just a poor girl I’ve taken under my wing. A charity case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard of such things before,” Silvia laughed and her cigarette burned his pillowcase.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I prefer keeping my employees as far away from my personal life as it is possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she walked into your home and saw you naked, fucking a married celebrity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben narrowed his eyes. He knew her well enough to know that she was trying to blackmail him. She could dig into Rey’s past and find her family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rather reluctant, Ben went to his safe and opened it, not noticing Silvia’s curious eyes gazing at the open envelope filled with cash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s my personal assistant,” he admitted. “I guess you’ll meet her this Saturday at the event.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman smirked, satisfied, and kissed the envelope Ben handed her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wear that green dress. Do you remember? The metallic plisse gown?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t worn it since before I gave birth.” She shoved the cigarette butt into the melted wax, then got on her knees and approached Ben, kissing his abdomen. “You know…” she continued, looking at his semi-erect penis. “if you calculate the precise date, Arina could be yours,” she purred. “Isn’t it cruel to put a baby inside someone like me and never-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben grabbed her by the chin, startling her. His gaze was empty and perhaps bored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t have kids, Silvia. Not with you, nor with anyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had his limits and having her invade his privacy even more and try to push that poor girl down his throat was inexcusable. The divorce following the negative paternity test had already been too quiet and only out of kindness from her ex-husband's part, who had got attached to the little girl. But he was never going to let anyone force him in something he abhorred. He was anything but husband or father material.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this why you’re so serious?” she asked, lowering her mouth and running her tongue around the tip. But instead of the old usual fingers tangling in her hair and arched hips, Ben remained stiff and pensive. “What’s wrong?” she sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have your parents ever forced you to eat something?” he asked without looking at her. “Or have you ever eaten something you didn’t really like just because you were hungry and had nothing else to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you trying to say?” she rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like eating spinach when you could have a delicious slice of chocolate cake with peach and mango filling. You could have the whole cake but you did something stupid and now you have to eat spinach and watch the cake on the counter, knowing that someone else will eat it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silvia pulled away and got up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you drunk or trying to tell me that you’re having a gay awakening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben snorted. Rey would have understood him even in her innocence. She would have come up with a story from her past and they would have bonded over their loneliness and misery. Unbeknownst to him, she was already sharing his feelings but completed with an entire cup of disgust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, are you ok?” Hux asked her once she joined him inside the car. Her cheeks were burning and only that sharp pain inside her head was keeping her from bawling her eyes out. “Did Ben tell you anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… we made amends.” She rubbed her eye and looked outside the window at the empty parking lots. until they gradually transformed into pavement and topiaries fronting buildings where people, who weren’t trash like her, normally lived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are men such pigs!?” she snapped and Hux flinched. “You have the emotional intelligence of a worm!” She stopped to take a breath of fresh air, then blushed once Hux started laughing. “No offence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None taken. Let me guess… he wasn’t alone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey squeezed her eyes shut and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I know you’re his friend and I’m only his employee but why is he like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not a bad person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He helped you, Rey!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“-I am not saying that he’s a bad person. It’s just that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Rey. People have different lifestyles. I don’t agree either, but I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you help him and encourage him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not him and neither are you,” his relaxed voice turned tenser. “I know his reasons. Focus on your work and if you want to be his friend, fine. But don’t get too attached. He has his circle of friends but… ummm…” he stopped for a moment to consider his choice of words. “He’s usually a lone wolf. He likes the idea of getting attached to people but doesn’t really want to, nor does he allow people to get too close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, where has she heard that before?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask one more thing?” she asked, scratching her right palm. Her godmother used to say that an itchy right palm meant one would get money soon. “What was it with the blood?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blood?” furrowed Hux as he turned left. “What did you see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo’s partner had blood on her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux’s eyes grew wider and he barely avoided the kid running after his ball right in the middle of the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn it!” He inhaled deeply then made an uncomfortable face. “It’s not proper for me to tell you such things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she whimpered, then her jaw dropped at the implications. “You’re right. I don’t want to know. Would you mind dropping me by the bus station?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re less than ten minutes away from your place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather walk if you don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saying nothing else, Armitage slowed down and stopped by the bus station. Rey thanked him, then started walking. She had promised herself not to think about what she had seen but it was impossible. Part of her was indeed shocked to find him with another woman but before acknowledging what they were really doing, all she heard were screams and all she saw was blood. And something was telling her that it had nothing to do with that weird healing ability of his, which was already unnatural as much as she pretended to be something fine. And it was obvious Hux knew about it. Maybe she could convince Rose to tell her about her boss’ secret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make way, please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped, startled and looked at the men in hazmat suits carrying the lifeless bodies of three people with a fourth following. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” she asked a tall woman she had seen a couple of times on the corridor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The neighbour from the sixth floor went to check on this family… she used to help them with their groceries and paying the bills but she was away for a couple of weeks and they never answered the phone during these weeks and she eventually found them like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did they die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” shrugged her neighbour. “Everyone says that someone must have broken into their apartment and killed them but there are no signs of violence, everything was where they had left it and they were sleeping in their beds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gas leak?” furrowed Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… someone would have sensed it.” The woman leaned in and whispered in her ear. “I think it was a suicide or a murder-suicide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come?” she blinked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were rather old, ill and poor… they were probably afraid of not being able to find cheap rent after leaving this place. This is the thing we fear the most as we get older - ending up all alone and unable to take care of ourselves. To be honest, it now makes me glad that I’m going to move out. Have you packed already?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pack?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you’re staying until you find something better? Smart move to save money until the last moment. My daughter has already invited me to move in with her, so I have no reason to look back at this dump.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still unable to fully understand what the woman was trying to say, Rey just watched her leave and head to the newsagent’s shop at the end of the street, despite still wearing a pink bathrobe with a black dragon on it and slippers. She was still not in the mood to chat with anyone, so she snuck behind the crowd and went upstairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As usual, Rose was working on her laptop and she was so focused on her work that she didn’t even notice Rey entering their small apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Ro,” she said in a monotone voice and, after a long pause, Rose uttered something as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pursing her lips, Rey took off her shoes and proceeded to undress. Now that she needn’t get out of the house for a while, she was more comfortable in just a loose long tank top that fitted her like a summer dress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you heard-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The icy tone and impassive face made Rey assume that they were talking about the same thing. If something was shady about that building that people were moving one after another and even putting an end to their life, perhaps Rose was worried about being forced to move out for good. She was most likely already looking for some decent place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in our bedroom. I have some things to do for Mr Solo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That ‘fine’ was a little bit acid but Rey reminded herself that she needed to stop overthinking and start focusing on her work. She would ask her later about that tiny favour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Rey hid in their bedroom, Rose looked at her friend as she sat on the bed with her legs crossed and playing with what seemed like a tablet. Sure that she was concentrating on her work, Rose approached the old sofa and picked Rey’s top. Unclenching her fist, she picked a strand of hair. It was orange and soft, just like a cat’s. She then sniffed it, recognizing immediately Armitage’s perfume. She had spent an entire day worrying about her whereabouts only to hear her voice late at night when she asked </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>about using his shower. Even for two co-workers, she didn’t like it. It was bringing back the betrayal, humiliation and heartbreak. If merely two days ago Rose felt guilty about putting Rey’s life in peril, she now felt nothing but jealousy. What was worse was that she was sure that each one of them wanted the other gone.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Sweet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've written this chapter seven times and I'm still not even close to being satisfied with it but someone has Covid and I'm not really able to focus on anything anymore...<br/>This is only a part of the chapter I wrote. Hope more will follow soon.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Another one is moving out,” observed Rey as she took a bite out of her juicy apple. Outside, on the pavement, there were seven plastic bags full of clothes and shoes. They weren’t too big but people living in that neighborhood didn’t really have the means to have more and also afford food and bills. Besides, most apartments were small and overcrowded. If she were to move out on her own, her belongings would barely fill a suitcase. Perhaps a backpack like that time she ran away from home?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are people leaving, though?” she insisted, hoping for some small talk to remind her of normality. “It’s not just the death of that family. People die all the time, don’t they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence convinced her to turn to look at Rose just to check if she was indeed talking to herself or if Rose was too sleepy to answer. Surprisingly, she found Rose very awake and examining her with a rather strange look on her face. Instead of being tired, she seemed rather moody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want me to help you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose shook her head, then rubbed her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to stay in bed a little more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suspicious of her otherwise rather fragile friend, Rey took her knee off the table and jumped off the old sofa. They’d barely talked to each other in the past couple of days and she was growing worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just tired, Rey,” groaned Rose. “I’ve found a new website and tried to get some sponsors without having to send you on any dates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or without needing her at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey said nothing and only took another bite before leaving her apple on the old table where once stood the prettiest flowers. Instead of asking Armitage about her boss’ sex life, she should have asked him about his intentions with Rose and put an end to that secret relationship. They had no reason to hide. If he was going to make her friend feel better about herself and help her regain her confidence, then she was going to do her best to make sure that those two would get their happily ever after. Now that she was no longer afraid of being alone and leaving, the least she could do was to make sure that Rose had someone by her side. But Rosie didn’t really have the glow of an enamored woman anymore… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, I know something is bothering you. Please talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What for, Rey?” she coughed. “When I wanted to talk to you, you got up and left without saying a word. You didn’t even answer my calls or texts but I guess you were busy showering in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Armie’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey opened her mouth, surprised by her friend’s tone and attitude, yet she couldn’t help not snorting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this what’s all about? You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>jealous</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Ro, you know I’m not interested in men in general. I was going through a difficult moment and had a fight with Mr Solo. Mr Hux only offered me a place to crash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have come home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was late.” Fact which was both the truth and a lie. Rose needn’t know about her need to spread her wings and fly. “Besides, I had forgotten my phone in Ben’s apartment and had no money-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You came back in the morning, Rey. Your clothes smelled like him and you had Millie’s fur all over them. I’m surprised you weren’t wearing his shirt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had she told her about the whole day spent together with Mr Solo, she would have made Rose even more upset about abandoning her to hang out with the town’s womanizer. Not to mention that she would eventually have to tell her about what she saw that morning which she wanted so badly but was too afraid of her reaction. After all, she was still not sure what she had seen even after all wasted nights thinking about him so possessively taking that woman whose skin was stained with blood. The sheets even looked like a crime scene…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Good morning, Miss Jakkson. I need you to come to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>following address</span>
  </em>
  <span>.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he reading her mind or sensing when she was thinking about him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway…” she murmured, opening the link and finding an address outside the city.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you talking to?” asked Rose in the most irritated voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo?” she raised an eyebrow, still amused by her friend’s jealousy. “Who else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Good morning, Sir! When do you want me to be there?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;At 10:30.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;It’s 9:42. I don’t know if I’m going to get there on time. It’s quite far and I need to change at least three buses.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;It’s an order, Rey.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She furrowed at his attitude and wrote back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I can’t teleport. I also need to get dressed too unless you want me there in pajamas and with my hair a mess.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Get an Uber or something and I’ll pay for it.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I think I have to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weren’t you supposed to be home until this evening?” asked Rose, getting up. Except for her rather pale face, she was so pretty and Rey wanted her to tell her how precious she was and how much she would have loved for them to go to that party together like in the old days. She missed the cheerful witty Rose just as she was growing to resent the bitter frustrated one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something came up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;It’s my day off, Sir. I have some errands to run for Rose. Also, shouldn’t I be getting ready for tonight’s event?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;10:30&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, what is wrong?” sighed Rey, already tired of those two. “Do you want me to show you the texts to see that I’m not lying to you? Why would I even speak to Mr Hux as anything but his co-worker?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No particular reason other than your thing for borrowing things that aren’t yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” her voice cracked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’ve sent an Uber to your place. It should be there in 8 minutes.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Ch-” she locked the screen. “Rose what was that?” The young woman turned her back to her and pulled her wheelchair closer, making a grimace. Rey ran into the bedroom to help her but she found herself being pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch me!” she yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a brat right now,” snapped Rey, massaging her arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have the right to be so! First Finn and now Armitage? Are you so desperate for attention and to get rid of poverty that you’re willing to take everyone away from me? Why don’t you smother me in my sleep and just get rid of me already! You clearly don’t need me anymore and, frankly, I don’t need you either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Disappointed and hurt, Rey took a step back and shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is how you see me? Like a desperate whore who uses people? Because you didn’t really say it like this but it’s pretty clear that’s what you meant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose rolled her eyes and pushed her again to get out of the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else?” Rey ran after her. “What else, Rose? If you’re blaming me for Finn, then I guess you’re also blaming me for your accident and Paige’s death.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One drop of poison infects the whole tun of wine,” she spoke calmly, her voice reminding Rey of her father’s every time he was trying to seem the wiser one while still agreeing with his wife.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That child is not my daughter! She’s poison! Everything she touches dies! I want her out of my life and house or else I’ll kill her myself!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her head, trying to block her mother’s voice from her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’ve been nothing but poison to you and your family?” she whimpered, giving up. She then lifted her chin with a bitter look on her face. “If you find me such a viper, then I shouldn’t hide the fact that I slept in his bed. And he also made breakfast for me and we ate together, then he brought me home. Like a couple or at least like a decent guy treating a poor whore like a lady. So you know him, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once again, Rose gave her the cold shoulder, leaving her unsure of the fact whether she had finally realized how stupid she sounded for doubting her and Hux or if that was the last nail in the coffin of their friendship. But she didn’t have the time to overthink things as the voices in her head were already numbing her with their laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leaving.” She looked down at her floral white nightgown then shrugged and put on her old sneakers, took her messenger bag, phone, and the bag with the gown for tonight. “Don’t wait for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it really was like her old life again. She was never going to escape that circle of falling for those who offered her scraps of attention only to realize later that she had been nothing but a charity case or a pet wearing the leash until she would find herself all abandoned in a place she no longer recognized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ria Jackson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped, startled, right in front of the black car and gawked at the driver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I know you?” he raised an eyebrow and took off his sunglasses, making her gasp. That town really wasn’t that big after all. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have stood two steps away from her old high school crush.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This isn’t my week,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so,” she lowered her gaze, clenching her fingers around the strap of her bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… anyway… are you Ria Jackson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey Jakkson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m supposed to take you to Alderaan estate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is he? </span>
  </em>
  <span>her eyes widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” she nodded hastily and got inside the car. She put on her seatbelt and looked at the lacey trim of her old summer dress turned nightgown. Wasn’t he supposed to be an engineer or scientist working for NASA or something fancy? He already looked mature or maybe it was the extra weight. However, he surely was more confident, making her wonder if he was still hurting people now that he probably had fewer issues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you go to school?” he asked as they were leaving her neighborhood far behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Saint Seraphim High-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha! Me too!” he laughed, slapping the steering wheel and making Rey flinch. “This is why you look so familiar. But I don’t remember any Rey Jakkson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was mostly a bookworm so I never made any friends or went out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you must have heard of me. Marcel Barbier? I was a champion at chess, Maths, the robotics club and I was the top student of my year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t. Her annoying backstabbing friend was. In fact, he wasn’t even in the top 5. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… sorry,” she spoke absent-mindedly. “Doesn’t sound familiar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who were your classmates? Maybe I knew some of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey licked her front teeth and looked outside the window at the billboards. She could have threatened him with a bad review or just yell at him to mind the road and his own business and leave her alone. But she played along. Anything to cover her tracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… Nivea Summers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Nivea</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, her parents were like… a bit weird. They liked the whole Snow White aesthetic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok? I don’t know her. Anyone else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Estee Lau-umm-rentis? Or Abbie Macintosh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her old flame furrowed and looked at her in the rear-view mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anastasia Hills?” she shrugged with an innocent smile. “Maybe my friends weren’t that popular either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess…” he narrowed his eyes, noticing something in her that reminded him of a shy girl who used to have a crush on him. “Do you know Maria Fernanda Reynolds?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey gulped but showed no emotion on her face. She was wearing no wig or heavy makeup, so she couldn’t have looked much different from four or five years ago. But she was confident in her acting abilities. If her boss once fell for her lies, then Marcel would too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she lied again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… do you remember any boys from your class?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben Solo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marcel looked in the rear-view mirror again with a raised eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one who requested the Uber? Isn’t he like-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great skin,” she patted her cheeks. “Marigold face cream does miracles. It makes you feel like a vampire bathing in blood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She abstained from laughing at her own silly joke and focused on Marcel's now serene face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so you’re older than me. That explains a lot. So you’ve known each other since high school and now you’re also working together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How cool. I didn’t know Ben Solo went to Saint Seraphim High. No teachers bragged about having him as a student.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… he wasn’t very popular back then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, agreeing with her. He perhaps remembered how unpopular he used to be in high school before Nana started dragging him around like her show dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how come a top student ended up being an Uber driver?” she asked rather smugly. “No offense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None taken,” he smiled. “I went through a bad phase after a party in high school. Bad as in I couldn’t concentrate and felt very weak. Because of this, I missed the early admission to university and I was refused the scholarship which I was sure I was going to get. So I had to get a loan to pay for my studies. Then I realized that I didn’t like my major anymore and dropped out to go to another university abroad. It didn’t work out and I had to pay back the year I had studied there for free and… Man, it was a lot! And now I’m one year away from graduating and no one wants to hire me without a diploma so I have two jobs… </span>
  <em>
    <span>three </span>
  </em>
  <span>during summer. I guess the future isn’t meant to be as bright as we think it is when we’re in high school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey didn’t like that thing she felt. Compassion and guilt? For the one who had humiliated her, broken her heart, and ruined the little decent high school experience she was supposed to have? And for what? It had nothing to do with her. His problems were his own responsibility. No one made him drink until he passed out just because he wanted to look cool to impress his teenage love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And was that girl you mentioned a classmate of yours?” she asked, licking her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but we were in the same year. We had a small reunion and no one could find her. You look a little bit like her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt like her too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you exactly do, Miss Jakkson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… I’m Mr Solo’s personal assistant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it paid well if I may ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” she chuckled. “Are you planning on taking my job?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s necessary,” he laughed back and reminded Rey for a second of why she had developed that crush on him - he had a certain warmth that always gave her the false impression that he cared about her. She always knew that she had never truly loved him but she clung to the idea of being saved and taken somewhere far away, where she would have had the family and love she so desperately needed. So Rose was right after all. She was desperate for attention and comfort and had always been. But was it such a bad thing? After all, she was more experienced and less weak than Maria Fernanda used to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was she missed?” she found herself asking. “That girl, I mean. I wasn’t even invited to the actual official 10-year-reunion, so I want to know if it’s maybe a curse for people who look like me. Maybe we’re just unpleasant company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he snorted. “I don’t remember too much about her because I never really knew her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey felt insulted for a moment before realizing that he spoke the truth. She just refused to see it back then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some people asked but I think they were closer to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she could already guess their names. The saddest thing was that she knew that not even they missed her. They were only curious. The type of people who asked you how you’ve been only to have something to talk about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you missed?” he asked her in return, forcing her to voice her own thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… They forgot to send me an invitation with a reason after all. But why would I care? Romanticizing high school is pointless when you’ve never had not even a decent memory. I barely remember the names of those with whom I used to hang out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That high school really was like a prison, wasn’t it? Maybe that’s why we all felt so lost when we graduated. Nothing prepared us for the real world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey started biting her nail and looked outside the window again. Maybe it hadn’t prepared those like him for real life but for her, everything was still the same. She was still trapped and she was still an outsider barely understanding anything and surviving day after day out of inertia. She was more mature, yet at the same time, she couldn’t escape her own past self.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Miss Jakkson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey lifted her gaze and looked at her boss’ imposing figure. The jerk looked fantastic in his light teal shirt and white pants. His ears were even peeking through his dark locks, making her wish she had the courage to touch him… or slap him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you wearing?” he approached her, mortified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clothes?” she furrowed. He hadn’t mentioned any dress code.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “you’re late and you’re wearing a nightgown!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, it’s my day off and you didn’t tell me what you needed me for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regardless of the reason, you’re in your pajamas!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a freaking summer dress!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not the point! I didn’t freaking buy you work clothes to see you like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey crossed her arms and pursed her lips, reminding her boss that she was still not his idea of a grown-up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I needed to leave the house and you didn’t give me any details, so excuse me for looking like what I am - trash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s frown relaxed. The tremble in her voice had convinced him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that and you know very well that you’re not trash. You’re the best personal assistant I could have ever had.” He then peeked at his wristwatch and exhaled loudly. “It’s supposed to finish at two o’clock but there is a small group that’s going to hang around for lunch and drinks until four o’clock, then only my mom’s closest friend will stay until after dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a lot of free food,” she mentioned nonchalantly, making Ben snort before turning all serious again. “So what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is the commemoration of my grandparents. You’ve missed the foreword and the speeches and the auction has already begun or at least the presentation of the foundations and charities the money will be donated to. Then we’ll have brunch and after brunch, the auction will officially begin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great but what does it have to do with me? I can’t afford anything as much as I would love to donate to those in need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re here as my personal assistant. Don’t worry. You’ll be paid for today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As a whole day of work or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will be paid,” he rolled his eyes and put his hand around her forearm, not expecting her to pull away and almost slap his hand. His lips thinned in a firm line. “Are you still upset?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously,” she blushed, remembering his naked body, how his face looked both serene and tormented, and then… the blood. So much blood on the woman, on the sheets, on his hands and lips. “It isn’t necessarily about you,” she lied. “I’ve had a horrible week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe you,” he showed her one of his kind smiles. Too bad she couldn’t bring herself to smile back, making her give on trying to cheer her up. Instead, he led her behind the gates, among the many old trees and hidden statues covered by moss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… again, why must I be here?” she asked, kneeling to pick a coneflower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here because of your indiscretion-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your grandparents’ commemoration, Sir,” she furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-and I need you here as well in case something urgent requires me to leave. In that case, you’ll replace me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And do what?” she asked, following him on a path that seemed to take them inside the house without forcing them to meet any curious eyes. He continued walking, not giving her any answer or allowing her to see much of the topiaries, flowers, or statues. Once they reached the door, he put his hand on her back, leading her towards a small dark staircase, which was once probably used by the help, then towards some dark corridors. A ghost could have escaped one of those old paintings on the wall and she wouldn’t have even flinched. What was truly scary was the idea of being so far away from the outside world. After all, he was treating her like a prisoner or a madwoman from the 18th century doomed to be locked in the attic and all because the men in her life decided she had to be punished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop dragging me like this!” she pulled away once her anxiety peaked. She then nervously ran her fingers through her hair. “What the hell is wrong with everyone today? Rose is paranoid and hates me, I met my freaking ex and you’re treating me like your teenage daughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More like a sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carrying her shoes in her arms, like a baby, it was no wonder they hadn’t heard Kaydel approaching them. In fact, had it not been for her careful steps, reminiscent of her days as an angelic ballerina, and her tulle and lace pastel pink dress and white bow, Rey would have mistaken her for that ghost she had expected to meet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You…” Kaydel narrowed her eyes before relaxing. “You know? With a leather jacket, some knee-length socks, a pair of ankle boots, and maybe a belt, your outfit would be on point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay, please,” Ben scolded his sister. “Can you please help Miss Jakkson with some proper clothes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Proper as in ‘a cupcake threw up all over my outfit’” she waved at her own dress, “or ‘virgin secretary’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blushed at her remark, immediately wondering how much had her boss told his sister about her and their small discussions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Proper as in get her something from your wardrobe and I’m going to wait for you downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If moments ago she had pushed him away, now Rey was reaching for him and gulping at the mere thought of being alone with his pretty yet very weird sister, who once was very eager to harm her just to get the truth out of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be afraid. I don’t bite… hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mental image of her boss licking the blood off of that woman’s back came back, making Rey’s knees turn into jelly. If he was like that then his sister-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m joking, silly!” she rolled her eyes. “Now come. I’m hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really don’t have to do this,” sighed Rey, following Kaydel down the corridor. “I wasn’t supposed to be here and I honestly would rather-” she bit her tongue before mentioning going back home. She didn’t want that either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben has been a bit odd lately. I guess we all have our issues and sometimes they overwhelm us. Just play along and enjoy the food and the beautiful day.” She stopped right in front of two large white doors at the end of the corridor, before unlocking them and walking in with Rey right behind her. As expected, her bedroom was impressive, much larger than the one from Ben’s apartment, although completely different. If the other one was an explosion of colors and textures, without any corner left unmarked by her personality and youth, this one was very tame. Everything was in perfect order, with the only splashes of color coming from the light shades of pink and cyan. The rest was white and reminiscent of a dollhouse. There were no cigarette burn marks on the bedspread or curtains, no stains of acrylic on the floral wallpaper, nor any makeup stains on the pillowcase. Her books had the same hardcover and a huge collection of porcelain dolls was exhibited on three white shelves. If she could use one word to describe it, she would pick ‘lifeless’. Beautiful but lifeless like a museum. She either only slept there or…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky I have here my fancy doll clothing. Teal would look amazing on your skin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just what was she doing all day long?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect,” smiled Kaydel, pulling a teal tulle tea dress. “I wore this with suede black boots but I have some plain sandals and flats. Choose whatever you want.” Their eyes locked for a brief moment and Rey blushed, lowering her gaze. “I can apologize for ratting you out if it makes you stop looking at me as if I’ve killed your pet rabbit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that,” she admitted. “I’m… I don’t really belong here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nor do I but that’s part of my daily routine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey watched her unzip the dress and pull it off the clothes hanger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben mentioned that you’re adopted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Realizing that she had just called her boss by his first name, Rey lowered her gaze and looked at her shoes again. But that was not the thing she was supposed to be worried about. Instead, Kaydel clenched her jaw and cursed her brother's big mouth. For someone so secretive, he didn’t seem to care about keeping other people’s secrets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This family needed a perfect child that would not carry their cursed blood,” she sighed dramatically. “However, they should have kept the receipt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey snorted at the self-deprecating joke, then quickly added before Kaydel would believe that she was implying anything insulting:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was not adopted but my mom abandoned me for a couple of years and my grandmother couldn’t take care of me, so I lived with a stranger who became my new grandmother. When she died, my mom took me back. It must have been such a burden for her to take care of her own child. At least you had the chance to be raised in a nice home and decent family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess…” she shrugged. “Take off your clothes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here?” her jaw dropped in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where else? There may be people outside and you don’t seem like the brave type.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean… in front of </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Her whole face was already burning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because I’m into girls it doesn’t make me a predator.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean it like that. Why are you and your brother so…” She shut up to take off her nightgown and kept it at her chest to hide her breasts until Kaydel forced her to raise her arms and put on the dress. Luckily, it wasn’t very heavy nor thick to make her feel suffocated. “It’s too early in the morning for such things,” she mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit,” Kaydel ignored her, using the same tone her brother did, making Rey doubt the adoption part because she was certainly just like her brother. Like the good girl she was supposed to be, Rey sat down and exhaled, waiting for Kaydel to decide what to do next. She watched her grab the hairbrush, noticing the golden K.A.C. monogram, which reminded her of how she had once used nail polish to write M.F.R. on her own hairbrush. Life was truly unfair to some and too nice to others. Just like that family who died afraid of ending up on the streets while that mansion had only two people living in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like my brother don’t you?” asked Kaydel, brushing her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pursed her lips and remembered how upset he was about having to fire her, then how sweet he was to her each time she got sick or how he celebrated her birthday after saving her from that creep. He could have been her knight on a white horse had he not been so morally dubious and had she not been just a side character in that whole story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is a nice man… patient and kind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to praise him,” she laughed. “He’s not here. Besides, I already know what he is like. I was wondering  if you two are fucking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s eyes grew wider but she remained still, imagining herself in that other woman’s place as disgust was building inside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then how come he likes you so much?” Kaydel put down the brush and picked two pearl hair clips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a good secretary? Otherwise, I don’t know if he’d like me. He doesn’t seem to like his ladies as anything else but his </span>
  <em>
    <span>dessert</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>His</span>
  </em>
  <span> ladies,” chuckled Kaydel before asking Rey to turn around and kneeling in front of her. “You sound a bit jealous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t agree with his lifestyle and I can’t say I like setting up dates for him but it’s his life and his choice and I’m only his employee. As long as he doesn’t dictate me what to do in my spare time, though I’m sure he wants to, I also keep my mouth shut.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a bit of a slut, though,” snorted his sister, gently putting her hand on her face to apply the eyeliner. “But so am I, so I can’t judge either. It’s a family trait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey snorted again but not necessarily at Kaydel’s joke. It was at her own realization that she was a hypocrite too. Her disgust didn’t change the fact that they kissed so many times and was dying to kiss him again, nor did it change her thoughts from that night when she saw him showering. Oh, she had forgotten about him calling her name while… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay still!” Kaydel scolded her. “Close your eyes now. I’d rather not torture you with foundation or eyeshadow but some eyeliner and lipgloss are always a nice touch.” She waited for the eyeliner to dry out then finally found the courage to ask. “How was she before she died?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing someone else say her name was as painful as when she was trying to accept the truth about her death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know her well but I guess she was fine. Can’t say whether she was happy or not but we were all getting along. She was such a big sister to all of us. Life sure hasn’t been the same ever since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And her boyfriend?” furrowed Kaydel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was nice and funny… a bit bossy sometimes. I didn’t talk much to him as he was older and I wasn’t yet comfortable around strangers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he come around a lot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. They usually had their meeting place. They mostly hang out in pubs after work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he help you with… anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At first. I was all by myself and scared. Poe helped us but when Rose woke up and found out that he had taken all the decisions without waiting for her to wake up to consult her and be present at the funeral, she forbade him from being present in her life ever again. She even arranged for a second funeral because she didn’t agree with Poe’s decisions.” She bit her lip, tasting the chocolate flavor of the lipgloss. “To be honest, maybe he would have helped us and we would have had to struggle so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how you can be so dedicated to a friend to pretty much put yourself in danger just to make sure that she has what she needs to get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not dedication,” she admitted. “It was guilt and necessity, then I just got used to it. Besides, she works too and with only my jobs as a waitress or maid, I wouldn’t have been able to afford even that small dump we live in. At first, it was all about co-dependency and my guilt but things are better for me now and I got a bit tired, but I don’t know… I don’t really want to turn my back on her although we don’t get along anymore.” She paused and inhaled deeply to keep herself from crying at the thought of their fight. “I think I’ll never get over it until I know that I have paid my duty to her,” she glanced at herself in the mirror then changed the subject. “Miss Kaydel, where is your father? Is he going to attend the-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Han is filming a movie in another country. He held a speech earlier on video call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t your mother upset about him not being by her side? She seemed to be very upset when Ben almost skipped the commemoration.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel got up and straightened her back, stretching her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re divorced, so she doesn’t always care. Back when Ben and I were kids, they didn’t spend too much time together either. So now they don’t have those papers keeping them together anymore, but he does live here when he’s not working. Some people love each other and can’t be together despite wanting to. It’s either because of other factors or by choice. Our parents chose to no longer be a couple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But isn’t that good? My parents were… a mess. They barely saw each other because of work and when they were together, they were like enemies. And the thing is that they only got together when I was not present or when they were against me, so for the sake of their relationship, they were either not present in my life or present only to treat me like their punching bag.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are they here? In this city.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess. My dad used to work on cruise ships and my mom must have joined him ever since I ran away. She always said that she was stuck with me and that she would leave me once I’d turn eighteen, but she didn’t trust me. So I gave her the opportunity to live her life and let me live mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you haven’t met ever since? I’ve always wondered if any stranger on the street was a blood relative of mine but then I realized that I didn’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Rey shook her head. “At least not people who knew me well. I have a distant cousin working at the supermarket but she never knew me and some people barely recognized me or didn’t at all. I am Rey Jakkson now. I’m no longer Maria Fernanda Reynolds, the scapegoat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yet you still are a scapegoat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Rey a second to realize that she was referring to the rift between her and Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I blamed myself for leaving without a word,” confessed Kaydel. “Had I not left, Paige wouldn’t have started dating someone else and she wouldn’t have been there that night. But it happened and it was just like one of my paint jars breaking. The paint could stay there or spread all over the floor and reach the wipes, the brushes or my phone. Life is unpredictable. Unless either of us did it or planned it, we shouldn’t blame ourselves. In my case, not blaming myself anymore has helped me come with my grief a little bit more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the most comforting thing she had ever been told.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Kaydel, why haven’t you even looked for Paige? Rose and I have been hiding but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did for a while but gave up. I knew that she would have looked for me had she wanted to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you’ve been waiting all these years for her to appear out of nowhere?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, I wasn’t expecting anything. I returned a new person and my life changed. Most of my friends from before call me just to party but my life is not like before. I don’t find pleasure in the same things or people. The few people I constantly still keep in touch with are Ben, mom, dad, and Armitage. Everything else is just days passing and me not noticing how yesterday was April and today is June.” She helped Rey get up and looked at her with pride. “You know… I wasn’t joking back then. I’d love for us to be friends. I could use some new people in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” said Rey putting her hand over Kaydel’s, not noticing the grimace she made right before pulling away and putting on a tensed smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s go outside and celebrate with some food. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>starving</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Leighton Meester - Sweet (https://youtu.be/NPtfjHCh9kw)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Mad About You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” Leia called her son. “Ben, come here to meet someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shoving another cannoncino in his mouth, Ben turned his back on his mother and her guests. He had already been forced to act normal the whole morning and his patience was almost at the bottom of the barrel. As expected, his phone had been constantly calling, announcing him of various unexpected disasters. The scallops were not fresh, there was no camembert for the main course, the cakes had been delivered too early whereas the cake was not going to be delivered on time, there was no light outside the venue, the main chandelier had fallen right in the middle of the dance floor because of a burst pipe flooding the upper floor and the news about some suspicious activity regarding his big project had forced him to be on his fifth Bellini. And now it was so suspiciously quiet with no one calling him to update him on any changes. He should have been at the venue and checked everything on his own instead of assisting the same old brunch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benjamin Anakin Solo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He took another sip and turned to finally face his dear mother, still young and bossy. The woman wanted grandbabies, after all, and from both her children, so she was making sure to keep herself healthy, fit, and maybe too nosey. But her overall attitude was just part of their genetic heritage and he couldn’t judge her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me introduce you to my guests. She is Silvia Cantu, the owner of Star TV and this is Alexandrina Karakostas-Diamandis, a great editor. She worked with your father on that piece about his last race before reti-Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>FUCK!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok, my butterfly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He inhaled deeply and nodded, wishing she stopped calling him pet names in front of strangers or people he wished were strangers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, ladies,” he smiled. “Thank you for joining us today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The pleasure is ours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Silvia’s hand and at his mother’s disapproving gaze. He was supposed to be polite and the perfect gentleman, yet he didn’t like the smirk on Silvia’s face just as he didn’t like her presence there. While Alexandrina was easier to control, Silvia was more experienced and sly. She had blackmailed him into giving her that invitation but what on earth was she doing at his mother’s party? Unless… she was trying to get something else from him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you seen anything you might be interested in?” he asked, knowing exactly that his fling would understand the meaning of his question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually have. Not sure if I can afford it but it’s for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>cause.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if sensing the tension between the two, Mrs Karakostas-Diamandis interfered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve seen your sister’s paintings. They are truly spectacular. Artists nowadays just paint a circle on a white canvas and they call it art.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not an art connoisseur but I’m sure my sister will appreciate your words. Ah! There she is! Katherine Adele!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand froze in midair and not because of his sister’s deadly glare. In fact, he hadn’t even noticed it. He was too busy admiring his pretty little secretary’s shoulders and neck. He watched her bite out of a slice of toast with whipped ricotta and roasted pineapple. She didn’t seem too impressed with his mother’s choice of appetizers but she was obviously hungry… and so was he. That day was going to be a nightmare and only now did he realise that all of his desserts had been nothing but a waste of time and energy. They were glasses of water on an empty stomach while the true three-course meal was right there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have waited for me to finish my mini quiche,” his sister mumbled, then immediately showed off the most charming smile. “Hello, thank you for joining us today!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is my beloved daughter,” introduced her Leia while still glaring at her son. “The paintings you saw are hers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Such an honour to meet you. I have my eye on some of your paintings. Do you also do commissions? My husband and I have recently redecorated our home but there is too much white and I’d love a mural. Please don’t bail on me as your brother has. My dreams of having a small castle in the countryside have been postponed because of his huge projects.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Ben wasn’t paying attention to Alexandrina’s attempt of convincing him to finally build that small castle for her and eventually christening all the rooms while her husband was going to pay for everything. Nor was he paying attention to his mother’s intrigued gaze after she had realized that both her guests and her son were no strangers. No… He was busy analysing Rey’s nose, wishing he had the opportunity to kiss those small freckles. He also wanted so badly to touch her cheeks the same way her eyelashes did each time she closed her eyes to savour another tart. The one she was tasting was a lemon lavender coconut mousse tart and he could already taste it on her lips. Kissing her was the only thing that would have distracted him from wanting to taste her completely, which was still good because he was sure that he wouldn’t be capable of stopping himself from devouring her. Out of all the desserts on the table, she was sweetest - sweeter than all of them combined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that your secretary or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely looked at Silvia. With his mother so close, he didn’t want her to realise that they already knew each other, although it was too late. Also, watching Rey giggle so excited at each new dessert she tasted was much more satisfying than any conversation. In fact, it was similar to watching a cake being sliced right in front of you, knowing that you could get a slice and taste the vanilla frosting and the raspberries hidden inside it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She looks good after that terrible accident. She’s lucky she hasn’t died.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben touched his sharp teeth with the tip of his tongue, fighting his beastly urges of devouring both his secretary and his fling, although in different manners. He clenched his fingers around the glass, feeling the shards forming and penetrating his flesh. The pain was meant to remind him that he was in among too many people to make a scene. And the short glance Kaydel gave him surely helped to pull him down to earth. He now finally realised that she had heard Silvia but only foolishly prayed that she would mistake her remark for something else. In case she asked, he could tell her that the woman knew Rey as Paige and after a little digging she found out about the accident and had mistakenly assumed that Paige was alive. He could… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that black and white painting with that gorgeous woman? My husband’s office is all white with a couple of black accents. That painting would be perfect above the-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That painting is not for sale,” hissed Kaydel. “All my paintings which are up for sale are either nature-themed, renditions of classical works in different styles or… just abstract messes. Any original portrait is not for sale.” Her voice was now trembling and she was blinking nervously. Paige’s portrait was sacred to her and an altar of inspiration. If she was willing to give  up on most of her old stuff, she wasn’t sure if she was ever going to even consider not having all the paintings together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay,” Leia put her warm hand on her daughter’s wrist, immediately sending a wave of energy to soothe her anger. “I haven’t touched your latest paintings. It must have got mixed with the others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman nodded and looked at her brother, especially at the blood dripping from his palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you’ll have to excuse me. I must check if there have been other mistakes before the auction begins… and also bandage my brother’s hand. Thank you for your time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put her arm around his and stole him away from the guests, speeding up the pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are in big trouble, </span>
  <em>
    <span>butterfly</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she almost growled, before putting on her perfect smile to salute some of their guests. “Do you have something to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously, not anymore,” he sighed, looking at his palm slowly healing under his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a fucking car accident, didn’t you? And </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>was with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nothing, Kay,” he tried to calm her down as they entered the old ballroom now turned gallery for Kaydel’s art and their mother’s plants and statues. As expected, the painting had been labelled and was soon going to be taken outside for auction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why didn’t you tell me?” she controlled her voice in order not to yell at him as she was ripping the label. “Does anyone even know about this or were we supposed to come to pick your corpse from the morgue?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He licked his lips rather amused by his sister’s worries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My secretary was with me and mom found out from her. Hux knows it too, obviously.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that snake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her employees found out and I…” he looked around, “had to thank her for silencing them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious,” she shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I can’t have any bad publicity shadowing my project. It’s my chance to slowly transition to my own business and stop being dependent on our family. I’ve just found out that I don’t even have a share in the company. I’m just a replacement for Luke and mom. If they both decide to come back, I’m out. And I won’t beg them or wish for their death.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You care too much about such things,” Kaydel rolled her eyes, getting on her tiptoes to take down the painting. She was feeling too selfish to have it anywhere where other eyes would admire it. “And what’s the deal with you and your secretary? The poor thing was so uncomfortable. Why did you even bring her here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He approached her, already bored by her attempts to take down the painting, and helped her, reminding her of the times when they were children and he used to get down all the jars of cookies their father hid from her sweet tooth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t stay until the end, Kay. Things are bad at the venue and I must leave soon. She will be my replacement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You needn’t have called her just for this. In fact, I think she would have been of greater help at the venue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” he snorted, changing the tone. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been asking her for information about your mystery muse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Ben. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t tell me that you’ve brought her just for me to interrogate her. Because I have, but you’re still keeping her here. So don’t even lie to me about doing this for my poor broken heart. You’re who you are. You always do things for yourself even when you’re genuinely kind to others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I?” he smirked. But Mini-Leia, as he preferred calling her during her bossiest moments, stood there proudly with her painting under her arm, waiting for her brother to spill out the beans. He eventually licked his lips and looked around again, glad that they were still all alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” he sighed. “I haven’t seen her in a couple of days and I wanted to check out something.” The lack of a snarky remark coming from his sister convinced him to further pour his heart out. “She’s amazing but I fucking hate her sometimes. Not hate her as in ‘I want to strangle her in her sleep’ but she drives me mad. She’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>nightmare</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I can’t be around her or away from her. She makes me act like a stupid kid and I keep apologizing and moving earth and sea to make her happy just in hopes that I would stop feeling like that and act normal again. I-Just who the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>does she think she is? Even when she’s far away and I only text her just because I don’t want to hear her voice, I can’t stop asking myself ‘what would my tiny secretary want me to do’. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Would Rey find it moral?</span>
  </em>
  <span> As if she were the boss and I, her employee! As if I haven’t done enough for her and-and she even had the audacity to call me a brat and- She doesn’t know me! She doesn’t know shit about me, Kay! She understands nothing and I let her humiliate me in my own house. And I also let myself blackmailed just to save her pretty ass. That girl has been nothing but trouble and instead of getting rid of her… like sending her to jail or sending her back to her shitty family, I keep her with me and treat her like a princess. She makes me feel like she deserves it and maybe she does but why should I be the one pampering her? She is only an employee. Do you even know that when you told me about her lies, I felt angry and disappointed but not necessarily at her for being a fucking compulsive liar or at me for being the biggest idiot on the planet. No! I was afraid of losing her! And not because I’ve exposed myself to her too much and I’m afraid of her opening her mouth to spill the beans, but because I… </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>her.” Ben sighed for a breath of fresh air. “That girl is pure </span>
  <em>
    <span>poison</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She is driving me mad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you done?” blinked Kaydel unimpressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” he rubbed his bearded chin. “Actually yes. I am very done, especially with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, dear brother,” she laughed. “You make me so glad and proud of being single and not dating men in general.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does your shitty love life have to do with me or my employee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benjamin, you’re being obtuse,” she used her Leia tone. “The problem is not with her. The problem is with you. You’re in denial.” She took a step closer and whispered to him. “Ben, you want her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do. It’s in my nature. I’ve already tasted her and I can’t help wanting more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t with you,” she laughed exasperated. “Ben, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>her. Like mom wanted dad. Like I wanted Paige. Don’t you see? Your hunger and obsession with her are not normal even for people like us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re wrong,” he stepped back. “You and I are very different from the rest of our family and you know why. If I want anything from her is to finally take a proper bite and then-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t. Not ever. You’d only want her back for more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay,” he exhaled loudly, “I know you’re a girl and more into the whole romance thing but I’m not one of mom’s book characters. This is not some silly love story. This is a bomb waiting to explode.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen,” began Kaydel but soon stopped at the sight of a figure lurking behind the thin curtains hiding the glass sliding doors. “Help me get this upstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed the painting to her confused brother then, with firm steps, headed towards the sliding doors and opened them. Apart from the caterers and the waitresses, there were no other people in the corridor. Maybe she had mistaken one of them for a spy or maybe she was just being paranoid like her brother. Pursing her lips, she then checked her wristwatch. Time was running and she was soon going to have to supervise the auction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So is mom coming to the gala or not?” she asked later, waiting for her brother at the top of the staircase. “I haven’t told her anything and I need to come up with a good lie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” he stopped midway. “She does know from Rey but she came by to get a blue dress for you. I thought you’ve-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said anything,” she made a confused grimace. “And my dress for tonight is yellow and gold. I made it myself these past weeks. Which dress did you say she took?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The blue one with the silver stars?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew… There’s a reason why I’ve never worn that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know… you could start auctioning some of your clothes or at least donate them for good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe next year,” she sighed dramatically, reaching for his hand and pulling him towards her bedroom. “I need time to focus on how to properly shape life. Right now, I would throw everything in the trash can and wear only leggings and T-shirts for the rest of my life but I need to search for my identity in every little thing I own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her resigned smile vanished as she turned around and saw the guilty look in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you hate me?” he spoke kindly as if caressing her with his voice. “For doing this to you? Had it not been for me and my stupid mistakes, you would have been happy now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked him in those dark ancient eyes, remembering the young boy who so eagerly accepted her in his life and home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Ben. It’s been too long already and there is no turning back. I just try not to think about it anymore-What?” She followed her brother’s gaze and noticed the teal fabric lying on the old folding screen and the shadow cast on the wall. They were not alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go now. If you see Miss Jakkson,” he pointed with his chin at the folding screen, “please tell her to wait for my message.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a child,” Kaydel mouthed at her brother. “Ok, see you tonight.” She waited for her brother to leave the room, then turned and gasped at the sight of Rey’s hand, pretending to be surprised. “Weren’t you outside just a moment ago?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was,” muttered Rey, visibly upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry for leaving you like that. I had to chat with some guests and do some other stuff.” She approached her but Rey hid again behind the screen. “Anyway… When did you get here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soon after you and Mr Solo left. I went to look for you but had a small accident with a waitress and I had to get changed. It’s only water, though!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve had worse things spilt on my clothes. Do you want me to give you something else to wear? I have a very beautiful periwinkle-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather wear some pants and a shirt, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I have any plain pants or shirts here but I have some white overalls,” said Kaydel, going to rummage through the sea of fabrics. She turned once to check on Rey, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with guilt and pity. “I’ll leave it by the vanity. See you downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Thanks a lot!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the door closed, Rey let herself slip on the floor, drained by all that self-control she had to feign, and wiped her nose with the back of her hand before inevitably beginning to wail. The more she bit her trembling lip and rubbed her eyes, trying to erase any trace of her pain, the more she cried and scratched her arms and neck, wishing she would disappear. After all, she was pure </span>
  <em>
    <span>poison</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he hated her. They all did… Her family, Rose, Ben… Ben, Ben, Ben, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the one who pretended to understand her, to care about her, to appreciate her, to like her, to be attracted to her. So he never was upset about her big mouth. His anger had only broken the seal to his true feelings which were definitely not the ones he had been fooling her about. And that Kaydel… they both played a sick trick on her to get what they wanted from her. He wanted her mouth shut about some secret she apparently knew and the other one wanted information about Paige. Now that she had told her everything, it was probably only a matter of time until he would also find out that she knew no secrets of his other than his sick taste in women and bedroom activities, so she was most likely in danger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sniffing, she got up and reached for the bag with the dress for that mysterious gala. She could just take it out and shove it in Kaydel’s wardrobe… or she could have the last laugh. She had nothing against her personally, but she was as wicked as her brother so she was not going to feel guilty about what she was about to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The jewellery box was right there. All she needed was something small enough to sneak out and to sell quickly but worthy enough to help her get away and have a fresh new start. The diamond earrings were a bit too dangerous to deal with but maybe after enough time had already passed… At least the smaller and more delicate gold bracelets were good enough for the first weeks. And the rings too but not the vintage ones - too easy to trace. Oh, and that cross-shaped silver necklace. It was quite big and silver wasn’t very expensive but its unique design could pay for her meals for a week or so.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pearls</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she hesitated with her hands on an old family heirloom. Maybe she shouldn’t have been that greedy but she had to plan ahead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clothes,” she then murmured, realising that she had been wandering around only in her panties. She needed pants and a T-shirt. The jumpsuit was gorgeous but she would have rather worn something more comfortable to help her get around easier and escape that place… unobserved. She still had to leave the party unobserved and a casual outfit would have only made her stand out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head at her own bad luck and foolishness, she quickly put on the jumpsuit and hid the jewellery between the folds of her dress, then ran outside the bedroom and down the stairs. The waitresses were now carrying the empty plates inside and more trays with beverages outside. Too bad she couldn’t remember the path she took when she first came. It would have saved her from meeting too many people or any people such as- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” she heard </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>calling her name. Oh, how she wanted to slap that lying manipulative brat! “Rey, where are you going?” Kaydel approached her. “The party is in the opposite direction.” Her gaze then fell on Rey’s old messenger bag and the paper bag she brought with her earlier but also on her wet cheeks and red eyes. “Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Miss Kaydel. I don’t know where my mind is,” she said in a whiny voice. “Rose is not feeling well and I am so worried about her but Mr Solo ordered me to be here and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then go. I’ll cover for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, her heart warmed up at the woman’s kindness. She was so angelic with that huge ribbon and her pink dress. Too bad now Rey could see through her and was immune to her charm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll understand. If you want to stay here some more, you can sit next to me but if it’s urgent, just go and I’ll see you tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much,” she feigned a warm tone. “See you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Never. She wished to see her never again. Not her, not him, not anyone from that company who knew enough to keep her tied to that place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you! Girl!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked behind her shoulder at Ben’s latest lover. Drinking from a glass, the woman was slowly approaching her with Ben’s other lover right behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Silvia, please!” she begged her. “Let’s not make a scene.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That Silvia stopped for a moment to tell Alexandrina off, a moment in which Rey started running towards the gate. She hid behind a tree until she was sure that she was not followed. Now if only luck were by her side and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo asked me to wait for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-she had the chance to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got inside the car, taking one last peek at the old mansion, glad that she hadn’t had the opportunity to fall for its luxury and foolishly imagine herself living there. Her imagination was such a dangerous and cruel place. It had once helped her escape physical confinement, but now it was becoming a new cage for her mind. Unless she was willing to turn into a shell, she had to block everything and kill the past. One more night and she would become someone else again. Noe more guilt, no more misery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Agnes,” she smiled, clutching the silver cross. And if she had once been Rey, she was going to be Kingston. “Agnes Kingston.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without taking her eyes off of the many billboards blocking the view of the lake and the lavender hills from far away, Rey smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just thinking about how every ending brings a new beginning.” The gold jewellery was now warming in her hand as she kept caressing each ring and bracelet to make sure that they wouldn’t disappear and, with them, her dreams and hopes as well. “You know, Marcel… Perhaps the reason you have never managed to find that friend of yours is because she’s already dead.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Hooverphonic - Mad About You (https://youtu.be/xVKGXgHDMvQ)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Until I Bleed Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title: The Weeknd - Until I Bleed Out (https://youtu.be/i58MNnk6BhY)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This is it! </em>
</p><p>Ben took a deep breath and looked around proudly. The guests were enjoying themselves and there were no traces of the disasters from that morning. Of course, the quick reparations were not going to last for forever - as if they hadn’t already cost him too much, but all he needed was for the venue to look splendid just for a couple of more hours. At least the hole in the ceiling was now covered with plaster and white and green fabric. The fairy lights were also a nice touch when it came to distracting any curious eyes and replacing the missing broken chandelier. </p><p>“Appetizers, Sir?”</p><p>He thanked the waiter, refusing the food although he was quite hungry. Except for some sweets he had devoured earlier that morning, he had been too nervous to try anything else. The mini crab, spinach and mushroom tarts looked scrumptious and he only hoped that by the end of his presentation, there would be any left for him to try, though he could do with only a couple of hazelnut praline choux buns. Of course, he would have rather ate something else but until finding some decent dessert, he had to satiate his hunger with whatever he found. After all - he flinched at the touch of yet to be completely healed wound - he could no longer afford to be so fussy unless he wanted his whole body to shut down.</p><p>“Hello, Benjamin,” spoke a tall bearded man who once knew his grandmother. “The place looks amazing. I can’t wait to see what you have been working on these past months. Your family helped build this town and you seem to carry on their legacy.”</p><p>“I’m trying my best,” he patted the old man on the shoulder. “I hope I won’t disappoint any of you and that maybe you’ll consider investing in my project.”</p><p>“We’ll see, my boy,” he smirked. “I’m already old. I don’t need any more money. In fact, I plan to retire from business.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s too bad. So that means your sons will soon have to leave their comfortable lives and become responsible.”</p><p>“No,” the old man shook his head. “I have a granddaughter out there. She’ll inherit everything and you’ll be doing business with her. Maybe you two will also-”</p><p>“Then let’s hope this project will be a success because I don’t want it to be my last one,” he laughed nervously. He knew where that discussion was about to lead to and he was not in the mood for any wedding plans with strangers. Though, the idea of grabbing a bite and convincing that mysterious granddaughter to invest in his upcoming projects was not yet out of the question.</p><p>He left his guest with a tray of bruschettas as he grabbed a glass of water and took a sip, smiling and greeting his other guests. According to his schedule, he was less than half an hour from presenting his project and the journalists were already there. He wasn’t a fan of Silvia’s TV channel but when one gets blackmailed, there isn’t much choice left.</p><p>“Nervous?”</p><p>“A little,” he leaned in for a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug, which sure felt comfortable, especially coming from his sister. Her gold taffeta dress and puff sleeves looked amazing and the halo plait made her look like a warrior goddess, although something was missing, leaving her outfit rather incomplete. Perhaps a weapon?</p><p>“All alone?” he offered her his arm.</p><p>“Mom is here too. She was chatting with some old friends of hers. Armie offered himself as a tribute until you’re done with your presentation.”</p><p>They greeted a group, then continued walking among the many guests until they reached a table.</p><p>“Is she mad?” he asked, helping her sit down. He then sat next to her, facing his guests so that he could still observe any intimate touch or sardonic smile.</p><p>“About you leaving her party? Oh, yes,” she chuckled, chewing on a cheesecake stuffed strawberry. “Better keep her away from wine unless you’re in for a slap by midnight.” She brushed her fingers against her collar bone and grimaced. “She should have brought me my jewellery from your place instead of that tacky dress.”</p><p>“You don’t have any jewellery at my place apart from some of the pieces you’ve made. I’ve already checked.”</p><p>“That’s impossible,” she furrowed. “My diamond earrings are missing and so are some of my rings and bracelets. I haven’t worn them in a long time so they must be at your place.”</p><p>“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I’ve looked only for the silver cross and didn’t find that one either. Perhaps you’ve misplaced them when moving from my place to mom’s and your studio.”</p><p>“Yeah… <em> perhaps </em>,” she tapped her fingers on the table.</p><p>“Kay,” he caressed her arm as he checked his wristwatch, “I should go now. Can you please talk to the press and remind them about the indications I’ve emailed them?”</p><p>Kaydel raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed, realising that she wasn’t his assistant. <em> Someone else </em> was. That someone who hasn’t answered her phone all day and who was going to get in big trouble for not doing her job even on what was technically her day off.</p><p>“I… Go ask Armitage. He’ll know what to do.”</p><p>Trying to avoid at any cost getting angry, he left his sister and headed towards the stage, waiting for the band to stop playing the song and for the journalists to make themselves comfortable in front of the stage.</p><p><em> Here I go </em>, he exhaled, pinching the back of his palm before putting on the most charming smile and the most confident gaze. He was Han Solo’s son after all.</p><p>“Good evening, everyone! I wish you a very warm welcome to-”</p><p>There she was. Apart from a couple of moments when he needed her, he had been so busy with his job that he had completely forgotten about her… which was great actually! So many hours spent without her haunting him and conjuring him to go find her? Maybe getting all that frustration off his chest had been more than just cathartic. Maybe he was healing from his tiny obsession with his pretty secretary, though the growing burning sensation in his chest was starting to prove him the exact opposite. Her face was very sombre and he couldn’t read whether it was just the anxiety of being surrounded by so many strangers or whether something else was bothering her. After all, she must have had a reason for avoiding him all day.</p><p>“-I-umm-I must thank you for so kindly joining us today. My team from Skywalker Properties and I are very honoured to have you all here.”</p><p>She was finally looking at him! Her eyes were so sad and he could have sworn that her jaw was trembling, looking so deliciously vulnerable. It was almost begging him to pepper her with kisses and- </p><p>“For the past sixty decades, Skywalker Properties has had both the privilege and responsibility of rebuilding and reshaping this town, bringing it back to life after tragic events such as wars and earthquakes. However, throughout the years, our team has never forgotten about the value of a safe environment and the importance of comfort when it comes to shaping the current and future citizens of our capital city. Unlike some other real estate developers and contractors, we have never been afraid of putting ourselves in the shoes of the average person and ask ourselves what would a person need apart from a home. Such is the case with our latest project. During the time I’ve spent doing research, I’ve concluded, once more, that people have more needs than just a roof over their head, which, unfortunately, is often so conveniently forgotten. The only difference between the buildings built half a century ago and the newer ones that are being built now is just the label. They are new and that’s all. In terms of size, they are either as small as before or even smaller, while amenities are present only on the developers’ websites, but not in real life. So, for <em> Orchard </em>, my new project, I have decided to help the average person with a lower income to afford a new home that truly feels new, while also provide them with amenities that are going to rejuvenate and repopulate even the less fortunate neighbourhoods of our city, as well as help and bring balance at a socio-economic-umm-”</p><p><em> Fuck! </em> </p><p>“-umm-level.”</p><p>
  <em> Stop looking at me! </em>
</p><p>He changed the slide, allowing his guests to admire the map of the city zooming on the poorest neighbourhood and the cascade of photos from its older days, when it was the jewel of the city, up to the present day, when it was already the slums of the capital.</p><p>“<em> Orchard </em> doesn’t come only with a whole new set of buildings for people to live in.” The old blocks of flats were digitally removed and, in their place, newer ones appeared. “It also comes with new jobs, a new kindergarten and school, shops at each ground floor whose design will be reminiscent of those from fifty years ago and-”</p><p>
  <em> STOP looking at me! </em>
</p><p>But the more he was talking, the more she wanted to watch him burn under her own eyes. After his confession from earlier that morning, she thought that they had finally reached the bottom of the barrel. There was nothing left that could have made her hate him even more than she already did. And yet, there he was, planning to blow up her neighbourhood and home and build his own fancy homes. Had she intended for quite some time to leave that place? Yes. Was she ok with finding out that he had always intended to evacuate her and leave her on the streets? Definitely not! However, it did make sense his sudden kindness from that day when he offered himself to help her and Mrs Kanata. He had probably spent the whole time interrogating the old woman about the building. And it also made sense why so many people were already moving out or dying out of fear of ending up on the streets. That was why Maz had told her a couple of hours ago that she could stay in her apartment only until the end of August. She was not selling her apartment, renovating it or renting it to someone else! They all knew about it! Oh, and that jerk of a landlord had even had the guts to demand them to pay the rent for the following months in advance! He was going to take their money and then evacuate them!</p><p>Suddenly, she was feeling suffocated by the clothes and jewellery. She was an impostor and intruder there. She had to get out!</p><p>“To make sure that the noise aspect will be properly covered, the terraced houses will be divided into three sections. Small local businesses will be located on the ground floor, the first floor will host homes with solely one bedroom, one living room, one storage space, one bathroom and one kitchen, while the top floor will be designated for studios, which will definitely be a success among single people, young couples and college students.”</p><p>“He has been looking for you all day,” spoke Hux, startling her. She hadn’t noticed him or thought about him at all, yet she knew that she had to ask him something she didn’t even remember.</p><p>“Did you know?” she lashed at him, no longer caring about etiquette. “Did you know that he was soon going to leave me and Rose on the streets?”</p><p>Armitage made a surprised face, then shrugged.</p><p>“Everyone was announced by the owners of the buildings or their landlords. Some families were even offered a significant discount and they have already signed the contracts to exchange their homes for a new one and-”</p><p>“I don’t fucking care about the others, Hux!” she snapped, catching the eye of some of the people standing next to her. “Even being who I am, I still think I deserved being told about this thing.”</p><p>“Look, it’s better to talk to Ben about this. He surely thought that you already knew.”</p><p>“He surely couldn’t have waited to get rid of me and watch me suffer!”</p><p>“Wh-what?” the man laughed. “Come on, Rey. I understand your anger, but you need to take a deep breath and calm down. It’s not like that.”</p><p>“Has he even told you anything about us? You know that Rose and I have been trying to save money for her surgery. Why on earth would you even believe that we could afford even the cheapest studio?”</p><p>“We haven’t discussed anything in particular.”</p><p>“That’s a very nice way of saying that you’ve been using Rose just like he has been using me.”</p><p>Hux’s eyes grew wider and his jaw dropped for a moment.</p><p>“Rey, I swear-”</p><p>“Don’t!” she raised her hand. “I’ll talk to him after the press conference.”</p><p>Without giving Armitage the chance to even talk, she stormed through the room, ignoring Kaydel’s shocked then deathly gaze once she saw her wear the dress she had designed for Paige but never had the chance to give it to her, as well as her missing jewellery. Whatever game those two were playing, she was having none of it.</p><p>“What were you two talking about?” she pretended to be calm. “Anything happened?”</p><p>“She and other people will get evicted because of <em> Orchard </em>.”</p><p>“You can’t be serious,” she snorted. </p><p>“Everything is legal. I’ve worked with a huge team to make sure it is. It’s just that in such neighbourhoods, people are so poor that they take advantage of others who are doing even worse than them. She’s one of the victims and she just found out that she’ll be homeless soon.”</p><p>It was a little bit difficult for Kaydel to feel pity for her. As much as she had empathized with her, she was still too upset about Ben’s willingness to donate her belongings just like that.</p><p>“But she’s Ben’s favourite toy so why is she worried?” she pursed her lips, taking a sip out of her glass of Sazerac. “One word and Ben will move her in with mom. Or maybe he’ll gift her a whole building in exchange for a good-”</p><p>“Kay, please,” shushed her Hux. He made it seem as if he wanted to pay attention to the end of the presentation, but he only sought to clear out his mind and think about Rose. She had told him that she had often hidden things from Rey, so he couldn’t help wondering if she knew.</p><p>&lt;&lt;Can we talk?&gt;&gt; he texted her. &lt;&lt;I know you don’t actually want to talk to me but I mi-&gt;&gt; he stopped and deleted the second text. After all, why was he even trying? She had made her lack of interest quite clear and-</p><p>&lt;&lt;ok&gt;&gt;</p><p>He gasped and licked his lips. Now how was he going to ask her?</p><p>&lt;&lt;Rey has told me about your intentions of moving out. When will the contract expire?&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;we don’t have an actual contract&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;if rey wants to move out earlier then go empty your drawers… i’ll stay here until the end&gt;&gt;</p><p>Furrowing, Armitage looked at Kaydel, then again at the text message. What was she talking about? Did she know or not?</p><p>&lt;&lt;So… you do know.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;just leave me alone&gt;&gt;</p><p>So that was why she had been avoiding him? She, just like Rey, must have assumed that they both had been used and played by him and Ben. Well… considering the context of their first meeting, she wasn’t that far away from the truth, but things had changed and they had kissed and- </p><p>“Mr Solo, what can you tell us about the mysterious deaths that have recently plagued the neighbourhood you plan to demolish? Have your plans pushed the poor residents of our city to commit suicide? Is <em> Orchard </em>going to be built on a graveyard?”</p><p>Hux’s eyes met his old friend’s and he wished for a moment he were closer to denounce such ridiculous accusations. But, instead, he remained frozen, for the first time questioning Ben’s morals and empathy as a human being. He had never judged him for his ‘needs’, not even when the Voe incident happened, but he was going to put his foot down even if he risked losing his job and everything he had achieved so far.</p><p>“That was a regrettable event, but it has nothing to do with <em> Orchard </em>. Any other questions?”</p><p>“Are you going to offer any compensation to the people you are going to evict?”</p><p>Ben clenched his jaw and looked around for support and guidance, but Hux was no longer paying attention to him, and Kaydel was busy eating, while Rey was missing and his mother was just absent-mindedly listening.</p><p>“The properties have already been purchased <em> legally </em>. The residents will have to move out by the end of their contracts.”</p><p>“But does it not matter to you that they will have no place to go? Some have been residing there only because it’s the cheapest neighbourhood in the whole city. Losing their homes means that they will have to move out of the city and quit their jobs because it would no longer help them cover their expenses, including rent.”</p><p>Ben pursed his lips. The young reporter who was so desperately trying to ruin him was doing it out of spite. He knew her very well as one of the girls on his list and as Silvia’s employee. In fact, the place was quite full of his desserts and he did not remember that city being that small. Of course, Silvia had to be there and her employee as well. But he didn’t remember feasting on so many waitresses or girlfriends of his business partners or inviting any of them to just smugly stare at him. Something was wrong about that night.</p><p>“The idea behind <em> Orchard </em>is that it is affordable for people who could not generally afford to buy a house or even rent a decent place. Had you paid attention to what I’ve said earlier, you would have heard the part about those people being offered a place to stay at our partner hotels during the more economically challenging months of the year for tourism and lodging. This project is for them, not for me, otherwise, I would have presented you another ginormous hotel with its own aqua park.”</p><p>“He’s so full of bullshit,” muttered Kaydel and Hux laughed. “I love him, but you know it’s true.”</p><p>“It’s our job to lie.”</p><p>“I know. That’s why I can so confidently call him out on his lies.”</p><p>“Technically, he does do it for the less fortunate and for the better image of the outskirts of this city but-”</p><p>“But he’s doing it more to get out of this firm and get some cute award. Maybe we can get our own TV show after uncle Luke gets back to work. I’d be the interior designer and snarky one.”</p><p>They were laughing when Ben finally approached them, all pale and sweaty. The peculiar paleness was the effect of the lack of proper dessert in his diet and they both knew it but preferred not addressing it. They were not going to pamper him tonight.</p><p>“Hey, big brother,” smiled Kaydel. “Great presentation! Now, if you have time, could you perhaps explain to me why the hell was your little obsession wearing my things?”</p><p>Ben stopped loosening his bowtie and raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“What? The dress? You can order another. Besides, she’ll give it back.”</p><p>“<em> Order </em> ? Ben, I made that dress! Everything on that rack was my small collection but that dress was- <em> is </em> special.”</p><p>“Kaydel,” he rolled his eyes. “Grow up, would you? It’s just fabric.”</p><p>“I had designed it for <em> her </em>,” she snarled.</p><p>“Well… she’s fucking dead, Kaydel!” he snapped. “Deal with it. Maybe you should burn all the shit which reminds you of her and finally get a job and be useful for once.”</p><p>Hux coughed and put his hand on Kaydel’s arm, hoping to calm her down. However, she brushed it off and giggled.</p><p>“Oh my goodness, Benjamin! I had heard that you have a big dick but I never actually thought that you are a huge dick as well.”</p><p>She put her glass down and picked up two more - one of red wine and one of champagne, then threw them both at her brother.</p><p>“How clumsy I am!” she gasped. “I guess it’s because I’m so tired of dealing with your shit.”</p><p>“Katherine-”</p><p>“I’m taking my things out today. Have a nice party,” she said, turning her back to him. “And please stop giving the family jewellery or mine in general to your preys!”</p><p>The two men watched her leave without saying a word to one another. Hux handed Ben a handkerchief and he wiped some of the wine off his face, though it didn’t make much difference as he still needed to go get changed. Good thing he had brought spare clothes.</p><p>“Armitage, can you find me someone for tonight?”</p><p>“Can’t you find someone yourself?” he asked without looking at his friend. “After all, this place is full of your desserts, Ben.”</p><p>“I have noticed and I hate them all.”</p><p>“Too bad. Then you’ll have to starve.”</p><p>Just like his bratty sister, Hux left him all alone, astounded and definitely feeling confused and slightly betrayed. That day had been so weird and overall disastrous that he only wished for it to be over, despite having waited for it for months.</p><p>“Congratulations, Ben,” spoke his mother from behind him. “People really seemed interested and keen on being humanitarians for once. It might have something to do with the long term financial implications but at least your project will be a success.” She patted him on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“Really,” he snorted and turned to face his mother. “Because I thought you hated me just like everyone else.”</p><p>“Oh, Ben,” the woman shook her head. “You’re a good person with a huge heart but you tend to be so unconsciously selfish-”</p><p>“It’s a family trait,” he laughed, annoyed.</p><p>“-and you need to learn that you’re not always right. You’ve been wrong before and the way you show your affection is not always healthy.”</p><p>“Are you honestly lecturing me even now?” he furrowed. “Mom, I didn’t tell your guests this morning that you were a better mother to your adopted prodigy than to your own son. Maybe you should not ruin my night for me.”</p><p>“I think you’ve already ruined it yourself. Or at least whatever happened between you, Silvia and your secretary is behind that little show we’ve all just witnessed.”</p><p>It was now his time to leave. He was glad that everyone was too busy analysing his models and asking questions to his employees or simply devouring whatever delicious dishes had been brought. At least no one saw anything or at least no one cared about what happened. He would talk to his mother and sister the next morning, at breakfast. Of course, he had already asked Rey to join him to go shopping but maybe after having a serious discussion with her, she would accept going to the supermarket earlier and help him buy something for his mom and sister and finally have some peace. Maybe he could take a couple of days off and go on a vacation. Not a whole week but maybe a weekend. And he would ask Rey to work over hours to get her acquainted with everything he needed her to do while he was away, although he would have rather taken her with him. Oh, how he would have loved seeing those tiny freckles of hers getting sunkissed. Her skin would also change its scent and taste, becoming one with the warm breeze and salty seawater…  </p><p>He smiled at the thought of kissing her shoulders and then biting into her neck as her shape began forming in front of his eyes. He reached for her and expected his hand to go right through the spectre and maybe vanish, no longer tormenting him and making his hunger worse. However, instead, he found himself pushing the real Rey.</p><p>“Oh my-” he gasped. “What are you doing here? I’ve been trying to reach you all day long.”</p><p>She didn’t answer, so he went to turn on the lights, which flickered for a moment before going off for good. </p><p>“Shit…” Well… at least there was still enough light coming from outside. “Sorry, Rey, but I have to get changed. I had a tiny accident with some drinks.”</p><p>She didn’t say anything. Instead, she sat down on the bed and dug her nail into the bedspread.</p><p>“Are you ok?” he asked, taking off his jacket and shirt.</p><p>“What have you done?” Her voice was calm and poised but as soon as their eyes met, she got up and ran to him, pushing him with a force she never knew she had. Of course, he was too tall and muscular to even flinch, but when the punches began, he caught her by the wrists and lifted her hands above her head.</p><p>“Do you have any idea what you’ve done? People died because-”</p><p>“Stop it!” he shook her body. “That has nothing to do with me or my plans. All the-”</p><p>“Have you done it on purpose? Is this some sort of revenge?” she cried, while he only shook his head.</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Leave me homeless to get back at me for whatever reason you think I deserve to be punished?”</p><p>He let go of her hands and watched her take a couple of steps back, as if afraid of him.</p><p>“This has nothing to do with you. It’s just business. I saw the place was a dump so I asked Maz about it and she sold it to me, then decided to expand the project. Everything I did is very legal and you can ask Hux. Also, if you have anything to reproach anyone, go ask that jerk of your landlord because he is not the owner but just another tenant. Maz is the owner and all the contracts are going to expire by the end of August.” His gaze softened and he bit his bottom lip. The blue dress looked fantastic on her skin and it was almost calling him to touch the silky fabric and feel the warmth of her body through it. He also wanted to cup her breasts and feel them for the first time in something that did them justice despite their small size.</p><p>His sister was right. He was never ever going to be able to let her go.</p><p>“How convenient,” she sobbed, swallowing her saliva.</p><p>Ben rubbed his palms all over his face and licked his lips as his mind was getting foggy.</p><p>“I bought it shortly after I met the real you at that supermarket. I repeat - it has nothing to do with you. Why would I punish you? For what?”</p><p>“For poisoning you with my presence and making you feel so miserable.”</p><p>His eyes grew wider and she nodded with a bitter smile.</p><p>“I heard you. You call me a mess when you’re obviously the most fucked up person I know?”</p><p>“Rey,” he threatened her.</p><p>“I stand by what I said last time,” she pushed him again, his skin burning under her touch. “You’re cruel and selfish-”</p><p>“I fucking saved your ass from going to jail!” he yelled at her and she jumped, startled.</p><p>“Saved me?” she whispered. “You said it yourself that the only thing stopping you from sending me to jail is the fact that I know too much!”</p><p>She didn’t have to let him know that she had no idea what she supposedly knew, just as he didn’t have to remind her that the reason was his inhuman urge to make her another of his desserts. Actually… as his mind was getting blurrier and blurrier, he was slowly forgetting the other reasons he had so desperately insisted on keeping him by his side.</p><p>“Did-did you call all those people?” he asked her, calmly. Rey didn’t know what he was referring to, so she shrugged. “Rey, you had access to all the names and data of the women on my list and you managed the list of invitees… and my mother told me-” He grabbed her by her shoulders and pressed his forehead against hers. The pretty little liar already had that innocent yet brave look in her eyes. “You invited all the dates you could reach and hired the others as waitresses and hostesses. You wanted to get revenge on me and to show me what you’re capable of? After all, I’ve done for you?”</p><p>“And I can do much more,” she threatened him. “If you don’t let me go, I’ll tell everyone what I know. I want to see you wail and writhe in agony.”</p><p>Her words echoed through his mind, digging up memories from his childhood but also more recent ones from his time spent abroad. Memories of him actually writhing in agony as he was making his second biggest mistake. Memories of him being punished for something he had no control over and for his own bare existence.</p><p><em> The boy is a monster! </em> he remembered his nanny’s voice as she held him with his head underwater. <em> The devil is inside him! </em></p><p><em> It’s you or them, Ben, </em> spoke a much younger uncle Luke, his voice being so real as if he truly were behind him. <em> You either control yourself or get over those tears because, otherwise, you’ll die. It’s our way. </em></p><p>Why had he allowed himself to care so much about her? Why had he coddled her when he could have saved himself the pain and energy?</p><p>“Let go of me, you monster!” she scratched his forearms to escape his grasp but nothing hurt him physically.</p><p>“Yes, I am,” he laughed, feeling his teeth much sharper and losing the control he had worked on for the past years.</p><p>“You disgust me!” she released a hand and slapped him.</p><p>“Do I? That was why you were sitting outside my bathroom and watching me just days ago?”</p><p>The shame on her face was exactly when he needed to grab her by the hand again and push her on the bed.</p><p>
  <em> Does the precious little Maria Fernanda want to know what grown-ups do in the bedroom? </em>
</p><p>“I wasn’t-”</p><p>“You want to know why I’m actually a monster? You want to know why I sleep around? This is why!”</p><p>Her eyes grew wider, in terror. She was finally going to see the real him and how evil he truly was. Expecting him to tear her dress and spread her legs, her scream remained stuck in her throat as he threw himself at her and dug his teeth into her neck, proceeding to feed on her blood.</p><p> </p><p>****</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Is This Real?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Holidays, everyone!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s body froze with fear as his teeth penetrated her skin and flesh like sharp needles. She had been bitten by her younger cousins, dogs, cats and one time even by a goat, so she knew it immediately that his bite was not like the others. It was not human nor animal but something taken out of one of his mother’s novels.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to eat you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she remembered her own dream from weeks ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes grew wider, finally managing to see the big picture her logic had previously refused to see in those many puzzle pieces she had been collecting. No normal human could lick the blood off someone’s wounds out of pleasure and use saliva to heal fresh wounds in just seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben…” she panted, crushed by his massive body. She was more relaxed for some reason and the place where he was sucking from was now burning and tickling. However, the rest of her body was getting numb and each vein was hurting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All she was able to hear was the famished sounds he was making. Was he going to kill her? Drain her until her body would no longer be recognizable and then get rid of her remains, leaving for her to be forgotten by everyone who had once known her? But she was a survivor!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snuck her hand between them and grabbed the cross she had stolen from Kaydel, pulling it with such a strength that the thin silver necklace snapped under the pressure. Then she removed the sheath, revealing the small blade hidden inside it. It wasn’t longer than her pinky finger or thicker than a skewer but it was proof that the survival instinct was embedded in every cell of her body. So, without hesitating or waiting to find the right spot, she hastily stabbed him once in the shoulder. His reaction was the one she had expected - he let her go and pulled away for a moment, giving her the chance to pull out the cross and stab him again, this time in the neck. His hand reached for the weapon but she was faster than him and removed it, grabbing it with both hands and accidentally slashing his face. His mouth opened for a beastly grunt. Mistaking his pain for anger and afraid of being attacked again, she stabbed him one last time, the blade tearing through his flesh and ribs and going deep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God!” she whimpered as he stepped back and watched him fall onto his knees. “You really are a monster.” She didn’t have much knowledge of anatomy but given the way he was breathing, she surely must have hit something important. His hand was pressing on the neck wound but with his shoulder already hurt, he could barely move his arm. He also seemed to want to say something but, except an inhuman noise coming out of his throat, he couldn’t speak at all, while his eyelids were getting heavier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as she hated him, she couldn’t stay there and watch, especially not when she was soon going to be responsible for his death. She was not going to let anyone bury her for fighting back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignoring his and her blood spilt all over her chest and neck and the drops drying on her cheeks and lips, she crawled out of the bed and ran away, carelessly leaving her bloody handprint on the green and gold wallpaper of the hallway.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s a monster, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she sobbed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s a monster!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of going left, she went right, entering the ballroom and finding herself caught between the many guests drinking and dancing. Their laughter was grotesque as if laughing at her, reminding her that none of them would believe her although some probably already knew just like everyone knew about her mother abusing her yet always took her side and discredited her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she shook her head, realising that she was being paranoid, and focused on the exit that only seemed to grow more distant just as the couples seemed to multiply with each touch and bump. However, the worst part was not her growing paranoia, but the fact that the more people she touched when pushing them out of her way or brushed her shoulders against theirs, the louder were the voices inside her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That waitress will come home with me tonight.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I shouldn’t have worn these shoes. God, my feet are killing me!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>After cake, I’m leaving. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe I should get a couple of those cute little homes myself and rent them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is the wallpaper custom made?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I had a dream last night of a blue butterfly resting on my cold dead lips and sucking my last breath.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, walking blindly among the guests.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Where are my car keys?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The money is in the safe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is he single?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I need to buy some oranges.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why am I even here? I can’t even pay rent let alone buy anything. I’m such a fraud.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I hope the nanny didn’t fall asleep. Sophie will surely go steal cookies from the kitchen.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this even worth it?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>These studios look better than my own place.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The soap opera begins in twenty minutes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Where is Ben?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She stopped, panting, just as she was about to exit the ballroom, and turned to look at Leia Organa. The woman had a pained look on her face and was clutching her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me,” she heard her. “Have you seen my son?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, no… If people were going to start noticing his absence, they were also going to soon look for him and find him…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dead? </span>
  </em>
  <span>No! She-she couldn’t have! What had she done?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What have you done!?</span>
  </em>
  <span> the words were coming out of her mouth but it wasn’t her voice. She was running among the statues in the garden of the Alderaan estate and desperately looking at a woman being carried away by the police. She was handcuffed and her hair was dishevelled yet she was still so poised and had an arrogant smirk on her face as if she was about to receive an award.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What have you done to him?</span>
  </em>
  <span> she screamed again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s just a boy!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your son is poison. Everything he touches dies. I had to take care of him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Finally!” A hand grabbed her by the arm, dragging her on the grass before forcing her to turn around. Rey gasped, unsure whether it was safe for her to scream for help when she was already covered in blood, blood Silvia noticed immediately. “Of course…” she snorted, visibly drunk. “Where is he? Were you two fucking upstairs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her head, distressed, and kept trying to pull away from her, but Silvia’s grip only tightened, squeezing her as if wanting to crush her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, little girl!” she shook her weak body. “Men like Benjamin don’t waste their time with trash like you. I’ve done too much for him to allow someone like you replace me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Replace her? But she hadn’t even seen her name on that list or heard him mention her. Even if he was going to survive, there were other women she should be afraid of because all she wanted was to disappear and never be found again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>trash</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with one last insult and the woman’s fingers clutching a handful of her hair, something inside Rey snapped. Just like that night many years ago, when her heart and spirit broke in Marcel’s arms, it was happening again. Engulfed by rage, she lifted her left arm and put her palm on the woman’s face, pressing her fingers onto her skin. And just like it happened with Marcel, her grip softened, allowing Rey to put her other hand on the back of her head, squeezing her head like a watermelon, until the woman fell onto her knees and fainted right before her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s dangerous</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she heard the woman’s thoughts as before her eyes she saw Ben’s naked body. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She saw us. She could blackmail me and she is most likely blackmailing him. That envelope full of cash is most certainly for her. I need to get rid of her. But what if he cares about her? </span>
  </em>
  <span>The image changed to Ben handing her the invitation to the event with his jaw clenched and a slightly panicked gaze.</span>
  <em>
    <span> He does… Now I really have to get rid of her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey covered her mouth and her muffled scream then took a couple of breaths of fresh air before running again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t dead, surprisingly, although the pain was excruciating. He had gone through worse but what made his new wounds different from any pain he had ever had to endure was the fact that they were his own fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had attacked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had made her fear him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had hidden things from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had hurt her in almost every possible way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…” he murmured, finally being able to speak. She had also called his name and he had pretended not to hear her. Now he finally got what he had wished for. She was gone after he finally had a proper bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh!” he heard a whisper. He didn’t know if it was already completely dark or if he couldn’t see yet, but he felt a hand lifting his head and an arm being pressed against his lips until he tasted the blood dripping in his mouth. If perhaps her scent and her image suddenly shaping in front of his eyes could have been mistaken for a hallucination, her taste was surely impossible to confuse for anyone else’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re back,” he murmured fascinated with her parted lips and worried gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t-I don’t think you deserve to die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have,” he confessed, rather ashamed, and pressed his tongue against the cut, healing it. “I’ve already had your blood. It just takes my body longer to assimilate it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the cut healed, Rey took a step back and sat down on the floor, in front of him. She hugged her knees and hid her face between them, trying to think what to ask or do. Her consciousness was now clean that she had done her best to save him and that he was soon going to recover but, just like him, she needed her own time to assimilate things. She could now understand better his overall attitude towards women and his rant about her and maybe she could give him a pass on hiding the truth about his plans. But he was still a… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What exactly are you?” she asked very calmly despite her heart thumping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly what you’re probably thinking,” he spoke after hesitating for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s impossible,” she furrowed. “There are no such things!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There, obviously, are,” he grunted, getting up enough to lay his head on the armchair behind him. “Though, it’s much more complicated than you think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving until I’m sure you’re well enough to go back to the party,” she added, playing with the dagger, innocently yet completely threateningly. “Your mom was looking for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me one hour and I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hoarse voice was like an ice cube touching her skin during the hottest summer nights and he was still shirtless and… </span>
  <em>
    <span>massive</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even injured, he could still carry her in his arms-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s wrong with me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she ran her fingers through her hair, reminding herself that barely minutes ago she feared ending up raped by him. What was about him that made her feel so warm and desperate to touch him and be touched?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me everything,” she demanded, knowing that for whatever reason, this time he was not going to hide anything from her. She didn’t even have to use the threats she had already come up with in her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was born like this. Well… pretty much.” He coughed and got up to change his position. “We’re called energy vampires. We feed on life force. All we need are a couple of moments touching a normal human and we’re fed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why? The energy vampires I know about are those who feel satisfaction when destroying you emotionally and-And you feed on blood!” she exclaimed before lowering her voice into a whisper. “Is it a mutation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patience,” he exhaled loudly. “It’s just like being constantly exhausted and famished without actually having to sleep or eat food. It’s a need that differs slightly from person to person. My mom has been able to keep it under control very well. She didn’t even know she had it until her late teens and same with my uncle. He is the one who has been the most interested in researching this thing. He even used to train me because…” He paused for a moment, then delayed his answer, startling Rey with his silence. “I was a walking bomb. Besides both being busy, my mom didn’t know how to handle my hunger and my dad was afraid of me so I was all alone. You see… apart from feeding on other people’s energy, we can take some of their memories, read their thoughts for a split second and even see the future. It all depends on how much you need to feed and, normally, we don’t need that much or can’t really end up so deprived of energy that we have to eat until we obtain information from the others. Also, if we are too hungry and take our energy from the same person for too long, that person can become weak and faint or even end up in a coma. But… again… those cases are rare.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re one of them,” concluded Rey and he nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t control it at all. Sometimes, there was no need for anything, no hunger and sometimes I was hurting people without even knowing how I did it. My nannies and the rest of the employees were always anxious and in a bad mood around me and, as a grown-up, I can’t really blame them, but as a child, it was only making me even more afraid and hungry. My pets were always dying and, to make things worse, my uncle even tried to make me control it by forcing me to feed on their energy. There were no others like me, who could harm animals and it really fucked me up. I even had a nanny who kept punishing me by locking me up, beating me, starving me and she even tried to kill me a couple of times. One time, she tried to drown me in the bathtub.” He got up again and whimpered. His wounds were no longer bleeding and they were already healing but the whole accelerated process also made the pain worse. “I’ve always only told you about my parents because I blamed them for abandoning me. And then they fucked things up once more when they brought </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was not necessarily jealousy as it was my fear of hurting her but I was told that she was like us and that she was an orphan, so all I wanted to do was protect her and keep her from ending up like me. You see… when I was in college, I put in a coma a patient I was merely observing as a student. He had slipped on ice and got hit by a car. Of course, he had no intention to press charges but when he suddenly fell asleep and didn’t wake up for two months, I had to watch his family suffer and ruin the life of that driver. Shortly after, I took Kaydel and ran away with her somewhere on an island that’s barely on any maps. I had read about it in uncle Luke’s books about people like us. They were supposed to help us either get rid of this curse or at least control it, heal it.” He stopped, watching Rey get up to turn on the bedside lamp and then go into the bathroom. She returned moments later with a wet towel and kneeled by his side. He flinched at the touch of the cold water, then relaxed as she began to clean him. “I can’t remember what happened there. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, which is completely different from remembering. At first, they acted like a hippie community, pulling some bullshit about meditation and holistic crap. Then they started doing things to us. I think they were starving me on purpose and torturing me to reach the lowest level. It was driving me mad alternating between starvation and seeing people slip into a coma in front of me only to later live with all those voices talking non-stop inside my head. Then… I don’t know what they’ve done to me but, suddenly, it was all peace and quiet and I had found a new need. I was still forced to feed on humans, only this time-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was their blood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben nodded and put his trembling fingers around her hand, squeezing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever since, my memory has been nothing but a disastrous mess. I had returned a new man who had no idea how to connect with the old one. And then there was Kay… She also knows that something bad happened to us back there but she doesn’t know that things were so much worse for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s hand froze on his neck wound and she gawked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You see… there was a mix-up. She was not the child mom was supposed to adopt. She wasn’t like us and we all believed that her powers were latent or that she was hiding things from us. I have no idea how it was possible, but they made her a vampire too. The only good thing is that her hunger episodes are very rare, unlike mine. She knows how to control them and she is unapologetic about this side of her. All that she regrets is leaving Paige behind and eventually losing her for good. But then again… she doesn’t know everything she went through on that island.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey continued wiping the blood off his skin, fighting the urge to kiss it, to kiss </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… what’s the difference? I mean, you said that you can control it better, but do you still have those powers?” She wiped the sweat off her forehead and folded the towel. It looked decent and once he was going to stand on his own, he would wash the rest himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s very quiet,” he smiled. “It’s finally quiet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wished she could smile back, but all the information had left her trembling and more confused than before. If she had managed to put the puzzle pieces into place, now she had a huge pile and had no idea where to begin from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the thing?” she pointed at her tongue and he chuckled before coughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a new power. I can heal very quickly if I’m fed and I can heal others. I have considered going back to med school and helping people but licking wounded patients isn’t exactly very ethical. Besides… the smell of blood used to make me a bit crazy during the first months. Technically, I don’t need much blood unless I’m wounded,” he pointed at his ribs, “but I need to have a schedule. That’s why I have a list and I need someone to help me with finding people to feed on.” He put his finger under her chin and lifted her head, glad that he was able to touch her, something he wouldn’t have been able to do years ago. “Rey, I don't sleep around by choice. The first time I had sex with a girl, it lasted a couple of seconds because I was so nervous that I almost drained her. It’s still a rather new thing for me too but I have to do it. I don’t even feel anything for them and not because I’m a heartless monster but because I can’t help not feeling sexually attracted to them. My lust is triggered by the mere knowledge of how I end up feeling after I drink their blood. I know it’s not right but sex is what distracts them and their arousal and orgasms make the blood taste bett-Don’t blush, little mouse,” he laughed, noticing that his body was no longer hurting, though there was still something bothering him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about me… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she pulled away. “You attacked me. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>bit </span>
  </em>
  <span>me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Rey.” The remorse in his voice was genuine. “I wish I could heal it but I can’t heal my own bite marks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about the marks,” she snorted, exasperated by her own incapability of expressing her feelings. “I don’t understand my place in this story. Your lovers know about this side of you and you go through all that process to get blood from them, yet you </span>
  <em>
    <span>attacked </span>
  </em>
  <span>me. You could have killed me-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” he protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-and I could have killed you.” She ran her fingers through her hair again. She didn’t make any sense because she still had so many questions to ask. Watching her being torn apart by everything she knew and everything she didn’t know, Ben pursed his lips and sighed. It was most likely a mistake to trust her with even more details but he needed her to forgive him and understand him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t really know anything,” he almost whispered and Rey looked at him again. “They believe that it’s a weird kink of mine. Because I can’t heal the bitemarks, I have to use other methods to make sure that my secret remains a secret. Also, you must have noticed that apart from healing, it affects your body and mind. I can’t feed on someone more than three times and there must be breaks in between. Otherwise, they become obsessed and dependent on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Voe?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and Rey exhaled loudly. It also explained her feelings and why she ended up in at his door just a couple of days ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, why </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she snapped., her voice breaking. “You knew what would happen and you still cured me. What were you even expecting to happen?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got up, panting, and went to lay on the bed, pulling a pillow under his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My head is killing me,” he grunted. “Can you please check my briefcase for some painkillers?” He remained still, listening to her steps as she went to get his medicine, then as she went to get some water from the bathroom. If he was going to lose her for good, at least they both deserved to learn the truth. “Thank you,” he said, her fingers brushing against the skin of his palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” she insisted, sitting next to him. There was no need for other words to be asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” he lied to himself and her. “I usually have to put on a persona to seduce the others but I liked your composure and I liked everything about you. You fascinated me and I-” She was clean of all the blood but the bite marks on her neck were still bleeding if she stretched her neck or made a wrong move. Just because he couldn’t make those marks go away, it didn’t mean that he didn’t want to lick them and feel her squirm under his body. “I just don’t know, Rey!” he snapped, startling her again. “I don’t know why I want you so badly but I hate being so obsessed with you because you’re my employee and I like you as a person. We’re alike in a way and ever since I’ve first tasted your blood, I’ve only wanted more.” Their eyes met and he licked his lips. “I want to fuck you and feed on you and I’m ashamed of how I feel because it has nothing to do with survival except for the fact that you’ve made the others useless to me. Their blood no longer satisfies me and I can barely touch them anymore. I attacked only because I was terribly hungry and you’re the only one I’ve ever felt sexually attracted to.” He put her hand over hers, waiting for her to remove it from his grasp. Instead, she intertwined his fingers with his, showing no disgust, nor fear. “You are a very special gi-</span>
  <em>
    <span>woman</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I want to protect you because you deserve to be happy and safe, yet I can’t help wanting you, which would also mean that I would have to harm you and eventually let you go to save you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” she exhaled, biting her lip as Ben’s eyes seemed brighter and the most sincere since she had first met him. “I forgive you. You’re a good man, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But your hands are shaking.” He put his arms around her waist, holding her close and pressing his forehead against hers. “Your whole body is shaking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what happens when you get bitten by your vampire boss,” she chuckled nervously, then rubbed her nose against his, shuddering “Is this your fault?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to touch me more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clumsy, Rey threw her leg over his, straddling him as Ben’s hands went up and proceeded to unbutton the blue dress. Everything was so new to him - touching someone and enjoying it without fearing anything or feeling disgusted by the whole thing and especially by his own hunger. In fact, he was no longer craving her blood or at least not only that part of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, what do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>want from me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled the ribbon but hesitating further undressing her. She had stabbed him merely a couple of minutes ago and now she was begging him to touch her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to let me go,” she admitted with a pained look on her face. “I want you to promise me that you’ll let me go after tonight. I know you’re afraid I might tell your secret but I promise I won’t tell anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re still afraid of me,” he concluded but instead of taking her off him, his hands went even lower, following the trail of her now naked back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Ben,” she laughed miserably. “I am not afraid of another attack. If there’s anything I fear it’s my own heart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes grew wider and he opened his mouth and Rey pressed her lips against his, with one hand cupping his fully healed cheek and with the other one squeezing his nape. Each one of their kisses had been unique but that one was so raw that with each moment passing, it felt less and less familiar, making them only more desperate to explore each other’s body. Ben eventually gave in and pulled the blue dress off her shoulders, kissing them while allowing Rey to explore his body. The small scratches left by her nails on his back were testing his self-control and it sure wasn’t easy not digging his fangs in her shoulder and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do it,” she moaned, kissing the small white scar on his collar bone. As if trying to convince herself that she was not inviting him to do something else, she pushed her hair back and closed her eyes as Ben finally sunk his teeth, moaning at the first taste of blood. His hands let go of the fabric of the dress and lowered down on her waist and hips, pulling her even closer. Her body was not just warm, but hot and almost begging him to make love to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she moaned once his hands went up under the dress, barely touching her underwear before flinching at a rogue firework lighting up the room in shades of blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” he heard his name again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” whispered Rey, pushing him and making him realise that they were not alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Covering his mouth to hide his fangs and the blood dripping from it, he lifted his head and squinted his eyes at the sight of the open door before hiding Rey at his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get dressed and come outside,” his mother ordered, “Your guests are waiting for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok,” muttered Rey at his chest. “I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be fine… </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Lisa Hall - Is This Real? (https://youtu.be/yuyqDTjXKy4)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Contaminated</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let's begin 2021 with a new chapter... quite literally.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Good morning, Miss Jakkson. Thank you for your effort from yesterday. Please tell me if you want me to pay you separately or add it to your salary.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey sniffed and threw the phone on the old sofa before entering the bathroom. She coughed once and looked in the mirror at her pale face and dark circles. After everything that had happened on Saturday, she had barely closed an eye, given how her head was still so heavy and throbbing with each blink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She licked her lips and summed up everything in one sentence: her boss was a vampire. One that was special in a certain way that no one could ever understand and now she had to keep it a secret, making everything so much more complicated. Of course, she wanted to run away from him but she also wanted to stay, to make sure that he’s happy and safe. Now that there were no secrets left between them, allegedly, and she understood his odd behaviour, things could get better - no more tension, no more awkwardness, no more anger… But then again - she touched the bite marks on her neck and shoulder - they could also get worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After being caught by his mother, he had so kindly tried to pretend that everything was normal between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you want to join me?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he asked while cleaning himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I could use a partner.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she faked a smile, taking off the stolen jewellery and carefully placing each piece in his briefcase.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There are going to be fireworks. And cake!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m afraid I’m not really a fan of loud noises as much as I like fireworks. Besides, I’m not in the best shape,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she waved at her dishevelled hair and dress and at the bloody wounds. His immediate reaction was to feel a mixture of guilt and lust.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“May I see you tomorrow? I mean… we were supposed to go grocery shopping.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’d love to but I’d rather rest.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to let her go.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Please,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she insisted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I promise to bring back the rest of the jewellery and the dress.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“On Monday?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she nodded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“On Monday.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“On Monday…” she licked her lips again. What was she going to do on Monday?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let herself fall on the ground and hugged her knees. What about everything that happened after she first got bitten? Everyone’s thoughts had almost fried her brain and what she had done to that Silvia woman… She looked at her own hands, trying to find the answer to a very vague question: what was going on?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffed and wiped the tears off her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a cup of milk and a sandwich?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey got up and washed her face, then checked herself in the cracked mirror, making sure that her hair and pyjama were covering any marks from the previous night… including hickeys, then got out of the bathroom, ending up with the doorknob in her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the…” she snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least we won’t have to bother fixing it anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Ben joined his guests, Rey went back home, feeling numb and jumping startled at any loud noise or flash of light. Once she closed the door behind her, she stood there,  unable to think straight or realize that she was supposed to be in Maz’s apartment, not the one she had been sharing with Rose. But before her muscles even got the chance to listen to her order, it was too late. It took one question from Rose for her to burst into the most heartbreaking wail. She crawled in her arms and cried as her friend tried to soothe her and apologized to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo will pay me for yesterday,” she said, grabbing her sandwich and sitting on the old sofa. “Do you want me to buy anything? There isn’t much food left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make you a list,” spoke Rose with her mouth full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A list? Maybe she should make a list too. All the things she wanted to know about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know?” she changed the subject. “About the building getting demolished?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose nodded and took another bite before licking the margarine off her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found out just a couple of days ago. Maz told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we going to do?” Rey pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The same we wanted to do when we were planning on running away from your boss. Move somewhere else. Now…” she approached Rey and put her hand over hers. Rey’s eyes widened and she froze until she noticed no weird sensation coming from Rose - no random thoughts, memories or sign that her friend was going to faint. “What happened last night, Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” she lied. “Skywalker Properties is going to rebuild the whole neighbourhood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How convenient,” Rose rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sort of had a fight with Mr Solo because of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of fight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She understood the undertones of her question and blushed, not sure what to say. Of course, she could have always told her the truth but she didn’t want to. Not yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rosie,” she touched her bare arm, checking again any signs of whatever had happened the previous night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How odd…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is Silvia Cantu?” asked Rose and Rey’s heart almost skipped a beat. “I read the news this morning and her name was all over the news sites.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was a guest. What does it say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was found by the employees next to some bushes. Apparently, she got so drunk that she fell and ended up sleeping on the flowerbed. I wonder who…” Rose took her old trusty laptop and searched for that woman’s name, reminding Rey of her first weeks at Skywalker Properties when they used to investigate Voe. Now she was keeping things from Rose… </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Silvia Cantu, owner of Star TV and wife of Mirko Rossi, owner of Oilesa, though they are allegedly separated. She used to be a fashion model and was once engaged to the grandson of a former prime minister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s Ben’s lover,” mumbled Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great! Maybe we can share some of this with her husband?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What for?” she furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Money, Rey,” snorted Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want nothing to do with this,” she sighed, getting up to wash her hands. When the cold water touched her skin, she felt small electric impulses going up to her spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Isn’t it cruel to put a baby inside someone like me and never-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t have kids, Silvia. Not with you, nor with anyone else.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped and clenched her fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her child might not be her husband’s,” she found herself saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it your boss’?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” snapped Rey and Rose furrowed at her outburst. “Please, promise me you won’t use anything I’ve told you. The relationship between her and Ben is really toxic and he doesn’t want her to ruin his plans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care because I have a decent job and I’m being myself, Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was she even talking about? He was a vampire who had almost killed her and she had almost killed him in return. The agreement between them was for him to let her go and for her to keep his secret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On Monday,  she was going to resign.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually… do whatever you wish,” she sighed. “He can handle it and maybe a scandal is what he needs to get rid of her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great!” smiled Rose, immediately using her quick fingers to dig up any information she could find about Mirko Rossi. Meanwhile, Rey sat back down on the sofa with her cup of milk and gently massaged her neck. Something about that pain was making her feel… good. The more she pressed, the warmer she was getting between the legs and she wanted to explore that warmth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you want to do today?” asked Rose. “We should celebrate getting over our first fight. Maybe watch a movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey paused for a moment and bit her lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about Buffy? The series, not the movie. I’ve watched a couple of episodes when I was in high school. Or anything with vampires?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those books have triggered your teenage passion?” she smirked. “Ok, but it’s going to take a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries.” Rey got up and emptied her cup. “I promised Maz to help her with some things. I’ll be back in half an hour or so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok. Take your time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey sighed, relieved, yet hesitating before leaving their tiny apartment. What had he told her about the effects of feeding too much on the same person? Obsession… dependency… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… Rosie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve changed my mind. It’s not her fault. She’s just a woman who wants to get the man she wants and to provide for her kid.” She then remembered how he had held her and shaken her body like a twig to be broken. “She’s also annoying and not my favourite person in the world but I doubt her husband is an angel, so let’s at least protect their kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s you and I against the world, my love,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she saw herself as Silvia, hugging the newborn baby and gently touching her tiny nose with the tip of her finger. The baby cooed and Rey felt her body invaded by a different type of warmth. A warmth coming from the need to have such a precious creature in her arms and love her with all her heart. She would also give that baby everything in the world and all the attention and care she never got from her family. Nothing would ever harm her, nor touch her. She was going to be all hers, although the father… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remembered Ben’s kisses and the way he squeezed her in his arms, all possessive yet gentle and patient. She was still able to feel his firm thighs pressed against her body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben…” she licked her lips, imagining his tongue over them, then carefully pulled down her pyjama shorts and let herself fall on the now-abandoned sofa from Maz’s old apartment. Without hesitating, she slipped her hand between her legs, feeling her own wetness. It was all about exploring that part of her body, but with each still rather innocent touch, her body begged for more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeking the same sensation as before, she pressed her other hand on the bitemarks until the delicious pain invaded her body and fooled her into believing that he was there, his hands touching her all over. Moaning and calling his name, she kept pressing both the wounds and that sensitive part, allowing herself to get hotter and hotter. Her hips began moving on their own, seeking a man who was not there to join her in that intimate dance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued feeding her fantasy with memories of him holding her and kissing her, as well as with the memories she had stolen from someone who truly had him. That woman’s presence in her head was getting dimmer and soon was going to vanish, yet it still provided her with enough material and a tiny fragment of how it was like to have him inside her. It was burning her with desire and jealousy, so she chose to selfishly focus on herself. She insisted on rubbing that special spot until she was sure that her body was either going to burst into flames or simply explode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She removed her hand from her neck and bit it hard once she reached the supreme pleasure for the first time in her whole life.  With her eyes closed, she concentrated on the fantastic tiny electric waves going through her body as it shook uncontrollably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell is wrong with me?” she panted, unable to move. There was a tiny seed of guilt and disgust trying to grow into vines that would make her fear that fascinating sensation from her womb. However, it was not growing. It was still there but not affecting her in any way. Whatever was that she liked it and she wanted more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like one of those ladies from regency romance novels. Thank you, Sophie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia watched her most recent personal assistant pour iced tea, then invited her to sit next to her. Across the table, her beloved Kaydel was broodingly chewing on some zucchini fritters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My feet hurt from yesterday. Two events in one day are surely exhausting at my age.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman said nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your paintings sold for much more than many of the antiques. Anything you paint from now on will surely become a family heirloom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still silent and Leia was beginning to lose her patience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You left early last night and I saw your luggage in the lobby. What happened, Katherine Adele?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your son happened,” she finally answered nonchalantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia clenched her jaw at the mental image of her son so savagely feeding on that poor girl. She had once touched Kaydel after her return from abroad and had seen the horrid things she had endured, but which the girl did not remember at all. Whatever secrets her two children were sharing and fighting about, she had to do something before another tragedy struck their family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She clenched the soft fabric of her night robe, afraid to even ask herself what was that pain she had felt before finding Ben with that girl. Never before had his hunger reached her like that. However, his pain and suffering had… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben entered the dining room with a charming smile on his tired face and two large bouquets of blue hydrangeas and pink roses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I left the pistachio and the raspberry cream puffs in the kitchen. Good morning, mom,” he went and hugged Leia, gifting her one of the bouquets, then went to his sister, who avoided his hug. He still kissed her forehead, the young woman wiping it with a disgusted look on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Look, Sophie,” she said in a dramatic voice. “My brother has brought you flowers.” She took the bouquet off the table and threw it in the assistant’s lap. As the girl caught the bouquet, her gaze fell on the velvet pouch left on the table. Driven by her curiosity, Kaydel took the pouch and found her jewellery pieces. Not all of them, but all the pieces she saw little Miss Jakkson wearing at the party, including her cross necklace.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How odd…</span>
  </em>
  <span> she pursed her lips, furrowing. Underneath the sheath, the hidden blade had a couple of bloodstains. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, how come you’ve decided to join us for breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He probably has no investors and wants us to buy a studio to make him some profit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katherine!” scolded her Leia.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” he smiled, sitting down, between the two, “I had an epiphany last night. What’s the point of success if you can’t share it with your family?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That line is so full of bull that not even the one who invented it believed in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia found herself snorting and choking on her iced tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, fine,” he shrugged. “I know I’ve been a jerk to both of you and while I had my rightful reasons,” his sister rolled her eyes and he chuckled, “someone taught me last night that I need to stop hiding and speak up before I lose everything that’s so precious to me. I love you and I know that we need to sit down and talk. Not today, as it’s too much of a beautiful day to waste it on family drama, but soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sophie, can you please bring us the cream puffs from the kitchen and ask Mrs Ash to make my son his favourite breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman got up and took the bouquet before disappearing out of the room. Though, not fast enough to hide from Ben’s eyes two bite marks on her inner upper arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Sophie,” he called her and the girl returned, allowing him to see the marks again. “Just a strawberry mango smoothie and a sandwich, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Sir,” she blushed and Kaydel threw him one of her deadly gazes, while he smirked at her competitiveness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Ben…” his mother sighed and got up, pretending to be looking for the perfect pastry, “now that we’re all alone, what is bothering you?” She took an apricot and cream cheese pastry and approached her son. She placed the pastry on his plate as she caressed his shoulder, her fingers gently touching his neck. All she needed was a-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh my God! You really are a monster.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You almost got yourself </span>
  <em>
    <span>murdered</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she yelled and both her children looked at her in surprise. Kaydel’s consciousness was clear and her life very boring, so she looked at her brother and his guilty pout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom, what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your brother happened!” Leia scoffed. “The little prince was stabbed last night!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom!” he pushed her as Leia pulled his shirt, revealing the scar between his ribs. It was small and it was soon going to disappear, as the one on his face had, but it didn’t matter at that point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew it! For goodness’ sake, Benjamin! You really want me to bury you first?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pulled away and ran his fingers through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t open the can of worms, mother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia straightened her back and went back to her seat. She needn’t be reminded of her cowardice. So she inhaled deeply and lifted her chin, waiting for an explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was my fault,” he admitted. “I’ve been starving myself and I attacked someone. That someone-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your secretary,” added Kaydel, throwing the necklace on the table. The sheath flew further, landing in the bowl of yoghurt, but the dagger landed exactly in front of Leia. The older woman took it and analysed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was with you,” she concluded. “When I came for you, she was with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want to give away all the details, so she only waited for her son’s confirmation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I attacked her,” he said, rather ashamed, going back to his seat. “She only defended herself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious,” said his sister, appalled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You saw her, mom. She was with me. Had she intended to harm me on purpose, she would have left and  you would have found me in agony.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I did notice you were in anything but agony.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben blushed. He could still feel her in his arms and he still wanted so badly to taste her in every possible way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she going to keep your secret?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first question, mommy, should be: how much has Ben told her? He does tend to overshare when his lover is present.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll talk tomorrow. So far… she has asked me to let her go in exchange-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, no one would ever believe her, so why bother? Threaten her and she’ll do whatever you say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Threaten her with what, Katherine?” demanded Leia to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-stole my jew-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did it!” yelled Ben. “I told her to take whatever she wanted from your room. Please, don’t blame her for my mistakes. I am the one who has been rude to you and very inconsiderate. She has promised to bring me the dress and whatever else I have let her borrow from you. Don’t hate her because I’ve been treating you all like… </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He paused and his puppy eyes almost melted his sister’s heart. Almost. Because it had been a long time since her heart had been nothing but a pile of throbbing shards. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he begged. “Remember our discussion from yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my! </span>
  </em>
  <span>she snorted. The fool had opened his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Benjamin. But only because I know that you’re the biggest dumbass on this planet. But I do expect all my jewellery by tomorrow evening. And the dress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he nodded, barely hiding his excitement. Only a couple of hours was keeping him from seeing her again. And he was indeed a fool because it was more than obvious that she was going to resign. But still… one could only hope.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben lifted his gaze and looked at Armitage, who was still cold and distant, but at least was talking to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Armitage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have an Uber waiting for you or would you like me to take you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to put me in the trunk, all tied up, then throw me in the sea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps, but not today. The cameras would be against any alibi I’d come up with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two laughed, although the tension was palpable between them. Ben didn’t really have anything against Hux, yet he was sure his friend was still upset about something he wasn’t yet sure what it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How am I?” Ben raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay texted me yesterday but I didn’t see the text until last night and I didn’t want to bother you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You never bother me. You’re my best friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I, Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my only friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laughed again and got out of the elevator, heading towards Hux’s car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… what’s the deal? Rey was really upset that night. Did you really attack her or did she attack you first?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was terrified,” he licked his lips, “yet she stood by my side and made sure that I was going to be alright. And as happy I was to feed on her and kiss her without any secrets between the two of us… she… I’ll see her today for the last time. I know it.” He looked outside the window. She had promised to return the borrowed belongings but her presence was not necessarily mandatory. If she was not coming back at least to say goodbye, he had been nothing but a fool. The biggest dumbass like his sister saw him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you read about Silvia?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about her?” Ben continued sulking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw her that night. She was drunk but not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>drunk. Also, she was not alone. People saw her arguing with someone. I can look at the footage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben was too sleepy and upset to pay attention to Hux’s theories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If there was someone else involved, then you could give her the information in exchange for your freedom. Maybe it’s that one thing you need to sever your ties with her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The car stopped at the red light and both men’s eyes lingered on a loving couple pushing a stroller, making them realise how alone they both were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting old, Hux.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. And so are you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve brought it upon me, but you… I mean, men nowadays don’t get married until their late 50s and they don’t have kids until they’re like… past seventy. So there’s still a chance!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to enjoy my family, not die knowing that I’ve left someone alone. Someone who will need me eventually. Have you considered-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shall continue providing jobs and homes for those who want to have a family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you won’t fire me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if you’re not going to tell me what’s bothering you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite his otherwise serene face, he was rather tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's loneliness, Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He parted his lips to add more but he didn’t want to open the box of Pandora just yet. Only hours ago, he was writing his resignation letter and now he was acting as if everything was just fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I try not to think about it,” confessed Ben, trying to empathise with his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a family, Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fair point. Though, it didn’t make him feel any less lonely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be away during the lunch break,” mentioned Hux, while getting his papers from the backseat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingers clenched and he slammed the car door shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I meant is that I won’t answer any calls. Text me, eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben followed him to the elevator and scratched his face where Rey had slashed it. For some reason, it still itched, which was something new. He had fed twice and a rather superficial wound on his face shouldn’t have bothered him after a day and a half.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m volunteering,” said Hux as the elevator was reaching their floor. “The temperatures are only growing higher and there are many homeless people dying on the streets out of dehydration.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that organisation you’re volunteering for needs any space to host those people…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll ask them. See you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They parted ways when Ben was already no longer paying attention to anyone or anything but his secretary’s empty desk. Nothing was touched - it hadn’t been in days, and he could even notice a thin layer of dust. Of course, one of the cleaning ladies should have taken care of it but at least its absence was not feeding him false hope. After all, it was his responsibility to dream like an idiot and makeup scenarios.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a miserable sigh, he entered his office and closed the door behind him, barely noticing that he was not alone. When he finally saw the figure waiting for him at his desk, he almost jumped startled and blinked twice, not able to believe his own eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to face him, then got up. He quickly analysed her loose white shirt, plaid pants and adorable sneakers. Her hair was tied in a bun that made her look like a little elf, although he wanted so badly to untie it and run his fingers through her hair and watch her melt in his arms as he would massage her scalp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” he chuckled, nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked around, then shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… I’m here to bring you Kaydel’s dress and the other… </span>
  <em>
    <span>stuff</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Also-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your resignation?” His voice sounded weak and, surprisingly, he didn’t hate it. He hated being in that situation but he didn’t hate whatever he was feeling. He wanted to hug her and keep her in his arms for the rest of… the day? His life?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I fired?” she asked, cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… no?” he shoved his hands in his pockets, unsure of what he was supposed to do with them. “I-I thought you wanted me to let you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>want that. However, I have a proposal for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had his sister been there, she would have made a snarky remark about him being the one in charge of making proposals. But she wasn’t there and all he could think of was Rey being two steps from blackmailing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cleared his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a lot of work to do, Rey, so please tell me whatever you have to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She straightened her back and lifted her chin, in that instant making Ben want to kiss her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think there’s anything left to say between the two of us,” she began and Ben already started feeling the cracks in his heart, “so I think we can have this conversation as two friends instead of an employee addressing her employer. You know my situation and that I’m really desperate to change my life. I love this job and despite all we’ve been through, you’re a good man and a great boss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your proposal, Rey,” he rubbed his nape, rather impatient.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve seen that list over and I’ve been taking care of setting up your dates. Now that I know the reason behind your… umm… </span>
  <em>
    <span>lifestyle</span>
  </em>
  <span> and given our conversation from Saturday, I want to ask you to choose me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” he shook his head, confused, then went to his seat at the desk. He waved his hand, inviting Rey to sit back down, then he crossed his arms at his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always have to take care of-well… </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask me</span>
  </em>
  <span> to take care of flowers and candies and restaurants and whatever that ritual of yours implies. You have to pretend and live in fear only to survive… fear of hurting them and of risking to be exposed. Not to mention all the lies a-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey!” he snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So choose me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow, still confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben… I’m only one person and I don’t need the dates, flowers or whatever you give those women. All I ask for you is for a small raise. Whatever you would have paid on all those ridiculous gifts… I ask only for a portion to help me financially.” She reached for his hand and he let her small fingers caress his. “I can give you my blood in exchange for money and you can finally relax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben licked his lips and gulped. He would have loved to have a taste at that exact moment. But he had to think straight and stop putting himself first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, you’re very kind.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Or desperate,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. “But I’ve told you about my self-imposed rules. I can’t feed-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Three times max. But you’ve tasted my blood more than three times and I’m fine.” She avoided his gaze, not wanting to be proven that she was, in fact, lying. “I felt nothing unusual these past days and I-Ben, we could try!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to accept her proposal on the spot, yet there was something holding him back. What if she was under the influence of whatever curse he was plagued with? What sane person would choose that lifestyle for someone else’s sake, even if money was involved?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you give me blood and I give you money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds fair so far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So is it a deal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to discuss more than the basic aspects, Rey. Just because I can control myself when it comes to the amount and you claim to be immune, it doesn’t mean that such a symbiotic relationship would be in any way healthy to you. Also… you know I have more needs than just blood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she nodded cordially. “But I also know that you don’t really need… </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve said that I’m not attracted to the women I’ve been involved so far, not that I don’t have needs. Besides, it makes the blood-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know!” she blushed. “That’s why I said that we could at least try. In case you need </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>too, at least you could do it with anyone you would feel attracted to without worrying about your hunger.” She looked at her hand still holding Ben’s and she once more brushed her finger against the back of his palm. “I’m sorry about the rest. I know I shouldn’t be so demanding when I’m the one asking you to do this but I can’t do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes were so understanding yet his gaze was still burning her skin, making her want to undress and offer herself to him right there, on the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You see…” she coughed, “I have a boyfriend. He’s my chance at normality and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” his voice broke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have someone with whom I hope one day I’ll finally have the family I want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was she mocking him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he under the influence of his own power and alcohol?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that a freaking hallucination?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One more look at her lips and he gave in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll pay you and promise not to touch you in any way you wouldn’t like to be touched. In exchange, you will give me my dessert and you’ll get your driver’s license. The rest… we’ll discuss it later. Ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great!” exhaled Rey with a smile on her face that almost begged him to kiss her. “I’ll be at my desk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waited for her to leave his office, then he shoved his fist in his mouth and bit as hard as he could. He wanted to scream and break everything in his office and set that damned list on fire. His nanny had once told him that everything wrong in his life was payback for each sin he or someone in his family had committed. He was too young to understand it back then but now… the one thing he wanted the most was always going to be denied to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted her - all of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted her blood, body and heart.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: BANKS - Contaminated (https://youtu.be/DwZMHkYTvhY)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Dancing With A Stranger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon after the exploration of a new side of her soul and body, Rey had a first taste of normality by enjoying the rest of the day with her friend, just like in the old days. Smiling, enjoying herself and bathing in the sunlight coming through the missing shutter blades? All she needed was a delicious piece of apple pie and a fascinating book to enjoy while lying on her stomach on the floor. But she had none of those and the floor was rather disgusting, regardless of how much she had tried to scrub it in the past years. At least she still had something to enjoy and, after a marathon of slayers defeating vampires, her batteries were charged. Charged enough to be the one to suggest going on a date with the guy who had been texting Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Therefore, around seven o’clock, while the sun was still scorching the coast, Rey was finally able to feel the sea breeze and inhale the salty scent. The beach was still crowded by tourists drinking beers and devouring pretzels on wet blue towels, and she was one wig away from taking off her baby blue silk dress, which probably once was an undergarment for some of Maz’s fancier gowns, in order to join the tourists. Frankly, she didn’t even care if her date was going to stand her up. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>prayed </span>
  </em>
  <span>he did!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry for being late,” a familiar voice interrupted her fantasy. “I totally forgot and let myself get caught up in work stuff and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You?” she narrowed her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took him a moment to recognize her, then he smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey? Rey Jakkson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn Aderyn?” she smiled back but then she became all serious. The last time they saw each other, she was demanding him to not make things more complicated and leave her and Rose alone. “This must be a mistake. Are you FN-2187?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you Kiara?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” she buried her face in her palms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you on a website for sugar dates?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poe and my sister signed me up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was set up too,” she lifted her chin, proud of her ability to lie on the spot. “I’ve been dealing with some disappointing relationship… </span>
  <em>
    <span>stuff </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Rose-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my,” he sat down. “How is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you even care?” she snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” he furrowed. “It’s literally my job to care. I’ve tried to get her some help through Poe but you’ve both disappeared. I’m even surprised you two are still friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unlike others, I stayed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You asked me to leave. I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How dared he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… you should have come back. Finn, you were her boyfriend!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yet she didn’t forgive </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, although she forgave you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course she didn’t! You kissed me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was drunk, Rey! I had a crush on you but it wasn’t a thing that couldn’t have been fixed at a cup of coffee. Instead, she left with my car and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Killed her sister and ended up paralysed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s cold gaze and fierce attitude reminded Finn that he was not the main victim there, so he clenched his jaw and called the waiter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A jug of pina colada sangria, please.” After the waiter left, he licked his lips and looked at Rey again. She was still defensive and was not going to give up on fighting him anytime soon. “I’ve tried my best not to get her in other legal shit after the accident.” He scratched the back of his head and exhaled loudly. “It was either jail or community service. She was drunk and recklessly driving but I pretty much caused the crash. At some point, the lawyer even brought up the possibility of having to pay for her recovery treatment but she was long gone and I-” He put his palm on Rey’s hand. “I swear I’m not a cold heartless monster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your drinks. Anything to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm…” he looked at Rey, who was not that keen on leaving anymore… or stabbing him with the fork. “Some lobster rolls as appetizers and… what’s today’s dish?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pan-seared scallops in lemon butter sauce and spicy mussel soup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take the scallops. Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same,” she shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now…” he straightened his back. “How have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she shrugged again, nervously chewing on her bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you working?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m Benjamin Solo’s personal assistant. And you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a cafe on the campus and I’m also an orthopaedic physiotherapist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weren’t you studying to become an engineer like Rose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We had some extra courses together but no. Also, after the accident, it was almost impossible for me to find work, so I opened that cafe and that’s my main job and income. But I still volunteer or I am hired privately. It’s a bit difficult going from place to place without a license but the university is not always open so I try to manage my time as best as I can. But it’s been four years… I should try for a license again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to get one too. My boss had a car accident and it would be better for both of us if I had one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” smiled Finn. “Maybe we can attend the courses together!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was she doing? He was the enemy, although not hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a delicious meal and even more delicious peanut butter and honey ice cream, they walked on the beach and dipped their toes in the warm seawater. By the end of their date, Rey had already forgotten about the financial aspect of their meeting and accepted seeing him again on an actual date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, they were close to reaching their one-month anniversary and things were really adorably comfortable between them. Whenever she had free time, they would meet and be… </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Her new romance was filling that void inside her and it was the perfect distraction from everything that was going in her life. For some reason, she knew that Rose was not well, despite their relationship improving and despite dating her ex-boyfriend behind her back. She still didn’t like the way she coughed or the way she breathed at night but Rose was pretty confident in those new treatments she was buying online. Also… there was still Ben. After accepting her proposal, they had agreed on a fixed schedule, so each Monday morning and Friday evening, she cut her arm and allowed her boss to feed on her blood. No fangs involved, no kissing, no hugging and, most important, no weird behaviour. Though, she did miss her little rendez-vous with Mr Solo… She missed </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“...you’re the only one I’ve ever felt sexually attracted to.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>A moan escaped her throat as she remembered his mouth and his hands on her hips, as well as that mound in his pants, separated only by her underwear and his clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my… Look who’s here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, she didn’t even consider that whoever was there was addressing her, but when Kaydel with her wet hair and pink plaid dress appeared by the counter, her jaw dropped. She hadn’t seen her since the party… since she had stolen her jewellery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here, little thief? Skipping work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Waiting for someone,” she blushed, embarrassed. “Miss Kaydel, I haven’t apologized for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you haven’t. But my brother took the blame and I’m going to use this against him until it stops being funny, so I guess I have to thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Th-that was all?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” smirked Kaydel, carefully taking her cup of iced tea. “Are you too finally doing the devil’s tango?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow but then immediately her eyes grew wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re still in a very professional relationship,” she spoke in a serious voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gah,” she rolled her eyes. “You’re so boring. Anyway, why aren’t you at work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my lunch break and I had something to do. You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I enrolled in some courses. I don’t really have the patience to go through college again, but there are special courses which last between three months and one year. I’m interested in fashion design. I already know enough things - you’ve seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>dress - but I want to learn more… and meet some new people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I assume they’re cheaper too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mostly. Why? Wanna try something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m more into sewing but that course sounds nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a whole module. You can enrol until the end of September. If there are too many students, they can make more groups or start a new one next semester. Don’t let my brother </span>
  <em>
    <span>suck you dry</span>
  </em>
  <span> even in your free time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it,” she smiled, still very embarrassed. Had they actually had the chance to enjoy their budding friendship, perhaps she wouldn’t have been so bothered by her invasive questions and remarks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go now, but… Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Miss Kaydel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can forget about the heist… I’ve pretty much had, so if you really want to hang out with someone who doesn’t send you to run errands, call me. Or text me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was she reading minds?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m quite busy but I’ll think about it,” she smiled. “Oh, M-Kaydel?” She stopped her before Kaydel left the cafe. “Mr Solo accused me of hiring and inviting some people he didn’t really want at his event, but except your mother, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I took care of writing the list but he dictated me the names, so I had no one to add because he checked that list like a thousand times. However, I did use your notebook and some of your lists to supply the number of waiters and hostesses, so maybe there was a mix up there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, the list with Ben’s desserts… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whose presence bothered him so badly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes and shook her head, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, if there was anyone he didn’t want at the party, it is what it is. He was kind of a hysterical brat and everyone hated him those days. I can talk to him if he’s still upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries. He’s busy with his architects anyway. I barely even see him at the office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I barely ever see him at all,” the young woman laughed and something about her laughter caused one of the tiny drawers in Rey’s mind to open. However, it was too old to even flinch, so it stayed closed, with the memory inside it still locked. “Anyway, see you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How odd… </span>
  </em>
  <span>she pursed her lips. It was almost making her regret that her tiny superpower had disappeared for good, before even finding out what was its deal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey cringed at Finn’s kiss on the cheek but immediately laughed it off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The rain,” she faked a shudder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the past weeks, their romance had been exactly what she had imagined in high school - cuddling and innocent kisses and walking in the park or on the beach while holding hands. She didn’t feel anything that would make her believe that she was in love and she was definitely not sexually attracted to him, which was not new, but she still hoped that things would change. She was not faking her enjoyment and she was really having fun but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was not expecting you today,” he hugged her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I had to brag about this,” she pulled out her wallet, then a tiny card. “I’m officially a driver!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great, love! Maybe your boss will help you get a loan for a car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, yeah… Finn knew nothing about her side jobs. To him, she was just working hard for a generous man, who paid her more than necessary to help her with the expenses for Rose’s treatment. To him, she was sometimes working after hours because she was thankful and dedicated to her job and to her friend. The fact that she was selling her blood to the man whom she sometimes wanted to… </span>
  <em>
    <span>please </span>
  </em>
  <span>in any possible way and that she was still dating her sugar whatever whenever she could, was still a huge secret. And part of her was fine with the whole thing, but the other part of her still had consciousness and regretted being such a person. But she enjoyed being selfish and she wasn’t really doing anything bad. It would have been selfish for him to demand her to change her lifestyle just because they had just started dating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look tense. Everything alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to be our anniversary soon and I don’t want to sound cheesy but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you want to go on a vacation? Just a couple of days to celebrate our anniversary, our new status as drivers and to get away from the hot city. Until either of us gets a car, we could go by train and we could go trekking and visit some cool places…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her mouth to accept on the spot but the words refused to come out. Between Rose and Ben, she wasn’t sure either one could be left alone or if she afforded to miss work and skip dates. Also, Rosie had once, giggling, told her what people-</span>
  <em>
    <span>couples</span>
  </em>
  <span> do on vacation. And she surely didn’t want that. Finn had previously put his hands on her thighs and had insisted on hugging her or having her on his lap while watching movies or cuddling but the more they were doing that, the more uncomfortable she was getting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should wait for a little bit. It’s very crowded this time of the year and usually, in September it gets cheaper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, then maybe a fancy dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds lovely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buuut… until then?” he pulled her closer. “Any plans for tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Work and then I’ll go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about dinner and a movie? My place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” She wasn’t that excited but she needed any reason to escape monotony. “I’ll text you when I can leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But leaving the office wasn’t something easy when the grumpiest bear was her boss. After lunch, she had to run all over the town to get things for Mr Solo and she was almost entirely sure that it had to do with the fact that they were both there, with only a wall separating them. However, she understood him. After all, it was what she had wished. What it had been indirectly implied once they agreed on that partnership. There was no room for a friendship between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir?” she knocked. “Do you need me for anything else or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough for today, Miss Jakkson. Just please leave the folders on the desk and I’ll pick them up later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without saying anything else, Rey unplugged her charger and threw it in her bag along with her phone. She was going to text Finn from the bus. She then carefully placed the folders on the desk and checked if everything was perfect for Monday.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For Monday?</span>
  </em>
  <span> she stopped later, in the middle of the road. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She could already see her bus.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly checked her phone but there were no texts other than a couple from Rose, in which she was summing up her latest chats with various guys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He must have forgotten too and given their fixed schedule, his body was already used to it. Was she going to deprive him of his </span>
  <em>
    <span>dessert </span>
  </em>
  <span>until Monday? What if he was going to find someone else?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bus stopped in front of her and she waited, feeling the draft as everyone got off and on the bus. The bus driver already knew her and he kept on waiting for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Missy?” she heard him call her after a while. “This is the last bus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She missed him so much… So </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Still at work, love?&gt;&gt; </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gawked at the text from her boyfriend for a moment, then pressed the lock button.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All alone on his floor, Ben finally had the chance to relax and enjoy the silence. Of course, after the first almost fifteen minutes, the silence was almost suffocating, so he connected his phone to the speakers in his office and peeked through the playlists his sister had shared with him as a joke. He chose something cheesy and a little bit too romantic for his style, then went through all the contacts in his phone, hesitating over one number.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’m bored.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Truth be told, he was incredibly bored. Having Rey as his own personal lunch box was fantastic, yet he grew to miss going out for something else other than work-related stuff. In order to get her as far away from him, he had even asked her to go grocery shopping for the whole month, which was absurd considering his behaviour before their agreement. He had been close to a panic attack at the idea of losing her and now, he was desperately trying not to see her too often and all because she had a boyfriend and because she was also… very politely avoiding him. At some point, he had considered interrogating her, but knowing her, she would have never wasted money on sending herself a box of chocolates just to feign a relationship, despite feigning a lot of stuff in the past, including her identity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Same. Mom has guests over.&gt;&gt; replied his sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Ok. So I won’t come visit tonight.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Jerk! Tomorrow?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Early breakfast. I have some stuff to do with Hux.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Want to join me to the club after the stuff?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He licked his front teeth, his tongue gently pressing on his sharp canines. In terms of hunger, he was finally satisfied, whereas when it came to the sexual aspects of his life… He was running out of material and the memory of having Rey on his lap, straddling him, was gradually fading away. His dreams were also doing nothing but mock him with his recently awakened sexual desire. So going to the club wouldn’t have helped him with anything, but at least he was going out for once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;PLEASE TAKE ME OUT, K!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His sister replied with an emoji and he smiled at the screen before tapping on the repeat button. He then left his phone on the desk, crossed his fingers and closed his eyes. Sleeping in his office wasn’t something new and, given his hectic schedule, it was his last priority.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mind was already incredibly relaxed and he was about to fall asleep for good when he felt fingers caressing his face, hypnotizing him with each brush. A touch so gentle that he would have loved to feel it all over his body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, no! Not another tormenting dream!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, we were supposed to do it today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mental note: ask Rey to research the various meanings of the idiom ‘do it’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weren’t you already gone?” he sighed, getting up from his chair and following her to the sofa. The light was still dim and it reminded him of that evening soon after their car crash when he had tasted so much of her blood that he thought he was going to go mad if he wasn’t going to make love to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The good part: at least he didn’t go mad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I came back. I was worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She proceeded to unbutton her cuff to lift the sleeve of her shirt. With each gesture she made, he could scent of her only perfume mixed with a cheap male one. She must have visited her boyfriend at lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How sweet of you,” he snarled, clenching his jaw, then sat next to her. Rey never had the courage to cut herself and they were never cutting her in the same place, despite healing the wound in less than five minutes, as her flesh was getting more sensitive than it already was. So he analysed her tanned forearm, although his eyes were more focused on her neck, then made a small, yet deep cut just two centimetres above her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is how she’s dying</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s dying to survive</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The touch of his lips and tongue on her skin made her feel like an ice cream eaten by the most sensual mouth. And it was not just the effect of his magic if it was at all. His touch was warming her up, weakening her knees and sending her delicious electric vibes through her entire body, but especially through her womb and between her legs. It should have disgusted her and angered her that he was the only one to make her feel like that but, instead, she was floating, unable to think about her boyfriend or even remember him at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you,” she whined and he lifted his gaze, surprised. Her other hand let go of her sleeve and cupped his face, gently touching the place where she had slashed his face. “I miss us. I miss our chats and lunches together. Why are you pushing me away?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A final flick of the tongue healed her wound and he straightened his back, looking her in the eyes. His plump lips were parted and Rey’s mouth craved their softness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She initiated the kiss, gently pressing her lips against his, now cupping both his cheeks. As a response, he put his hands on her back, just like that night, and pulled her closer. Rey woke up on his lap, straddling him as he was carefully laying her on the sofa. Their fingers intertwined and Rey was already able to feel a burning mound between her legs, seeking her own warmth and wetness. But the many kisses were too distracting to focus on how he was unconsciously grinding against her. The only moment he let go of her for a mere second was when his hands sought the buttons of her shirt and tore it open, digging his face in the plain fabric of her bra as Rey was moaning. With each movement and each flick of the tongue on the small mounds of her breasts, she was growing closer to that fantastic sensation she felt that one time. When it finally arrived, she let out a shy sob, muffled by her own hand, while Ben’s hunger also reached a climax, digging his teeth into the soft flesh of her breast. As expected, the blood was tastier than ever, almost heavenly, intoxicating. Only one drop was enough to clench his thirst for at least a whole week, yet he kept on drinking, like an addict. He only stopped when the almost lifeless hand of Rey caressed his hair, triggering the alarm in his head. He licked his lips and analysed her ecstatic face, being immediately reminded of the fact that his erection had not been taken care of yet. And given Rey’s own gaze and the way she was biting her lip, he was sure that she wouldn’t have minded letting him fuck her right there, on the sofa, after hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you love him?” He asked out of the sudden, with only a drop of human consciousness left in his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>All she could see was his face, dishevelled hair and gorgeous eyes like two dark polls ready to swallow her and drown her in some unearthly pleasure. And at that moment she nodded. Not to his question directly, but to the word ‘love’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s late,” he said, getting off her and pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to ignore that mindless part of his body from inside his pants. “You should go now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GO!” he yelled and, startled, Rey ran out of his office before noticing the pain on his face or the tears in his eyes. Had she stabbed him that night in the chest, it surely would have hurt less.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Sam Smith, Normani - Dancing With A Stranger (https://youtu.be/av5JD1dfj_c)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Jealous Sea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Two chapters in one week? It's almost as if it's summer again!<br/>Jokes aside, I'm going to have a surgery at the end of the month and until then, I have to take care of many things for work, so I might not be able to post any new chapter soon (or maybe I'll find some time before being hospitalized).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was a horrible person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-then Conny started bragging about her life as a married woman and I snorted, then ended up laughing so hard that spilt all the frappuccinos on her notes, right before the exam. You see… each time she’s with a different group or like her friends are not always in the same formation, she tells a different version. So far, she got married when she was a thirty-year-old virgin when she was twenty-five and already pregnant with her first child or she eloped after the first three dates. Some people are pathological liars and it’s terrible, yet so funny at the same time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah… so funny…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Rey. No need to be upset about being late to dinner. It happens. I might be late to our dates many times from now on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes and sighed. As much as she used to hate him after the whole accident thing, as sorry she felt for him at that moment. He didn’t deserve being lied to like that… He was too good for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…” he hugged her from behind and gently pulled the collar of her loose shirt to kiss her neck and shoulder. “It’s late,” he whispered. “If you want to stay over…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His touch definitely didn’t make her feel the pleasure she felt before. In fact, she cringed at his touch and pulled away, though facing him immediately, unsure whether to confess her sin or come up with yet another lie. But before even having the chance to open her mouth, her body spoke for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my… Rey, what happened?” he panicked at the sight of bloodstains on her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She froze, unable to come up with any lie in such short notice but Finn grabbed her shirt, pulling it down enough to reveal the bite marks just above her bra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch me!” she jumped, running away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, you’re hurt and it looks pretty bad!” he furrowed. “Please, let me check-What if it gets infected?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached for her hand, calmly and patiently waiting for her to come to him. For him, everything seemed so easy, yet for her, there were only two possibilities - to run away at that moment and never see him again or lie over and over again until maybe at least some of the things she was pretending to be was going to become true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, what happened, love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some punks bumped into me more or less intentionally,” she sat down in the armchair. “I think they either burnt me with their cigarettes or stabbed me with something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t look like a burn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went to one of the cupboards and got a dark brown bottle and some cotton balls. He then sat down on the coffee table and waited for Rey to pull her bra enough to see both marks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?” he gently pressed the soaked cotton ball onto her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Not really. It’s more like… itching me and it feels like when you get a sunburn, and the skin is very dry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s weird how your bra has blood on it but your shirt is clean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used a handkerchief,” she lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You see?” he smirked. “Good thing we’re soon going to get cars and start driving around. If I get one before you, I promise to drive you home each time you work after hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to bother,” she smiled awkwardly. “Besides, Rose could see us and I don’t want her to get upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he almost rolled his eyes. “So… moving in with me would also be impossible?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s too soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to seem the reasonable one and put her hand over his to console him, yet the more she was squeezing his hand, the more she was absorbing the information going through his mind. She gasped and closed her eyes, opening them to find herself as Finn, sitting on the coffee table and consoling a younger, naked Rose, in the same armchair she was in that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What happened, love?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she felt her lips moving, yet heard Finn’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nothing. I just missed you so much.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You were the one avoiding me,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he chuckled, kissing her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I just had a lot to study and I wasn’t in my best mood.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened, love? You blacked out for a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” she got up once her vision came back. “I’m tired. I should go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I call you an Uber at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are literally ten taxi cabs in front of your building,” she chuckled and looked around for her bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I see you tomorrow at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could sense the tension in his voice and she bit her tongue to keep herself from groaning at her own bad attitude. He had waited for her and treated her so kindly, when she had done nothing but ignore his existence and swoon over her boss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to sleep until late tomorrow, but maybe we can get some groceries later and on Sunday we can go to the beach early in the morning to catch the best spot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds brilliant!” he smiled and her heart warmed up. “But are you sure you’re fine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t worry,” she waved, nonchalantly. “I just had a lot to read and I wasn’t in my best mood. Thanks for tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left his studio and got in the first taxi she saw, ready to call it a day and to think about what the hell happened again. She gawked at her palms, then pressed then against the bitemarks, feeling the pleasure invade her womb. However, she quickly removed them, reminding herself of how she had lost control of her body and mind, to begin with. She had no reason to worry about Ben after all because she was sure that he was going to start avoiding her again. The one she had to be worried about was herself. She would have allowed him to fuck her right there on that sofa, had he…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, Miss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-Yes! Thank you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paid the driver and quickly ran inside the building. She didn’t want to look at the many already completely abandoned buildings. Not when the clock was ticking and they hadn’t already found a place to move in. She hadn’t told Rose about her extra income, just she hadn’t told her about dating her ex-boyfriend, but with things between her and Ben being so awkward, she couldn’t rely yet on that extra cash as something permanent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I left you some Che Chuoi on the table,” she heard Rose’s voice from their bedroom. “You can put it in the fridge if you’re not hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The window was open and there was a cold draft cooling down the whole place. It was quite pleasant and it came in handy, considering that it was too late to even have one drop of water come out of those old rusty pipes and she wasn’t in any way in the mood to shower with cold water, regardless of how much she needed to cool down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rosie,” she spoke, taking off her clothes and throwing them on the floor before throwing herself on the bed, ignoring the scary noises it made. As long as it didn’t collapse on the spot, it was going to be alright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rosie,” she called her again, almost whispering. “I can’t sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s too cold for you?” giggled Rose, all sleepy. “How was it today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hot,” she sighed, then burst into laughter at the irony of her own remark. “Hey, Rosie… What was your first time like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, tell me you’re not really willing to sell your virginity to buy us a place. Our plan was to use men without giving them anything but a couple of hours of our time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… I was just wondering what it’s like. I feel like I’m too old to still be a virgin, yet I’m not entirely sure I’d be ready to do it. Is it bad at first?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned, lying on her right side, while Rose turned on her left side as much as she was able to do without causing herself any pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It depends,” she spoke in a low, raspy voice. “I lost mine when I was twenty. I had considered doing it while in high school but I was too focused on school to care about boys. But college? It was my own very personal society. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The World According to Rose Bian Tico</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And like any girl who was living her dream of being a popular queen among other nerds like her, all I needed was a boyfriend. And that’s when I met him. He was so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice </span>
  </em>
  <span>and friendly that we connected immediately. He tried to look cool a couple of times to impress me, but he was too goofy. So instead of falling for that fake cool persona, I feel for the sweet awkward guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey scratched her eyebrow, smiling bitterly the whole time. She was still just enjoying his nice and friendly persona, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>connection </span>
  </em>
  <span>Rose mentioned. But unlike her, she was yet to reach the ‘falling’ stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t really say that I planned the whole thing or anything at all. I was so madly in love with him that the more we kissed, the more I wanted him to sleep with me. It was something natural. One kiss made me want another one and so on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… how soon after you started dating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I was too ashamed to even suggest anything during the first month, but as our relationship progressed, we got more comfortable with one another, and we first began exploring our bodies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Comfortable. That was the keyword.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you blow him?” she asked in the most serious voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my goodness, Rey!” laughed Rose, throwing one of the medical pillows at her friend. “Well… Yeah! I did, but much later. At first, it was mostly dry humping, cuddling and taking off our clothes one by one. I loved how patient he was with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s dry humping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All those books and you know nothing!” she giggled. “It’s when you pretty much mimic the sexual act with your clothes on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey felt her cheeks burning and licked her lips, not being able to put an end to that ridiculous smirk on her red face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she chuckled. “Carry on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where was I? Oh, how we ended up sleeping together… It was quite boring in a way but at least it was not planned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s with you and planned sex?” raised Rey an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen… going on a date, having dinner, then making sweet cheesy love on a bed covered in rose petals and surrounded by candles is creepy as fuck. It’s too planned. It’s almost as if the whole thing is demanding you to sleep with the guy and feel good. There’s nothing genuine about it. That’s why at least I’m happy with how it happened. We were in his studio, having fun, reading some course notes-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fun for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you we were geeks!” she laughed. “Anyway… There was no anniversary, no special occasion, no… nothing, but we were drinking some cheap wine, studying and flirting, then we started kissing, clothes ended up on the floor and we did it.” She smiled, feeling all nostalgic about the better times when she was in love and had her sister supporting her in everything. “To answer your previous question, I think we had been a couple for maybe three or four months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But </span>
  <em>
    <span>what </span>
  </em>
  <span>was it like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did it hurt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think… Yeah. A bit. I was too much into the whole kissing and touching his body and enjoying him touching me to pay attention. It felt like a pinch, I guess? But I was very… umm… excited, so I guess that made things easier too.” She paused for a moment, then yawned and decided to end the story. “We had fun. It wasn’t cheesy romance novel-worthy but it was very… </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Good enough to want me to do it again and to explore more of his and my body. Until our first anniversary, we were pretty much experts and it was part of our routine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way she spoke was so gently that Rey had almost completely forgotten the tiny yet very important detail that Rose was like that because that man broke her heart… and now that man was dating her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her bottom lip and stretched her arm, reaching Rose’s. Their bedroom was very small, so her fingers immediately brushed against Rose’s skin, gently caressing her arm. Rose was already half asleep when her life force and memory began travelling, making their way inside Rey, who was soon going to fall asleep herself. In fact, her heavy eyelids were already refusing to open when the first memory emerged.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Have you considered adoption?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes but I lost my parents when I was very young and I know that there’s no point in giving birth to a child when there are so many orphans no one wants to adopt.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And the father?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We’re the same age so he couldn’t help me. It was an accident.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But is he here to support you? There should be someone waiting for you after you-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He doesn’t know. No one knows. I’m here all alone.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>With a silent gasp, Rey opened her eyes to look at the mere shape of her sleeping friend, then let a tiny salty tear escape her eye. She had always hated the inclusion of another character that had nothing to do with the couple destined to be together forever. It was that same character who ended up stealing the happy ending from the main couple after a tragic and very useless break-up or death. At that moment, she was that character and she had been that character for the past four years, almost five since she accepted hanging out with Rose’s group of friends and Finn developed that crush on her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After avoiding Finn for a couple of days, despite promising him to go out, Rey was surprised to find an adorable pink gerbera bouquet on her desk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Happy one month anniversary, my little workaholic driver! See you tonight at Chateaux Godillot.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Finn</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How sweet,” remarked Hux, leaving Ben’s office. “Who said romance is dead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blushed before covering her mouth to hide her silly smile. She had twisted and turned night after night in hope of finding the right way to break things off with Finn. Her only chance at normality was weighing too much on her soul. But now, the excitement in her heart was too much to handle. Yes, she did not love him, nor did she feel anything Rose had once felt, but there was still time. She could grow to finally learn how to love someone and perhaps even redirect her lust from-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Jakkson?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben Solo was as imposing as always, especially with that proud gaze and clenched jaw. He approached her with firm steps and snatched the card from her hand. He read it and his eyes darkened, making Rey believe that he was going to shred it into pieces and throw the pieces in her face. However, he only returned the card to her and immediately retired to his cave. For the next two hours, he refused to let her in, communicating with her only via emails. It was actually an email she was writing when the elevator drew her attention. Apathetic, yet also surprised, she stared at the confused delivery boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I help you?” she spoke a little bit too loud, startling him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… sorry. First day,” he smiled awkwardly. “I’m looking for Miss Jakkson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teenager handed her a very bridal white peony and lavender bouquet and a rose gold box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I need to sign anything for these?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah! I forgot.” He took out a crumpled piece of paper and Rey signed it before tipping the clumsy kid. She knew how it was like to do all sorts of jobs despite being a complete mess. Once the boy left, she sat at her desk and smelled the flowers. They were so delicate and beautiful that, compared to the bouquet from Finn, they seemed to be for another person. Were they truly for her, though? She couldn’t imagine Finn wasting money on a second bouquet on the same day they were having their anniversary dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No card…</span>
  </em>
  <span> she pursed her lips and put the bouquet down, grabbing the box. She pulled the silky ribbon and opened it all excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Chocolate pralines and perfume?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly shoved a praline in her mouth, letting out a shy moan at the sweet taste of chocolate melting on her tongue, then sprayed some perfume on her wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my! </span>
  </em>
  <span>She giggled, flustered. It was so seductive that it would have made her old clients fall onto their knees and kiss their feet for even just a mere handshake. But it was a little bit too intimate to waste it on those boring men. Sighing, she put the bottle back and her gaze lingered on the inside of the lid. She narrowed her eyes and pulled out a thick handwritten card.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know our agreement says ‘no flowers, no gifts’ but at least on the anniversary of our first month as accomplices let me thank you with a small gift. Also, congratulations on your achievement. I put my life in your hands once more, little driver.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you for everything,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Benjamin A. Solo</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That son of a-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey burst into his office like an angry goddess. She was too selfish to reject the flowers, pralines and perfume, but also too proud to accept them. However, until she decided what to do with them, she only threw the card on her boss’ desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sir</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow and pulled the card closer with his pinky finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you already receive the flowers?” he asked innocently and slightly conflicted. “They weren’t supposed to be delivered until tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, why did you send me those gifts? I’m grateful for your kind gesture but…” she ran her fingers through her hair, then crossed her arms. “Actually, the question is… what are you trying to prove?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prove?” he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you trying to compete with my boyfriend? I must let you know that regardless of how cheap his bouquet is compared to yours, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Jakkson, I’m not trying to compete with anyone. I don’t need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well.. that was true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why do you gift me something so conspicuous right after you saw-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Jakkson, I repeat myself. The flowers and the present were supposed to arrive tomorrow, not today. It was probably a mix-up. Besides, I placed the order on Friday. The card” he tapped on it “is handwritten and I haven’t left my office the whole day.” He got up and buttoned up his blazer. “And I am not trying to impress you with my money, considering that you’re my employee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes lingered on his neck, realising how much she wanted to hug him and kiss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss you…” she found herself whispering. And in his eyes, she could see the many thoughts going through his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she waited for something, a word, a reply, even a snarky remark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, he only took his briefcase and spoke to her the coldest thing, as if she was just a random employee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t be back today, so please make sure that everything is in place when you leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She never thought his coldness would end up affecting her so badly. And for once, she was not upset as in wanting to slap him and yell at him. She wanted to cry. She needed to cry her heart out. However, she wouldn’t. Her mother might have raised an emotionally unstable and abused child, but she raised no fool who would cry over a man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More wine already?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn’s question was rather innocent and it was obvious that he was concerned about her sudden appetite for alcohol, but she wasn’t in the mood for jokes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just tired and hungry,” she said and took a large sip of wine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want some of my bacon avocado fries?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thanks. I’d rather save myself for that lobster ravioli.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you upset?” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bit,” she exhaled loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So far, their perfect anniversary dinner was not going well at all. She had to lie to Rose about having to attend an event with her boss and judging by the way Finn kept on touching her, he was praying to take their relationship to the next level. She hated being so rude to him and she also hated being so indecisive but she truly didn’t know what she wanted from him. Maybe it was just the wine, but those butterflies from earlier were now dead moths. Yes, his relationship with Rose happened many years ago and it was Rose’s choice to keep that abortion a secret from him and move on, so she wasn’t stealing him from her. But even though Rose was over him, she was still not able to see a future for their relationship. She couldn’t picture him as her husband or father of her children. Truth be told… she </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>didn’t love him. She loved the attention and affection and especially the idea of falling in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” she closed her eyes and dug her fingers in her hair, ignoring the many pins. It was the whole Marcel story all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” she shook her head. “It’s that time of the month.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he straightened his back. “I see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence was agonizing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” he began, “What did you do this weekend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm…” she shrugged. “I cleaned around a little bit and cooked. I also had to repair the bathroom door. Rose also had a bit of a fever and with this weather, she didn’t even realise that it was a fever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did her doctor say?” furrowed Finn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing much. I mean… Rose spoke to her and apparently, it has to do with her changing her medication.” She looked at her baby blue nails, then clenched her fists before getting too tempted to ruin her nail polish. “I feel like I haven’t had enough time for her but I also feel-</span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> so suffocated in that place. I can’t wait to move out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you found anything you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I’d have to wait at least until November… next year.” She took another sip and chuckled. “I’m talking about the building that’s going to be built once this one gets demolished.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could come live with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pursed her lips and refused to look at him, knowing that guilt would overwhelm her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I can’t. Or at least not until she gets better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The centre where I volunteer sometimes is full of disabled people of all sorts and many of them live on their own. You said that Rose is still working from home and she’s doing all the chores when you’re at work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And where would she live, Finn? We can barely afford this matchbox and we can’t find anything decent without having to reduce the expenses-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if the surgery succeeds or not, it will still help her so much and she won’t have to take all the pills she’s taking now, so your expenses will be reduced anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey began chewing on her bottom lip with her arms crossed at her chest. She understood his point but she was not comfortable with that discussion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She would still have to go to a centre like the one you’re volunteering for therapy, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finn</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Finn ignored her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also, is it really necessary for her to live in this city?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” she raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an expensive city, Rey. I know she has lived here her whole life but she lost her old house and there’s nothing keeping her here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you seriously trying to get rid of my only friend because you think she’s stopping me from moving in with you?” she clenched her jaw but calmed down when the waiter finally came with their food. Once he put the plate in front of her, she grabbed the fork and began shoving ravioli in her mouth. Focusing on food was perhaps going to keep her from wanting to stab Finn with her fork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Rey,” he began again and she rolled her eyes, “our history is always going to be an issue. You want to keep our relationship a secret from her and I get it. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally </span>
  </em>
  <span>get it but at some point, you won’t be able to lie anymore and I will no longer accept seeing you in secret. And the truth is… Rose is either going to accept and move on or turn her back on you, which will make all of your sacrifices in vain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude!” she snapped. “You are talking about your ex-girlfriend! The one you almost cheated on with me and who almost died partially because of you! A-and had she not made the most responsible decision, you would have been a father to a five-year-old right now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was not her secret to share, yet she still did it. Finn’s face was pale and he dropped the bun, while her legs were so weak that even if she wanted to run away, she had no chance to even stand up. She put down the fork and looked at her boyfriend, who buried his face in his palms, taking a moment to think.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone once told me that the past is in the past and that I should let it die,” she spoke calmly and, somehow, motherly. “I care about you, Finn. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Deeply</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But even despite all the arguments and sometimes insults, the relationship between me and Rosie is sacred. Rose and her sister helped me so much after I ran away from home-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ran away from home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey remained silent. There was so much he didn’t know about her… her past, her struggles, her secret job, her lies… In fact, the only person who knew everything about her was… walking towards her with his married dessert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a cordial smile on his face but he was visibly not in the best mood. Moreover, the moment his eyes met hers, the blood drained from his face. He furrowed and immediately looked at her boyfriend, then back at her. He was a smart man, so she guessed that it didn’t take him much to connect the dots. After all, she was not disguised, although, ironically, she was wearing the same black velvet dress she wore that night he went to spy on him and his date - the same one as tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Decided to ignore his presence, especially in the company of </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>woman, she looked again at Finn and forced a smile on her own face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I was saying…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat down right behind her, just like that night…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes grew wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The note from Finn!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was there to spy on her!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” insisted Finn, visibly tensed. “How do you know such a thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I,” she licked her lips. “Can we eat and discuss later, please? I feel like I’m too nervous right now to think things clearly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded understandingly and picked his fork, then proceeded to calm things down between them by telling her about his day at the cafe and about the weekend he spent all alone after she stood him up. But, of course, she was not paying attention, as she was busy eavesdropping on her boss’ date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was surprised when you called me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me that I haven’t paid much attention to you lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, you’ve been ignoring me for ages.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… yeah,” he laughed and Rey felt something tickle her down her spine. “To be honest, I have been ignoring you and, as a matter of fact, everyone else. I’ve been rather grumpy lately, so I didn’t see the point in annoying anyone with my bad mood. Anyway, how have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Busy, I must say. I’ve interviewed over fifty people for the 25th anniversary of this magazine for women and I am a guest editor for this book that’s allegedly going to be the next big thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t all books proud owners of the ‘Best Seller’ stamp?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but this is why we put that stamp. To convince people that it’s good and to boost sales.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds fair,” he laughed and Rey flinched, realising that she had listened to their conversation so carefully that for a moment she forgot that it was not an audiobook or show on the radio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you think, Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” she said, nonchalantly, having no idea what he was talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like it’s such a commitment to get a car. I know that in the future I’m going to change my mind and want a larger one but so far, a tiny one is less expensive and easier to drive in this crowded city. But, at the same time, I have so many things to transport…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about a tiny car for you and something like a van for the cafe? This way you can buy the supplies yourself whenever you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know? That’s quite a brilliant idea, love. I was also thinking about-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When is your father returning?” asked Alexandrina.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly have no idea. Every year he says he’s done with movies and every year he does at least two more movies. It’s the same as when he was a race driver.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise me you’ll tip me when he’s back. I want an exclusive interview.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t you got enough already?” he snorted. “My mother’s party was full of interesting people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was and I’ve already booked an exclusive interview-Don’t laugh, Solo! Listen, your sister is going to be a celeb among the best artists!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She has to do something if she truly wants to be successful and so far she’s been painting only when she’s not moping around. I adore her, but she’s wasting her potential.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, let her be, you grumpy old man! You sound just like my husband!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey bit her upper lip, amused and a bit tipsy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, speaking of your mom’s party and husbands… Have you heard anything about Silvia? I was really shocked to read about that little incident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, I didn’t care enough to ask. I hoped you knew more about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I called her once and no one answered, then I called her a second time and her husband answered. I think he gave her an ultimatum and she’s going to keep it low key for a while. It was quite embarrassing, though we don’t really know what happened. Some speculated that she was mugged.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt it… But you know? My lawyer once told me about some footage from the surveillance cameras. They never asked for it but I’m pretty sure I have a copy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey choked on her food and coughed. She didn’t really have anything to hide but she was the one who had ‘done’ something to Silvia. She had no idea what, but it happened. The woman fainted at her mere touch. Also, that night, she was covered in blood - her boss’ blood and that was going to be difficult, if not impossible to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love, are you ok?” panicked Finn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she stopped him right as he reached for her. If anyone was going to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on her, that person was in for a big surprise because her nerves and stomach were not in the mood for anything of such sorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to the restro-” The moment she got up, she accidentally kicked Ben’s arm, causing him to spill his drink all over his suit. “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their eyes met and, surprisingly, Ben pretended not to know her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m quite a large man, Miss” he snorted, getting up and grabbing a napkin from Alexandrina.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t see you,” she took a napkin as well and began wiping the drops of wine. “Actually, I didn’t realise your chair was so close to mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Really</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed and threw the napkin right on his plate. Too bad he had no food on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not such a big deal, you cranky moose! You’ll survive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned her back on him and stormed towards the restroom, leaving everyone baffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” spoke Finn, embarrassed. “She’s a bit upset and-Don’t we know each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only answer he received was a glacial glaze from Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please excuse me, Alexandrina.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take your time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched him leave, then looked at Finn, who was still eating, completely oblivious, yet a bit affected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it worth it?” she asked, feeling sorry for such a young man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Worth what?” he smiled, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paying so much for a sugar baby with such an attitude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not a sugar baby,” he preferred laughing it off rather than taking offence. “She’s my girlfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” she leaned in. “I’ve seen her before and she was wearing the same dress but her hair was longer and a different colour. Isn’t her name Kiara?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’ve known her for years and I assure you her name is not Kiara and she’s not a sugar-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wig from their first date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fake name and the dating website.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… She told me that she’s working for a guy named Ben Solo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alexandrina smirked bitterly and pointed with her chin at the corridor leading to the restroom door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was Ben Solo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you spying on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey turned so quickly that she almost kicked him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” he took a step back. “I just want to clean myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not talking about your stupid shirt!” she yelled at him, making a couple of curious eyes gawk at them. “You came here on purpose,” she whispered. “You saw the note from Finn and came here with-Why even are you here with </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a friend,” he shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeaaah. Suuure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why am I even explaining myself to you? You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>employee and, after hours, we’re strangers. You decided this and I’m respecting your choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I chose to stay away from you! You wouldn’t have agreed to have me… </span>
  <em>
    <span>nursing </span>
  </em>
  <span>you-Don’t laugh!” she punched him in the arm. “You said that I might end up like Voe and I had to pick the lesser evil. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>miss </span>
  </em>
  <span>us but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I am not reproaching you anything. I’m just asking you to stop being a hypocrite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pouted but still blocked his way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you here with her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have needs,” he explained, exasperated by her inability to tell her what the hell she wanted from him. “I have needs, Rey. Considering that you’ve covered a part of them, I have no problem in now taking care of what’s left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was great at hiding her emotions, when she wanted to and when she was able to think clearly, but now her face was showing just how much his words hurt her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t do this,” he stressed each word. “It’s not fair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bu-but you said that you’re not-you don’t like them,” her voice trembled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why?” she cried. “Why do you have to do such things with them? Yo-you said you feel nothing and now you’re with them and I don’t understand. I don’t understand anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He brushed his sweaty palm against his perfectly trimmed beard, while the tip of his tongue was checking his sharp teeth. It hadn’t been too long since he had last fed on her blood but it was Monday and they had both forgotten about their fixed schedule… again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said that I was the only one who-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” he growled. “Yes, but what do you want me to do? I haven’t slept with anyone since you caught me with Silvia. Back then it was, ironically, easier because my purpose was other but now… I feed on you and I see you almost every day but I can’t have you, so I have no other choice. It’s in my nature.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sob escaped her lips and she desperately looked at his face for a sign that not even she knew what it was supposed to look like or represent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re fine with sleeping around with married women and blame me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran his fingers through his thick hair and groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fuck whomever I want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well… not really whom he wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides, what’s your problem? Aren’t you happy with your little boyfriend, sending you flowers and chocolates? Why are you allowed to have a boyfriend and go on your stupid dates with your sugar daddies but I can’t mind my own life? Don’t you think that it’s killing me knowing that you’re happy with someone else? I can’t even be around you, yet someone else is enjoying your presence, is making you smile and you love them. God!” he let a muffled scream. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>him! You want a family with him and I can’t judge you. I’m happy for you, but I’m-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mouth crashed down on his with such force that she pinned him against the wall. Without any shame or fear, her hands sought his to place them on her waist, only to be rejected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t,” he panted, brushing his thumb against her lip, “If we continued doing this, I might end up fucking you in the restroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” she smirked, being one step away from inviting him to do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I know you don’t really like me sleeping with women who are already in a relationship with someone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her lips parted in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what I want, Rey. But do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a step back, her hesitation in answering giving him the chance to leave and enter the men’s restroom, while she remained pensive. There were so many things she wanted, yet she had no idea what she </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly </span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped, startled, and turned to find an ice-cold Finn waiting for her at the end of the corridor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she sniffed and put on a parody of a smile, approaching him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your phone rang and then someone texted you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He handed her the phone, though Rey felt that he would have preferred throwing it at her. He wouldn’t have come after her just for a missed call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Excuse me, Rey. I can’t contact Rose and no one is answering the door.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hux? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she furrowed, then dialled Rose’s number.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing except panic building up inside her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… Finn, I think I should go back home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great, because I was about to suggest the same. The taxi is already outside, waiting for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted her gaze and gawked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing much,” he shrugged. “I’m just trying to figure out who’s going to pay for tonight’s date. Me or your sugar daddy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Meg Myers - Jealous Sea (https://youtu.be/P5iBlwXp4lk)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Die For You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guess who's out of the hospital?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you do it on purpose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey refused to answer. It was not the time nor place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it revenge?” he insisted and Rey cringed at his fingers clenching around her wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Finn,” she whined, tired. “I really like you but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you don’t or at least not the way you’ve been pretending.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey remained silent once more, annoying Finn with her reluctance in being true to herself in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it wasn’t about punishing me, then… Was I not enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about you,” she sighed, “That’s the problem. I never really thought about you or anyone, not even myself. The only thing I thought about was this fantasy in which I was normal, doing normal things with normal people. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy your presence and this past month has been amazing but as much as I tried I couldn’t be the girlfriend I was supposed to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because of my past with Rose and your boss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Here he was mentioning </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right about Rose but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he your sugar daddy after all or is he like… pimping you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, God! No!” she hid her face behind her weak hand. “He </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>my boss. I work for him but I also have this other job. I don’t like it but it helped a lot with paying bills.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” he tapped his fingers on the coffee cup “on our first date, you were not there for a blind date. You were actually expecting me to pay you for dining with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bitter look on his face made her feel so small and guilty, yet she was still not willing to talk. She had already said too much and others were her priorities at that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you continued going on such dates while we were still together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That past tense highlighted the answer to the question she had been asking herself regarding the status of their relationship. There was no point in even discussing it and risking a fight. At least his disappointment and her passive attitude saved them both from the even more embarrassing experience of shouting at each other and crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she nodded, a bit ashamed, and Finn exhaled loudly. She didn’t want to have that conversation but she also didn’t want him to blame himself. It was her chance to be honest. After all, it was all that everyone was asking for from her. “I need money, Finn. I don’t want to do this, I never actually wanted to, but it was the only safe choice. I don’t sleep with them or do anything intimate because I don’t want to and, to be honest, I can’t. To me, they are just lonely, sometimes purely pathetic men who want to have dinner with a pretty girl and boast about silly things. It’s not romantic and all I get is a meal and the money I’m saving for Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And your boss? What’s the deal with that guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He…” she rolled her eyes, not sure where to begin with. “He has been so good to me and protective despite knowing about that other aspect of my life. I don’t deserve his kindness and I’ve only taken it for granted… I guess I’m so used to people using me and hurting me that I end up hurting and using the others as a way of pushing them away because I don’t think I deserve any kindness and so I make it sure that I really don’t deserve it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped talking, exhausted, and Finn caressed her cheek as his eyes lingered on her delicious lips. It hurt him so much to give up on her and now that his heartbreak and anger simmered down, he was having doubts about letting her go. But he knew it wasn’t his choice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he sighed, “I’m not absurd. I could easily get over the lies and even try again to make amends with Rose, just to fight for your heart. But I know-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll never love you as anything but a friend,” she said full of regret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I now know you love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey furrowed confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your boss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unable to deny it or even admit it, her mouth formed a perfect ‘o’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The few times you’ve mentioned him, there was this glimmer in your eyes and, like a fool, I thought that it was some sort of admiration. But then I saw him and he’s-I hate saying this but I can understand what you see in him. He’s rich, young, good looking and charming and you said he’s been treating you with kindness. However, as a man, I don’t know if he’s what you really need… if he’s the one to give you what you really need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But what did she </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>need? Money? Affection? A fresh new start? </span>
  <em>
    <span>All </span>
  </em>
  <span>of them?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, Finn and that’s why there’s nothing between my boss and me, as you might have noticed,” she reminded him about her boss’ date, “and there will never be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So maybe-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m probably better off alone,” she cut him off, completely aware of how rude she sounded. Fortunately, Finn only patted her on her head, understandingly. She was exhausted, and she would have so gladly slept in a bathtub, had she had one. Even washing her face would have helped her freshen up but the blisters on her soles and overall swollen feet were not going to allow her to stand up, let alone walk. The only solution seemed to just rest right there, but she wasn’t yet sure about the hospital policies in what concerned sleeping on the chairs in the waiting room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How many hours had it even been?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After storming out of the restaurant, Finn followed her to give her the clutch and to demand her some answers. Somehow, she ended up in the same taxi cab, too anxious to speak and Finn, too angry to ask her anything. They reached her ghostly neighbourhood and he followed her upstairs despite her protests. She didn’t want him to confront her and Rose for an imaginary carefully planned revenge plot. However, once they stopped arguing and Rey unlocked the door, the deadly silence struck them both. Something was very wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She called her friend and switched on the lights before rushing into their bedroom. At a first glance, Rose was sleeping, but for someone who had shared a bedroom with her for the past four years, she immediately saw the signs. The unusual position in bed, the pallor and the phone dropped on the floor, under her bed. If she was not yet dead, she was soon going to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone here for Rose Tico?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” Rey got up swiftly, then regretted it immediately once her feet reminded her of the many hours spent in that waiting room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have examined the patient and she is not well. I don’t want to scare you but it seems that apart from a spinal infection, a poorly treated old pneumonia has led to a heart failure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey didn’t understand much but all those words did scare her. Her friend was so fragile… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s under observation and sedated now. You can go home and rest but leave a phone number in case of anything. She won’t wake  up anytime soon but she’ll probably want to see a familiar face tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all?” she asked, disappointed, but the doctor already left. “I can’t abandon her,” she turned to Finn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, come on,” he hugged her but as much as she needed a hug, she pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t,” she whimpered, her eyes filling up with tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I can stay here while you go home and change into something more comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re the one who has to go. She’s like that because of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop blam-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not talking about the past,” she sniffed, taking out Rose’s phone from her clutch. She tapped the password with trembling fingers, then showed Finn the last opened tab - his social media account full of photos from their dates and time spent together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve asked you </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing, and that was not to post my face online, and that was after I already begged you not to take any photos of me, which you refused.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn, I ran away from home years ago and changed my name. My main focus was not to be found by my family, yet something worse happened. I beg of you… it’s pretty clear that we’ve both agreed on breaking up amicably, so there’s no need to keep these photos online. Let me remain hidden.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry,” he shook his head remorsefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for doing this to her… </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-but I swear this time I won’t listen to you. I will delete the photos but I won’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Part of me feels as if I shouldn’t owe you anything but everything leading up to this started that night, so I want to help you. It’s only a simple small favour. Let me help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t have the energy to make a scene.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine!” she capitulated, then sat down for a moment, her fingers trembling as she got her own phone and wrote one short text message.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I need you. Please come.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose’s raspy voice still had a certain playfulness despite her life hanging by a thread. She had woken up a couple of times before but it was the first time she was greeted by a familiar face instead of a nice middle-aged nurse trying to soothe her or a doctor passive-aggressively scolding her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” Hux yawned and crossed his arms at his chest, ignoring her question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not dead, apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oddly, she seemed sad about it, so Armitage’s lips thinned in a firm line, visibly affected by her lack of will to live.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve scared us all,” he spoke softly and she lowered her gaze. “Listen…” he then coughed. “We don’t have much time, so I’m going to say it now. I have an offer for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One I can’t resist?” she smiled weakly but Hux was not in the mood for jokes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he ignored her again, “it’s up to you if you want to accept it or not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose remained silent until Armitage got up to check up on her and squeezed her hand. Fortunately, she was still alive and awake but she was tense and a bit conflicted that she wasn’t able to say a word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You see,” he coughed again and Rose began to wonder if he was sick or something and under the influence of medicine, “I’ve been working for Skywalker Properties for a long time. My health insurance is even better than the one Rey used to have while pretending to be your sister. I know you’re struggling with money and being hospitalized is going to cost you quite a lot, so I suggest we get married and, as my spouse, you can-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Marry me, Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he joking or...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armie, I don’t love you,” she uttered, cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His lips parted and Rose felt the immediate urge to retract her words just to make sure that he was not going to end up hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he nodded, cordially, “and I’m not expecting you to love me or be my actual wife. The idea is for me to help you and Rey get your lives back on track. It’s like a contract.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it was all about Rey? She had tried so hard to ignore her feelings and choose their friendship over envy but there was a wave of certain anger building up inside her that she didn’t like at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s in for you?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your collection of green T-shirts is lovely,” he shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind inheriting them. Also, Millie needs a cat sitter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose chuckled for a moment but she still wanted an answer and to get rid of that pressure inside her chest. After all, he was the one who said that it was a contract. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m waiting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage took a peek at his phone and checked the time without even processing the information as his mind was too busy remembering the desperate text message from Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I really need you right now. Please come to my place.&gt;&gt; she wrote. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He usually didn’t read his texts during a phone call unless he was bored or waiting for someone to contact him. But it was so unusual for Rey to contact him instead of Ben unless Ben had fucked up again or it was about Rose. And the answers to his many questions came once he heard her wail while reaching for her apartment. At that moment, it was the first time in his life he was praying for Ben to have indeed done something. Instead, he found his coworker on the floor, wrapped in a towel, yelling ‘she’s dying’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes,” he spoke slowly, feeling the exhaustion reach his bones, “I look at the people from the centre I volunteer at and I see that all they need is a chance. A chance to see another doctor, a chance to meet others to cope during the first months, a chance to find themselves again and… I think my mother needed a chance too and she never got it, so if it’s in my power to give you this chance she was denied, then why shouldn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose furrowed. That was all? A charity case with no other expectation? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why do you care so much about Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t,” he raised an eyebrow. “I mean… she’s my coworker and she's lovely and hardworking, but the most important… she’s your friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So there’s nothing between you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re coworkers responsible for taking care of Ben Solo’s ass,” he shrugged then chuckled. “Why would you even ask me such a thing? Rey has a boyfriend as far as I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she exhaled loudly. “I know that. But you see… her boyfriend is… actually… nevermind.” She coughed, sounding more as if she was choking, then she shook her head. “I can’t accept your offer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” he tried to sound serene. “May I know why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’d be wasting it on someone who wanted to die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sudden change from the Rose who still had a sense of humour despite being ill to the Rose whose voice was a mere whisper reminiscent of a swan song was frightening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t remember when was the last time I took my medicine. The only thing I kept on taking to fool Rey was a strong painkiller.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why?” it was his turn to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m tired… Armie. There isn’t any certainty that I’ll get back my mobility after the surgery, making everything pointless. I’m taking advantage of Rey and there were so many days I hated her and I know that she’s too kind and feels too guilty to leave.” She swallowed her saliva, feeling her throat dry. “I felt so ill after our date and with each day passing, I knew there was something wrong with me. There were moments when I wanted to get better but usually, I just wanted to die slowly. A suicide would have been too much trouble but like this, it was easier to get used to the idea. Rey was getting more independent and self-confident and all she needed for her dream fresh start was all the money I had saved behind her back to pay her back for her sacrifice. And if she hated me, it was much better because she wasn’t supposed to suffer as I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a fool,” he shook his head, disappointed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I now know,” she bit her trembling bottom lip and Hux saw tears in her eyes. “Before I lost consciousness, my heart broke into a million pieces. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her with him, my </span>
  <em>
    <span>ex</span>
  </em>
  <span>. If she was avenging me or betraying me… it didn’t matter. I was just too sick and tired of everything.” She swallowed and closed her eyes for a much-needed break. “I don’t want to be a burden for anyone anymore, not even myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Rose I knew was not a coward. She would have confronted Rey and fought for her life. Do you think that by making her feel guilty and refusing to see her you can get back at her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to get back at her!” She snapped. “I was the fool in the whole story and I lost the most because I allowed this to happen. Now it’s too late. All I want is to be left alone to die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why? Why give up on your chance and life when others would give anything-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then go help those people because you’re wasting your time with me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that there was no point in trying to reason with her as long as she was upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll bring you some water,” he got up and brushed his fingers against the bare skin of her forearm before leaving the room, without noticing her parted lips. Rose waited for the door to close behind him before letting out a gasp and touching her skin where his fingers had. They felt like a tickle, one that went through her entire body, reminding her of their kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you to leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes grew wider and she froze, unable to turn to look at that ghost from her past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced at his blue scrubs, then at his handsome yet more mature face, confirming that it was not an actual ghost but it was indeed the guy she saw in the photos, smiling next to Rey as she was shily trying to hide her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Desperate to be left alone. What the hell do you want from me, Finn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How sweet,” she snarled and he blinked confused. The Rose he had once dated used to be cheerful and positive, even when she was having a bad day. The Rose he had in front of him was someone else - cold eyes, bitterness and so much hatred. And he deserved it as a matter of fact but he didn’t wish for her to be miserable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here because I called the ambulance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that was days ago and you shouldn’t have anyway, so don’t expect a thank you. I was fine dying in my bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, come on,” he approached her and she turned her head so that she could face the window and not him. “I’m not here to ask for anything, not even forgiveness. I just wanted you to know that I never blamed you and I took the blame for the accident-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> made me lose control of the steering wheel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn bit his tongue in order not to remind her that she was the one who took his car in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyway…</span>
  </em>
  <span> the whole thing was a mess and the past is in the past now. We both paid the price for being fools.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Because I lost my sister and mobility and you lost your car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since the abrupt break-up and the flood of information, Finn learnt that his patience was not what it used to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For fuck’s sake, Rose!” he snapped. “I saved your ass from a lot of legal shit! You could have ended up in jail for manslaughter! I took the blame and Poe did so much as well and you disappeared! I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to tell you that I had a moment but I wasn’t in love with Rey. I loved you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t love anyone, Finn. You love the idea of being in love and Rey is the same. I guess that’s why you didn’t hesitate to date her behind my back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t feel as if either of us owed my estranged ex any explanation, nor did we have to ask for permission.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked. It was true… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides, Rey and I broke up before we found out that you knew and… after all, you never asked for my permission or at least opinion when you aborted my baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby?” she raised an eyebrow before her own mind made the connections and a small gasp escaped her lips. “How do you even know about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey doesn’t know. No one knows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was impossible for anyone to know besides her, the doctor and maybe the nurse and that was ages ago before she even met Rey. In fact, it was so long ago that the only time she remembered that bunch of cells and the trauma she felt after the abortion was the same night Rey asked her to tell her about her relationship with Finn. So she either must have talked in her sleep or Rey had managed to get more information from her without her noticing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do now. I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what? You’re here to reproach me not wanting to have a kid in my early twenties? Don’t tell me you’ve been watching Hallmark movies or reading chick-lit and it made you sad that my imminent death was not going to leave you with a kid you didn’t know about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her throat was sore and that energy boost she got from getting all angry was now almost drained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So this is all you have to say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but you’re not worth my last breath.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their quarrel ended moments before Hux entered the room with a bottle of water and a straw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” he asked at the sight of the man in scrubs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” spoke Rose before Finn would even dare to open the mouth, then took the bottle while Hux’s fingers still lingered, allowing her skin to touch his and for their eyes to lock. “Thank you…” she finally added when the cuff inflated with air, pulling her away from her thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all my pleasure,” he smiled, then looked at Finn’s familiar face. “Don’t I know you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we volunteer at the same centre,” the younger man scratched the back of his head, unsure why a lawyer was in his ex’s hospital room but slowly making connections between the expensive private room and the man’s presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” he nodded. “I remember you now. If you’ve tried convincing this stubborn flower to join us at the centre for at least one visit, then I’m profoundly thankful. Maybe she doesn’t believe me as I’m not an actual healthcare worker.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armie,” she called his name and handed him back the bottle of water, then addressed Finn. “Unless I die these days, we can talk later. Now I’d rather be alone with my fiance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both men gawked at her but only one stayed by her side, as the other one understood that his place was no longer there, nor had it been in years. At least he had the promise of chatting one of those days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fiance?” uttered Hux, cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes…” she nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What made you change your mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn’s presence and her childish desire of making him jealous? The fact that someone chose her without expecting anything in return? The sudden realisation that he was the only one who genuinely made her smile after so many years? She wasn’t entirely sure but that last theory sounded best.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must say that those couple of days we hung out together were the closest thing I’ve felt to happiness in years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why did you shun me out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m a horrible person, who uses people, and after we kissed, I realised that in case you’d ever fall in love with me, I’d only make you suffer again because I’m broken and incapable to love anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not horrible, Rose. You’re just hurt. And don’t worry about me. I don’t fall in love so easily, although I like kissing pretty girls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His flirtatious tone made her smile, despite feeling overwhelmed by the decision she was still not yet convinced about. The only thing that made her accept his proposal was the sudden realisation that he was right - she was not being herself and if she still had a chance, she was not going to reject it. She had nothing to lose, Hux seemed not to have anything to lose either, so there it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armie, I will marry you, but there are so many things we must discuss and negotiate… conditions and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, when you're ready, I’ll give you the divorce without hesitating. Until then, leave it all on me. I’ll take care of the procedure and of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She liked the idea of being taken care of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What matters now is to get you out of here and to make sure that you’re fine. The rest… we will have all the time in the world to discuss everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it going to be like a contract or just an agreement between the two of us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m all in for legal contracts but maybe we should keep it as an unofficial one.” He checked the time, then went to caress her hand. “I should go now but I’ll be back soon. Try to get some rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will,” she caressed his hand back. “Armie, can… May I ask you one more thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re allowed to change into a wedding dress or have flowers in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that,” she snorted. “I… Please don’t tell Rey about this.” The surprise on Armitage’s face was a clear sign that he was going to lecture her on friendship. “I know her and she’s going to ask too many questions and disagree with what we’re doing. At best, tell her that you’ve got funds from other centres or anything else than the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, then. Good thing she’s not here anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was she finally convinced to prioritise her own life?” she rolled her eyes, amused and relaxed. The excitement and hope were digging up the old Rose. If she wasn’t going to survive, at least she was going to die happy, being herself, not that person she was forced to become. And Armitage was maybe the best thing that could have happened to her and they were going to sort things out and- Why was he so serious out of the sudden?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you later,” he pulled away and left the room, texting as he was storming out of the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Rey, I think I’ve got it. Don’t do anything stupid. Wait for my call.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Rey never read the text.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was absently reading another page of a romance novel as the bus was approaching the last stop. She was also surprisingly calm for what was about to happen. Maybe it was all the stress and resignation that had taken their final toll on her mental health. After all, she was nothing but a walking shell, empty and barely hosting what was left of her mind and soul. She was not even wearing makeup or any cute dress to impress. She had on her long skirt, a T-shirt and sneakers, making sure that she was not playing any role… or at least it was going to be her last performance as Rey before becoming someone she didn’t know yet. Maybe she was going to finally embrace that Agnes Kingston name she had so long thought about or maybe she- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she spoke shily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ignored his question as it was not about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for not answering the phone or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry,” said Ben in that deep voice of his that melted each one of her limbs. “I was a bit upset at first because I needed you to… </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>your job but Hux told me about your friend.” He was not going to reproach her anything - not keeping her pain and struggle all to herself, not being such an unprofessional employee and vanishing without a trace or word. “How is Rose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew that Hux must have given him all the details, making his question only a polite one, but that didn’t stop her from almost bursting into tears. However, she didn’t want or have the time to cry. It was not about her or about her pain. Rose didn’t want to ever see her again, so she had to make one final sacrifice to buy either her forgiveness or at least her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I’m here with an offer for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One I cannot refuse?” he chuckled, in hope to make her less nervous, but instead of relaxing, she lifted her head as if confronting him. One step closer and she watched him close his eyes like a cat about to purr as her fingers ran through his hair. His lips parted and it was the invitation she was waiting for - she got on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his, but not engaging in an actual kiss. No… she had to make him want and beg for more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep with me,” she murmured. His eyes grew wider before he smiled, shooking his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: The Weeknd - Die For You (https://youtu.be/RpyN9pFXUCg)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Rogues</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, come in,” he opened the door widely and invited her in. Her hesitation confirmed that she didn’t understand his rejection, so he cleared his throat and waved at the sofa. “Let’s talk first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” she licked her front teeth, pouting. “Your answer was pretty clear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his finger under her chin and lifted it, forcing her to look him in the eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grilled mozzarella sandwich?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Food? She had barely eaten anything since that fatidic date. Were she not used to not having almost any food supplies, she would have noticed earlier the noise made by her stomach and her own paleness. But there was no time to waste on food or-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With pesto and cherry tomatoes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I get two?” she blushed, taking his hand and joining him inside. Ben pointed at the plate on the counter and she ran to it, shoving the first sandwich in her mouth and swallowing almost without chewing a piece. She was about to go sit on the sofa with the second sandwich between her fingers when she noticed the suitcase on his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeling better?” he asked, handing her a glass of delicious pineapple juice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” she confronted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must attend a conference, then I have to… anyway. Work stuff. You already know about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did she? Because all she knew at that moment was that his smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel looked scrumptious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” he handed her his bagel despite having taken only one bite. And Rey knew that it was not right, yet she snatched the bagel and devoured it in a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When are you leaving?” she asked with her mouth full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow morning. I’ve already rented a car to take me there.” He stopped to watch her drink the juice, though his eyes mostly lingered on her neck, then he sat down and invited her to join him. “How have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then shook her head. Standing up in front of him gave her a certain sense of power. She needed all the confidence in her body to ask him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she shrugged. “Rose will definitely get better and it will all be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, you sound like a kid who forgot her lines but remembers the plot of the play.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She crossed her arms at her chest and bit the inside of her cheek. It was annoying how he was able to read her like a book. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not ok,” she exhaled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he spoke softly and reached for her hand. This time she took it and sat down next to him, although the first instinct for both of them was for her to sit in his lap. Rey blushed again, then smirked at her own stupidity. She had just asked him to sleep with her and she had the audacity to shy at the thought of flirting with him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what is going to happen. Rose hates me and I can’t blame her, but I can’t stop worrying. It’s the first time when I’m completely sure that I could handle being on my own, but I can’t stand the idea of her being alone in her condition. She trusts Armitage and I hope he’ll make her reconsider giving up on life just because-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, why does she hate you? You’ve moved heaven and earth to make amends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, he didn’t know! And now it was so embarrassing bringing up her tiny secret…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… I was dating her ex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one,” she cleared her throat, “who had a mild involvement in her current condition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he furrowed, then he snorted. “I guess I do understand her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you?” she avoided his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean… I’ve never been in her shoes and I’m colder when it comes to the people around me but I do not tolerate betrayals. Once someone betrays me, I can’t go back to having a relationship with that person. I can be hot-headed, so rather than humiliate myself and make a scene, I keep my distance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice, but didn’t I betray you a couple of times?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s…” he pursed his lips. “That’s different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… because you keep forgiving me. Is my blood so special that your dignity and morals matter no more?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words were ready heavy coming from her mouth but given her tone, it was pretty clear what she meant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you can forgive me for lying to you, putting you in danger and… </span>
  <em>
    <span>stabbing </span>
  </em>
  <span>you, then you can help me make Rose forgive me. Even if we can’t be friends anymore, I want to know that at least she doesn’t hate me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep with me, Ben.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He narrowed his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed his hands, squeezing them between her cold fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We both know that it was a matter of time until we got here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey-” he laughed nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I need the money and you haven’t fed in a while. You’re the only one I trust to be honest with me and kind enough not to make this so traumatic for me. And in case you don’t see me worthy of such a big price, then I guess we can do this as part of our old agreement, but I need the money as soon as possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He said nothing and her eyes filled up with tears. She was desperate, frustrated and hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, don’t make me blackmail you. Don’t make me leak your list to the press or reach those women. I’m sure Silvia will gloat over your downfall and you risk lawsuits and perhaps jail and… I-Don’t make me tell anyone what you really are!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled and shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said calmly. “You won’t do that. I know you, Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The worst part was that he was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then,” she let him go and got up, wiping her tears, “I’ll have to find the highest bidder.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be stupid,” he grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are others who are very interested in being with someone like me. I might not get the right price so soon but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be fucking stupid!” he shushed her. “Let me talk! Jesus! You think that by making me look like the lesser evil I’ll accept this deal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s what we want!” she groaned. “Or what we need, to be more specific. I need the money and you need-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need not to ruin what we have. Let’s suppose I sleep with you and try my best not to leave you traumatised for life. How would that affect us? Knowing you, would you be able to even stand my presence or share the same air with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can worry about this after we-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lowered her gaze, then closed her eyes and moaned the same way he did when he pressed his forehead against hers. Her body was being embraced by a familiar warmth, and she could see herself through his eyes, glowing and panting under his heavy body as he took her savagely as if they were two animals in heat. And instead of being disgusted or afraid, she was flustered. She wanted those thoughts to become reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I can’t accept this just because your offer is so tempting. You know I can’t lose you. You’re my best employee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes and snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides… I don’t have money right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this why you’re eating sandwiches?” she mocked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m serious,” he sighed. “I had some unforeseen expenses and I don’t have the money you need. Not right now, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” She felt so ridiculous at that moment. “So…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do find you attractive in every single way but please understand me when I say that I don’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability or lie to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she looked around. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitated and Ben held his breath, waiting for her next move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm…” he cleared his throat. “How’s your boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her inexpressive face followed by a coy smile made his heart pound. But given what he now knew, it was too soon to rejoice. He blinked nervously and licked his lips, trying to look at anything but her neck, lips or cleavage. In fact - he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose - looking at her was a bad idea in general.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We broke up,” she explained. “There were too many things against us and-” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Be honest, Rey! Tell him!</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Actually, he broke up with me because he saw us and because your date told him about my other job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” He couldn’t lie. He was glad about Rey being single again but he hated the context of her breakup. It was not her choice. Maybe she still had feelings for that man although he broke her heart. If he saw them together, then he could understand Finn’s anger but the whole reveal… “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that she might recognize you, let alone tell your boyfriend about your job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was for the best. After all, I was lying to him and it was not fair to date him, considering his past with Rose. Besides…” she bit her lip for a split second. “I don’t love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t,” he repeated, waiting for another confirmation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care about him,” she shrugged. “But I don’t love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then,” he smirked, satisfied, but unsure what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you… Were you happy with Alexandrina?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I did not sleep with her. My needs and Alexandrina don’t seem to match anymore. Perhaps I could have pretended that she was someone else,” he paused, “but I don’t think I can do this anymore. She was disappointed, but we parted ways amicably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was surely confused about whatever was that thing she felt - a mixture of happiness and satisfaction. However, she knew that she was desperate to kiss him and hold him tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to ask you something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” she almost jumped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a suggestion, so don’t feel about refusing.” He took her hand, massaging her palm with his thumb. “Move in with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was her time to be speechless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’ve been struggling to find a decent place and I’m not asking you to move in permanently, but Kaydel took most of her things and gave me her key so… there’s a spare bedroom. The living conditions are much better, so there isn’t any point in living there all alone when you can stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like that?” she asked in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it even ethical?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably more ethical than me drinking your blood or you asking me to buy your virginity. We’d be flatmates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Must I give you an answer now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take your time,” he got up and checked the time. “I should go back to packing my things for the trip. Are you still hungry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paella?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chorizo and shrimp?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love how we understand each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wished he loved something else too. She wished… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” she shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maple Bourbon Brown Butter Peach Pie? It comes with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds lovely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, for once, she knew that food was not going to distract her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you got married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage’s proud smirk was only a facade. Of course, he couldn’t deny that he was indeed happy and proud of having convinced Rose to fight for her life but only hours after they were declared husband and wife, she started feeling worse. He had seen the signs of death on so many faces that the whole time he was forced to wait outside, his heart pounded as he was mentally getting ready for the worst. Now, she was back in her room and sleeping, but he was aware that death was lurking somewhere in the corner, waiting for him to fall asleep before snatching her and leaving him a widow after just a couple of hours of being married.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean… I can’t believe you two were serious in the first place. Does Phasma know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She knows about me being interested in someone else and we had a fight but I haven’t told her yet. Technically, we were not a couple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” snorted Kaydel. “You were just fucking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Language, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The young woman rolled her eyes and approached Rose’s bed. She and Paige weren’t that similar but there were still certain things that always highlighted their blood ties. And analysing her face, she could see it so clearly - the shape of her upper lips, her cheeks, the way her eyelashes curled… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you call me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need your help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s about money, you need to talk to Ben or my mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about money. It can’t buy everything. It’s about you and your powers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel furrowed confused and Hux rushed to her and cupped her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can regenerate at an inhuman speed. You’re special Kaydel and I believe you can help Rose. What if your blood can cure her or at least speed the process of healing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love her that much?” Hux lowered his gaze and clenched his jaw. “Armitage, I don’t know how to make her like me and I don’t know if I have it in me to make someone a vampire against their will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not to make her like you. Just a blood transfusion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why didn’t you ask Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he would have refused and because you two are compatible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel pursed her lips. Her brother and she had the same blood type, but the more Hux begged, the more she understood his pain. Even if he was not doing it for him or for Rose, she was doing it for Paige.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a blood transfusion,” she imitated him and he nodded. “Do the doctors know? You-</span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> could get in a big problem if we get caught.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know how to do it and I have everything ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she looked at her rockstud pumps, still unsure. “What if it won’t work? What if we make it worse?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s dying. There is no other worse thing to happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She could get better and hate us for whatever side effects my blood could have on her. She could turn into a vampire or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather be hated by her than see her suffer another second. Please, Kaydel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For Paige</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she reminded herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To hell with this! Lock the door.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the first thunder, Rey woke up ready to jump and run. It was not the thunder itself what startled her, but the sudden realisation that she didn’t have the minimum idea where she was. She didn’t remember falling asleep or leaving Ben’s place…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Move in with me.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They had dinner together, then Ben informed her about her responsibilities while he was going to be away.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Then what?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Aperol spritz or white wine?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Anything with lots of ice. It’s too hot.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, that type of heat announcing a huge storm. I should probably get an umbrella.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t believe you trust me enough to handle almost everything in your absence,”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re my personal assistant and secretary,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he shrugged. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Who else to trust? Also, Hux should be able to help you whenever you might need him. Same with me. Just text me… and trust me back.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes as she turned on the bedside lamp. Although she hadn’t accepted yet his proposal, she was quite sure that it was the best option for her. And for Rose too! Whatever her friend would choose to do once she got out of the hospital, she was not going to be the one to cause her any pain anymore, as much as it hurt her to give up on her. The truth was that their relationship had grown to be toxic and, after humiliating herself in front of Ben, it was better to stop making stupid decisions and put herself in danger. If Rose was not even willing to allow her to explain herself, then trying to buy her forgiveness was not going to be the magic solution she hoped for. There was a time for everything and the priority for the moment was Rose’s recovery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh-” she jumped at the sight of the lighting followed by another thunder. When she was a little girl, she used to sneak on the balcony and open the window to feel the cold raindrops and see the colours of the sky. However, after running away from home, storms usually meant getting their shitty apartment flooded and wasting hours cleaning everything, while also catching a cold from getting wet. But now she was no longer in that dump and she missed being a child… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snorting at her own silliness, she took off her clothes and tiptoed outside the room, then snuck on the terrace just like when she was nine, except now she was in her boss’ home and in her panties, drenched by rain and somehow happy. She did a twirl, giggling, although her hair was already glued to her scalp and each inch of her body was ice cold. Too bad she never had the chance to do this and feel the grass under her feet at the same time. Ben’s childhood home had that large garden she would have loved to get lost in only to be found by him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The images she saw while they were on the sofa began to reemerge. They were so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>beastly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, yet so tempting. Allowing him to do that to her while lying on the grass in the pouring rain-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, God!” she jumped startled and covered her mouth with one hand and her breasts with the other. Behind the window, Ben was holding a carton of mango sorbet while gawking at her with the spoon still in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry,” she rushed inside, trembling. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do have a shower,” he reminded her, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she covered her chest now with both arms. “I just…” she hesitated, watching him go back into his bedroom, then sighed once he returned with a large towel. “Thank you. I hope I didn’t wake you up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was awake. I did hear the rain a bit louder than before but I wasn’t expecting to find you on the terrace. Were you sleepwalking or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no,” she shook her head as he rubbed the soft fabric against her skin. “I woke up a bit confused and I think I just felt the need for a cold shower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he chuckled, “you drank a little bit too much and fell asleep while we were watching a movie. The sofa isn’t that comfortable for anything but a nap, so I carried you to bed. You’re mostly dry now, so do you want me to borrow you something to wear?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be great. I need something until I’ll bring my own things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes grew wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, if the offer is still available.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” he nodded, unable to hide his excitement. “It’s a bit late now and with the rain and my license still suspended, I can’t take you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, there’s no rush. I don’t own many things anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About that… I haven’t had the chance to show you where you can find fresh laundry and some extra pillows in case you prefer sleeping on more pillows. I need at least two, so I understand you perfectly,” he pulled her inside his bedroom to show her the walk-in closet. “It’s got a bit chilly. It is the end of summer, after all, so please tell me if you want something long-sleeved.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be great,” she reached for a white long-sleeved pyjama top and let the towel fall on the floor as she put on her new nightgown, while her eyes followed Ben. It was so obvious that he was trying his best not to look at her that she couldn’t help smiling. She had no idea where all that confidence came from but she didn’t really care. She removed her wet panties and picked them and the towel up, then dropped them when a thunder startled her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will rain until tomorrow evening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know when I became such a scaredy-cat,” she snorted, nervously, picking the wet items again. “I guess I’m not used to sleeping alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she had the chance to analyse the meaning of her words, Ben took a step closer and put his huge hand on her shoulder. Perhaps those who didn’t know him would have felt intimidated by such a gesture, but her? She was dying to be embraced by those hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He already said no, Rey!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember what you told your sister that day I got mad at you?” she spoke all flustered. “You’re acting like that again and I know you hate it, so maybe we should-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should… what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re my boss, but I care about you and I’ve been so confused and still am. However, I know that I don’t want you to hate me and I don’t want to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stab me again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she rolled her eyes, embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that after tonight and our overall history together, work ethics don’t really matter anymore,” he caressed her damp hair. “I’m a little bit tired of being alone, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey narrowed her eyes, then, after analysing his words, she relaxed and parted her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to stay with me tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh… No kiss?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a radiant smile, Ben took the wet items from her hands and went to the untouched side of the bed. Contrary to her wicked imagination, he did not carry her bridal style. He just pulled off the sheet and invited her to lie down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she smiled, shyly, letting him tuck her in. “Thank you for everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone has to take care of you,” he chuckled, joining her, and Rey turned to face him. He was so… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I hug you? they both asked each other and nodded at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m cold,” she trembled as he wrapped his arms around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s what you get for dancing in the rain at the end of August. Do you want to go take a hot shower? Or I can get you a duvet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine,” she murmured, all sleepy. “Are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>ok? You must be starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can eat tomorrow before I leave. You rest now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take Rey much time to fall asleep - after all, she was exhausted and he was worried about her chaotic behaviour and of what she might do in his absence. She was too precious to him to even consider knowing her in danger. At least she was going to be safe in his home and too busy working to do anything reckless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep well, my love,” he kissed her fingers as he caressed her hair with his other hand. And she did. In fact, she barely even flinched when the gale and thunders turned the world outside Ben’s bedroom into a warzone. Even the sea looked like tar from that distance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow,” mouthed Ben as he pulled away his arm. Unlike her, he couldn’t sleep and it was not because of the lamp left on as a nightlight for her. It was the anxiety of leaving even for those couple of days. At first, he didn’t want to leave the company, reason why he had postponed even his long-awaited holiday. However, now he didn’t want to leave her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hugged her again, burying his face in the space between her neck and shoulder, inhaling the fresh scent of rain. Surprisingly, he was not even tempted to take a bite, despite being so hungry. He would have rather woken her up to kiss her senselessly and have her tiny hands all over his body while covering hers with his own body. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it! </span>
  </em>
  <span>he scolded himself and got up, leaving her to enjoy the space. Yet, leaving the room was impossible. He didn’t want her to be alone - that was why she was there in the first place… or second, considering his own disdain for loneliness. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he sighed and removed his laptop from the armchair to sit down. She was right. He was turning into what he had complained so viciously that day, breaking her heart and making her believe that he actually hated her. And the irony was that he couldn’t even get mad because he kept remembering his sister’s words. They were almost haunting him, forcing him to reach that damned conclusion about whatever was going on with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm…” moaned Rey in her sleep and Ben’s heart softened again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” he murmured, laughing, and turned on his laptop. No new emails at that late hour but the spam folder was quite full. He usually never checked that folder but he was willing to even watch cooking videos just to keep his eyes away from her. And he was beginning to consider those cooking videos after a couple of hundred phishing emails until he reached one that wasn’t supposed to be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;This is the video from that night. I haven’t had the time to watch it but in case you see anything important regarding Silvia, email me back. Armitage&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had completely forgotten about that incident and, truth be told, he didn’t really care anymore. However, he was bored and needed something to distract him, so he clicked on the file and pressed download. The file was quite big, so during the time it was downloading, he had the perfect opportunity to look again at Rey, who was now whimpering in her sleep. She didn’t seem to have an actual nightmare as she was smiling and hugging the crumpled sheet, leaving her legs bare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben gulped and felt his teeth growing sharper as well as his pants getting less comfortable, then quickly turned to his laptop and opened the download folder. He groaned at the size of the video - his boredom wasn’t that excruciating to make him waste five hours watching plain footage. Eventually, he pressed the arrow, jumping over frames until he lost track of time and found himself yawning. Maybe it was time to catch a couple of hours of sleep before the trip or- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He narrowed his eyes, furrowing, and paused the video to analyse the image, then pressed play again and watched the whole scene unfold. He understood nothing at first, so he played it over and over again until his eyes grew wider and a gasp escaped his mouth. He covered his lips, pricking his own finger with his sharp teeth and swallowed what was supposed to be a muffled scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumped startled and got up swiftly, approaching Rey like a curious cat. She was still sleeping, despite calling his name in her sleep and squeezing the sheet in her clenched fists. Were it not for her serene face, he would assume that he was either the subject of her nightmares or asking him for help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she sighed, unclenching her fists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here,” he spoke softly, more to himself and touched her finger with his. Inhaling deeply, he concentrated on channelling his energy, relinquishing any thought. It was just the two of them, just their unseen union.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Inhale… exhale… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, they were breathing in unison, just as he was beginning to feel a certain warmth entering his body and grasping at his tiny bits of energy. Slowly, his hand slid, allowing now their palms to touch until the wave of ticklish heat grew bigger, forcing him to pull away and gawk at her as she furrowed in her sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben took a couple of steps back and rubbed his palm on his freshly shaven jaw. He couldn’t believe it and he was almost shaking because of his nerves, but he had to think things clearly. It was obvious that Rey knew nothing and… Oh, it explained so much, so many things and he was such an idiot! So many months spent together, touching, kissing and he never once noticed! He blinked, all emotional, then exhaled loudly and licked his lips. It was fate. It was fate all along!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed almost hysterically and ran his fingers through his hair, feeling-</span>
  <em>
    <span>being</span>
  </em>
  <span> free of all the restraints and fears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben?” she uttered again, this time awake, seeking him next to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remained silent as he proceeded to unbutton his shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes were now open and she blinked, trying to get adjusted to the dim light. She then rubbed her eyes and yawned, getting up in one elbow. As soon as her eyes got used to the surroundings, her gaze fell on her boss as he was taking off his pyjama top. At first, she said nothing, assuming that for him it was too hot and he preferred remaining only in his pants. But as his hands lowered, pushing down the silky fabric, her eyes grew wider, especially at the sight of his mighty member. Still in shock, she looked up, expecting him to be nonchalantly undressing. However, his gaze had been following her the whole time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben?” she repeated, unsure whether she was still dreaming or if his hunger had made him lose control of his humanity. “What are you doing?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Hippie Sabotage - Rogues (https://youtu.be/5tQjk9yDm_g)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Inside my love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for your patience! 💖 I was supposed to write and post this chapter one month ago, but my health has been a wreak and I have been struggling with staying alive both because of the post-covid and post-surgery complications and because of my mental health. I am a tiny bit better now and on new medication, so I tried to finally write this chapter. Again, I'm not completely satisfied with it, but my mind is somewhere else and I didn't want to postpone it for another month.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” she asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he had to do was kneel on the bed and grab her by her naked ankle and pull her closer. Then, he would dig his fangs in the sweet flesh of her inner thigh and take one-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben?” her voice cracked and finally noticed the distress in her eyes and how she nervously covered herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She doesn’t know… </span>
  </em>
  <span>He touched his sharp teeth with the tip of the tongue, realising how much of a predator he must have looked like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he turned around, embarrassed and urging himself to come up with an excuse for his embarrassing behaviour. “Umm… I was about to take a shower and I didn’t notice you were awake.” He saw her reflection in the window as she got up on her knees and reached for him. However, he mistook her intention for something else. His mind, driven by his anxiety, unlocked a memory of him, accepting the hand of his unstable nanny. The woman hugged him and he hugged her back, letting down his guard and relaxing in her arms until he felt the air barely reaching his lungs and his bones being crushed by her. “I’m sorry,” he apologized both to Rey and his nanny for turning her into a monster with his uncontrollable unnatural abilities, then stormed into the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Idiot!</span>
  </em>
  <span> he slammed the door and punched the wall, hoping Rey didn’t get even more startled by his outburst. She was right. What the hell was he doing? He had one rule and that was never to lose control and he had already lost it at least twice. His needs were no excuse and he had to apologize properly before he left… unless she had already run away. He stopped for a moment and listened carefully but heard no steps, door closing or other sign of her leaving, despite being completely sure that she believed no word of his ridiculous apology and that seeing him like that had broken some of the trust she had in him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can’t be,” he shook his head, getting under the water. As much as he felt bad for scaring her and for almost jumping on her, he was still excited about his discovery. He couldn’t wait to sit down and talk to her and ask her things. He needed to know so much about her and her background. He was sure that she would also end up having so many questions and he was there for her to take care of her and teach her… </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled, poured some shower gel onto his palm and rubbed it over his chest. It was perhaps better to just continue being friends with her and feeding on her blood. His other desires had to remain as private as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It won’t go away if you keep thinking about it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he licked his lips and lowered his hand on his hard shaft. His name coming from her sweet mouth was nothing but another figment of his imagination and the least he could do was use the best of it to get rid of his tiny problem before facing her again. They were both liars and they had forgiven each other so often that-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” a pair of cold hands touched his back and he opened his eyes, quite sure that he had overestimated his imagination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” he turned to face her and gawked at her naked body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m cold,” she spoke in a low voice, joining him, then she bit her bottom lip before pressing her small breasts against his chest as she hugged him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” it was his time to ask as he caressed her hair, not showing any signs of disliking her touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ran away,” she lifted her head and furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were scared and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” she kissed the scar on his sternum, trying to hide her fear. She didn’t want him to believe that she feared </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> when it was all about her overall anxiety of trying something new and ruining what they had. “Do you want to eat?” she asked, pulling her hair on her left side and inviting him to take a bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just a small one</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought and lowered his head, licking her wet skin before digging his sharp teeth into her flesh. A moan escaped her mouth and he pressed her against the wall as the hot water washed away some of the blood. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>1… 2… 3… 4… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>One final lick and his eyes were once again focused on hers as if trying to read her mind. Ironically, the only one who could do something like that was her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Already?” she uttered, completely flustered and not ready to let go of him just yet. “So little?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can have more later,” he kissed her forehead, “with your permission, of course. Now come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched him grab a red bottle and turned around, allowing him to shampoo her hair and massage her scalp. His hands were so huge that, normally, it would have scared her to be so close to someone who could crush her skull with only one grip. But he was a soft giant, who alternated between playing with her hair and kissing her shoulders. With her relaxed, he then took the shower gel and started to gently massage her arms until she grabbed him by the wrists and placed his hands on her breasts. He tried to be gentle and not too touchy, yet, after insisting on rubbing her back and belly, his hands sought her breasts on their own. He squeezed them, licking his lips at the idea of sucking on those delicious buds, while she would writhe in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she whimpered, once he pressed between his fingers one of her nipples, while his other hand slipped between her legs. She sighed as his finger found her wet and slid between her folds, pressing her clit and trying her entrance. She blushed at the idea that he might have figured out that his mere touch was not the only one responsible for her arousal, and she bit her lip, wondering if she had said anything during her nap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I-” her tension grew stronger once she felt him pressed against her lower back, her mind alternating between that time she went to a concert and a man ignored his own girlfriend’s presence, preferring to harass a sixteen-year-old Rey and a scene from an adult movie she once saw with Rose out of curiosity. Was he going to put his…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I?” she turned quickly and her lips remained parted in surprise at how handsome he looked with those dark eyes burning with desire and his hair all wet, curled at its tips. He handed her the bottle and she imitated him, although he was a little bit too tall and the fresh bite made her shoulder feel a bit too sore to keep her arm up for too long. Yet his hair was so soft and it reminded her of petting one of the many cats she had tried to adopt during childhood, despite finding the gesture also very erotic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting foam all over your face,” he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A sacrifice I must make,” she said all serious and Ben laughed, leaning in to make her job easier but also to contemplate a kiss. Watching her with her lips pursed had the same effect on him as having an eclair in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he straightened his back and grabbed the showerhead to rinse her hair. He held her nape, pressing gently and compelling her to let her head on the back. “Rey,” he added, mesmerized by her serene face. “After I come back, can we talk about something important?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she smiled, with her eyes still closed. “May I know what it is about or” she opened her eyes and looked at him, “is it something I don’t need to be prepared about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s about me,” he helped her straighten her back and she placed her palms on his chest, accidentally grazing him a little bit above his nipple. “Actually, it’s more about who I was before I turned into this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s more?” she chuckled, trying to make him relax, as she took the showerhead from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can say so,” he smirked and proceeded to kneel in front of her so that she could rinse his hair. “It’s really important. It’s something you must know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she sighed, a little bit uneasy by the way he kept insisting, while still keen on keeping it a secret for a while. She pursed her lips and pushed a strand of hair out of his face. Ben opened his eyes, now that shower was far away from his face and looked up at her, before lowering his gaze and pressing his lips against her belly. Rey gasped and the image before her eyes switched to one of her and Ben, in the same place, doing the same thing, except one small detail. Her belly was far from being flat like now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my,” she whispered, blinking quickly, then kneeled too, grabbing his face and kissing him breathlessly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to make love to me here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cocked his head, amused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He helped her get up, then waited for her to get out of the shower to pick her up and carry her bridal-style to his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m all wet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve noticed,” he laughed, making her furrow, her cheeks burning red. “Don’t worry.” He laid her on the bed and went to bring a towel, while another one covered his lower body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least this time, I did shower in the bathroom,” she chuckled, slightly nervous, and reached for the towel only for Ben to pull it away from her reach. Instead, he sat on the bed and proceeded to dry her hair and skin… again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?” she lowered her gaze to point at his crotch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes… it’s pretty uncomfortable, but it hasn’t really happened too many times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m the only one who…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waited for him to finish rubbing the towel against her thighs, then asked him one more question to distract him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you thought more about why… why </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He froze for a moment, then smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I have. And now I know why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do?” she raised an eyebrow in disbelief, unsure whether he was just flirting with her or toying with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I’d rather talk about it another time. Instead, I’d like to know if you keep distracting me on purpose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok if you changed your mind,” he put his hand on hers and squeezed it gently. “I know you’re very vulnerable right now and scared… Many things are changing in your life and I know what it is like to be confused, wondering which choice is a mistake or which one is the rightful one-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shushed him with a peck on the lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The thing is that I feel very selfish right now,” she ran her finger up his muscular back. “I’m not doing this for money or anyone, not even for you. I’m doing it because you make me feel so warm and soft and I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ‘L’ remained stuck in her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love your touch and I just want more,” she avoided his gaze for a moment, but he put his index under her chin and forced her to look him in the eye as he pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m just a little bit afraid and ashamed too,” she admitted. “I know I’m already naked, but I- would you mind doing this in the dark?” He hadn’t even noticed that the lights had been on the entire time. “Or… not in the dark. I’d like to see you and know you’re here, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped talking once he got up and turned off the lights, holding her breath until he reached for the bedside lamp. Just like when she fell asleep in his arms hours before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she nodded, hugging her knees. “I am usually not even comfortable wearing bathing suits and I’ve always hated the way men looked at me, but you,” she rested her head in his palm as he joined her in the bed, “you’re different. I feel truly admired when you look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, may I see you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let go of her knees and lay on her back, expecting him to start analyzing each flaw, each stretch mark or dimple, yet after a glance, he only lay on his left side and pulled her closer. His hands began exploring her waist, back and butt, his curiosity encouraging her to do as well, investigating each muscle, scar and mole. She hesitated around the hidden area behind the towel until he removed it. Looking at </span>
  <em>
    <span>it </span>
  </em>
  <span>was a bit frightening and she didn’t want to allow any disgust to taint her lust and ruin the moment, but she couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t intrigued and curious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me,” she ordered and he got up on one elbow to taste her lips. Rey closed her eyes and for a moment, she felt as if she was him, kneeling on the bed, grabbing her by the ankles and forcing his way inside her to fuck her senselessly, while digging his teeth in her softest and most sensitive parts. Moaning, she lifted her lower body, seeking his touch, wanting that scene to become reality. But Ben took his time. He had been hard for too long and was desperate to finally release himself, but he wanted to make sure that she was going to enjoy it as much as he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re tickling me,” she giggled as he went from rubbing his lips and tip of the nose against her neck to peppering her with kisses all over her chest and breasts. “Ben!” she gasped, when he reached her stomach, running his fingers through his hair, almost pulling him back up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be afraid,” he lightly pressed his thumbs on her waist, encouraging her to relax and part her legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not afraid. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>ashamed</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she tensed, although she had dreamed of him doing this to her at least a couple of times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, there’s no-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you can drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was not stupid. If she was so abruptly inviting him to bite her again, it was quite clear that she was not willing to let go of her inhibitions and hate towards her own body, despite still wanting him. So he didn’t insist and watched her as she finally parted her legs, covering herself with one hand, while running her finger up and down her inner thigh. Ben cocked his head with his eyes darker than ever and Rey, inhaling deeply, closed her eyes and waited. At first, he only pressed his lips, gently, then he licked, preparing the spot and making her bite her lip. She squirmed and removed her hand to run her fingers through Ben’s hair once again, suddenly regretting refusing him before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please…” she cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next thing she felt was his breath tickling her wet flesh and his finger whirling in long circles on her clit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever touched yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she massaged his scalp. She was already quite comfortable not to be bothered by his question. Moreover, she sensed another one coming. “And it was all because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smirked with pride and slipped his finger inside her, removing it as soon as she flinched. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmno?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mmno</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… I don’t think I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben nodded. Although changing her mind was typical of her, he kept forgetting how his little secretary was inexperienced, despite showing so much passion during their breaks from work. There were so many things he wanted to do with her and to her, yet he had no idea what else to do to pleasure her if she kept pulling away in fear. Perhaps it was also because part of him was ready to be rejected for good this time and go take care of himself. What if he was going to ruin everything for her and- He cast away his negative thoughts and ran his tongue between her folds. At the first flick of the tongue, Rey got up on her elbows to look at him in shock. At the second, her legs parted even wider, feeling the fluids dripping down her buttocks. Her wetness was already ticklish and a bit uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still ashamed?” he teased her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More, please,” she panted and Ben obviously couldn’t refuse her the pleasure of enjoying herself. Amused, he listened to her poor attempts of trying to muffle her adorable moans as he sucked her clit and his finger continued circling her opening until she began gasping for air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let go,” he murmured. “Like that evening in my office.” The tip of his finger went inside again, making the pressure even more unbearable. “It’s just the two of us, my love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to,” she reached for his hand, inviting him to cover her body with his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben wiped her fluids off his lips and chin, then leaned in, caressing her face. She was experiencing an excruciating mixture of tension and comfort. Perhaps it was too much for her?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Romance, Ben! She needs romance! </span>
  </em>
  <span>he scolded himself and made himself more comfortable between her legs as he hugged her and began kissing her again. She made a funny noise feeling her own taste and he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we were in the shower, you said something about not wanting to make love to me right there… </span>
  <em>
    <span>today</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Do you believe that we might be able to do this again after you come back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want me, yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll always want you,” he spoke softly as his finger pressed her tiny bud of pleasure and Rey felt her whole body burning and melting. A more exciting tension was gradually building inside her and she became distracted. Her eyelids were heavy and she was moaning, although her sounds were more similar to a cat’s purrs. With her finally relaxed, Ben pressed himself to her opening, then thrust into her, while still watching Rey. She furrowed for a moment, then mouthed a silent ‘ow’, digging her nails into his arms. He soothed her, kissing her temple until he reached the deepest point inside her. Trying his best not to move, he gawked at her face, realising how there was something he had never felt before. It was not about the genuine lust or the happiness of being intimate with someone he actually liked in every possible way. It was about the affection inside his mind and chest, which was far different than the one he had for his sister when he first met her. It was as genuine but far stronger and complex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he called her name and she opened her eyes, allowing him to see her tears. Her bottom lip was trembling and she was hugging him tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” she spoke before he had the chance to ask her whether she hated him. At his lover’s request, he moved a little, watching her face go from pain to pleasure. At first, she had considered herself brave enough to allow him to do whatever he wanted, but now she knew that he was under so much pressure all because he was protecting her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her </span>
  </em>
  <span>protector.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t cry,” his voice broke. “Please, Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tightened her ankles around his legs and writhed under him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so beautiful, Ben Solo. The most beautiful man I’ve ever met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both were avoiding those three words, but there was no actual need to say them out loud or at least not at that moment. His movements were a bit clumsy, but each thrust was a new wave of delicious pain followed by an even more delicious new type of pleasure. It was odd how she could feel herself tightening around him and she licked her lips as her hips countered his thrusts. Each time he slid out even just for a little bit, her body desperately tried to pull him back, squeezing him and making him groan like the beast he was. What he didn’t know was that Rey was discovering a new side of her. One that was getting more and more turned on by his sounds and all because she was the reason behind his happiness. And, oh, how she loved being the one who made him feel that way! But she was still just learning about the pleasures of making love, while he was quite a master at teasing. Grinding against her clit, he stopped for a moment, making her aware of how full she was of him before thrusting at a faster pace. Her hands abandoned his body and she cupped her own breasts, which in her opinion had been rather abandoned. She squeezed them and even tried pinching her nipples in a poor attempt to reproduce the sensation he had gifted her a couple of times. Ben watched her and let out a loud sigh, revealing his fangs. He grabbed her wrists, pinning them above her head, then waited to see whether it was too much for her. However, Rey was not scared this time. She even rubbed her foot against his leg and moaned at his rather abrupt thrust, confusing him. At that point, he was no longer sure if he was doing something bad or if Rey was just denying herself full pleasure out of fear of being all over and losing him. Cursing his own timing, he held her wrists with only one hand as he lifted her legs higher, pushing himself deeper into her still sore body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben!” she panicked before his mouth moved down to her breast and began to suck her nipple. Once stripped down of any control, she clenched around him and let out a shy cry as her body shook under his. His fangs penetrated the soft skin between her shoulder and neck and Ben found himself moaning at the fantastic taste of her blood. He had only tasted her once during an orgasm, but it had been a very innocent one and not as intense. If he had to describe her at that moment, she was like a large bowl of strawberries, pineapple and mango with cream over which he poured the sweetest sparkling wine as he bathed in the sunlight of a summer morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben…” she murmured and his eyes widened. She was rather soft like a rag doll and the moment he let go of her wrists, her arms fell almost lifeless. Her legs were already no longer around him, yet she was still conscious. Now and then, she was gasping for air and twitching. Even her flesh was still pulsating around him and it was a crime to pull out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” he asked later, as she finally opened her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s blood on the sheets,” she remarked and it took Ben a moment to realise that she was not referring to the drops from where he had bitten her, but at the small stains between her legs. Even he was carrying some of that blood on his body and it was surprising that she was so calm about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you… umm… continue?” she referred to his mighty erection.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I’m more stubborn than you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His playful smile made her smile back. At least he was sure that she was not able to run away for a couple of more hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to help you take care of it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled at her serious tone, despite how sleepy she sounded. She was a secretary even in bed and, given that she wasn’t actually a real secretary, it was no wonder that she was once again pretending to know how to do something he needed help with. However, something inside him knew that she was smart enough to learn quickly how to suck him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not today,” he winked at her, then threw himself on the other pillow, resting his head on the headboard. He had taken enough from her for a night. In fact, as he was staring at the ceiling, he couldn’t believe that they had </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally </span>
  </em>
  <span>done it. After this first step, there were going to be no restrains, no fears, no walls between them… no </span>
  <em>
    <span>lies</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her, all curled up by his side and gawking at his cock, not showing any signs of wanting to go to bed, despite being exhausted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come,” he caressed her head and helped her get up enough for her to throw one leg over his body and straddle him. She was drained, tired and sore, yet she knew what she was supposed to do. She raised her hips lazily, then lowered herself onto him, feeling his cock slide slowly into her. She flinched a couple of times and muttered an ‘ow’ before inhaling deeply and exhaling loudly once he was completely inside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can rest,” he whispered, pulling her to his chest and she rested her head under his chin, with her arms wrapped around his neck as he lowered his hands to cup her buttcheeks and help her rock her hips back and forth. He would have preferred lying her on her stomach and lifting her hips enough to fuck her until he released himself, but that was something… not for today. Today, he wanted her curled up in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it still hurt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bit,” she whimpered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He furrowed at her willingness to endure pain for his sake and he suddenly felt disgusted by the way he was treating her like an actual rag doll. Therefore, he ran his fingers through her hair, feeling the sweat on her scalp and roots, and lifted her head, analyzing her face. He couldn’t estimate how much he could have drunk, but he knew that he had to give her something back too. Locking lips with her, he felt part of his energy abandon his body and transfer into her. After only a couple of moments, her cheeks began to catch colour and her fingers began playing in his hair as her hips started moving on their own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he called her name and she looked at him all silent and patient, yet with her parted lips revealing how much she was enjoying their second round. “I-Rey, I think I-” his confession was interrupted suddenly by his own groan as he released himself inside her, just as the alarm of his phone went off. They looked at each other, both panting and communicating silently. Their day together was over, but they were going to have each other forever.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Delilah - Inside my love (https://youtu.be/QVauC-gtDk0)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Depraved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Rey woke up, it was still raining and everything outside was so dark that, for a long while, she thought that it was still early morning and contemplated remaining in bed for as long as she could. The pillow smelled like him, after all, and the sheets were the only thing close to feeling his embrace even during his absence. It was a nightmare having to leave the bed, let alone having to change the sheets, despite the many stains on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What have you done to me?” she giggled, stretching her arms, feeling sore where he had tasted her and held her a little bit too tightly. She usually didn’t bruise easily and he was anything but rough with her, so the bruises above her hip bones were quite a mystery. A mystery was also the fact that she didn’t care about being covered in marks that reminded her of what they had shared, although, with a set of bite marks on each side of her neck, it was rather difficult even moving. But did she have to? With Ben gone for a few days and after skipping work so often in the past week, she wasn’t really sure what was her status and what were her responsibilities anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Damn it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she sighed, leaving the bed on her tiptoes and heading towards Kaydel’s bedroom. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her </span>
  </em>
  <span>bedroom. Actually - she turned to look at Ben’s bed - where was she supposed to sleep? Technically, she was not his partner or anything. They were just boss and employee with benefits just like before, except those benefits had added a couple of more enjoyable points.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For Rey</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She furrowed and stepped back, staring at the note taped on the door. She picked it and opened it, recognizing his beautiful writing on the spot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Before you might even consider running away and leaving me, please check the drawer of your nightstand. (*my bedroom)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-B</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled and kissed the note, then went to check the drawer not sure why she was so excited. At first, she didn’t even understand the meaning of the envelope full of money, then her lips parted, her chin trembling with disappointment and betrayal. She was the one to suggest it but after what they shared… She would have never imagined that his change of heart had anything to do with money. She had told him that it was no longer about money! If there had been any needs between them, those were his hunger, her need for affection and lust from both sides. Nervously biting her lip, she pulled out the envelope, having an eerie sensation at the sight of the pearly purple bills. She was afraid to even look too much at that money, let alone count it, so she put it back and only grabbed the other note in the drawer, noticing the set of keys under it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I won’t be able to transfer any money to your account for a while. Take your salary from here, then use how much you need for groceries and any other house expenses. I don’t know what my sister left behind, so please take money from here for anything you need while you live under my roof. Also, there’s no need to go to the firm this week unless my replacement might need you to represent me. Just work from home. You need a break after last night.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-B</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh! </span>
  </em>
  <span>she blushed. She was such a fool and was so wonderful!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let herself fall back on the bed and stared at the beautiful lights on the ceiling. Some were smaller and dimmer, imitating the stars. She reached with one hand and began drawing hearts in the air, her body trembling at the memory of his touch. She already missed him so badly and her body longed for more, even if it was only a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, her gaze fell on the door to his closet and she smirked. She’d have to shower and wash away her own sweat, blood and his… well… his </span>
  <em>
    <span>fluids</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but there was no one to check up on her and judge for what she was about to do. After all, he had given her the pass to do whatever she wanted in his house. Maybe she deserved a little fun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything was white and blue. The more she blinked and with each step crushing the dry leaves under her feet, the more the surroundings were beginning to take shape. She was in a forest and she couldn’t remember how she got there in the first place. In fact, she couldn’t remember anything concrete other than who she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose Bian Tico. Daughter of Hue and Thayna, sister of Paige Yen, granddaughter of Storm and Etta, wife of… Wife? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted her arm and gawked at the lotus-shaped white gold ring and the huge diamond, then at the white lace covering her arms and her whole body. She was still in her wedding dress but she didn’t remember choosing one or getting dressed. For someone like her, getting dressed in such a complicated outfit was- Wait! She was standing on her own!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took another step, hearing the leaves crush under the soles of her white pumps and laughed, excited, and she covered her mouth with her hand, while the other hand clenched around a bouquet. Red roses with only one orange one in the middle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armitage…” she whispered, her voice still echoing as if she had screamed. “Armitage!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing. Just the echo and the sound made by what she thought were crows. However, there were none in sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armitage!” She dropped the bouquet and started walking. “Armitage, where are you? Where am I? Armitage, can you hear me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing. Just the rustling of the leaves, the invisible bird flying above her head and the sound of waves crashing against the shore. So she was close to water. Perhaps the sea? But there was no forest so close to the sea in their city.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armitage!” she called, now desperate and panicking. “Please! I’m all alone and afraid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose?” she heard a voice and turned around, running towards where she came from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose!” another voice called her and she stopped, confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s that smell?</span>
  </em>
  <span> She furrowed and wiped the corner of her mouth, then gasped at the sight of blood and began to frantically touch her face. There were no scratches or cuts. However, her teeth were oddly sharper and longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time she turned around to finally meet someone. The fog was gradually leaving her surroundings and she could see that she was on a small isle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose,” repeated the person, stepping out of the fog. “Rosebud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bookie,” she whimpered, feeling a tear escape her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her sister took off the hood of her white cloak and approached her. There was something about her… a certain eeriness and coldness. For someone who died in flames, her skin was like translucent porcelain, while her eyes were two black pearls, lacking any sign of emotion or humanity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige?” she asked, cautiously, feeling chills down her spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sister,” she spoke with a fake smile, while her eyes were empty as if looking through her. “You’re going to be strong now. I saved you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, unable to understand what she was trying to tell her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were victims,” she lifted her chin, looking disgusted. “They were all like vultures trying to eat us day by day, but from now on… we’ll feed on all of them. We are now the hunters and they are the prey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige, what on earth are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll see, my Rosebud. You’ll see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her coy smile made her look once again almost an entirely different person.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh… </span>
  </em>
  <span>thought Rose. She was now mildly aware that Paige was long dead. At least she understood why she was so pale and unexpressive, but such an acknowledgement came with a sudden sadness ready to unleash her grief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to take me with you?” her voice trembled and she wiped the corner of her eyes before crying again, just to see that her tears were now red like blood. She furrowed, but the sound of Paige’s steps startled her. “Bookie!” she cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet,” stopped Paige and Rose noticed that she was no longer stepping on the dry leaves but the sand, entering the water. “But I’ll be here, watching you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose watched her walk further, until the water reached her waist, then ran after.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paige, you’ll get drowned!” she yelled, grabbing her by the arm. But the moment her sister turned around, she met the gruesome image of her sister’s cadaver. She froze, too terrified to react, while Paige opened its mouth and screamed as flames engulfed her corpse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gasped for air and opened her eyes to meet a worried Hux caressing her face. She touched his face back and exhaled, relaxed, once she felt his warm cheek and thick beard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you in pain?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nightmare,” she murmured, observing the room. Oh… so she was still in the hospital, still close to kicking the bucket and still in a wheelchair. The only true thing from her nightmare was that she was indeed married.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she nodded and watched him get a bottle and a straw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’m Mrs Hux,” she smirked before taking a sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, you’re still Rose Tico. I thought that you might want to keep your name in case we get divorced and also as a way of carrying on your family’s name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s… actually very sweet of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to say something else, but his phone vibrated and he quickly checked the text.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your boss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he answered. “She’s asking me if I’m still here with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can my husband not spy on me?” she joked but judging by Hux’s red </span>
  <em>
    <span>cheeks</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he mistook her dry humour for a request. “Tell her I’m fine,” she sighed. “I’m, surprisingly, feeling great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That fantastic,” he smiled and bit his bottom lip for a split second, making Rose feel oddly soft. “Umm… she wants to know where you’re going to live.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their eyes met and he snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve talked about this. You’re my wife and we’re supposed to live together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know… but there are so many other things to talk about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, we have time. Now that you’re feeling better, we have all the time. We’ll talk once you get yourself comfortable in my house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of… How long am I supposed to be here, now that I’m not dead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A couple of more days - maybe a week - until the doctors are sure you can be medicated at home. And after you get much better, enough to resist a surgery…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you believe me if I told you that I had more hopes of getting better when I was pretty much relying on tutoring kids and fooling idiots online? It was what was keeping me alive. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hope…</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think you’ve lost it for good?” He spoke slightly amused and she knew he had gone through it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I’ve lost it for now and I don’t know when it’s going to come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I’m supposed to encourage you, but… it took me a long while to get it back,” he chuckled. “I guess I didn’t see any point in having hope anymore. I thought that it would bring me misery and it’s like fool’s gold. I lived for the moment and for whatever was certain about the future. But then-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You started volunteering and you felt selfish?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to drag me to that centre thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if you don’t want me to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose smiled and reached for him. His hand was warm and it burned her cold skin. She was so alone and he was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>there </span>
  </em>
  <span>and alone as well. He was now her husband, even if all they shared was a piece of paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not the type to make promises I can’t keep.” Hux raised an eyebrow and Rose giggled. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>However</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I promise I’ll think about it. I understand that you’re doing everything out of kindness, but I still believe I should do at least one thing for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Technically, you’d be doing it for yourself.” His thumb pressed against her palm. “But I appreciate it. At least I know I’m not fighting in vain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Armie… May I get a hug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux was so surprised by her request that he didn’t react for a moment, only to then almost stumble as he leaned in to feel his fragile wife in his arms. Rose hugged him back and she buried his head between his neck and shoulder, inhaling his scent. She was now breathing on her own, without any help from tubes or loud machines, and the best part was smelling him. She had no idea what it was about him that made her feel that way - perhaps it was her own need for human touch and affection? - but she found herself licking her lips and inhaling the mixture of shampoo, shower gel, lotion, perfume and </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was almost as if his own body was asking her to take a bite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;hi… how’s rose?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey continued chewing on her bottom lip as she waited for Hux to text her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Much better. I’m with her right now. She’ll be out in a few days.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So soon?</span>
  </em>
  <span> she furrowed, then shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;that’s amazing! has she said anything about where’s she going to live?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey waited and waited… and </span>
  <em>
    <span>waited</span>
  </em>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another thunder and the teapot began to whistle. It wasn’t that cold to warm herself up with a nice cup of tea, but after running up and down the abandoned building, carrying boxes in that suffocating heat only to be met by cold showers outside, her nose was already stuffy and she was trembling now and then. Even the hot shower didn’t help her much, though she at least loved being hugged by Ben’s hoodie as she trembled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smelled his scent off the hoodie and giggled, making a pirouette on her way to the stove, although her head was heavy from the blood loss, everything she’d been through and her newly acquired cold. But she was happy! Genuinely happy! She finally had someone she was entirely comfortable with and who had reasons to be comfortable with only her. They had a bond that no one else could understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She poured some tea in a mug and squeezed a slice of lemon before opening the oven to take out the cheesy mushroom spinach puff pastry she had baked but not cooked herself. She cut a large slice and put it on a plate, then checked the fridge for some tomatoes. Of course, considering that Ben had been aware of his trip for quite a long time, there was no food left in the fridge except for some dry baby spinach leaves and an old carrot. She’d have to go grocery shopping, without worrying about money or food spoiling in her old barely functioning fridge. Actually, she’d rather wait for him and go shopping together or… Should she cook for him? Was it too much? She remembered her birthday and all the times they shared a meal. It wasn’t too much. In fact, she was sure he would love it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;No plans so far.&gt;&gt; Hux finally texted her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey took a bite out of the delicious puff pastry and felt her taste buds go crazy. She had only entered the closest corner store to get a carton of pineapple juice and a sandwich, but her eyes lingered on the frozen pastries until she ended up paying the cashier for the puff pastry and a box of raspberry choux au craquelin, forgetting about the juice and sandwich. Or maybe she didn’t forget. She just knew that she had to take care of too many boxes on her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;idk if mr solo told you but he gave me his sister’s room&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;text me when rose finds a place and i will send her belonging to her new home&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued chewing as she tapped nonchalantly, not even caring about the grease she got on her screen or about Hux’s reaction to her becoming his new neighbour. Normally, she would have worried about so many things, but this time, she didn’t. If Ben had never been ashamed of his dates and Hux knew so much, telling him just about that part of their relationship-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;He told me. He also told me to take care of you. *wink*&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, so Ben… But he hadn’t texted </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>the whole day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I must tell you something.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;is it about ben?&gt;&gt; she completely ignored Rose’s existence and the fact that she was supposed to at least pretend to still be in a solely professional relationship with Ben even if he already knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;No. I got married.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;congrats!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Rose and I got married.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She said nothing, not believing her eyes. He was not the type to joke and it was not the time for such things, so he was obviously telling her the truth. A rather shocking truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i didn’t know you two were that serious&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;It’s just to help her with my health insurance. We’ll stay married until she gets better.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Look at the bright side! You’re free and from what Rose and I have been talking, she’ll give you some of the money you’ve been saving. I know Ben is helping you with the apartment, but it’s yours for your expenses.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her jaw clenched. The first part of the message sounded a lot like what Ben would have said but the second one was just Hux trying to be as diplomatic as possible. But she could read through the lines and she could also hear Rose’s voice refusing to use the money earned by a backstabbing whore, who was responsible for her state and her sister’s death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i don’t need it&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;take it as a dowry&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;You’re so funny!&gt;&gt; he replied with a set of laughing emojis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I have to go back to the office. See you there?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;im working from home&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Ok, then. I’ll come get Rose’s things later. If you need me for anything, text me.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She furrowed, wondering why did she even bother anymore. She was not angry, not even disappointed. In fact, she was quite sure she was over her guilt. One day before, she was willing to sell her body to buy Rose’s forgiveness and now, she barely cared. It was just like her crush on Marcel. One magic moment and he was a whole different person in her eyes. Yet, she was not disappointed!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand touched the bite marks and she moaned at the mental, yet so vivid, image of Ben thrusting inside her. As much as it hurt her and wanted to push him away, as much as she sought that glimmer of pleasure that only grew bigger until she completely lost herself. She wondered if he felt the same pleasure when he released himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pinched her bottom lip, remembering her sensitive swollen flesh tightening around him and his last thrust before he let out that beastly groan and the sensation of his cum filling her up before dripping from inside her as she stood there, watching him get dressed. There were moments when she was not only ready to put an end to what they were doing but also moments when she wanted to beg him for forgiveness because she never again wanted to do that. Yet, there she was, feeling a tickling sensation between her legs, completely aware of her own arousal. Something inside her kept telling her that it would hurt again, not as bad, but still painful enough to make her want to withdraw from their embrace, but she still wanted him there. Goodness, she was crazy enough to look up his hotel and travel there just to be his until none of them could take it anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Achoo!” she sneezed, spilling some of the tea on the table. She wiped the mess with a paper towel and took her plate and mug to the coffee table as she snuggled on the sofa. She turned on the TV to indulge herself with some romance because, given her symptoms, she wasn’t going to go anywhere for a while. Besides… according to Ben’s schedule, he was supposed to come back that weekend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was patient.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hours later, Rey woke up trembling. Her feet were cold and she was thirsty. She got up to pick her mug and sniffed, finding her nose even more stuffy than before. Rolling her eyes, she drank the tea and pressed her finger against the home button on her tablet. She blinked, not believing her eyes, and hastily put down the mug to grab the tablet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss Jakkson,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This morning’s meeting has been postponed until now. The current discussion has brought to my attention the importance of having a healthy work environment for employees. On that account, please check my schedule and make sure that there is enough room for an emergency meeting with my closest employees so that we can discuss their stress level and overall health. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Benjamin A. Solo</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey raised an eyebrow at the email, too sleepy to understand whether it was a joke or not. Almost a whole day without texting her a word and now he was all serious and distant? Besides, what close employees and why wasn’t he addressing the HR department?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Closest employees? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she pursed her lips and closed the email app to check the database in the cloud. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There it is!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she tapped on the file containing the names of every single employee working for the company. It hadn’t been updated recently, but according to each category and department, there were no actual ‘closest employees’ apart from one Paige Yen Tico. So… that would be her. She was his only ‘closest employee’.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she giggled, feeling so silly for the second time that day. The grumpy prince was asking </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>how she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sir,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am pleased to inform you that your schedule and one of your closest employees are properly synchronized for an urgent online meeting. For further information, please don’t hesitate to contact me before 4:00 PM.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rey Jakkson</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She checked the clock in the upper corner of the tablet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was already 5:13 PM.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had overslept. She had closed her eyes for barely one moment and, somehow, ended up sleeping for over four hours, tugged in his hoodie and with the message ‘Are you still watching?’ moving up and down the TV screen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss Jakkson,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am displeased to inform you that until further notice, I shall continue being held up with urgent matters. Therefore, I would like you to submit a report in which I want you to describe in every detail your current state of mind, as well as mention any signs of physical exhaustion. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben A. Solo</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip then laughed. He could have just asked and spared her the anxiety! He was such a sweet awkward man!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sir,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am well, both physically, mentally and emotionally.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>However, I do miss you very much.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She waited ten minutes, feeling herself getting tenser. Maybe she should have kept the same tone. Maybe he was going to scold her for being too-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss Jakkson,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am not competitive, but I’m quite sure I miss you more.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hand lingered on her neck as she pressed the bottom of her palm on the bitemark, feeling the pain slowly send waves of pleasure and lust through her body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>want-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” she heard Hux knock and she jumped, rushing to the door. “Sorry, were you asleep?” he entered, texting someone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I woke up maybe half an hour ago,” she rubbed her eyes, completely forgetting about her very visible bite marks. Of course, Armitage noticed them since she opened the door, but he had no right to interfere in their lives. Not after what Ben had done for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” he asked rather innocently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ve caught a cold, but I’m quite well. And you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why were they talking like two exes? Her ruined relationship with Rose was not his fault. In fact, she pitied him for his kindness and hoped that </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> there was a chance for them. They liked each other, so maybe it was only a matter of time until love was going to blossom in their marriage, just like it happened to-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A bit hungry and on the run. I barely had time to drink water and eat a croissant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to join me for dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux was quite used to eating there with Ben and Kaydel, but given his current status as a married man and the rather tense relationship between his wife and Rey… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to bother you. You seem tired and you probably still have things to unpack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense!” she patted him on the shoulder. “It’s exactly because I’ve just moved in that I need someone familiar to share a meal with.” He was still hesitant and Rey understood the message. “If your wife has a problem with us talking, then maybe you’re right and I won’t insist anymore. By the way, thanks for the invitation. I’m sorry I couldn’t attend your wedding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t really a wedding as it was more of a contract.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A wedding is a contract anyway. What makes it special is the relationship between the two spouses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m only taking care of her, Rey,” he shrugged. “For me, it’s enough that I made her fight for her life when she was depressed and suicidal. And I know you think she hates you, but she doesn’t. She feels miserable about guilt-tripping you into helping her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So miserable that she couldn’t tell me herself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t,” she raised her hand. “It was the last straw for the both of us. If it’s in our destiny to meet again and befriend each other again, then fine. If not, that’s fine too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage was not sure what else to say. Rey was almost half his age and he saw her more as a kid rather than a woman like he saw Rose. He was not comfortable having that discussion with her, especially in Rose’s absence. All he could do was nod in agreement and not think about the day they’d see each other and learn about their new status as neighbours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to keep her things in your apartment until she gets her own place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saved by the bell!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little miss Jakkson went to get her phone and he saw her face change from serious to excited. And it was not the type of excitement one would normally see on someone else’s face. It was something different. She was glowing and she was nervously trying to hide her large smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he coughed, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In Kaydel’s old bedroom,” she pointed and waited for him to go inside before she finally answered. She remained silent and waited for him to say the first word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she heard his hoarse voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she almost squealed before both remained silent, not sure what to say, as well as discovering how much they enjoyed listening to each other’s breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just got back to the hotel,” he cleared his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I thought your meeting was going to be longer,” she sat down on the sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was pretty long but it was already done when you emailed me back. I wasn’t satisfied with how they were prepared, so I called it quits for today. Tomorrow is going to be a full day, though. How about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” she purred and he chuckled. “I must say that I haven’t been productive at all. I went to get my belongings from my old apartment and… I pretty much napped the whole day.” She shook her head and unlocked her tablet. “You haven’t emailed me any chores, have you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no! Don’t worry! I actually wanted you to get plenty of rest.” He paused, then repeated the same question as before. “How about you? How </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s eyes lingered on Hux as he was carrying a box with Rose’s books. He was Ben’s best friend, so she could trust him with the apartment, but she didn’t really want him to hear their discussion, she snuck inside Ben’s bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she licked her lips. “A bit sore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little, but it’s more like discomfort rather than actual pain.” She looked down at her toes and sighed. “We… I had hoped we’d have more time to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, me too. You fell asleep as soon as I left the bed. I didn’t get to ask you anything I wanted to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey bit her nail and headed towards the bed to sit down. She fell asleep only when he left the bedroom because she didn’t want to hear the front door close behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” she snorted, “part of me is glad that we didn’t talk. I’ve always been disgusted by the way men talk to women during sex.” She blushed at the S-word. “But you managed to make me feel so comfortable and make something so horrible into probably the best experience in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shut up, Rey!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she scolded herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she covered her face with her palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Don’t apologize. Tell me more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let herself fall on her back. His bed was now nice and clean but very empty. What could she tell him? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I…” she hesitated. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>miss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes and saw him lean in for a kiss. It was as if she could already feel his hands on her body. She was still aroused from before her nap and deprived of human touch from being so lonely in such a big house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I see you, little one?” he seemed to have read her thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pursed her lips and glared at the screen as the call turned into a video one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so cute,” he chuckled and she smirked. His shirt was unbuttoned and his lips were parted, revealing his fangs as his eyes were analysing her face. “Beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” she revealed her neck and bite marks. “Do you find these beautiful, as well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On you? Absolutely gorgeous. But maybe I should have left them somewhere else on your body.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey narrowed her eyes, unzipping his loose hoodie and revealing the plain tank top of her pyjama. Now that she lived in his house, her clothes didn’t feel proper anymore. Something inside her longed for pretty dresses and rather sexy pyjamas. She couldn’t wait to feel his burning gaze all over her body as he admired her and lusted for her, and the rags she had been patching for the past year were certainly no longer suitable. She deserved to feel beautiful and have new things now that she was no longer fighting for someone else’s life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somewhere else?” she repeated, lifting her tank top to reveal her navel. “Like here?” she began drawing circles on her skin, imagining his tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There too,” he purred and Rey lifted the screen to watch him take off his shirt. She would have loved to kiss his scars and taste each muscle with her tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe here?” She revealed her old pyjama shorts, which were once pink with red hearts, and her fingers slipped under the almost sheer fabric, pulling them down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I might be tempted to do something else than feed on my little Rey’s blood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” she giggled and got up on her knees to prop up her phone against the pillow. Now that Ben could see her entire body, she removed the hoodie and the tank top, throwing them on the floor, next to her shorts. Her hands cupped her breasts and it was her time to watch as Ben removed his pants and underwear, revealing his mighty erection. She wasn’t the only one hungry for touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As his hand reached for his shaft, a whimper escaped her as she realised how little attention she truly paid to it the previous night. During her few years on social media, various perverts had cursed her with unwanted images of their genitalia, whereas some of the most desperate and weirdest men on the dating websites had been trying to impress her with the same technique. She had found each one of them disgusting and an abomination that somehow empowered those men too much for nothing. But now that she had experienced the art of making love, she couldn’t imagine any of those things being capable of bringing her the same pleasure, while at the same time being completely aware that they were rather mediocre compared to what she was seeing. Everything about him was beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Touch me,” she begged with both her hands now pressed against the wounds. Obviously, he was not there to truly touch her but the way he was calling her name and grunting with each stroke were enough to feed her imagination. As much as she wanted to see his face, it was easier to see him with her eyes closed, under her, as she straddled him, completely in control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Touch yourself,” he ordered her and she had to comply. He had taught her well. Gentle rubs and circles, as if she was painting a masterpiece with her fingers. As her fingers rediscovered her bud of pleasure, she imagined him behind her, ready to thrust inside her, while teasing her with his fingers and letting her acknowledge his desire with his erection pressed against her butt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to hear you,” he moaned and Rey opened her eyes to observe the sweat drops on his chest and his lips parted as he was panting. But she was not alone in the house, although he had chosen to forget about her guest. The door was closed and they had been rather whispering, acting as intimate as possible, but she still took a moment to listen to the boxes being dragged outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” insisted Ben in a rather demanding tone and she shook her head. He called her name once more just as she heard Hux’s voice say something she didn’t understand before the front door closed. They were finally alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he sounded both menacing and imploring her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she gasped before she moaned and fell on one elbow as her fingers slipped inside. “I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Maybe it was not the same but grinding against her own hand, stroking her inner walls and with his face in front of him, while his voice was the shroud protecting her from the cold, Rey began to feel the electric impulses grow inside her womb. She licked her lips, her gaze never leaving his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His release interrupted her and she watched him with the purest fascination - each drop of seamen, each drop of sweat, his muscles, his chest going up and down with each breath, his full lips begging for a kiss and his long eyelashes almost touching his cheeks when chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben, I- </span>
  </em>
  <span>her mouth opened and she furrowed as the explosion inside her womb sent small electric waves in her whole body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I come back,” he spoke in a low voice, “I swear I’ll keep you locked inside my bedroom until I’ll get to hear every single sound you can make.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snorted and lay down on her stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So talked so much today, as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And whose fault is it?” it was his time to snort. “You went from abhorring the thought of being touched to… </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m impressed. And grateful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… things have changed, haven’t they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and for once I’m actually happy with all the changes.” He got up and brought the phone closer to his face. “If things go according to my plan, I’ll see you in a couple of days and I won’t ever leave without you. After all, you’re my personal assistant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you have to find someone like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ben cocked his head, rather worried than upset by her question. “You’re perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not,” she rolled her eyes. “It’s actually a lyric from a song I was listening to today. It used to be one of my favourite songs when I was maybe twelve or thirteen. The thing is that as I was clearing my mind and listening to the lyrics more carefully and to the singer’s emotions… </span>
  <em>
    <span>rage</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I saw myself. I can’t really explain but I was inside my mind and there were so many versions of myself. None of them was truly me, yet I know that at some point I was them. But what scared me the most was the one I knew was the most like me. She was terrifying… </span>
  <em>
    <span>demonic</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben was no longer looking at her, seeming quite pensive and affected by her words, despite the nonchalant way she spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she tried to cheer him up. “Don’t mind me. I’m being silly again. It was most likely a nightmare or my mind telling me that it’s time to burn all my fake identities.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen,” he changed the subject. “I should go get a shower. It has been a long day,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she murmured a little bit disappointed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how about we see each other in maybe twenty minutes or so? There’s this new series I’d like to watch with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey narrowed her eyes, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can watch it on TV and I can watch it on my laptop. Twenty minutes, ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok?” she shrugged. The video call ended and all she could see now was her background and a couple of apps. But as much as she was staring at it, as heavy was her heart. It was not a natural emotional response from her rather fragile mental health as she had tried to make herself believe. It was the plain fact that she had all those reasons piled up in mental lists that kept pointing at what she already knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.”  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Mammals - Depraved (https://youtu.be/u3-nGoFd9hM)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Waiting Game</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Ready for the next episode?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;one moment to get a blanket and a cup of tea&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Is it still that cold?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;it’s not too bad outside but inside and at night… #autumniscoming&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Too bad I can’t keep you warm :( &gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;if you want us to watch the next episode, you better stop flirting with me, sir!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;These are the moments when I realise how difficult it actually is to choose between two things I enjoy so much.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;maybe we shouldn’t binge all 10 episodes tonight *wink*&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Miss Jakkson! What are you suggesting?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;that you have work tomorrow morning and i should also do something useful&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Fine :( &gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;promise me we’re going to watch something less miserable next time&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Come on! It’s great!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;it’s fantastic but it’s too sad&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Don’t tell me you’re crying!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’ve been bawling my eyes out for the past 15 minutes and it’s the fourth time today&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Maybe we should watch all 10 episodes tonight and save you the tears?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;we’ll see&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’m crying again&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I might have shed a tear or two&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;pics or it didn’t happen&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I look like a painted elephant when I cry.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i like elephants :) they’re the most precious things ever&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Shush! I want to see who’s the ghost.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;nooooo!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Are you crying again?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;more like officially going to bed but i’m also crying again&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I think I should go too. If there’s anything you need and I can’t answer your call or text, Hux is next door.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;ok, goodnight&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Night, little one!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Ready for the next five episodes?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i have a huge bowl of french fries with cheese and garlic sauce, three mini-pizzas, a tiny bowl of pretzels and one of m&amp;m’s&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I am immune to garlic if you’re insinuating anything.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;good because i’m not giving up garlic for you or anyone else&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;is it weird that i can relate to the little girl? and yes, i’m crying again&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Feeling lost and invisible? Screaming for help and no one hears you? It sounds like my childhood.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;and the grief? it’s as if it has awakened mine&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I can feel the emptiness and the pain at the same time.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;ben?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Yes, little one?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;do you ever think that maybe we should have met years ago?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I don’t know if you could have liked me years ago or if a relationship were possible.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;what’s not to like about you apart from your stubborn and grumpy moments?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;It’s just me.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;this episode makes me equally bitter and sad&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;What’s worse? A mother killing her kids because she loves them too much or one that ignores and fears her only kid, leaving him to be almost killed by her replacement?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;from my experience, the mother who abandons her kid with a stranger and takes her back only to keep a man by her side, while still hating and abusing that kid&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Parenting is not an exact science but maybe experimenting on kids is not the brightest idea.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;it sort of makes me want my own babies and give them the love i never had? actually, i’ve always wanted to be a mom and having 5 kids sounds like a ridiculous dream coming from someone who is homeless but i do want a big family in the future&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’ll pause it for a moment.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;are you ok, ben?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Yeah, just getting a chocolate bar.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;It’s over.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’m crying again in case you’re wondering&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’ve already guessed it, little one. Season 2?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i should go to bed&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Then tomorrow?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;are you not coming back tomorrow? it’s been a couple of days and tomorrow is friday&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I should leave around 5 pm or Saturday morning. I’ll keep you updated.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;ben?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;are you ok?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;it’s 10 pm and you haven’t texted me or answered my calls&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Sorry. Something came up.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;is it bad?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;No. I just had to go somewhere else. It’s personal.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;ok… will you be here tomorrow?&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;No. I’ll text you when I’ll know when I’m coming back. Goodnight!&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Miss Jakkson,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Please make sure to schedule my future meetings so that the second week of September I can finally take a vacation. Please, also check your own schedule as well. I would like you to join me as you are indispensable to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benjamin A. Solo</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sir,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You dictate my schedule. If you want me to join you and work remote, then I am going to comply with your orders. Also, please let me know if you want me to synchronise our lunch hours for today and if I have any responsibilities to take care of after my shift is over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey Jakkson</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One whole day without any texts or emails and he was now trying in the most polite way to suggest that they should go on a vacation together? He hadn’t mentioned anything about the status of their relationship, apart from having a supposed relationship and she was supposed to be silent and glad that he was willing to give her scraps? Maybe she was exaggerating and maybe he was indeed busy with something serious, perhaps he was also very tired and already starving, but being ignored, silenced and left to wait for </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>was torture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was patient. Perhaps too patient, but this time it was about her feelings. She loved him! She was no longer willing to play silly games. She had to at least know what to expect from him. Was he in just for sex and blood or-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Rey, I can see that you’re upset. I can’t talk much right now, but please text me anything that’s bothering you.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re bothering me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she furrowed, then sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’m giving you space to deal with what is preoccupying you right now&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;also i’ll be out today&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She set the phone on silent mode and checked her gloss in the mirror. She needed some decent makeup that was more </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>and less her other alter egos. Also clothes and shoes. She had all that money for herself and she intended to spend it on herself. After all, she was done being the sacrificial lamb-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Hux exclaimed once she rushed out of the apartment. “Hi!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey said nothing. Not because she was impolite or angry at him, but because her gaze fell on the woman in the wheelchair. Sorrow and rage started building up inside her and she had to remind herself that she didn’t hate her. It was just that all the love she had once felt for her had to be consumed under a different form. If anything, she hated the way it ended as nothing but time wasted. As much as she fought, it had been nothing but an illusion she had clung on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she uttered to Hux as she locked the door. “Bye.” She ran to the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is she here?” asked Rose after Rey disappeared behind the elevator doors. Surprisingly, there was no bitterness or hatred in her voice. She was already too affected by the many changes in her life to have any energy left to spare on such an insignificant incident.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben asked her to move in with him,” he opened the door, then helped her with the chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are they also married or is it serious?” she snorted, trying to hide her anxiety. With Rey living next door, getting over their ruined relationship was going to be much harder. Or maybe not. She was not going to leave the apartment too often and Rey was going to be at work most of the time, so they were surely not going to fight over who drank her tea on the balcony during breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He had a spare bedroom and she needed a place to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bosses usually don’t offer their spare bedrooms to their employees.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well… strangers usually don’t marry other strangers for health insurance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose bit her tongue. She would have normally made a remark to contradict his statement, but he was not in the mood and she could see it. In fact, it was the first time Hux had been so nonchalantly serious and cold in her presence. Maybe now that he no longer saw her as a dying charity case, he had no reason to be soft and treat her like a porcelain doll. Also, </span>
  <em>
    <span>strangers</span>
  </em>
  <span>? If only she were allowed to touch his face and feel him… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your belongings are here,” he pointed at the piled-up boxes in the corner of the living room. “I’ll bring the boxes later. First, I’d like for us to just sit and at least discuss if not establish those rules we talked about in the hospital. Well… not rules, but more like the terms and conditions of our marriage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat down on the sofa and tapped on the seat next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose raised an eyebrow, amused at the sole thought of moving there when she was still so weak. However, she understood that her invitation was not for her when an orange ball of fur climbed onto the sofa and began purring as it revealed its fluffy belly, waiting for some rubs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Millie,” she smiled and tried to approach the cat only to bump into the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry,” Armitage shook his head and pushed the table with his heel to make way for Rose. “I guess you two are going to enjoy each other’s company for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Mills,” she whispered and the cat meowed at the sensation of an unknown hand petting her head. “Do you think she still remembers me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably not, but at least fate brought you together again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, his tone was playful and Rose’s shoulders relaxed. Fate or </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are they in love?” she found herself asking, while still scratching Millie behind her ear. They were both broken and abandoned, yet somehow sheltered by the same man. The man who needed a moment to realise to whom she was referring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably,” he shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey hated him.” Now that she was thinking about the way her friend used to obsess over her boss’ background, maybe it had never been about making sure that she was working for someone who would not get her in trouble. Maybe Rey had only been oblivious to her own feelings and jealousy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Things have surely changed. Rey seemed quite… enamoured. Also, Ben has been doing so many things for her that he would have normally never done it for anyone. Not me, not his sister… Also, it’s unlike him to have phone sex with his employees.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose gasped and Hux’s smirk turned into a giggle. He was mostly laughing at her reaction and at his friend’s teen-like romance, while Rose was not impressed by phone sex - she had had her own share of steamy phone calls during her relationship with Finn - but she was indeed surprised by Rey’s behaviour. Yes, she had accused her of certain things, but only because she wanted to hurt her and push her away. In reality, she did know about Rey’s intimacy issues, about how she hated being touched, about how she hated </span>
  <em>
    <span>men</span>
  </em>
  <span> and anyone who showed any interest in her as a woman. And she was not having </span>
  <em>
    <span>phone sex</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armie, I know that you two are close, but between us… it’s not payment for a roof over her head, is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are things that I can’t tell you because they’re not my secrets to share.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurting </span>
  </em>
  <span>her?” she insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can assure you that she’s different. For Ben, I mean. And he would never force Rey into something she doesn’t consent to. They’re two adults shagging, sharing a house and working together. Maybe it’s not a traditional relationship but what is traditional nowadays?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose hadn’t realised until that moment how much she missed talking with Rey. She was so curious and desperate to learn about her relationship and feelings. But why waste energy on learning about someone else’s relationship when hers was quite a mystery on its own?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So let’s see,” Hux grabbed a thick leather-bound journal and a fountain pen from under the coffee table. “How long do you plan on staying married to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” she murmured, hating the way he formulated the question. “I guess we should establish two estimated dates. One if the surgery fails and one if it succeeds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok. So… let’s say one year if it fails?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe two?” She bit her tongue again and shut her eyes close, scolding herself. She didn’t want him to think of her as a parasite. “I mean… it would look odd if we divorced too soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he pursed his lips. “Let’s say two years. And in case it succeeds… maybe five?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was quite a long time. The longer their marriage, the more complicated the divorce.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, if something makes you change your mind, I stand by my initial suggestion of divorcing whenever we agree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good,” she nodded. “What else do you have in mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About money and expenses in general… I’m not asking for anything, so if you want to spend some of your savings on things you like, you’re absolutely free to do it. But it’s my house and you’re my guest, so I’d like to keep minding my own bills. In case you want… I don’t know… new bed sheets or curtains or blue plates with golden stars, we can discuss later sharing the costs, though it would be an investment in my house and I’d rather pay for that too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I at least pay for my caretaker?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” he rubbed his temple. “I forgot about it. I must check if the insurance-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know someone,” she put her hand on his wrist, feeling his veins pulsate under her thumb. “She’s lovely and she had offered to help me before but I couldn’t afford it back then.” Hux didn’t seem too impressed, so she insisted. “Given that you’re going to be at work most of the time and I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>new </span>
  </em>
  <span>here, I’d rather hire someone I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, then.” He put his hand over hers, removing it gently, only to cup her cold fingers with both his palms. “You can also have my bedroom. You need proper care right now and I can sleep on the sofa until I get a bed in the other room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can sleep there, Armie. It’s not fair to claim your whole house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage shook his head and Rose gazed at the blonde-orange longer strands of hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are too fragile to sleep on this sofa and that’s my home office. It would just be a lot messier waking you up each time I need a file or keeping you up when I’m working on something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But won’t you do this when coming in to get dressed?” she chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can get my clothes ready during decent hours.” He paused for a moment wishing he had actually taken the time to make a proper list before. “My bedroom also has a larger bathroom and it should be easier for you to use the shower. I have my products, but if you need anything in particular, I already have to go get some groceries, so please make a list.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she nodded and watched him close the journal. “May I add something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” he opened it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The terms of relationship with each other and with any other person we might be interested in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux furrowed again. He was going to end up with plenty of wrinkles during their marriage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if we are ever going to reach- Ummm… I don’t know if we are ever going to be comfortable enough to be intimate and I appreciate you so much for giving me space, but in case there’s anyone…” Hux pinched the bridge of his nose with an amused look on his face and Rose sighed. “I know you’re the most wonderful man, but I can’t expect, nor accept such a compromise. I don’t mind being cheated on as long as we both act like adults.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t?” he snorted and Rose removed her hand from his grip, knowing exactly that he was referring to the whole Finn and Rey thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want us to be honest with each other,” she snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect!” he put down the notebook. “So be honest! Is it really about me and my needs or is it just a way for you to freely cheat on me in the future?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose gulped and blinked, trying to find a place to look at, one that was not his face or muscular arms. She had truly underestimated him and she was quite sure that she was in for a big surprise each time they were going to interact because it was pretty obvious that she didn’t know him at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until-</span>
  <em>
    <span>if </span>
  </em>
  <span>there’s going to be anyone to make me want to cheat on you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t bother,” he shrugged and leaned back. “I had someone but it was just sex. So far, I don’t intend to rekindle that relationship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you still in contact?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Career-wise, yes. But I distanced myself from her the moment I became interested in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was unlike her to blush or receive compliments. It was not fair to feel like that each time she looked at him or he spoke to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… you shouldn’t have,” she mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I married you, so I guess that’s a win.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was he so keen on flirting with her? It was nothing but a fake marriage and a stupid contract!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can cook and clean,” she changed the subject. “There are things I can’t do perfectly because stretching hurts, but I hope you’ll let me help around and be useful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to,” he got up, making her acknowledge his height and </span>
  <em>
    <span>size</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “I want you to focus on your recovery. If you want to cook and clean, you’re my guest. I usually do it on my own or ask Ben’s maid to take care of my apartment after she’s done with his. But I don’t want you to jeopardize your recovery just because you want to prove something. If anything, see if you can go back to school to get your master’s degree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have the means,” she exhaled loudly, pulling away from him before she’d be tempted to touch that portion of pale pinkish skin from under his T-shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do now. Use your savings on your degree, nurse and enjoy online courses. Who knows? Maybe you can get a scholarship and feel less guilty about spending money on yourself.” He stretched his back and arms. “Can you look after Mills while I take a quick shower? I’ll show you around later, but I’ve been running around all day and need to get rid of these clothes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She picked Millicent in her arms as Hux entered what seemed to soon be her own bedroom. She began patting the rather nervous kitty until she counted the strokes up to seventy-eight. Her hand stopped and she listened. The water was running and Millie was already purring in her lap, too lazy to be bothered by Rose’s lack of attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One moment of insanity and Rose followed the sound, going into the bedroom. She was not there because she was curious about her new bed or whether she liked the curtains, but because she could have sworn that the bathroom door was ajar. Of course, she was right and she could also see through the mirror… </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A whimper escaped her mouth and she bit her lip. Rey and she had been partners in resenting men for years and each one of them had their own reasons why. Now, her friend was in love and comfortable enough to be intimate with a man who, allegedly, loved her back, just days after dating </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>ex-boyfriend. And she was married! She was married to a man who deserved so much and from whom she only wanted to take. She wanted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed </span>
  </em>
  <span>his touch and affection, yet she was completely aware that she had nothing to give back. And even though he didn’t seem to want anything in return anyway, she couldn’t do that to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s just a contract, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she reminded herself.</span>
  <em>
    <span> It’s all fake.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Drinking her fifth Long Island Iced Tea, Rey found out for the first time in her life how much of a decent dancer she was. Or maybe she was too drunk to realise how lame she was but given how those ridiculous men were looking at her, she begged to differ. Or maybe they were looking at Kaydel and her silver mini dress. She was wearing a silver mini dress too because Kaydel had the ridiculous idea of doing something called ‘twinning’ after Rey suggested going to get drunk and forget about their feelings for one night, yet she preferred ignoring the idea of having so many eyes on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took another sip and tossed her hair before snorting. Forget her feelings? She was on her fifth drink and she only craved him more. She wanted him to hug her from behind and kiss her neck as they danced together. She could almost feel his touch on her shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t we know each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That… was not Ben and those cold sticky palms were definitely not his. Rey turned her head to look at the man and her hand froze on the glass, while words remained stuck in her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did they know each other?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>12,000 credits if you’re truly a virgin. If you’re not, then we’re back to 6000.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, they did… </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re pretty, but not worth it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She was getting nauseous.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>14,000. Full package and only if you’re telling the truth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>there and so close?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You become my full-time mistress. You’ll get an allowance and you’ll let me do whatever I want to that little body of yours.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gay and you’re ugly!” Kaydel pushed him as she grabbed Rey’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you touch me, bitch!” he growled at her, this time grabbing Kaydel by the wrist. Little did he know that Miss Connix was anything but ordinary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When Lana’s playing,” she dug her nails into his flesh before twisting his own arm in one move, “you shut up.” He finally let him go when the pain made him kneel in front of them. Pretty sure that he was not going to bother them anymore, she pulled Rey towards their table. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Men</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Give me that!” she snatched her friend’s glass. She had barely touched alcohol as she was the designated driver, but she really needed a drink. “You look as if you saw a ghost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much,” she uttered, still in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was he just a perv or do you really know each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey licked her lips and looked Kaydel in the eyes, feeling the warmth of a sisterly embrace. It was as if they had met before, maybe in another life, and grew up together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He tried to assault me once and your brother saved me,” she summed up the story, leaving out some other important details. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, her friend said nothing. Instead, she just chuckled and shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you and my brother-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she lowered her gaze, pretending to check her nails.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know what I was about to ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Rey shrugged, running her fingers through her hair, feeling her scalp all wet from sweat. “Ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually… my list includes being in love, fucking and dating, but I intended to sum it up as still dragging this story until you both end up crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” said Rey again, then snorted and started laughing hysterically. “Sorry,” she wiped her tears and her eyeliner with them. “We did it, but we’re not dating and we might drag this story till the end of time, because… while I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>love him, he doesn’t seem to. I mean… he’s sweet and protective and makes me feel so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He does love you,” Kaydel spoke in an amused voice. “I mean… it’s obvious?” But Rey didn’t seem to believe her. “Look, I know him. When I found out the truth about you and then when I saw you with my stolen jewellery,” she smirked as Rey blushed, “each time he was ready to protect you. For some reason, which is love, he wants you to be safe, no matter the cost. He cares about all of us… me, Armie, mom and dad, although he doesn’t really like to show it, but you’re different. You’re his soulmate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?” whimpered Rey. “Because I often see his kindness as… I don’t know… bribery? Part of it is genuine, but the other is for me to keep his secret and feed him my-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you know about him?” furrowed Kaydel. She knew about the attack but Ben hadn’t mentioned anything about telling her the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” this time she held her head high, suggesting that she also knew about her. “He hasn’t told me everything, but enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that enough is underestimated,” she crossed her arms at her chest. She wanted to order herself a cocktail but she didn’t want anyone to listen to their conversation. “Since when do you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He told me that night at the gala. We fought and he attacked me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was surprised by how calm Kaydel was. Not defending her brother, not showing any signs of surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you already know, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We saw his scars. Mom and I,” she shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She probably thinks the worst.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” she brushed it off. “Tell me more about that night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her glass was emptying but Rey wasn’t sure she wanted another drink that wasn’t an entire bottle of water. Gone was her good mood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was so afraid but then… I realised that the signs had always been there and even though I didn’t want to admit it back then, I loved him too much to run away for good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has he told you anything about how it happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little about his experience, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing about mine,” Kaydel chuckled with misery. “He doesn’t know. No one knows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you do remember?” Rey’s eyes grew wider, full of curiosity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are moments when I remember everything but my mind protects itself by quickly shutting down those memories. I see them in my dreams and forget them almost as soon as I wake up, but I can feel the pain for hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever tried remembering it for good? It’s still haunting you, so it isn’t of much help forgetting every day. Ben and I have been talking about our traumas and it’s been… really nice. At least you wouldn’t have to deal with everything on your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tried hypnosis, but it’s the same thing. I relive it, then I forget as soon as I wake up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how do you deal with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean my coping mechanisms?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That too, but also… </span>
  <em>
    <span>food</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” she laughed. “My anger and my hunger go into the same thing. Sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blushed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were painting to deal with your pain,” she chuckled nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My grief inspires me, but I’m usually angry. Besides, I haven’t painted until recently. Ever since I’ve returned like this, I can’t find my true purpose and I hate it, but Paige’s death sort of gave me a small one. Keep her memory alive by painting her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s heart softened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so sad and yet so lovely to see how much you still love her.” She began chewing on her lip, realising that maybe Kaydel knew more about Ben’s feelings than she did. So if she said that he was indeed in love, then maybe… “How does it affect your hunger? Ben told me something about attraction and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just him. I usually feed on anyone here who is available and looks tasty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone?” she narrowed her eyes and Kaydel laughed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love Paige. I might always love her. But the people I sleep with… I don’t love them, nor do I care about them. So it’s the same for me if it’s a man or a woman or whatever. I take care of both of my needs and also get rid of some of the built-up anger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The more Kaydel spoke, the more Rey realised that she was never going to fully understand whatever was this form of vampirism. In books, it wasn’t supposed to be logic. In real life… it was almost impossible to even accept it, let alone comprehend it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve always felt disgusted by the thought of being intimate with someone. Does it ever bother you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At first, I was afraid. My first time was with a man whom… I’d rather forget. That whole relationship and the fact that I wanted Paige the whole time made me resent myself for sleeping with someone I didn’t love. So… after I came back, I tried to find different means of getting food. It was difficult for both my brother and me but hunger motivates you to do things you don’t want to do. He discovered that system of his, while I… I found someone who shared my bad mood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hesitance and smirk made Rey gulp and clench her jaw, reminding herself that Kaydel and Ben were not really siblings by blood. She relaxed only when she reminded herself that it would have been a redundant blood exchange, given that they were both vampires.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armitage was the only one whose presence I didn’t ignore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Armitage? </span>
  </em>
  <span>her eyes grew wider. As in… Rose’s husband?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why him?” she almost hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were lonely and miserable, also horny. He was there… I was hungry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did it happen only once?” she insisted. “Ben told me about that rule of three-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s again just him. He can heal people with his tongue,” she grimaced. “I am just strong from what I’ve noticed.” she gazed at her hands. “Or maybe that’s normal for people like us… Anyway, it happened a couple of times until we agreed to put an end to it. I didn’t want him to grow to misinterpret things and he began a relationship with someone from work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With each answered question, at least two more new questions were popping in her head. Yet she knew that Kaydel was going to soon put an end to the interrogatory. It was getting late and she seemed too sad and bored to still want to remain there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Do you mean our city or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This club,” she answered, already seeking the waiter to pay for their drinks and dinner. “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t go around biting people. There is an underground area where people unleash themselves in the weirdest ways. What happens there, stays there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I see?” spoke Rey’s curiosity before her actual common sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to see?” snorted Kaydel. “The girl who hates sex wants to see people having sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I need to.” Her hand was covering Kay’s, feeling an odd wave of energy go through her skin into hers and right through her whole body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to know if anything changed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can watch movies online.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaydel, please!” she begged but only managed to convince Kaydel to remove her hand from her grasp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I’m not going to take the blame if you faint or throw up or hide under the bed for the rest of your life. I can take you there, but it’s not for someone like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waiter came and both of them remained silent as Kaydel pulled out her credit card. Once the boy left, she got up and opened her bag to put back the card and take out a crimson card with a fluorescent green stripe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five minutes and don’t leave my side.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside her heart, Rey was convinced that she was going to regret it but she would have also regretted not seeing it with her own eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can you do such things?” she finally said something after almost half an hour of weeping uncontrollably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew I shouldn’t have listened to you,” mumbled Kaydel, rolling her eyes. Rey had been calm the whole time she walked through the hallways of the underground club and even curious, asking about the people going there and what they were actually doing. Then she wanted to learn and see more, more rooms, more people, more spectacle… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One moment, they were holding hands and Rey was giggling, surprised and fascinated with everything in front of her, then the next moment she was on the floor, hugging her knees and trembling while tears streamed down her face. Whatever snapped inside her, it took its time to fool them both long enough to take them by surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so… so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Disgusting, yeah I know,” the young woman sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you?” she cried again. “How can you love someone and mourn her loss, yet still be able to sleep with other people and it’s not even pretending. It’s just… beastly and horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” she whined, “I get it. Chill!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey sniffed and hid her hands between her knees, squeezing them as if the pressure had any influence on her rage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides… you and my brother are already fucking, so it’s only a matter of time until you’ll do similar things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her already heavy head and a nervous laugh escaped her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like me?” Kaydel clenched her jaw and fingers around the steering wheel. “A demon? A whore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She meant ‘heartless’ or maybe just ‘reckless’ but now that she was hearing from Kaydel’s mouth the same words she had heard from others, her heart was full of nothing but guilt and remorse. Coping mechanisms. It was her way of dealing with all the pain and frustration brought by the mystery behind her transformation and the loss of her soulmate. People had so often mistreated her and now she was doing the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not judging you,” she spoke slowly. “I’m just unable to understand-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your place to understand anything. The least I’m asking you is to respect my life and choices and, next time, mind your own business if you’re that precious to be around someone like me. I didn’t choose this either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The car stopped in front of the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. Go take your things out of the trunk… </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, it was better to remain silent and not make things worse. Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, Rey got out of the car and went to the trunk, removing all of her shopping bags. She barely even had time to close it before Kaydel left without even allowing her to thank her and say goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My true talent is really messing things up</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she exhaled loudly, the chilly end of the summer air making her aware of how tired, emotionally exhausted and drunk she truly was. She barely dragged her feet inside the building and later stumbled out of the elevator, almost throwing her shopping bags in front of the door. She blinked a couple of times until her sight was clear enough to see the key in her bag, then found herself in front of another challenge - actually unlocking the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” she mumbled, ready to kick the door until something stopped her. It was the scent of Bun Cha and the laughter. Her old friend was finally well enough to be out of the hospital and cook her favourite dishes. And she was happy! Now that they were both away from one another, they were happy. Had she watched the whole thing from afar, she would have blamed Ben and Hux for destroying their relationship, but the two had only picked up the scraps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The key finally went inside and Rey was able to unlock the door. There it was… Her empty palace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, she went to drop her new clothes in her bedroom, then threw herself on the bed. She hadn’t even bothered turning on the lights, so she blindly sought her phone in the purse. No missed calls, no important emails, just an unread text from Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Ok, have fun! Text me when you come back if you want to chat. I miss you.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her whole body was weak and warm and it had nothing to do with alcohol or with what she had seen in that place. It was just her heart reminding her of how much she loved him and how cruel it was to keep it a secret. And he missed her! He was finally opening up to her and- What if he was waiting to come back and then tell her his true feelings?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i bought strawberry and pineapple sandals&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;and some other nice things i can’t wait for you to see&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the hell was she doing talking about shoes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Sorry for yelling at you. I’d really love to spend more time together. Today was the first time I felt so normal in a long time.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel was apologizing to </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>? She chuckled and scratched her cheek, where the dry tears mixed with makeup were itching her skin. What was that thing her godmother used to say? Better plant a new tree than watch the old one infest the whole orchard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;listen… i’m sorry&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i’m really really sorry&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i shouldn’t have done it&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i should have known that it wasn’t for me&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;and i shouldn’t have insisted and i know it’s my fault, so please forgive me for everything&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped startled at the thump coming from behind her wall, then got up on her tiptoes and approached it, ready to listen to what was going behind it. If Hux hadn’t heard her and Ben from behind just a door, then how was she supposed to hear what they were talking from behind such a thick wall?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey clenched her jaw and unlocked her phone to send another text. She began writing down her bitterness and disappointment until a notification announced that she was out of characters. It was like a divine intervention telling her to cool down and think again. Lashing at the tree was not going to help her with anything. She had to carefully remove it from her orchard. So she deleted the messy message and began writing again. It wasn’t much better but it was something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;thank you for being by my side when i had no one and for giving me a roof over my head, but as far as it concerns me, everything we’ve gone through is in the past and i’m really trying to keep in my memory only the best parts so that i won’t consider it only wasted time&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;i don’t regret meeting you, but we were obviously never meant to be more than flatmates and i can say that at least i’ve paid all my debts to you and i owe you nothing anymore&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tore her gaze from the phone screen and looked at the starry sky. No clouds tonight, just the wind whistling and the moon shining. Had she not fought with Kaydel, she could have asked her to stay with her in Ben’s apartment or to take her to that huge mansion and have a sleepover in the creepy dollhouse she called a bedroom. But it was too late and she had to go back to work in the morning, even though her beautiful boy hadn’t sent her anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, Ben…</span>
  </em>
  <span> she smiled, all smitten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i love you” she texted and tapped ‘send’. If Kaydell was right, then her words were only going to make him say it back and things were going to be perfect between them. She just had to wait. And she was patient.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: BANKS - Waiting Game (https://youtu.be/JCT_lgJ5eq8)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Fool of Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones. Unfortunately, my health is not great (again) and it's quite difficult for me to remember things and focus in general. I don't want to take another one-month-long break so I will try to continue the story with shorter chapters at least until I get back on my feet.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The princess is useless.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Then find a use for her!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wait… no…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Keep her here.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No! I’m awake! I’m awake! I’m a-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“-wake. I’m awake…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The light was coming from behind the fringed curtains, not from a circular lamp above her head. And she was in her bed, panting and gasping for air, instead of being in a hospital bed. There was also no fever, no needles, no </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just those words circling her mind, out of context. She was sure they were part of a nightmare, but she couldn’t remember anything else… except for anger. Or maybe it was sadness. Or emptiness? Definitely loneliness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grunting, Rey turned and looked at the shopping bags and her phone, all thrown on the floor in a messy pile of wasted money. Oh, she did remember the day spent with Kaydel, her meltdown and the many texts she had sent. After just a couple of drinks and a moment of insanity and she made amends with Kay, gave up on Rose and confessed to Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben!” she almost threw herself on the floor, grabbing her phone only to find no new texts. It was early after all or maybe… maybe that was his way of-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she shook her head. No negative thoughts! Just patience. She was going to start fresh and stay away from all the things that have kept her rooted in the most toxic soil. It was all going to be fine. She had a home now, she was in love and everything was perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Putting down her phone, she reached for one of the bags and pulled out the first item - a white satin camisole, so expensive that she could equate it to many meals she no longer had to worry about. And a yellow silk skirt she would have never dared to wear before, considering the price and the constant voice in her head telling her how ugly she was in such bright colours. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This is for you and this is for Katie.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The image of an old, rather short, woman manifested before her eyes. She was holding in one hand a yellow dress with white daisies on it and a white ribbon and a similar one in pink and with red peonies in the other hand. It was her grandma… the woman who took care of her after her parents abandoned her and she remembered that dress perfectly. She wore it while holding hands with her grandma on their way to church. She also wore white stocking, which she ended up destroying after tripping on the stairs and falling. But even as she cried, frozen and terrified, her grandma never slapped her or yelled at her. She sat down on the stairs, by her side, and sang her a song, trying her best to cheer her up. Just like she did when she squeezed the boiled egg too hard and it broke in her hand right as she was finishing up painting it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sad smile emerged on Rey’s face, wondering how proud her grandma would have been, seeing her finally so happy and in a loving home, then she placed the top and skirt on the bed and her beloved strawberry sandals next to them, before grabbing the rest of her clothes and taking them to the other, smaller, bathroom. She didn’t have much time if she wanted to leave for work soon, so she just cut the tags and threw the items in the hamper. Besides, there were other boxes and bags going to be delivered that evening and some of her new lingerie pieces needed special care and she was not in the mood to sort out clothes or wash by hand anything. However, she was hungry and she hadn’t yet made the time to properly go out to get groceries. Probably because she was still waiting for a sign from Ben, hoping to do that chore together. Though, given how empty their fridge was, she was positive that after work, the only place she would go to was the supermarket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She went back and found in one of her many shopping bags a half-eaten ham pretzel, a cheese one and a small box of coconut macaroons from her shopping trip. She put the stuffed pretzels in the microwave and went on the balcony with her mouth full of macaroons. The weather was even better than in the previous day. The air was fresh after so many rainy days and although it was going to be a warm day, the chilly autumn breeze was not going to allow it to turn into another suffocatingly hot one.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s going to be a great day</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Rey closed her eyes, embracing the sun rays as she was being watched by a pair of curious eyes from the next-door balcony. Rose had gone on the balcony for the same reason, considering the many days she had spent in that hospital and how rare she had had the opportunity to leave their old flat. But now, all she wanted was not to be seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Rose!” Armitage came out of the bathroom with his hair all messy and buttoning up his shirt just as she was closing the balcony door behind her. “How was your first night in the honeymoon suit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was fine, thank you,” she spoke nervously. “Yours?” she pointed with her chin at the sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like college years, except I was not drunk or wearing a hoodie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop! You’re making me miss college,” she managed to giggle, unsure whether to feel guilty for stealing his bedroom or for not inviting him to use the rest of that huge bed. “Tea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he carefully took the teacup from her hand. “Do you want any breakfast? I usually get some pretzels or pastries on my way to work but I can make you something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to spoil me,” she smiled. “I can make some buttered toast and throw in a couple of cucumber slices and it’s enough. You are the one who should tell me what to make for lunch and dinner. We ate everything last evening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should just rest,” he took a sip, smiling at the aroma of peaches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t. It’s too boring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, you just got out of the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Armitage’s serious tone was heartwarming, yet a bit frustrating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” she rolled her eyes. “I feel a bit weird, but I’m really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>fine. Perhaps I’m too well for someone who almost died but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I rest my case,” he stepped away and went to check on Millie. The cat had slept on his back or chest - depending on his own position - the whole night and was now sniffing her almost empty bowl of food. She had her own perfectly planned daily menu, so Armitage went to the cupboard and unsealed a new box of canned food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can feed her,” spoke Rose, feeling again like an intruder, despite how comfortable it was watching the two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” he handed her a can and, as he drank his tea, he watched her open it and pour some into Millie’s bowl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit too much but she’s used to eating only half now and half  later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the rest?” she pointed at the can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some foil and it goes into the fridge. If you want to feed her tomorrow morning, you will have to warm it in the microwave. Also, in the same cabinet, you’ll find her kibble and other snacks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know when she’s hungry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She goes to her bowl and unless someone’s there to notice her, she gets loud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux snorted and put down the cup before spilling the tea on his shirt. The sole idea reminded Rose of what she saw during his shower. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About that…” he coughed, “my phone is probably logged in with my user name and my bank account so in case you need anything or you just want to order food, feel free to use it. And-” he stopped her right before she was about to protest against his kindness “-you can pay me later or wait for me to cook something for dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was actually about to thank you for the phone,” she chuckled. “Mine was a mess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he laughed. “No worries. I rarely used my personal phone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I’ll buy a new one, right?” she teased him, knowing exactly what he’ll say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re married, so what’s mine is also yours,” he checked the time. “No news from Ben…” he mumbled. “Anyway, I’ll try my best to come today to have lunch with you. I could get a couple of days off for our honeymoon or at least work from home for a while, but I don’t want to suffocate you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t usually like that or at least it wasn’t how she knew him. Those jokes were meant to constantly remind him of his situation and to also take a jab at her for her words. But she only meant well! She liked him both as a person and as a </span>
  <em>
    <span>man</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was handsome, charming and caring. She had even felt jealousy not only of Rey but also that mysterious lover of his. But all of those… it was too soon and too ridiculous to call it love. At best, she had a tiny crush on him, which she was not willing to feed and allow it to bloom because it was too soon and there were too many things at stake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I talked to my friend,” she changed the subject. “She agreed to come to stay with me half of the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t you find someone who can be here full time or at least ask her about this option?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need a full-time nurse, Armie,” she sighed. “Jannah and I agreed for her to come either during the morning or after lunch. It all depends on how I feel that day and on her schedule.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know…” he hesitated. “Does she have much experience?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somehow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a nurse, ok? Of course, she has experience!” she snorted, rolling her eyes. Yet, that was the same thing Jannah had pointed out on the phone. She had graduated from nursing school but only because she needed a stable job to pay for art school and as a backup, in case the whole art things didn’t work out. She was sometimes covering various shifts at the home for the elderly where Maz now lived and she was also teaching yoga and pilates but her main focus was her internship at the art museum. It took a lot of time for her to convince her to accept the job.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Hux gave up. “When can I meet her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s supposed to come around 10 o’clock, after her night shift, so you’ll probably see each other at lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux was still not convinced but his wife’s smile was everything. Besides, the main idea was for her not to be alone or feel lonely and to be supervised when it came to respecting her treatment. There wasn’t much time left until school started and she would be focused on her online lessons and perhaps her own courses, so everything should gradually turn to normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… you said something about feeling a bit weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s quite funny,” she shrugged it off. “Sometimes I feel detached from everything as if I’m a guest in my own body. I even forgot about the wheelchair this morning and not because I’m just so used to it. I had the impulse to get up and walk, which is impossible, but it sure left me confused for a minute. Also, my health. I don’t feel tired at all. I used to have a walkman when I was a kid and when the batteries were running down, the music became distorted and that’s exactly how I’ve felt for months. But now? Batteries charged. How is that even possible when I almost died?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The magic of modern medicine,” Armitage tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. Ben and Kaydel were usually tired only after long periods of not feeding or, as Rose would say, once their batteries required a recharge. “But don’t rely too much on it. Whatever they gave you won’t last for too long and be prepared to feel exhausted out of a sudden. That’s why you mustn’t ignore your treatment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. I’m quite motivated not to let you become a widower before you turn forty.” She paused for a moment, then laughed. “You’re not forty, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thirty-eight. Taurus, in case you were wondering.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Odd. I would have taken you for an Aries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile was surely the cutest thing ever and she would have loved to sit together and cuddle on the sofa with Millie between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you work on weekends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not officially. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like for us to do something special?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Such as…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Such as going out to get Greek food and then eat ice cream.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds lovely. Yes, I’d like to go on a date with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a-” Oh, who was she lying to? “It’s my treat. Ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. You asked me, after all,” he smirked, picking Millie up for a couple of smooches before placing her in Rose’s arms. “I must finish dressing up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No smooches for her? Rose found herself pouting before patting her cheeks. What was going on with her and her feelings?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” asked Rey one of the front desk girls. People were running all over the place, carrying boxes full of folders and rolled up blueprints. “Something happened?” she panicked. “Are people getting fired? Was there an accident?” she then whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm? No,” the woman shook her head, furrowing. “There’s going to be a meeting upstairs with all the big bosses and investors. Rumour has it that there are going to be some huge changes around here, but you’re Mr Solo’s personal assistant so it shouldn’t affect you in any way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was one interesting way of telling her that it was none of her business what was truly going on around there. As Paige, she had managed to at least make some small talk with the other employees, but as Rey… She hadn’t even had the time to say more than ‘hello’. They probably saw her as a spy instead of a replacement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Ben here too or is he joining over video call?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The receptionist raised an eyebrow at how familiar Rey was with their boss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re the one who should know where </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mr Solo </span>
  </em>
  <span>is, not me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Rey blushed and stepped back. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without him, she truly felt like an outsider there. Were she to actually become his girlfriend, things would either get worse or everyone would be nice to her out of fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She checked her phone again, hesitating to send him a text and disrupt him before the meeting. However, she had to let him know that she was ready to do something, anything to make herself useful, especially if he was going to spend more time away from the office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sir,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I am already at the company. Please let me know if you need my assistance for today’s meeting or if you need me for anything. I am looking forward to hearing from you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey Jakkson</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A notification popped up, announcing that her email was delivered just as the elevator stopped at her floor. She stepped out, checking her desk and the surroundings for any sign that someone was there. But except for the absence of dust after so many days, everything was in place. So, he wasn’t-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben! </span>
  </em>
  <span>she mouthed, excited when the door to his office opened widely and he showed up, dressed up in a blue-grey suit, freshly shaved and with his hair pushed back, probably after running his finger through it so often. Rey waited patiently for him to notice her, but once his eyes met hers, her smile vanished. And as fast her heart was beating, as quickly it stopped, on the verge of breaking, when all he received from him was a cold distant gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Tico,” he said, then closed his eyes, pretending to think for a moment. “Excuse me. Miss </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jakkson</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He then turned to the elder man and introduced her, while barely looking at her. “This is my personal assistant, Rey Jakkson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Nice to meet you,” the man bowed his head and Rey smiled politely, despite her chin trembling and despite being desperate to find some warmth in Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Jakkson, I will be in a meeting for a while, so please take care of any incoming calls or emails.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yes… Sir,” her voice sounded rather hoarse. “But don’t you want me to join you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can handle myself and a couple of notes. You just do what I ask you to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not even during her first weeks as his employee, nor during the times she had disappointed him the most was he so cold. It was as if he was another man. And the weirdest part was that seeing him and having him so close to her only reminded her of how much she truly loved </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not an idealized version of him. She loved him happy, grumpy, human, vampire, bossy, relaxed… She loved his big ears and nose, each muscle, his pouty lips and those dark eyes she felt like drowning in each time he looked at her. Yet she didn’t quite feel the same from him. What seemed idealized now were her expectations regarding his feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Jakkson?” he turned as if sensing her persistent eyes following him to the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll email you a list of chores. I need you to run some errands today, but please leave only after I return. I don’t want my office unsupervised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No warmth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Definitely no love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sir,” she ran after him almost three hours later. This time, he was all alone and furious. She watched him throw himself in his chair and bite his finger as he broke a pencil with his other hand. Seeing him like this, Rey gulped, realising that she needed to change her strategy and entire speech.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speak,” he snarled, startling Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm… Mister Thompson has called a couple of times. He wants to discuss some urgent matters about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Orchard</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Also, you received an invitation to a conference, which takes place during your leave, but I’ve printed the details in case you might still want to attend it. Then you’ve received a couple of emails from…” she pursed her lips “Mrs Karakostas-Diamandis. She wants to write a piece on your ascension and your plans regarding </span>
  <em>
    <span>Orchard</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes and reached for her notebook, which she handed to him rather reluctantly. He read the rest of her notes, then returned her notebook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Write to Thompson and tell him to call me after lunch. Confirm my presence at the conference and send Alexandrina a bouquet of flowers, you know which type, and a card, telling her to meet me tonight, over dinner. Our usual place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey froze and her hand stopped writing. A little over a week ago, Ben was secretly dating that woman and about to sleep with her </span>
  <em>
    <span>again </span>
  </em>
  <span>and now he was treating her like one of his secret lovers </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The rest I’ll check after I come back from lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was not going to eat there with her? Because she was pretty sure she was not invited to go out with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you want me to order you something to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I have a business lunch and other things to take care of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Are you sure you’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>hungry</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she insisted and Ben finally lifted his head from his laptop. How much she would have loved to kiss those lips and let them linger on her skin before he would sink his fangs-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m full,” he replied coldly and got up, buttoning his blazer, ready to leave his office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she called his name in a desperate voice. “Don’t you want us to talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We talk about what’s important. Do you have anything important to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” she hesitated, forgetting everything she was supposed to say. “I-did you get my last text?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I did,” he spoke bitterly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what?” he shrugged and walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out of all the things she had imagined and the scenarios she had come up with, none of them had him so cruel and heartless. That was his response to her confession.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, given that I won’t come home until late, please take my suitcase. No need to unpack it but I would appreciate it if you’d also go grocery shopping. I’ll email you a list of things I need in particular.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Sir…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey clenched her fists as she watched him leave. It was not a heartbreak what she was feeling. It was that rage from the morning which had been simmering inside her until it found enough fuel to ignite itself into a huge flame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her notebook hit the glass door as she ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it up in a messy bun. She was not mad at him for not loving her back. She was mad at him for changing so suddenly and for making her fall in love with him and, of course, she was mad at herself for getting so attached to those who only used her and threw her away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be good, Rey,” she mumbled, picking up her notebook and getting out of the office. “At least for the free roof over your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he didn’t want her, she was not going to beg him.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Say Lou Lou - Fool of Me (https://youtu.be/qEAu0DooDOc)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Missing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>According to her calendar, it was the third day of her boss’ long-awaited annual leave and almost the end of the third week of them not speaking to each other about anything that did not involve work. As expected, Ben had not shown any signs of wanting to actually go on his annual leave, further reminding her that the promise of a vacation together resumed itself solely to words in a text message. Not that she cared. She had held her head up for most of the time and barely shed a tear. Work was work and it was quite comforting not having to worry about their relationship affecting their workspace. Besides, it wasn’t as if she had spent too much time there - he had made sure she wouldn’t be present when he was and vice versa. Whether it was about running errands for him, doing something someone else from the company was most likely supposed to do, or sorting his correspondence and writing emails while he was at a business lunch or construction site, their schedules were made in such a manner that even when they were at the company at the same time, they were too busy to see each other. They didn’t even see each other at home, despite having just a couple of walls and meters separating them because, once again, they were either locked in their rooms like a bunch of angsty teens or one of them was absent. And although she was the one usually driving him to work and sometimes to the construction sites or other places where he needed her two meters away from him, taking notes and writing emails, she wouldn’t have counted those hours as ‘time spent together’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Truth be told… she had no idea what was going through his mind and why was he so keen on avoiding her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was it his sudden realisation that he had crossed too many boundaries and that he shouldn’t have allowed her to fall in love with him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was it his fear of commitment?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was he so cold and desperate to avoid her touch and presence while he was still keeping her in his house?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Also, what was he even eating?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Probably his special desserts</span>
  </em>
  <span>, pouted Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good afternoon, Rey!” greeted her Armitage. “Is Ben here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably,” she shrugged with a bitter look on his face, making him snort as he entered the office without knocking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Problems in paradise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” spoke Ben in a deeper voice than usual, not paying attention to his friend as he threw himself on the sofa, grabbing the flyer on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you two were trying to keep it a secret and with the” he waved suggestively “</span>
  <em>
    <span>changes</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the company, I assumed for a while that it was about your busy schedule but Rey seems quite upset. I could say that she’s angry at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” he scratched his chin with a sardonic smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” Hux narrowed his eyes, “are you two ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously. I am doing my job and Miss Jakkson is helping as much as she can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it was… the clenched jaw, the miserable look on his face, the cold tone… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one who’s angry, aren’t you?” he concluded. “And Rey has no idea and that's why she’s angry as well. It’s the typical case of miscommunication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s fingers clenched around his pen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it can’t be that bad, can it? After all, we all have been rooting for you two to see how much in love with each other you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ar-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it the distance? Didn’t you bring the poor girl a present?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armi-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or is it jealousy? You went out with Alexandrina for the interview and - let me guess - she went out with her ex to make you jealous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Armitage!” Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing heavily. “My inexistent love life is the last thing I would like to talk about right now! If you’re really that curious, I’ll let you know that Miss Jakkson and I had a brief moment and that was all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux blinked slowly then raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yet you still live together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… well…” he put down the pen. “You’re married and how well is that going for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” he crossed his arms and furrowed. “In both situations, we have a case of one-sided love. We both live with women with whom we’re not actually in a relationship. Rey is my employee and I pay her, Rose is your fake wife and you pay for her treatment. Tell me again how we’re not the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose and I are friends, which, apparently, you and Rey no longer seem to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If at first Ben had the impression that his arguments won against Hux and his logic, he was now gawking at him with his lips parted, admitting his defeat. He missed his chats with Rey and their bond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We enjoy each other’s company,” Hux continued and Ben felt his facial muscles twitch in a poor attempt at a smile. Even with her there, that house was so empty each time he arrived home and she was locked in her bedroom or already sleeping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not making each other miserable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The deadly glare was a direct response to the jab. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s only a matter of time,” snorted Ben sarcastically and got up, fed up with that teenagerish discussion. As he was about to push the door to leave the office and meet Rey’s sweet face, he realised that Hux had no idea about what he had gone through. It was not fair to lash at him when he was not to blame for anything. “I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that. This is not the right place, so maybe we can go out to grab a bite and you can tell me more about your marriage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t bring my diary with me,” joked Hux but suddenly became serious once he remembered </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>night, “but I think I might have a couple of things to share with you. I sort of need your advice too.” Kaydel was going to kill him and, knowing her, she would end up telling Ben about their short-lived affair just out of spite. “Actually… nevermind. Let’s just eat and catch up and we’ll talk about serious stuff later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux rushed outside before Ben, his eyes meeting Phasma’s as soon as he stepped out. Whatever was the reason behind Rey and Ben’s odd behaviour, he wasn’t really the one to criticise. Phasma was a strong woman and sometimes quite heartless but the disappointment and resentment in her eyes were genuine, which meant that she must have found out about his marriage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo, are you leaving?” she asked Ben, lifting a thick folder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it important?” he slid his hands into his pockets. “Shouldn’t you be at lunch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to discuss this with you first. The finan-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone froze as the elevator reached their floor. It was rare for anyone to visit that floor unless something happened or unless someone important was visiting. Now, it was just a matter of nuance when it came to who was important to whom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose?” uttered Hux, his heart thumping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi!” she waved, blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did anything happen? Are you ok?” he rushed, kneeling before her to everyone’s surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she smiled radiantly, amused as always by his care for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for showing up like this,” spoke Jannah. “We came straight from the clinic. I have to go back to the gallery and Rose wasn’t sure whether you’d come home for lunch, so she asked me to drop her off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I forgot about lunch,” he closed his eyes, embarrassed. “I’ve already made plans with-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” spoke Ben while staring at his own shoes so that he wouldn’t be tempted to look at his pretty secretary and her pink silk slip dress, completely unsuitable for work. “We can talk later or this weekend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben chuckled at his own words. They were living next door to one another yet he had never had the chance to see those two together or talk to Hux in those past three weeks. He had surely succeeded in isolating himself from everyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I should go now,” Jannah straightened her back. “See you on Monday, Rose, and see you later, Ben. Goodbye everyone else!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was immature and petty enough to refuse to salute the young woman. She knew her as Maz’s niece or something like that and they had met a couple of times in the elevator when Rey had to do or get something from home at the same time Jannah began her shift with Rose. She had never minded or paid much attention to their small talk, but she surely prefered when they only met when one was arriving and the other leaving. Of course, she had nothing personal against her but part of her hated seeing herself replaced in Rose’s life because it was quite obvious that they were not just patient and nurse but already pretty close friends. Also, why the hell did Ben wink at her? Why were they seeing each other ‘later’? Was that male slut that desperate to replace her with any walking va-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, do you need me for the rest of the day?” Hux interrupted her stream of thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Personally, I don’t think so. If you’re leaving, then maybe I should leave as well. I’m on my annual leave anyway.” He checked his wristwatch then pointed at the glass door. “Phasma, let’s see what you have there and then you can go to lunch. Miss Jakkson, please make sure that you’ve packed everything and that it’s all in order.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was definitely not in the mood, so she furrowed at him and slammed her notebook on the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re wearing the necklace I gave you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifted her head and noticed Rose’s gentle gaze following her every move. Out of instinct, she grabbed the half-moon and tensed but her old friend only smiled, rather amused by her defensive gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad to see that you haven’t thrown it away and that you’re wearing it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Actually, she hadn’t worn it ever since she got it. It just happened that the thin necklace she got during her shopping spree with Kaydel got stuck in her hair and broke. It was more a matter of accessorizing her outfit rather than wearing something with sentimental value for her. After all, she had promised herself to no longer care about the well-being of Rose. Yet, there she was, opening her mouth and asking:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word she had intended to use was ‘healthy’, but her mother had always told her that her brain and mouth were not properly connected and now she could see why. Gladly, her old friend nodded politely and her husband turned her around to take her to his office before leaving together. Surprisingly, they both waved at her, wishing her a nice day as if they weren’t neighbours. Well… frankly, it wasn’t as if they were exchanging wi-fi passwords and recipes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is that?” Phasma asked and Rey jumped startled, not having noticed her come out of their boss’ office so soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The woman in the wheelchair,” she bit her lip, tapping her foot nervously. “Who is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose Tico. She’s Mr Hux’s wife.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So he really got married,” she chuckled in a husky voice. “You said </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tico</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s Paige’s sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I assume you know each other. Aren’t you like cousins or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked, lost in her own lies. She could no longer remember what she was supposed to be. If she had used the lie with the cousins to explain why she and fake-Paige were almost identical, then she had to use the same lie. Or…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our family tree is a mess and I won’t bother you with the details. But yes. I do know Rose. We were friends and flatmates before she got married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you must know for how long they had been dating before getting married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Rey made a sad grimace, noticing the tears in Phasma’s eyes. “I, honestly, don’t really know. I found out about their marriage only after it happened.” She had to change the subject before accidentally revealing that she was living with their boss. “Anyway, I was wondering if you can help me with something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phasma finally looked at her, batting her eyelashes as a silent way of inviting her to ask her anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what’s going on with Mr Solo? Ever since he came back, he has been behaving rather unusually and I tend not to ask things about the company as I’m not an employee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t you know? He was demoted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Demoted?” she furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Mr Skywalker has returned and, technically, Mr Solo was only supposed to hand over the responsibilities he had been taking care of. However, something else happened - presumably some family matters - and he has lost almost all the power so far and risks being fired for good and also the rights over </span>
  <em>
    <span>Orchard</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bu-but that’s not fair!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phasma shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree but I was not invited to the entire meeting to know all the details, so we can’t know for sure the reasons behind these changes. My advice for you is to get ready to find another workplace or try to get hired here because he soon won’t need a personal assistant anymore but a job himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s so awful! </span>
  </em>
  <span>thought Rey as Phasma left once Ben popped behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?” he asked coldly, checking his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Immediately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wait for you in the car. The keys, please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she grabbed her brand new and very expensive shopping bag and put it on the desk, searching for the keys as Ben’s jaw clenched at the sight of a small box with a very suggestive title on it. “Here you go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he growled, but Rey did not take any offence at his bad mood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, I must ask you the same as Mr Hux. Do you need me for the rest of the day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the past three weeks, each Friday was dedicated to joining Kaydel at the cemetery. At first, she did not feel comfortable doing this, seeing herself more as an intruder. If anyone was supposed to be there to mourn together with Kaydel, that was Rose. But those two were not friends and Rose was too much in her married woman bubble to be bothered so she accepted. Of course, Ben had no idea as far it concerned her, especially because she had attempted to test him by making him jealous. Each time she went out with Kaydel, either to the cemetery or just to get drinks and some cute jeans on sale, she told Ben that she was going out with Finn, hoping to see him react in any way. However, unfortunately, all he did each time was wish her a nice day, ask her to bring him something too or just demand her to come back by a certain hour so that she wouldn’t ruin her performance during the next working day or wake him up when he needed rest. No jealousy, just bossing her around as usual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have some work to do and I’d rather have you by my side when I need you instead of wasting time waiting for you to come from God knows where.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes and mouthed ‘jerk’, knowing that he saw her. However, his reaction was quite a surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, Miss Jakkson,” he snarled. “I have my limits and I won’t tolerate you pushing them anymore. You are nothing but my employee and you must act like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then fire me,” she shrugged, not impressed by his harsh words and tone. “I’m done,” she shoved her notebook in her bag. “Can I have the keys back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reluctantly, he dropped the keys onto her palm and went to the elevator with Rey behind him. As annoying as he was, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him, wanting so badly to hug him and be the shoulder to cry on, because, at the end of the day, she still loved him. She was so foolishly in love with him that the slightest change in him would have melted her immediately and she would have forgiven his tantrums and… whatever he was doing with those women he met with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can feel you staring at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His voice was a little bit less tense and the lack of reception in the elevator and at the lower levels ended up taking away his only distraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard about your problems with your uncle. I’m really sorry. It’s so unfair what he’s doing to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m used to it,” he finally showed a miserable smile. “However, I was not expecting my mom to side with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But did they give you any reason? I mean… none of them was here to see how much you’ve worked and how you made this company run for so long without their help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently, that wasn’t enough and the reason was… just because they can.” The elevator stopped and he made way for her to leave first, while he remained there, standing still. “So,” he chuckled, “that was why you asked me to fire you? Because we’ll both soon be unemployed and penniless?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no,” she brushed her finger against her chin. “I was just suggesting that you don’t really have to pay me. I’m fine with a place to sleep and food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was a unique person and not only because of the way she was but because of her effect on him. Her peculiar yet completely adorable smile, her dimples, the way her strands of hair escaped her bun only to curl above her nape, her whole body in that pink dress… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of food,” he finally stepped out, approaching her. “I haven’t had pizza in a long time. How about I order some and it should arrive around the same time we get home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly, she would have preferred him hungry, even starving as long as it made him like before. Right there, in the dim light of the underground parking lot, so close to one another, she would have certainly preferred him to grab her by the wrists and lift her in his arms before shoving her in the car and fu-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine by me,” she shrugged, heading towards the car. “Just ask them not to put salami on it… and I want extra mushrooms.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;your brother is not letting me get out of the house&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;Tell my brother that he’s a jerk and I hate him but he probably knows it already.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;he was 1% nice to me today and apparently we’re going to eat pizza today&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;He should eat something else if he ever wants you to forgive him for his tantrums *wink*&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;don’t! anyway did you know about your uncle and mom going against him? he’s losing his project and his job&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I don’t know anything but I’ll ask tonight.&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;it’s green gtg&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being her brother’s therapist was fascinating and kept her occupied but despite how much she wanted to help Rey, there were going to be moments when she would have to be selfish and put herself first and her brother would have to learn how to handle his own feelings and tantrums. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Our siblings and their drama, right Paige? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she smiled, spotting her lover’s tombstone, before serene face slowly turned into disbelief, and she rushed to the man standing by Paige’s final resting place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>doing here?” she yelled at the man so that she wouldn’t be tempted to push him or do something worse. Her vampirism was quite unpredictable and killing him was a problem she wasn’t willing to deal with yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man turned around, completely confused, and looked at the young woman who looked nothing like the teenager he had once met. Maybe just those big eyes of hers were still the same, though a lot sadder and crueller.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katherine,” he smirked, perhaps foolishly believing that he had any effect on her. “Katherine Adele Organa-Solo, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Close enough,” she snarled referring both to her name and his intention of getting closer to her. “You still haven’t answered my question. Why are you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made a promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was lying and she could see it in his eyes and his overly confident smirk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you, Miss Katherine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hated the way he emphasised her name but not because she had something against it but because it reminded her of her biggest mistake… or first big mistake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I come here every week to make sure that she’s not alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a cemetery. There are plenty like her so she’s not alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His joke was not received well and, following Kaydel’s deadly glare, he coughed embarrassed and apologized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know anything about her sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose? She’s-” she stopped for a moment, trying to find the right words. Had it not been for her cursed blood or perhaps just sheer luck, Rose would have already been buried next to Paige. “She’s happily married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” he snorted, then apologized again. “Good for her, I guess. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Especially </span>
  </em>
  <span>if she’s happy. That’s such a difficult thing to achieve these days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… I think I should better go and leave you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was going to hate herself for this but maybe it was her only chance to learn more about Paige and her feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor Dameron,” she called him and he stopped. “Was she happy? Before she died, I mean. Tell me about her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was doing great,” he smiled, pensive and nostalgic. “She was about to become a teaching assistant and she was working on her doctoral thesis. She was proud of Rose and her accomplishments and, probably,” he clenched his jaw, “couldn’t wait for her to get married and make her an aunt. Though, she cared more about her sister’s academic achievements.” He looked down and Kaydel couldn’t shake off the feeling that something about him was insincere. He was lying about something or at least pretending to feel in a certain way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least she had no regrets. Too bad she didn’t have more time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was definitely lying but his words had managed to open one of the boxes inside her and now its content was spilt all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever since I found out,” she sighed, “I had to teach myself how to survive every single day knowing that she’s no longer here. I don’t remember my parents dying and I was too young to understand when my grandma died, but now… It took me so long to understand and most of the time my mind rejects her death that when it hits me, it takes me each time so much by surprise that it’s like a giant wave of sadness and grief that keeps me underwater, drowning me until I manage to reach the shore only to remain there, catatonic, for days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffed, feeling the tears in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I can’t help asking myself the silliest questions. Is she cold down there? Is there really such things as an afterlife or a soul and is her spirit somewhere where she can meet her family? Am I or is Rose going to meet her there, too? If we die, is anyone still going to remember her? Is it really possible and fair for someone who lived for so many years, met so many people and experienced so much to now be just a bunch of bones and dust in the ground? In my mind, I remember the last time I saw her and how happy we were together and in love and I can’t associate that smile, that lovely face and that warm body to whatever is left of her in that cold casket.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s odd and almost impossible to remember her so lively and then to accept that she’s… there,” sympathised Poe, carefully placing his hand on her shoulder and pulling her closer, at his chest. Her whole body was shaking and it took her only one moment before she fell onto her knees, wailing, with her therapist’s words echoing inside her head. Something about eventually accepting her death? No, that was impossible. The guilt and pain would never go away no matter what and she didn’t want those feelings to ever go away in the first place. Letting go and accepting were steps towards forgetting her and no longer loving her and she couldn’t allow it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let go of me!” she pushed Poe, even if it meant lying on the ground for good. “You should have taken better care of her if you had truly loved her. But what do you know about love, anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loved her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their eyes met and Kaydel couldn’t believe the surprised look on his face. She had tried to insult him or at least hurt him but he truly didn’t seem to have ever loved Paige.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… you don’t know, do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Know what?” she wiped her tears with the sleeve of her embroidered rustic blouse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katherine, I cared about her but our relationship was only a facade. It suited us to pretend that we were together, but we were not in love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was just another silly thing but at that moment, something inside her told Kaydel that the more she learnt about her dead lover, the less she actually knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know you can stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey opened the door widely and stepped outside. She was already in her teal satin pyjamas and Ben, as far she could see, was also in something more comfortable. They were both hungry when they arrived and ended up devouring three slices of pizza each before deciding to rest in their rooms for the rest of the afternoon. The irony was that she had grown so used to running all over the company and town, working and doing errands for him, that she hadn’t even noticed how tired she was. It took her a shower, about twenty pages and five songs to fall asleep. And she would have slept through the whole evening and night had it not been for the alarm. With Ben usually away, she had made her own evening schedule, which included a cheesy and very romantic soap opera and a bowl of ice cream. However, for the first time since they had moved in together, he was there, working at his home desk, with the TV turned on the news, and she had no idea what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, Sir. I was wondering if I could watch my telenovela here until I can get my own TV.” If she even had where to put it, considering that she was most likely going to get fired and kicked out quite soon. Maybe she shouldn’t have spent so much money on silly things such as pretty but expensive clothes, shoes, perfumes, jewellery and books. Of course, she could sell them in case of emergency and she still had that money he had gifted her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he nodded and waved his hand, inviting her to sit down. “It’s just background noise for me. You’re not bothering me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, wow! That was a first in the past few weeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she smiled politely and maybe a little excited about being in his presence without being berated or sent to rearrange the old archives. She sat down and changed the channel, with her ears still very much focused on Ben’s breath and movements, that she didn’t even notice her own stomach rumblings or the intro ending and her show starting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it about?” asked Ben, startling her, once he sat down next to her. She gawked at him and the plate he was handing her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you get a crispy chicken burger?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was hungry and ate the last two slices of pizza, so I ordered something earlier. I should still be warm. There’s also tiramisu in the fridge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” she said cautiously before thinking about his question. “Anyway…” She took a bite and let out a moan once she tasted the pickles and jalapeno. And mozzarella sticks, fries and coleslaw? He knew exactly what she liked. “Well… the guy thinks the worst about the girl and he mistreats her just because she’s poor, young and uneducated, so she hates him for being a jerk, but they also fall in love with each other and his uncle’s last will pretty much forces them to get married and now they are in this arranged marriage and have to fight everyone, including themselves, for their happiness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you like this,” snorted Ben, picking a slice of pickle off Rey’s plate and eating it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s romantic and exciting. I mean…” she paused to take another bite. “It’s obvious that they are going to end up together but don’t you want to watch them go through all those trials and see them learn how to love and respect each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” He looked at Rey, whose narrowed eyes were already judging him. “It sounds ridiculous!” He defended himself with the most adorable smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an adorable love story… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sir</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, it’s toxic and he’s abusive to her… I’ve been watching this for less than ten minutes. Does he even have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>reason to be mean to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone is plotting against her and he was brainwashed to believe all the lies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So he doesn’t even trust her?” he rolled his eyes, then pointed at the screen. “And now he’s yelling at her for what? He’s not even giving her the chance to explain herself. My point is… why is she even bothering fighting for someone who’s not worth it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s</span>
  <em>
    <span> in love</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re heartless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re irrational.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just as heartless as he is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re as irrational as she is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey would have got up and left had it not been for his adorable smile and giggles. He was not really making fun of her as he was desperate to talk to her and just be like before. But whose fault was it, after all?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s the lady with the ugly hair and fake tan?” he asked later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His… ex-fiance and current girlfriend,” she spoke with her mouth full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He brought his ex to live in the same house with him and his wife?” he sighed, picking one of her mozzarella sticks. “And I thought my mom’s books were silly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not!” she pouted. “Who broke your heart and made you so cruel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s amused smile turned into a disgusted grimace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a heart. Never had one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re exaggerating,” she kept chewing with her eyes glued to the screen. With Ben remaining silent for too long, her tummy full and her least favourite characters whining in front of her, she turned to face her boss. “Do you want it?” she handed him the rest of her burger and he hesitated for a moment. “I don’t have any contagious disease as far as I know,” she rolled her eyes and Ben finally took the food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched him take the first bite with a sad gaze in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” she caressed his head, running her fingers through his dark locks. He closed his eyes for a moment, then put down the burger on the plate and wiped his fingers on Rey’s paper towel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing… I guess I miss hanging out with my sister and Armitage. These were the burgers we used to make together. But we all have different priorities right now and I think I have neglected them both.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only those two but they were not ready for that discussion. Instead, Rey got onto her knees and hugged him, Ben showing no signs of discomfort or of wanting to push her away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a big heart, Ben,” she squeezed him tightly and put his hands on hers, brushing his fingers against her soft skin. “You’re a grumpy teddy bear with a huge heart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she dug face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. He always smelt so nice, but now that she had been deprived of his touch, his perfume had a whole different effect on her. Her pyjama felt too thick and heavy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing, little mouse?” he moaned as Rey’s hands began massaging his shoulder, her thumbs gently pressing against his nape, helping him to get rid of all the tension. If only she had the ability to make him forget everything else just like he made her that night… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?” she whispered as soon as he relaxed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s perfect,” he exhaled loudly. “You’re perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing his compliment, Rey’s hands stopped for a moment, giving him the opportunity to turn to notice how close they were. Close enough to feel each other’s breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those two” he tilted his head, pointing towards the TV “don’t really know anything about making love. That’s not how it works.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re actors, Ben,” she blushed, avoiding his gaze as his hand cupped her cheek. “It’s supposed to be romantic and fake.” She then giggled, resting her head in his palm. “What was that line? </span>
  <em>
    <span>We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe that was not the best choice of words, especially considering his parted lips through which she could see the tip of his fangs. Or maybe it was exactly what she needed to make him come back to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You smell so delicious,” he purred, rubbing his nose against hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just ate. I must smell like chic-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shut her up with a playful peck on the lips as if only curious about her reaction. Rey did kiss him back, despite her initial shock, but tenderly and cautiously, waiting for him to take over. She was too anxious to make any move, so she let him put his hands around her waist and pull her onto his lap, cradling her in his arms before finally laying her on the sofa with him between her legs. Rey didn’t even have time to catch her breath with Ben kissing her and unbuttoning her pyjama shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do it,” she gasped for air, while Ben slid his tongue down her neck. He stopped at her collarbone, peppering her skin with wet kisses until she finished dealing with those annoying buttons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so beautiful,” he took his time to observe her and admire her. “You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His finger lingered between her breasts before lowering down her belly button and the waistband of her shorts as Rey writhed, squeezing between her fingers the cushion beneath her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you so much,” she cried and quickly got up, not wanting to end up as just another quick release like his other desserts. She had to let him know that she was in for more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she touched his face, brushing an eyelash off his cheek with her thumb. “I must tell you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch me,” he furrowed and Rey couldn’t figure out if he was into some weird preferences or if he was just teasing her. However, Ben pulled away, seeing her that she had no intention of letting him go. “No!” He rejected her touch again and quickly got up. “Don’t touch me! Don’t ever touch me again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben-I…” she watched him recoil. “Ben, what’s wrong?” she then tried to soothe him in the most calming voice, though it was most likely for her and her growing anxiety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” he stepped back when Rey tried to reach him again, then ran into his bedroom, shutting the door right in her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she knocked. “Are you hurt? Have I done anything wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, you don’t have to hide from me! Talk to me… </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” As much as she hated herself when crying, she couldn’t help it. “Please, you’re scar-</span>
  <em>
    <span>worrying </span>
  </em>
  <span>me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took almost half an hour until Rey heard the first footsteps approaching the door. She quickly wiped her tears and buttoned up her shirt, ready to meet him. But the Ben Solo who came out of his bedroom was not the fun and loving one, not even the vulnerable one from before. He was the one who had been ignoring her for the past three weeks. And he was dressed in elegant clothes, ready for a night out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I help you, Miss Jakkson?” he asked without looking at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” she sniffed. “I wanted to make sure that you’re fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m perfectly fine. No need to wait for me tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed his phone from the armchair and checked his teeth in the mirror next to the front door as if nothing happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Solo,” she crossed her arms while looking at her own toes, focusing on her mermaid nail polish so that she wouldn’t cry. “I was wondering if you want me to give you back the money you gave me three weeks ago. I’m talking about that thick envelope. Of course, I’ve spent some of it, but there’s still enough-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Jakkson,” he spoke clearly, making her raise her head like an obedient student. “If you’re afraid that I might kick you out because of my situation, then don’t. Don’t worry and stop trying to secure your place here. After all, you’ve already paid for your stay three weeks ago. There’s nothing else you could offer me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After crushing her heart under the sole of his expensive shoe for the last time, Ben left. He left while Rey remained there, standing in the middle of the living room, disappointed but not surprised. Sighing, she looked at the TV screen as it showed scenes from tomorrow’s episode of her soap opera and laughed. The naive protagonist was going to find her husband in bed with his ex-fiance, hours after they’d made love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head at her own stupidity, Rey picked the remote control from between the cushions and turned off the TV. However, it was too late for her to notice the reflection of the shadow lurking behind her.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Everything But The Girl - Missing (https://youtu.be/U56Ns66Qrb8)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Somebody Already Broke My Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wanted to post this chapter earlier than I usually do and I still managed to be 2 days later. Given my poor health, messy life and schedule, I didn't want to leave you hanging in case I might not post anything in a while.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been here for almost three hours and I still don’t see why you asked me to join you tonight if you’re not even paying the minimum attention to me. Besides, I know no one here and I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>bored now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben rolled his eyes, taking another sip of champagne before he felt a punch in his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, if you only wanted a free-of-charge Uber, then at least you could talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay,” he tried to look serious, despite feeling the need to burst into laughter. “I know you’re a work of art yourself but I’m here for you because you like art, and us in general because you’re my sister and I love you and miss your company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” she snorted. “You’ve been too precious to pay attention to any of us lately </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’ve also heard you’ve been a bad boy,” she taunted him as they stopped in front of a swan sculpture, reminding her of one of her old projects from high school. “So? What’s the deal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve always been a bad boy.” he shrugged. “That’s why my nanny tried to drown me and poison me. I’m a demon child who grew up to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get over yourself,” his sister snatched the glass out of his hand and put it on the tray of a waiter passing by them. She was not in the mood to deal with a drunk Benjamin Whine-ikin Solo. “Why did mom and uncle Luke kick you out of the company?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Technically,” he cleared his throat, “I haven’t been kicked out </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But that’s just a matter of papers and signatures. Also, I have no idea. They gave no actual reason. According to Armitage, I can sue them but it would only be a waste of money and time and destroy </span>
  <em>
    <span>Orchard </span>
  </em>
  <span>for good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what are your plans?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” he pondered. “I’ve been contemplating whether to be nice and obedient for the rest of my stay so that maybe they’d ask me not to leave, or just start searching for something else. What I hate the most is that I’ve wasted so much time and it’s not what I wanted. I stayed for them because I had no choice and I was afraid and now… I’m too old to go back to university and get my medical degree. I no longer remember anything, nor do I  have the patience to study. Also, I’m still a very unpredictable gothic monster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel you,” she sighed. “However, I can’t wait for school to start. Did you know that Rey enrolled too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here we go,” he left her behind, heading towards a waiter to get another glass. “I should have known that you’ve only accepted my invitation to get me to talk about her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just suggesting that </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe </span>
  </em>
  <span>you should let her attend the courses and do her projects instead of overworking her,” she caught up with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not overworking her!” he furrowed. “What? Has she complained about doing the bare minimum?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she has only complained about how much of an insufferable jerk you’ve been. I mean… I grew up with you, so I’m not surprised, but she’s-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you and Armitage want to adopt her if I’m that horrible to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a weird girl. Only you can properly handle her.” She paused for a moment to analyse the demonic statue in front of them. “Is this how we’re supposed to look?” she pointed at the ‘Vampyr’ plaque.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is how people see us,” he smirked then became serious again. “Kay, do you have feelings for Rey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she laughed. “What’s in that drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m serious. Do you have a crush on her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Ben, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>love Paige. I might love her for the rest of my life. Besides, Rey is definitely not my type.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And which is your type, may I ask?” Ben raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tall and not into my brother. Now, why did you even bel-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Coconut and papaya? She hadn’t sensed that scent in months, ever since she visited Rose to ask her about Paige.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Ben!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The scent passed her like a breeze and her eyelids became heavier. She was close to fainting when fresh air replaced the sweet aroma and she opened her eyes abruptly as if waking up from a coma. Though, she was not yet sure if she was indeed awake because, apparently, there was some sort of nymph in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much for coming,” the nymph shook her brother’s hand. “I’ve been so anxious about everything but my boss says that everything is wonderful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it truly is,” he patted the young woman on her naked shoulder, his hand sliding down her arm. It was an innocent gesture but Kaydel felt her heart beating at an unusual pace and her teeth growing sharper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry!” the woman apologized with the biggest smile. “It’s easy to spot Ben because he’s… </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she gesticulated, “but I didn’t notice that he has company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jannah, this is my adopted sister, Katherine Adele.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel raised an eyebrow at her brother mentioning the fact that she was adopted for the first time when introducing her to someone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay, this is Uncle Lando’s daughter and dad’s goddaughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janina Hannah Aderyn-Calrissian, but you can call me Jannah. All my friends call me Jannah,” she shook Kaydel’s hand, taking her by surprise. “So pleased to meet you, Katherine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Kaydel actually,” she furrowed at how soft and warm her hand felt. “My brother calls me ‘Katherine’ only when he’s jealous of me stealing his girls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heard Ben choking on his drink but she didn’t bother paying any attention to him. Her eyes were all on Jannah and the way she batted her eyelashes at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you can steal me anytime you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was… was she flirting with her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it odd how we’ve never met before?” blushed Kaydel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I haven’t spent much time with my dad, so I haven’t really met anyone besides Han and Ben and that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>ages </span>
  </em>
  <span>ago. We’ve actually met recently purely by accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jannah is Rose’s nurse,” he explained, amused by the two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a nurse?” blinked Kaydel, completely confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nurse, yoga and pilates instructor and I’m trying to pave my way among artists. Have you seen my swan?” she pointed at the statue they had admired minutes ago. “My boss doesn’t know about me sneaking my own pieces. Apparently, you can be a contemporary artist only if you create something using tin cans and toilet seats.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two shared a smile but not only because of Jannah’s joke. For some reason, Kaydel simply felt like smiling in her presence and even holding her hand, which was an odd thing to do to a stranger, even if that stranger was your father’s goddaughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaydel is also an artist,” Ben cleared his throat. “She’s mostly into fashion but she also has some amazing paintings. Some of them sold at an auction for a lot of money and were praised in the press.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel rolled her eyes at her brother’s sudden compliments before her eyes grew wider, suddenly realizing why they were there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wait to see some of your paintings,” Jannah grabbed her hands, squeezing them, excited. “I’m sure they’re splendid and maybe we can exhibit some of them when you’re ready to show them to the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, if you excuse me, I have to check on some of the other guests and see if my boss needs me to bring her some painkillers or more comfortable shoes. But Armitage and Rose are here too, so maybe we can all meet on the terrace later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really? Hux hasn’t told me anything about coming here,” Ben cocked his head before looking around, trying to spot him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a surprise from Rose for their date night. Now I </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>must go. See you later, lovelies!” She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, then stepped towards Kaydel, doing the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I have my phone, please?” asked Ben later, while his sister was still lost in her thoughts. “I think I heard it ring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel opened her clutch and handed him the phone, checking hers as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;I’ll drop by in 40 min - P&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The text was already twenty minutes old. She pursed her lips and lifted her gaze, immediately finding the very tall Jannah, chatting to a group and giggling. How was it possible for someone to just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>glow</span>
  </em>
  <span>? She was radiant! And she was hungry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>&lt;&lt;If I’m not there when you arrive, wait for me - K&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ben,” she chewed on her lip. “I have to be somewhere else. Do you want me to drive you home or do you want to call an Uber later… unless you want to be the third wheel and ruin Armie’s date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But her brother was not listening to her. He was nervously biting his thumb, trying to keep his composure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head, visibly affected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got many missed calls. Were you saying something about leaving?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Your eyes are swallowing me… Mirrors start to whisper, shadows start to sing… My skin’s smothering me-</span>
  </em>
  <span>Hey!” she slapped her brother’s hand and thigh. “The driver picks the music!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to think!” he grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s something new.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben inhaled deeply and let down the window. He needed some fresh air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I step off the train, I’m walking down your street again… And pass your door, but you don’t live there anymore… It’s years since you’ve been dead-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>There</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he murmured. “There, not dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Kaydel’s remix,” she slowed down, approaching the other cars waiting at the red light. “You haven’t told me why you thought that I might be in love with Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No particular reason,” he shrugged. “I found odd your sudden friendship, considering how much you used to hate her for the Paige thing and the jewellery and dress things and the-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s cool,” she interrupted her brother. “Sometimes, it feels as if we’ve known each other for our whole lives.” She bit her lip, then started chewing on it. The traffic was going to make her arrive at the studio even later than she had calculated. “Aren’t you going to ask me why-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but I assume you do want to know why I had to leave.” His eyes followed a plane, which reminded him of how he used to foolishly believe that planes were shooting stars. It explained perfectly why none of his wishes had ever come true. “Mom wants us to spend this weekend at the Aldeeran estate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s no big deal, is it? After all, you were already coming for my birthday party.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I wasn’t going to spend the whole weekend there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, look at the bright side. Maybe she’ll explain why she sabotaged you and change her mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>And I miss you-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she started singing again, except this time Ben joined in just like when they were kids. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Like the deserts miss the rain.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dim light was pale in contrast with the flashes of light coming from outside. Surprisingly, it was nighttime already, yet Rey could not recall getting into bed, especially her boss’ bed or why she was so tired, </span>
  <em>
    <span>drained</span>
  </em>
  <span>. However, she did remember breathing heavily and lying on the floor, trying to call and get someone to answer. And now here she was, naked and covered in scratches and with a white sheet hiding the rest of her body. Her skin was also slightly sticky and it smelled like rubbing alcohol and maybe soap, meaning that she either had no recollection of more events or that someone must have cleaned those wounds recently.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ow!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she whimpered. The scratches were so deep that even the slightest flinch was unbearable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re awake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gasped, startled, and got up in one elbow to look at him better. Ben was sitting in his armchair, by the large windows, with his shirt unbuttoned and all dishevelled. He seemed relaxed but at the same time, tense. He certainly didn’t like her presence there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The last time you woke up like this, things escalated quite quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blushed at the reminder of their very passionate only night spent together but couldn’t help wondering if his date had been a failure and now was trying to get her to forgive him or at least to convince her to help him with his needs.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, no!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she shook her head, remembering both the way he treated her and the fact that she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>naked </span>
  </em>
  <span>in his bed and covered in deep scratches. And he had bloodstains on his shirt too… Her jaw clenched and she squeezed the sheet in her fists at the memory of how he used to feed on his other women. He… He wouldn’t have dared!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he interlocked his fingers with a gloomy look on his face. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She furrowed, so Ben cleared his throat and repeated the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened here, Rey? I found you passed out and the whole place was a disaster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His words worked just like the long lost key of a mysterious door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was someone here,” she said in a hoarse voice, blinking slowly, in hopes she would remember anything else. “I…” she licked her dry lips. “It happened after you left. I turned off the TV and then… It was someone but I couldn’t see any face or I was so scared that I can no longer remember it. I tried to fight her off but she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>strong…” she ran her fingers through her hair, desperately trying to remember more but only ended up even more distracted by the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a woman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m sure it was a woman. She was dressed in white and had some weird gloves with these sharp silver prosthetic claws. She kept attacking me and I think I managed to hit her at some point with a vase and ran here. I-” she pointed at his armchair, “I used it to block the door and I watched terrified as she tried to get in and I think I hid in your closet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From where you tried to call me before you fainted,” he concluded. “Do you remember anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey watched him scratch his chin, one of the fingers brushing against his lip at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She-she kissed me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t a kiss, actually,” she closed her eyes, sighing. “It was more like giving someone mouth-to-mouth but the opposite.” She was confused herself, so she empathised with the even more confused look on his face. “It was as if she was sucking out the air in my lungs and my energy. Does it even make sense?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, it made a lot of sense for him but it was not the time to discuss that yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, how did that woman get inside my apartment? If it happened as soon as I left, I did not meet anyone on my way out and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was already here,” she spoke slowly, leaning back on the pile of pillows he had arranged for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah,” he brushed his palms against his cheeks. “You mentioned seeing her behind you.” He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking about every single possible way someone could have entered his home without any of them noticing. If she was there when he left, then she certainly must have been there the whole time they ate, then while she napped and he worked at his old desk. But she did nothing to approach him, so her target must have been Rey and she would have killed her in her sleep had he not been there, unawarely keeping her away from his pretty little secretary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about the damages. I’ll clean up and pay for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no need,” he spoke, absent-minded, then their eyes met and Rey gasped silently as he straightened his back. “You were passed out for a long time, so I cleaned up and checked every single corner of this house for evidence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you call the police?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I had the feeling, and you now confirmed it, that it was not someone with whom the police could have dealt too easily or at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His gaze was quite suggestive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think there is another vampire in town?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m convinced.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why come here and attack </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she was able to sense my vampirism and she followed me, but she felt somehow threatened by you. She didn’t drink your blood, instead, sucking your energy through a kiss, which would rather make her a born vampire, not a turned one. But you said that she kept attacking you, so-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it was something personal. She wanted to kill me on purpose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben watched her lower her gaze and play with her fingers, taking turns at pinching each one. He hated seeing her like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re no longer safe here,” he admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can leave tomorrow morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” he got up and she gawked at him. “We can’t be sure that you won’t be followed and attacked again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you suggesting?” she watched him reach her bag and her eyes grew wider. She had left it in her bedroom, so there was no reason for it to be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to spend this weekend with my family at the estate and I want you to join me. You’ll be safe there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she said cautiously. She didn’t really like being forced to move out again but he was right. “Do you know if there were other-HEY!” she screamed at him, ready to jump out of the bed when his hand reached inside her bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw this earlier today,” he pursed his lips with a bitter look on his face, then threw the pregnancy test on the bed. “Do you have anything to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her blood was boiling. She almost died because of his own kind and he had the guts to not only go through her things but also demand her explanations! Three weeks of barely talking to her and that was what he had to tell her? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he sighed, “given my vampirism, I can’t have children. Our bodies are either not compatible or it is a general state of mine, I don’t know yet and I’m not willing to be a lab rat again just to find out.” He approached the bed with his arms crossed at his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what you’re thinking,” she shook her head, disappointed. “No, I was not trying to secure myself an allowance, nor was my plan to ever shove Finn’s baby down your throat, because I do know about your condition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben blinked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you-Anyway, I noticed that it’s negative.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously. The only reason why I had to take a pregnancy test,” she grabbed it and threw it at him, hitting his chest, “is because a woman can’t go to the hospital for a checkup without automatically being believed to be pregnant, virgin or not. Also, I’m not dating anyone, nor have I slept with anyone but you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben swallowed the saliva in his mouth and went to sit down in his armchair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I also read your story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she snarled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found the document by accident. Anything you save or download gets automatically uploaded to my cloud. It’s quite good, you know? A bit short and I’m sure you could expand it and make it into a novel. It has a rather unique plot, too. However, the ending is rather abrupt.” He took a moment to find the right words but ended up bursting into laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes burnt like torches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you serious, Rey? Agnes Kingston? Aleksander Alleen? Why didn’t you use our own names if you were not going to change anything else? No! My actual question is what the hell were you trying to prove with your story?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire time, Rey had been nothing but silent, yet her eyes and grimace were worth a million words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These weeks, you’ve done nothing but paint me as the bad guy and you’re so used to lying that now you’ve ended up believing your own lies. What was the point of writing such a beautiful story inspired by what we had but painting me as the heartless one and you as the poor enamoured one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you even care?” she finally spoke. “Your name is not there and you have no proof that it’s about us. It’s just a story and if you like it, good for you. It’s not my problem if you identify-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I care because it’s not fair!” he snapped and Rey saw tears in his eyes. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> broke my heart yet-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” she laughed. “I broke your heart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, in the most miserable manner. Like a coward.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> broke your heart?” she raised her voice. “Ben, you’re the one who has been treating me like a piece of chewing gum on the soles of your expensive shoes. I opened up to you, I let down my walls and we made love, which was the most beautiful moment of my life, then you left and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you decided to destroy everything and I said nothing because-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you even talking about? What did I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben grabbed his phone off the table and handed it to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?” she asked before she started reading all the texts he had received from her. At first, she didn’t remember having such a conversation with him, but she did remember those texts. “Oh…” she sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” he mocked her. “I was so eager to come back home and see you, hug you, kiss you, tell you how much you mean to me-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, these… These were not for you. I was a bit tipsy and I don’t think I realised that I was texting the same person. These here were for Kaydel and the last ones for Rose. Ben,” she grabbed him by the wrist. “Ben, I was not running away from you or putting an end to what we had.” Her wounds hurt like hell, but she still found the strength to get up on her knees and cup his cheeks. “Look at me,” she begged him. “Ben, I love you so so much. You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love me?” his voice trembled as he sat down on the bed, putting his huge hands around her waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve learnt to love you with each small thing you did and I’ve died a million times when I saw you with other women or these weeks when-” her gentle cares turned into a quick slap and he stared at her in utter shock. “Why the hell didn’t you ask? Why, the moment you read those texts, didn’t you call me back? Why didn’t you talk to me all this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gave you the space you claimed you wanted,” he defended himself while massaging his cheek. “Everything was supposed to go back to normal but I was too hurt to hide my resentment. You were entitled to step back but I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you enjoyed it, Benjamin Solo!” she punched his chest. “Admit it! It was more comfortable for you to step back! Otherwise, why the hell did you believe it? After everything we’ve gone through, all the secrets we shared and that night we spent together, why would some texts anyone could have written weigh more to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it made more sense, ok?” he fought back, grabbing her by the wrists to keep her from hitting him. “I was born an anomaly and I became something worse. It seemed logical to me that, days later, all the infatuation you felt would vanish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was not completely sincere but he didn’t consider it the right time to share his other theories with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You call this logic?” she whimpered. “I can’t stand being touched, yet I slept with you. I chose </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>over Finn, over Rose, even over myself. I’ve kept your secret and fed you my blood… Yes, we’ve lied to each other, argued and fought so many times and this partnership between us came with benefits for each one of us, but even though I was not aware of my feelings until recently, I’ve always loved you. My love for you was above anything else, above logic and-</span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>chose this! If anyone’s heart is broken, that would be mine! You threw me away and made me feel like trash while you couldn’t wait to go back to your old lifestyle!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, please,” he shushed her, pressing his thumb against her sweet lips. “Your wounds are bleeding. Let me clean them again, then you can yell at me how much you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although all she wanted was to leave, she found herself nodding and waiting patiently for him to return with a wet towel. He lifted her arm gently and tapped her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you on any medication right now?” he asked, analysing the damaged tissue. There were still no signs of scab forming and the blood was not coagulating at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just some vitamins.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I should take you to the hospital,” he furrowed. “Also, I was away for almost four hours and you must have been unconscious for the same amount, not counting the time I spent tidying up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, but what could I tell them? That I was attacked by a bear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s either that or me stitching you up and I must say that my skills are not the same as they used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey knew that he was beating around the bush and she should have remained silent and not given him that chance, but… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just get through it once and for all,” she stretched her arm. “It’s either this” she insisted after seeing him hesitating, “or when the doctors will ask me about the wounds, you’ll have to come up with some smart answers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t try to blackmail me,” he spoke calmly, pressing his lips against a scratch on her arm. One stroke of the tongue and Rey felt a tiny pinch and a wave of warmth as the wound closed. “Listen,” he paused for a moment. “I understand that you’re scared and angry but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t understand anything. I look at you and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate </span>
  </em>
  <span>you. All it took was a misunderstanding and you showed your true colours. You’re cruel and immature and- Don’t laugh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben licked his lips, admiring his work, then, despite her anger, he cupped her cheeks, brushing her tears with his thumbs, and kissed her. It was more of a peck on the lips but at least she didn’t slap him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell me? All this time, you left me to believe that you only care about me as your boss and maybe friend. I also chose you over my family and myself many times, despite all the lies. I always had to protect you above everyone else and you’ve always been nothing but unpredictable. One moment you’re all serious, then you kiss me, one moment you stab me, then you save my life, one moment you’re scared of me, then you beg me to make love to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t gaslight me into forgiving you because it’s not working,” she stretched her other arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not,” he sighed. “My point is… All I’m asking you is for you to understand me. I had all the reasons to believe that you changed your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if I had changed my mind, it doesn’t excuse your behaviour, no matter how hurt you were!” His tongue sure felt good but she was not going to let go of her anger. “Also, the way you ran away from me tonight… You were the one kissing me and undressing me, but I was the one who was suddenly the bad guy. What was wrong with me touching you? You could have said that you were not ready but </span>
  <em>
    <span>nooo</span>
  </em>
  <span>! You had to make me feel as if I was the one groping you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t explain right now, Rey. One day, you’ll understand me, but so far, don’t ever doubt that my feelings for you are real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. Right now, it’s my time not to believe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I didn’t even-Whatever,” he exhaled loudly, feeling his head throbbing. “May I check your back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whimpering, she got up and bit her lip. She was still calm about the attack but it was only a matter of time till she would process everything and end up with a meltdown. At least she was still angry enough with Ben to deal with only one thing at the time, though it was really difficult to remain upset when his scent and tongue were driving her mad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All cleared up. May I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she got on her back and removed the sheet, revealing the rest of her scarred body. She couldn’t stand looking at all those bloodied marks without feeling sick to her stomach, so now that they were both silent, she preferred staring at the ceiling the whole time he washed her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was sure that he was perfectly aware that his touch didn’t hurt her at all, quite the contrary. They were just masking how uncomfortable they were with him running his tongue all over her breasts and sensitive belly. Of course, a certain part of her body was surely enjoying it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have feelings for me,” her voice trembled. “Then why </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>you go to those other women? We had an agreement before. Why did you have to go back to your stupid desserts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t,” he caressed her healed skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexandrina?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interview for an article.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The </span>
  <em>
    <span>other </span>
  </em>
  <span>women?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Job interviews and some research about my family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose’s nurse?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dad’s goddaughter and sort of cousin. Finn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been jealous, after all!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t seen him since we broke up. I was going out with your sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded with a tiny smirk in the corner of his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how come you’re not starving?” continued Rey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I am hungry, yet at the same time, I’m not. I guess I’ve lost my appetite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about the gift?” she asked, not impressed with his answer. “The one from your suitcase. You said that’s for someone special, then snatched it from my hand and threw me out of your room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were that special one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked slowly, his hot breath on her skin making her whole body burn and ache with desire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too bad you didn't make me feel special,” she spoke in a brittle voice. “Goodnight, Sir. We’ll talk tomorrow morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed away his hand the moment he tried to stop her and rushed out of his room, going into the bathroom. She was too tired and weak for a bath but she had to wash all the blood and saliva off her body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time she was finally ready to leave, Ben was already asleep in his bedroom but the lights were on in the living room and her bedroom. It was quite funny of him to assume that she feared the dark. After all, the attack happened before sunset and there was plenty of light in the house. Her problem was not with the dark, but with the silence. She listened after each step, fearing another one behind her. She even considered locking her door but in case someone was already there, it would have slowed down her escape. threw herself on the bed and hugged the turquoise elephant plushie, burying her face into the soft toy and sobbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t have any toys</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she furrowed, picking up the turquoise elephant plushie off her bed. Around each one of its legs, the stuffed animal had a white gold tennis bracelet with stones in different colours. Four bracelets for each month they had known each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Only four months… soon five</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she snorted, not believing how little time had actually passed and how fast. She tried them on and admired her wrist. Maybe she was too harsh to him. After all, he had truly defended her against his sister, he didn’t report her for impersonating a dead person and offered her a very nicely paid job, as well as food and a home. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve already paid for your stay three weeks ago. There’s nothing else you could offer me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The memory of his disgusted face, the way he pulled away from her, how he had so cruelly avoided her and even the bitter look on his face when he saw the pregnancy test… She was not going to forgive him anytime soon. So she turned off the lights, tucked in her comfortable bed, still wearing a bathrobe, and wept like she hadn’t in a long time. Her own wails kept her from hearing her door open and the footsteps approaching her bed until it was too late. She froze seeing the shadow lurking by her bedside and leaning in. Even with her body now completely healed, she wasn’t sure what to do now that she was cornered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s me,” he spoke in his deep voice, getting into her bed and hugging her from behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” she sniffed. “Go away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t leave you alone tonight,” he kissed her temple, slightly amused that she hadn’t changed into other pyjamas. “Aren’t you cold?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she misunderstood his question as an invitation to cuddling and blushed, glad that he couldn’t see her red cheeks. Ben hugging her from behind was such an intimate gesture and he was so warm that she couldn’t help caressing the arm he had around her and interlocking fingers with his other hand. She closed her eyes and tried to relax and focus on his warmth as her mind faded away and opened her eyes to find herself gawking at herself in the elevator mirror… except she was not herself, but Ben, and she had no control over his body, being only a spectator in his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This Ben was nervously tapping his foot and checking all the missed calls. It was unlike Rey to call him so many times, so the only reason why she would have insisted was because she was drunk or having a tantrum. Of course, he was not in the mood, especially with the weekend that was about to drain him mentally and emotionally but he-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What the hell?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he furrowed at the sight of the disaster in front of him. The cushions were thrown all over the place, shards were covering different areas of the floor, the photo frames were on the ground, shattered to pieces, and his TV was bent and slightly cracked where a vase had hit it - vase which was also broken on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Rey!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he yelled and stormed into her bedroom and bathroom, finding them in perfect order. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Rey! I’m really not in the mood for your stupid games!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he rushed towards his bedroom, the only other place where she could have been. He barely managed to go inside, an armchair blocking the door. In fact, he was quite sure that he would have to break the door but, gladly, his anger helped him to channel all the strength in his body and he pushed the armchair as he opened the door with a kick.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“REY!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he screamed her name, checking the bed and the bathroom. Where was that crazy woman?</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Maria Fernanda!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he called her real name, this time approaching his walk-in closet and tapping his phone to call her. The phone rang and he felt the floor vibrate under his feet. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he spoke calmly this time, sliding the door to his closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there she was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as his eyes met hers, the anger in his body turned into fear. Rey’s eyes were open but completely lifeless like those of a porcelain doll. Her lips were parted, but they were purplish with black veins surrounding her mouth. And her whole body was covered in long deep cuts, like the marks left by the claws of a vicious beast.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Rey…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He fell onto his knees, almost crawling to her and checked her pulse. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Hang on,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he whispered, pulling her in his arms and pressing his lips against hers. All he had to do was focus on his breath and her heartbeat but his hands were shaking and the anxiety was making his own heartbeats much louder, covering hers. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s ok, sweetheart,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he squeezed her tightly, lifting her to take her to bed. He laid her carefully, then hastily removed his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt before bending over to remove what was left of her pyjama blouse. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s ok,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he repeated, pulling her again in his arms, pressing her body against his chest and placing her hands on his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Please, wake up,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he begged her, kissing her forehead and rubbing his hands all over her back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Please…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you having a nightmare, little one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey opened her eyes and inhaled deeply, tightening her grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s something wrong with me,” she rolled over to face him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing is wrong with you,” he got up in one elbow with his hand still pressed on her abdomen and pressed his lips against her forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it is. You hurt me more than anyone else and I still love you. I don’t know if I can forgive you and I beg you not to ask me to do it, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok. Take all the time you need and make the best choice for yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I wanted to say is that even if everything is too broken between us to be mended, I’d like for us to be together one last time.” Her finger lingered on his lips, but instead of Ben showing any intention of wanting to fulfil her wish, she felt him withdraw. “But not tonight. Tonight I need my space” he pulled away, ready to leave her bed, only for Rey to pull him back and wrap his arms around her waist, “and some cuddles.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Title: Sade - Somebody Already Broke My Heart (https://youtu.be/M5cmVNKpuzc)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title: The Weeknd - After Hours (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygTZZpVkmKg)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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